Below is week 9’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings – slightly better than a lump of coal.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks played Michigan in ESPN’s “Green Game”. I think I actually picked up an important environmental tip during the telecast: If you sit in the stands with your body painted green you are unlikely to raise much awareness to global warming. But you might raise some to gangrene.
2.Kentucky – Last week Bobby Knight publicly chastised UK Coach John Calipari for his lack of character. This week it is expected that Rick Pitino will chastise Tiger Woods for his lack of fidelity.
3.Texas: Answer: Notre Dame Football and Duke Basketball. Question: What are 2 things you would definitely not expect to hear referenced during a game between the Longhorns and UNC? Unless of course, you knew that the announcer was going to be Dick Vitale.
4.Purdue – The Boilermakers played The University of Southern Illinois–Edwardsville on Tuesday. That school had thought about shortening it’s name to Ed U. It then realized that “Ed” is an abbreviation for education. That might lead to the students expecting to receive one.
5.Syracuse –A joyous, but brief moment for my beloved Bonnies occurred when ESPN’s scroll showed St. Bonaventure 33 Syracuse 30. Actually it didn’t say St. Bonventure 33; it said “St. Bon 33.” It would have been an even better moment if ESPN could have just added an “a” to the Bon. Then my friends might not have added an “er”.
6.West Virginia – The Mountaineers have a forward named Da’Sean Butler. Syracuse has a guy named DaShonte Riley and ECU has DaQuan Joyner. Wonder if I would have been a better basketball player had my parents named me Da’Dave. Nah. I would’ve just ended up with a nickname of “Duh”.
7.Duke – The Blue Devils’ last game was December 19 and they don’t play again till the 29th. That gives the Cameron Crazies loads of time to come up with some new antics. Here’s my suggestion: All the students shove as many cigarettes in their mouths as possible. No, not to symbolize that their school was essentially founded with tobacco $. But so they’ll croak.
8.Villanova – Reggie Redding is finally back from a 10 game suspension for driving into a cross-walk sign. How do you hit a cross-walk sign? Actually I could see it happening. You’re driving along and you see a figure with no hands, no feet and a circular black head not attached to his completely black body. You think to yourself, “I must run this alien creature over to save the world!” Who would possible think that? Someone who’s stoned.
9. UConn- I just noticed that UConn’s logo depicts a huskie with its tongue hanging out. I’m not sure that a picture of a panting exhausted dog is all that intimidating. In fact, the message I take from it is, “We are severely out of shape.”
10. New Mexico – The Lobos are having a great season. They are well coached and stocked with underrated talent. But that’s not why I figured they’d beat Oral Roberts this week. The reason I figured that they’d beat Oral Roberts is, well, I’m pretty sure that Oral Roberts is dead.
Merry Christmas,
Dave
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 7
Below is week 7 of my hopefully humors rankings. Think of it as an early Christmas present. Whether it should be thought of like a new flat screen tv or a 3 pack of underwear, well, I guess that’s up to you.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Last week I watched two sets of twins play against each other during the LaSalle vs. Kansas game. Really? Yup. As unbelievable as it may seem, I assure you that I actually watched the LaSalle vs. Kansas game.
2. Texas – The Longhorns play UNC on Saturday in the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium. Texas fans are at bit worried about Dexter Pittman though. Not because of his penchant for fouling, but because of his potential to block the jumbo-tron.
3.Kentucky – UK plays Austin Peay this week. So all together now – “Go Peay!” Well, unless you’re a Wildcats fan. Or incontinent.
4.Purdue & West Virginia (tie) – Purdue is playing on New Years’ day in the toilet bowl. No, I’m not referring to one of those many irrelevant college football bowl games. I’m referring to the state of West Virginia.
6.Syracuse – Sophomore guard Scoop Jardine has a legitimate shot at making it to the NBA. Apparently his folks were hoping he’d choose a different career – as the ice cream truck man.
7.Duke – Brian Zoubek could be Duke’s Superman. Granted, he’s not quite a full “Man of Steel” yet. But his total lack of ball handling skills leads me to believe that he already has the hands.
8.Tenessee – The Volunteers’ basketball players are a little upset that the university sent those buxom “hostesses” to help recruit football players. I guess the school figured its hoop team would get enough cleavage exposure from the chest of Bruce Pearl.
9.Villanova – Villanova, St. Joe’s, Penn, LaSalle, and Temple are all part of the Philadelphia Big 5. So what does that say about Philly based Drexel? That they’re brilliant. As opposed to “Philadelphia’s Big 5” there’s at least a chance that a recruit might not realize where Drexel is located.
10. North Carolina – UNC is hoping to make it to Indianapolis for the Final 4. About 70,000 fans will also fill the Lucas Oil Stadium. Most will likely shell out hundreds of dollars without being able to see much of anything, but just to be able to say, “I was there.” There's a much cheaper way to be able to say, “I was there." It just requires a little something I learned in law school – a lie.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – Last week I watched two sets of twins play against each other during the LaSalle vs. Kansas game. Really? Yup. As unbelievable as it may seem, I assure you that I actually watched the LaSalle vs. Kansas game.
2. Texas – The Longhorns play UNC on Saturday in the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium. Texas fans are at bit worried about Dexter Pittman though. Not because of his penchant for fouling, but because of his potential to block the jumbo-tron.
3.Kentucky – UK plays Austin Peay this week. So all together now – “Go Peay!” Well, unless you’re a Wildcats fan. Or incontinent.
4.Purdue & West Virginia (tie) – Purdue is playing on New Years’ day in the toilet bowl. No, I’m not referring to one of those many irrelevant college football bowl games. I’m referring to the state of West Virginia.
6.Syracuse – Sophomore guard Scoop Jardine has a legitimate shot at making it to the NBA. Apparently his folks were hoping he’d choose a different career – as the ice cream truck man.
7.Duke – Brian Zoubek could be Duke’s Superman. Granted, he’s not quite a full “Man of Steel” yet. But his total lack of ball handling skills leads me to believe that he already has the hands.
8.Tenessee – The Volunteers’ basketball players are a little upset that the university sent those buxom “hostesses” to help recruit football players. I guess the school figured its hoop team would get enough cleavage exposure from the chest of Bruce Pearl.
9.Villanova – Villanova, St. Joe’s, Penn, LaSalle, and Temple are all part of the Philadelphia Big 5. So what does that say about Philly based Drexel? That they’re brilliant. As opposed to “Philadelphia’s Big 5” there’s at least a chance that a recruit might not realize where Drexel is located.
10. North Carolina – UNC is hoping to make it to Indianapolis for the Final 4. About 70,000 fans will also fill the Lucas Oil Stadium. Most will likely shell out hundreds of dollars without being able to see much of anything, but just to be able to say, “I was there.” There's a much cheaper way to be able to say, “I was there." It just requires a little something I learned in law school – a lie.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, December 11, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 6
With apologies to Dr. Seuss, I give you week 6 of my hopefully humorous rankings.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Critics are claiming that KU’s bench isn’t playing up to its potential. I don’t agree. There’s actually one guy on that bench who tallied an amazing 31 points and 18 rebounds in his last game for the Jayhawks. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be counting the stats of Assistant Coach Danny Manning.
2.Villanova – The Wildcats attempted 39 three-pointers in a game this past week setting a new team record. Can’t say that I’m all that impressed. In fact I’m pretty sure I could have broken that record all by myself. I don’t mean to brag, but during my basketball career I was quite a prolific attempter.
3.Texas – The Longhorns next two opponents are Texas State and Texas Pan-American. Hard to believe that these two future blowouts will take place in an arena called “The Special Events Center.”
4.Purdue – Kramer is shooting an impressive 60% for the Boilermakers so far this year. His coaches think he could play even better if he would just watch his diet. He really has to stop eating all that sugar cereal in Jerry’s apartment.
5.Kentucky – So I was reading the classic “Hop On Pop” to my 3 year-old yesterday. We made it to the part about the ball and the wall (truly the dramatic high point of this piece of literature.) It then hit me that Kentucky should publish its own version for super-Frosh John Wall. Maybe something like:
John Wall can ball
John Wall is tall
Tall John Wall can haul with the ball.
Is John Wall in study hall?
No, John Wall who can haul with the ball is not in study hall.
Because in 6 months the NBA will call.
Then it’s bye-bye college basketball for tall John Wall.
6.Syracuse – The Orange will not have its first true away game until the end of December. All those home games have to be a big plus for the players. And it would be even better if home for Syracuse wasn’t in Syracuse.
7.Duke – During the Blue Devils game vs. UConn, I saw a guy wearing what I thought was a shirt that said Duke. Closer look revealed that the D was actually a P. Turns out that some folks found that to be offensive. No, not the Duke alum, but members of the Kate Moss Fan Club.
8.Georgetown – The Hoyas have a roster filled with massive and athletic guys, but they continue to run that slow and rather wussy “Princeton Offense.” Keep it up and they might want to change their name to Gerogette-town.
9.Tennessee – The Volunteers have a game coming up against Charlotte. Any idea what conference Charlotte is in? Hint: there are 14 teams in its conference. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
10. West Virginia - The Mountaineers just pummeled Duquesne. Any idea what conference Duquesne is in? Hint: the conference is named after the location of its members and Duquesne is in Pittsburgh. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
Yes, the Atlantic 10 - the only conference that is both geographically and numerically incorrect.
Here are 3 better names for the Atlantic 10:
1.The Atlantic 800 – as in # of miles from A10 member St. Louis Univ. to the Atlantic
2.The Artic 43 – makes as much sense as the Atlantic 10.
3. Xavier’s Conference
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – Critics are claiming that KU’s bench isn’t playing up to its potential. I don’t agree. There’s actually one guy on that bench who tallied an amazing 31 points and 18 rebounds in his last game for the Jayhawks. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be counting the stats of Assistant Coach Danny Manning.
2.Villanova – The Wildcats attempted 39 three-pointers in a game this past week setting a new team record. Can’t say that I’m all that impressed. In fact I’m pretty sure I could have broken that record all by myself. I don’t mean to brag, but during my basketball career I was quite a prolific attempter.
3.Texas – The Longhorns next two opponents are Texas State and Texas Pan-American. Hard to believe that these two future blowouts will take place in an arena called “The Special Events Center.”
4.Purdue – Kramer is shooting an impressive 60% for the Boilermakers so far this year. His coaches think he could play even better if he would just watch his diet. He really has to stop eating all that sugar cereal in Jerry’s apartment.
5.Kentucky – So I was reading the classic “Hop On Pop” to my 3 year-old yesterday. We made it to the part about the ball and the wall (truly the dramatic high point of this piece of literature.) It then hit me that Kentucky should publish its own version for super-Frosh John Wall. Maybe something like:
John Wall can ball
John Wall is tall
Tall John Wall can haul with the ball.
Is John Wall in study hall?
No, John Wall who can haul with the ball is not in study hall.
Because in 6 months the NBA will call.
Then it’s bye-bye college basketball for tall John Wall.
6.Syracuse – The Orange will not have its first true away game until the end of December. All those home games have to be a big plus for the players. And it would be even better if home for Syracuse wasn’t in Syracuse.
7.Duke – During the Blue Devils game vs. UConn, I saw a guy wearing what I thought was a shirt that said Duke. Closer look revealed that the D was actually a P. Turns out that some folks found that to be offensive. No, not the Duke alum, but members of the Kate Moss Fan Club.
8.Georgetown – The Hoyas have a roster filled with massive and athletic guys, but they continue to run that slow and rather wussy “Princeton Offense.” Keep it up and they might want to change their name to Gerogette-town.
9.Tennessee – The Volunteers have a game coming up against Charlotte. Any idea what conference Charlotte is in? Hint: there are 14 teams in its conference. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
10. West Virginia - The Mountaineers just pummeled Duquesne. Any idea what conference Duquesne is in? Hint: the conference is named after the location of its members and Duquesne is in Pittsburgh. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
Yes, the Atlantic 10 - the only conference that is both geographically and numerically incorrect.
Here are 3 better names for the Atlantic 10:
1.The Atlantic 800 – as in # of miles from A10 member St. Louis Univ. to the Atlantic
2.The Artic 43 – makes as much sense as the Atlantic 10.
3. Xavier’s Conference
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, December 4, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 5
Below is Week #5’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Boeheim is back.
Top 10
1.Kansas – KU’s hoops coach, Bill Self, said he was extremely embarrassed over the 3 fights that his team had with the Jayhawks’ football players earlier this fall. Wait a minute. There’s 85 guys on the football team and they couldn’t knockout a dozen basketball players in 3 rounds? I’d say the football coach is the one who should be embarrassed.
2. Kentucky - Back in 1988 when current Wildcats coach John Calipari was at UMASS, Rick Pitino made a donation to cover almost 10% of Coach Cal’s salary. Wonder if Pitino now thinks that money might have gone to better use. Like maybe to keep the mouth of Karen Sypher shut.
3. West Virginia – Devin Ebanks’ mom was a corrections officer at Rikers Island prison. This came in handy whenever young Devin was subjected to the razzing of “My dad can beat up your dad”. All he had to say was, “Heck, my mom can beat up your dad.”
4. Texas- When Damion Jones learned that the likelihood of him being chosen by an NBA team looked dim, he withdrew his name form last year’s draft. The Texas fans were elated. But was this really great news? How fantastic can you be if you weren’t even wanted by the Nets?
5.Villanova – Corey Stokes and Corey Fisher are Villanova’s version of Hollywood’s two Coreys – Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. There is, of course, one glaring difference – Haim and Feldman can’t act.
6.Syracuse – How do you lose to Lemoyne, but then blow out North Carolina? How do you marry a babe despite having a face that resembles and Idaho Spud? The answers to these and other questions can be found in the yet to be written book entitled, “Things only Jim Boeheim knows.”
7. Purdue – There’s a Bird playing college hoops in Indiana again – Purdue’s D.J. Byrd to be exact. The comparison might be a tad premature though. While Larry made countless jumpers from the baseline, D.J. seems to be spending his time on the sideline. Not by choice. But ‘cause that’s where the bench is.
8. Tennessee - With the entire starting line-up back, the Volunteers might make the Final 4, but that’s not all the Tennessee fans are hoping for. What they really want is for Coach Pearl to make it through the season without stripping on national television.
9. Washington – Quincy Pondexter was the Huskies most improved player in 2009. Quincy Pondexter was also the team’s most improved player in 2008. This begs the question: How much did Quincy Pondexter suck in 2007?
10. Duke – The Blue Devils used to be called the Blue & White. Now they just go with the blue because the white is obvious.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – KU’s hoops coach, Bill Self, said he was extremely embarrassed over the 3 fights that his team had with the Jayhawks’ football players earlier this fall. Wait a minute. There’s 85 guys on the football team and they couldn’t knockout a dozen basketball players in 3 rounds? I’d say the football coach is the one who should be embarrassed.
2. Kentucky - Back in 1988 when current Wildcats coach John Calipari was at UMASS, Rick Pitino made a donation to cover almost 10% of Coach Cal’s salary. Wonder if Pitino now thinks that money might have gone to better use. Like maybe to keep the mouth of Karen Sypher shut.
3. West Virginia – Devin Ebanks’ mom was a corrections officer at Rikers Island prison. This came in handy whenever young Devin was subjected to the razzing of “My dad can beat up your dad”. All he had to say was, “Heck, my mom can beat up your dad.”
4. Texas- When Damion Jones learned that the likelihood of him being chosen by an NBA team looked dim, he withdrew his name form last year’s draft. The Texas fans were elated. But was this really great news? How fantastic can you be if you weren’t even wanted by the Nets?
5.Villanova – Corey Stokes and Corey Fisher are Villanova’s version of Hollywood’s two Coreys – Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. There is, of course, one glaring difference – Haim and Feldman can’t act.
6.Syracuse – How do you lose to Lemoyne, but then blow out North Carolina? How do you marry a babe despite having a face that resembles and Idaho Spud? The answers to these and other questions can be found in the yet to be written book entitled, “Things only Jim Boeheim knows.”
7. Purdue – There’s a Bird playing college hoops in Indiana again – Purdue’s D.J. Byrd to be exact. The comparison might be a tad premature though. While Larry made countless jumpers from the baseline, D.J. seems to be spending his time on the sideline. Not by choice. But ‘cause that’s where the bench is.
8. Tennessee - With the entire starting line-up back, the Volunteers might make the Final 4, but that’s not all the Tennessee fans are hoping for. What they really want is for Coach Pearl to make it through the season without stripping on national television.
9. Washington – Quincy Pondexter was the Huskies most improved player in 2009. Quincy Pondexter was also the team’s most improved player in 2008. This begs the question: How much did Quincy Pondexter suck in 2007?
10. Duke – The Blue Devils used to be called the Blue & White. Now they just go with the blue because the white is obvious.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, November 27, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 4
Below is Week 4’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings. That’s 4 sets of 10 within November. That’s at least marginally impressive. And maybe even marginally humorous as well.
Top 10
1.Kansas – I’m pretty sure I heard Cole Aldrich, swear during a game last week. Sean Hannity of Fox News seems to be overeating to Cole’s little indiscretion. Call me crazy, but I really don’t see this as further evidence that there is no such thing as clean coal.
2.Kentucky –John Calipari has a new book called “Bounce Back”. The title is likely a reference to his perseverance after that devastating defeat in the 2008 Finals. Or it could be referring to what happens to his belly when he stands up.
3.Michigan State – Draymond Green and Raymar Morgan play for the Spartans. Both of these kids’ parents must have really wanted to almost name their child Raymond.
4.Villanova – During the Villanova-Dayton game, one of the announcers said, “You always need to be worried about those second half runs.” I’m not sure whether he was talking about a potential comeback by the Flyers, or the effects of concession-stand nachos.
5.Texas – Jai Lucas left Florida where he was a starting guard and coached by a man with two championships. He is now on Texas where he’s possibly the 6th best guard and coached by a man who has won nothing. He also can’t play till mid-December and wasn’t even given a scholarship. Wonder how this might impact his dad’s foundation that teaches people how to make good decisions.
6.Purdue – According to Sports Illustrated, the Boilermakers should be really good this year because they have 6 starters returning. I kind of think that’s why they were so good last year. I mean, most teams only have 5 starters.
7.West Virginia – In 1959 Jerry West lead the Mountaineers to the Final Four. He used to kid that the University was named after him. He stopped telling that joke when he realized that many of the WV alum didn’t know it was a joke.
8.Duke – Duke got its nickname of the Blue Devils from a regiment of blue cape wearing WWI soldiers who fought for France. And there you have it – yet another reason why rooting for Duke is un-American.
9.Syracuse – Dick Vitale did the color commentary for the SU-UNC game. He is definitely knowledgeable, energetic and entertaining. But I think he’s missing one little thing – a voice.
10.Butler – Gordon Hayward grew over 11 inches from his freshman year of high school to his freshman year of college. He had to go through a new wardrobe every three months. Got to give a lot of credit to his parents. Not just for keeping Gordon clothed, but for single handedly keeping the recession from bankrupting the GAP.
Next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – I’m pretty sure I heard Cole Aldrich, swear during a game last week. Sean Hannity of Fox News seems to be overeating to Cole’s little indiscretion. Call me crazy, but I really don’t see this as further evidence that there is no such thing as clean coal.
2.Kentucky –John Calipari has a new book called “Bounce Back”. The title is likely a reference to his perseverance after that devastating defeat in the 2008 Finals. Or it could be referring to what happens to his belly when he stands up.
3.Michigan State – Draymond Green and Raymar Morgan play for the Spartans. Both of these kids’ parents must have really wanted to almost name their child Raymond.
4.Villanova – During the Villanova-Dayton game, one of the announcers said, “You always need to be worried about those second half runs.” I’m not sure whether he was talking about a potential comeback by the Flyers, or the effects of concession-stand nachos.
5.Texas – Jai Lucas left Florida where he was a starting guard and coached by a man with two championships. He is now on Texas where he’s possibly the 6th best guard and coached by a man who has won nothing. He also can’t play till mid-December and wasn’t even given a scholarship. Wonder how this might impact his dad’s foundation that teaches people how to make good decisions.
6.Purdue – According to Sports Illustrated, the Boilermakers should be really good this year because they have 6 starters returning. I kind of think that’s why they were so good last year. I mean, most teams only have 5 starters.
7.West Virginia – In 1959 Jerry West lead the Mountaineers to the Final Four. He used to kid that the University was named after him. He stopped telling that joke when he realized that many of the WV alum didn’t know it was a joke.
8.Duke – Duke got its nickname of the Blue Devils from a regiment of blue cape wearing WWI soldiers who fought for France. And there you have it – yet another reason why rooting for Duke is un-American.
9.Syracuse – Dick Vitale did the color commentary for the SU-UNC game. He is definitely knowledgeable, energetic and entertaining. But I think he’s missing one little thing – a voice.
10.Butler – Gordon Hayward grew over 11 inches from his freshman year of high school to his freshman year of college. He had to go through a new wardrobe every three months. Got to give a lot of credit to his parents. Not just for keeping Gordon clothed, but for single handedly keeping the recession from bankrupting the GAP.
Next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, November 20, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 3
For your entertainment and education, I give you week 3's version of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings & Irrelevant Comments. The education value may be minimal, but the entertainment value, well, that may also be minimal.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The folks at Kansas are convinced that their Jayhawk is the most unique mascot in college sports. Really? The Jayhawk is a big bird with a big yellow beak and big yellow feet. Apparently the folks at Kansas don’t get PBS.
2.Kentucky – During a recent interview with ESPN John Calipari said that his players at Kentucky aren’t as focused on basketball as were his players at Memphis. Yeah, it’s amazing how much more you can focus on hoops when you don’t have to worry about taking your own tests.
3.Michigan State – Given that there are 5 different Div 1 teams with Michigan in their names, it’s hard to keep them straight. I think I have it though. Michigan State – the Spartans. Michigan – the Wolverines. Central Michigan, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan – Irrelevant.
4.North Carolina – UNC refers to the color on its uniforms as “Carolina Blue” instead of what it actually looks like: powder blue. I think my beloved St. Bonaventure University should adopt a similar name change with its color. They should go with “Bonaventure Brown” instead of what it actually looks like: crap.
5.West Virginia – Every time Bob Huggins is subjected to a bad call, he looks like he’s going to soil himself. He really should team up with Huggies and create an adult diaper. Any geezer with bowel control issues would rather poop in something called a Huggins than a Depends. They better move quick though. I hear Pampers is coming out with the Paterno.
6. Purdue – Purdue University was named after John Purdue – a hardworking, successful, businessman and philanthropist. Unfortunately, people think of something vastly different when they see Purdue – a balding, skinny, chicken hawking, geriatric.
7. Texas – Coach Rick Barnes credits one of his former teachers with turning his life around during his young troublemaking days. He says that’s why he recruited the very troubled J’Covan Brown. Boy, was I wrong. I would have sworn the reason Coach Barnes recruited J’Covan was because he’s a great basketball player.
8.Duke – Though they are the Blue Devils, many people at Duke like to be called Dukies. That just seems perfect, phonetically.
9.Villanova – The ‘Nova faithful were quite excited when Scottie Reynolds decided to stick around for his senior year. His length-of-the-court drive last year to beat Pitt was rated the most thrilling play of The Tourney. Though probably not by players on Pitt.
10. Butler – Coach Brad Stevens has one great recruiting tool: If you go to Butler you'll play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse – the site of the final game from “Hoosiers”. Coach Stevens also has one huge recruiting obstacle: In order to play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse you have to go to Butler.
Most Overrated: Iowa – The Hawkeyes lost to Texas-San Antonio in the first round of the CBE “Tournament”. I put that word in quotes because though Iowa lost they still advance to the semi-finals because the “Tournament” organizers wanted to have the bigger name advance. That’s just plain wrong. Texas-San Antonio is clearly a bigger name than Iowa. By 11 letters to be exact.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The folks at Kansas are convinced that their Jayhawk is the most unique mascot in college sports. Really? The Jayhawk is a big bird with a big yellow beak and big yellow feet. Apparently the folks at Kansas don’t get PBS.
2.Kentucky – During a recent interview with ESPN John Calipari said that his players at Kentucky aren’t as focused on basketball as were his players at Memphis. Yeah, it’s amazing how much more you can focus on hoops when you don’t have to worry about taking your own tests.
3.Michigan State – Given that there are 5 different Div 1 teams with Michigan in their names, it’s hard to keep them straight. I think I have it though. Michigan State – the Spartans. Michigan – the Wolverines. Central Michigan, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan – Irrelevant.
4.North Carolina – UNC refers to the color on its uniforms as “Carolina Blue” instead of what it actually looks like: powder blue. I think my beloved St. Bonaventure University should adopt a similar name change with its color. They should go with “Bonaventure Brown” instead of what it actually looks like: crap.
5.West Virginia – Every time Bob Huggins is subjected to a bad call, he looks like he’s going to soil himself. He really should team up with Huggies and create an adult diaper. Any geezer with bowel control issues would rather poop in something called a Huggins than a Depends. They better move quick though. I hear Pampers is coming out with the Paterno.
6. Purdue – Purdue University was named after John Purdue – a hardworking, successful, businessman and philanthropist. Unfortunately, people think of something vastly different when they see Purdue – a balding, skinny, chicken hawking, geriatric.
7. Texas – Coach Rick Barnes credits one of his former teachers with turning his life around during his young troublemaking days. He says that’s why he recruited the very troubled J’Covan Brown. Boy, was I wrong. I would have sworn the reason Coach Barnes recruited J’Covan was because he’s a great basketball player.
8.Duke – Though they are the Blue Devils, many people at Duke like to be called Dukies. That just seems perfect, phonetically.
9.Villanova – The ‘Nova faithful were quite excited when Scottie Reynolds decided to stick around for his senior year. His length-of-the-court drive last year to beat Pitt was rated the most thrilling play of The Tourney. Though probably not by players on Pitt.
10. Butler – Coach Brad Stevens has one great recruiting tool: If you go to Butler you'll play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse – the site of the final game from “Hoosiers”. Coach Stevens also has one huge recruiting obstacle: In order to play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse you have to go to Butler.
Most Overrated: Iowa – The Hawkeyes lost to Texas-San Antonio in the first round of the CBE “Tournament”. I put that word in quotes because though Iowa lost they still advance to the semi-finals because the “Tournament” organizers wanted to have the bigger name advance. That’s just plain wrong. Texas-San Antonio is clearly a bigger name than Iowa. By 11 letters to be exact.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 2
Below is week 2's version of my hopefully humorous college hoop rankings.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Some KU alum worry that rumors about super frosh Xavier Henry being “one and done” indicate that he’s not taking his education seriously. I’d say the fact that he enrolled at Kansas would be sufficient indication that he’s not taking his education seriously.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats opening game is against Morehead State. According to the Sporting News, “The key for Morehead will be finding a suitable replacement for power forward Leon Buchanan.” Stupid me. I always thought the key was finding enough booze.
3.Michigan State – Last year Kalin Lucas made almost 40% of his 3-point shots. That means he missed over 60% - wholly unimpressive to me. During my CYO hoops career, I didn’t miss a single trey. I also wasn’t ever allowed to shot one. Or touch the ball.
4.North Carolina (2-0) – Coach Roy Williams has just published an autobiography entitled “Hard Work”. And to write the forward he got – John Grisham. Why? It makes perfect sense to me. Filling over 20 novels almost entirely with monosyllabic words has to be “Hard Work.”
5.West Virginia – This past July, sophomore Darryl Bryant crashed his vehicle into a fellow WVU student. Amazingly no one was seriously hurt. More amazingly, Bryant maintained his hoop scholarship. Most amazingly, Bryant also maintained his nickname of “Truck”.
6. Purdue – Forward Robbie Hummel is often injured and perpetually recovering from a nagging back injury. Heck, he’s so fragile that he should change his name to, well, actually Hummel is perfect.
7. Texas – I’m rooting hard for junior Dogus Balbay this year. Not so much on the court but to try out for American Idol. I’d just love to hear what Randy Jackson could possibly come up with to call him.
8.California (2-0) – Cal is in this year’s Coaches vs. Cancer Tournament. It’s great that the coaches raise money to fight cancer given how many of them have had that disease afflict their colons. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could come up with some symbol like that pink paper ribbon for breast cancer? If only there was a paper product that could somehow be colored to symbolize the colon.
9.Duke – Andre Dawkins is departing high school early to start playing for the Blue Devils this season. Big deal. Louisville has two players with a similar accomplishment. Though their early departure wasn’t from high school, but from the Clark County, Indiana penal system.
10.Villanova – I originally thought that Villanova might be a bit overrated. Then I heard ESPN’s Andy Katz proclaim that the Wildcats are overrated. That confirmed it for me. Villanova is definitely underrated.
Most Underrated: LeMoyne - I received some flack this past week for not giving LeMoyne their due respect for beating SU and merely chiding the Orange for their ineptness. I, therefore, promise that if (& when) the Dolphins knock off my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies next month, I will definitely focus solely on the positives of LeMoyne.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Some KU alum worry that rumors about super frosh Xavier Henry being “one and done” indicate that he’s not taking his education seriously. I’d say the fact that he enrolled at Kansas would be sufficient indication that he’s not taking his education seriously.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats opening game is against Morehead State. According to the Sporting News, “The key for Morehead will be finding a suitable replacement for power forward Leon Buchanan.” Stupid me. I always thought the key was finding enough booze.
3.Michigan State – Last year Kalin Lucas made almost 40% of his 3-point shots. That means he missed over 60% - wholly unimpressive to me. During my CYO hoops career, I didn’t miss a single trey. I also wasn’t ever allowed to shot one. Or touch the ball.
4.North Carolina (2-0) – Coach Roy Williams has just published an autobiography entitled “Hard Work”. And to write the forward he got – John Grisham. Why? It makes perfect sense to me. Filling over 20 novels almost entirely with monosyllabic words has to be “Hard Work.”
5.West Virginia – This past July, sophomore Darryl Bryant crashed his vehicle into a fellow WVU student. Amazingly no one was seriously hurt. More amazingly, Bryant maintained his hoop scholarship. Most amazingly, Bryant also maintained his nickname of “Truck”.
6. Purdue – Forward Robbie Hummel is often injured and perpetually recovering from a nagging back injury. Heck, he’s so fragile that he should change his name to, well, actually Hummel is perfect.
7. Texas – I’m rooting hard for junior Dogus Balbay this year. Not so much on the court but to try out for American Idol. I’d just love to hear what Randy Jackson could possibly come up with to call him.
8.California (2-0) – Cal is in this year’s Coaches vs. Cancer Tournament. It’s great that the coaches raise money to fight cancer given how many of them have had that disease afflict their colons. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could come up with some symbol like that pink paper ribbon for breast cancer? If only there was a paper product that could somehow be colored to symbolize the colon.
9.Duke – Andre Dawkins is departing high school early to start playing for the Blue Devils this season. Big deal. Louisville has two players with a similar accomplishment. Though their early departure wasn’t from high school, but from the Clark County, Indiana penal system.
10.Villanova – I originally thought that Villanova might be a bit overrated. Then I heard ESPN’s Andy Katz proclaim that the Wildcats are overrated. That confirmed it for me. Villanova is definitely underrated.
Most Underrated: LeMoyne - I received some flack this past week for not giving LeMoyne their due respect for beating SU and merely chiding the Orange for their ineptness. I, therefore, promise that if (& when) the Dolphins knock off my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies next month, I will definitely focus solely on the positives of LeMoyne.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Pre-Season Rankings & Irrelevant Comments
2009-2010 college hoops season is here! Below is my first set of Hopefully Humorous Rankings & Irrelevant Comments. I’ll do my best to have a new installment up every Friday.
Pre-Season Top 10
1.Kansas – Lots of cupcakes for the Jayhawks this year – a bunch on their schedule and even more in Sherron Collins’ gut.
2.Kentucky - Speaking of guts, UK has a new “Coach Tubby” in John Calipari. Wonder how long it takes for him to get Kentucky to 16 Final 4 appearances. Yeah I know they already have 17, but Coach Cal has a way of making those disappear.
3.Michigan State – The main reason why the Spartans will have a great season may just lie with the talents of junior Mike Keebler. Not so much for his hoop skills, but because the team can’t make it through half time without downing a batch of his cookies. (At 6’ 4”, I’m pretty sure he was the inspiration for Will Ferrell’s character in Elf.)
4.North Carolina – This past summer Coach Williams was able to live out one of my ultimate fantasies – telling everyone, “I did it! Twins baby!” Though my fantasy has nothing to do with the signing of David and Travis Wear.
5.West Virginia – Freshman D. Kilicli is already feeling a tad homesick. Someone really should have told him that when he gets to West Virginia he can’t expect to have all the modern amenities that he had in his home in Turkey.
6.Duke – Duke has one guy who is 7’1” and 3 guys who are 6’ 10”. Wow. If they all stood on each other’s shoulders they would almost be able to reach the top of Coach K’s ego.
7.Texas – When Dexter Pittman arrived on campus he weighed a massive 366 lbs. He has amazingly dropped over 70 lbs. Not only has his game drastically improved, but the big positive is that people no longer mistake him for Bevo.
8. Mississippi State – The Bulldogs have 17 guys on their roster. That seems a tad stupid. They still need one more for an inter-squad game, of baseball.
9.Villanova – I don’t think I’m going to watch a single Villanova game this season. Don’t get me wrong, I love the team, but after 8 weeks of this year’s football season I don’t think I can handle hearing another announcer say, “Wildcat”.
10.Purdue – Last year while watching the Boilermakers play, my nephew points to the picture of a train on the court and says “Thomas!” I then look at my sister-in-law and say, “What the hell is he talking about?” All right, I didn’t say that, but she could tell I was thinking it. She then says, “Thomas the train. John you are going to have to teach Uncle Dave all about Thomas the train.” I looked back at my sister-in-law and said, “Why the hell do I give a crap about some train named Thomas?” All right, I didn’t say that, but amazingly she couldn’t tell I was thinking that. What I did say was, “Sure John, teach me all about Thomas the train, but first let me grab a beer and a shot and teach you all about a boilermaker.”
Most Overrated: Syracuse - This past week the Orange lost an exhibition game to Div II LeMoyne 82-79. I do give Boeheim some credit though. No not for the class he showed after the embarrassing loss. But for being smart enough to avoid further embarrassment and opting not to scrimmage Wellesley.
Take it easy,
Dave
Pre-Season Top 10
1.Kansas – Lots of cupcakes for the Jayhawks this year – a bunch on their schedule and even more in Sherron Collins’ gut.
2.Kentucky - Speaking of guts, UK has a new “Coach Tubby” in John Calipari. Wonder how long it takes for him to get Kentucky to 16 Final 4 appearances. Yeah I know they already have 17, but Coach Cal has a way of making those disappear.
3.Michigan State – The main reason why the Spartans will have a great season may just lie with the talents of junior Mike Keebler. Not so much for his hoop skills, but because the team can’t make it through half time without downing a batch of his cookies. (At 6’ 4”, I’m pretty sure he was the inspiration for Will Ferrell’s character in Elf.)
4.North Carolina – This past summer Coach Williams was able to live out one of my ultimate fantasies – telling everyone, “I did it! Twins baby!” Though my fantasy has nothing to do with the signing of David and Travis Wear.
5.West Virginia – Freshman D. Kilicli is already feeling a tad homesick. Someone really should have told him that when he gets to West Virginia he can’t expect to have all the modern amenities that he had in his home in Turkey.
6.Duke – Duke has one guy who is 7’1” and 3 guys who are 6’ 10”. Wow. If they all stood on each other’s shoulders they would almost be able to reach the top of Coach K’s ego.
7.Texas – When Dexter Pittman arrived on campus he weighed a massive 366 lbs. He has amazingly dropped over 70 lbs. Not only has his game drastically improved, but the big positive is that people no longer mistake him for Bevo.
8. Mississippi State – The Bulldogs have 17 guys on their roster. That seems a tad stupid. They still need one more for an inter-squad game, of baseball.
9.Villanova – I don’t think I’m going to watch a single Villanova game this season. Don’t get me wrong, I love the team, but after 8 weeks of this year’s football season I don’t think I can handle hearing another announcer say, “Wildcat”.
10.Purdue – Last year while watching the Boilermakers play, my nephew points to the picture of a train on the court and says “Thomas!” I then look at my sister-in-law and say, “What the hell is he talking about?” All right, I didn’t say that, but she could tell I was thinking it. She then says, “Thomas the train. John you are going to have to teach Uncle Dave all about Thomas the train.” I looked back at my sister-in-law and said, “Why the hell do I give a crap about some train named Thomas?” All right, I didn’t say that, but amazingly she couldn’t tell I was thinking that. What I did say was, “Sure John, teach me all about Thomas the train, but first let me grab a beer and a shot and teach you all about a boilermaker.”
Most Overrated: Syracuse - This past week the Orange lost an exhibition game to Div II LeMoyne 82-79. I do give Boeheim some credit though. No not for the class he showed after the embarrassing loss. But for being smart enough to avoid further embarrassment and opting not to scrimmage Wellesley.
Take it easy,
Dave
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Rant#19: One Sh!tty Moment
After the championship game CBS once again showed a montage of clips from the Tourney set to the cheasiest song ever written – “One Shining Moment.” The lyrics are below.
For all of you who, like me, had their brackets destroyed well before the Tar Heels' victory, I have provided a slightly different set of lyrics. Interspersed within “One Shining Moment” are the words to my song – “One Sh!tty Moment”. Hope you enjoy.
"One Shining/Sh!tty Moment"
The ball is tipped
(Your brackets are ripped)
and there you are
(Worst year by far)
you're running for your life
(You’re looking for a knife)
you're a shooting star
(To kill ‘Nova’s star.)
And all the years
(All those fears)
no one knows
(Of Lawson’s toes)
just how hard you worked
(And the Sooners lurked)
but now it shows...
(Now you feel hosed)
IN ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(In One Sh!tty Moment)
IT'S ALL ON THE LINE
(Marquette Crossed The line)
ONE SHINING MOMENT
(One Sh!tty Moment)
THERE FROZEN IN TIME
(Pitt - Ran Out Of Time)
But time is short
(Damn Zags went length of court)
and the road is long
(for another pick you got wrong)
in the blinking of an eye
(BC stinking- oh God why?!)
ah that moment's gone
(Wife then yells “Shut TV - tend to lawn.”)
And when it's done
(Hope it was fun)
win or lose
(picking Syracuse)
you always did your best
(You knew they had no rest)
cuz inside you knew
(Well, you got screwed)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED DEEP INSIDE
(Siena’s Shots Went Wide)
ONE SHINING MOMENT
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU KNEW YOU WERE ALIVE
(You Knew – Wake Took A Dive)
Feel the beat of your heart
(There’s no beat of your heart)
feel the wind in your face
(There’s no blood in your face)
it's more than a contest
(Don’t look your greatest)
it's more than a race
(more like a corpse on Cold Case)
And when it's done
(Yup you’re done)
win or lose
(Go grab your booze)
you always did your best
(went 0 for the West)
cuz inside you knew
(Cuz Memphis blew)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(That One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED FOR THE SKY
(You Just Want To Cry)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU WERE WILLING TO TRY
(Worse - Than A Boeheim Sigh)
Take it easy till next year,
Dave
"FREE" POOL INFO -
The pot, made up of all my advertising profits and the donations, stands at $2,758.24
So:
1st place = $1,705.24
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $326 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $326
Jimmy V Foundation = $75
WHO'S WHO AMONGST THOSE ALIVE AS OF THE FINALS
NORTH CAROLINA beats Michigan St.
1st Place - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 147 - Linda was recruited by my St. Bona buddy Keith Mangas via her husband Richard Harkins. Richard is the proud recipient of this year's award as the person who had the most difficulty following the "Idiot Proof" instructions. Lucky for him his wife is a not only brilliant, but apparently a sage.
Group Winner - Tina Hurley (Group1) - 141 - Tina is married to the brother of my BC law buddy and former law partner Patrick Hurley. Should she finish in the $ she will officially make it 3 years of Hurleys to win bucks in this pool. Her husband claims that's a dynasty. He also claims he will get Tina to dress up as Linda Evans.
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 146 - Tammy is the girlfriend of another St. Bona bud, Johnny Cusanno. Johnny edited pretty much every one of my posts. So if you found any grammatical errors or sub-par jokes, they were all his fault.
Best of Rest - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 144 - Robin teaches elementary school in Walpole Mass. with my wife. She's the one who last year convinced me to run a pool for the Woman's Tourney. I've need daily shots of testosterone since.
MICHIGAN STATE beats UNC
1st Place - Sara Barend (Group1) - 128 - A chick I met in a bar.
Best of Rest - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 115 - A chick who I never met and who I hope doesn't mind being referred to as a chick.
Group winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 114 - A chick who, much like Linda, has already locked up $321.
Group Winner - Michael Camosico (Group1A) - 117 - Not a chick. At least I'm pretty sure of that. That makes Michael the only man still alive for $. If memory serves, Michael found my site due to a post that Keith Mangas placed on the St. Bonaventure Bandwagon website.
Others
Jeannie Basile & Marianna Toma - Two people who hate Keith Mangas. Were it not for Keith's recruiting and posting efforts, these two women would still have a shot at some dough.
Since North Carolina won:
CONGRATS TO:
1st Place - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 147
Group Winner - Tina Hurley (Group1) - 141
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 146
Best of Rest - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 144
Take it easy,
Dave
For all of you who, like me, had their brackets destroyed well before the Tar Heels' victory, I have provided a slightly different set of lyrics. Interspersed within “One Shining Moment” are the words to my song – “One Sh!tty Moment”. Hope you enjoy.
"One Shining/Sh!tty Moment"
The ball is tipped
(Your brackets are ripped)
and there you are
(Worst year by far)
you're running for your life
(You’re looking for a knife)
you're a shooting star
(To kill ‘Nova’s star.)
And all the years
(All those fears)
no one knows
(Of Lawson’s toes)
just how hard you worked
(And the Sooners lurked)
but now it shows...
(Now you feel hosed)
IN ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(In One Sh!tty Moment)
IT'S ALL ON THE LINE
(Marquette Crossed The line)
ONE SHINING MOMENT
(One Sh!tty Moment)
THERE FROZEN IN TIME
(Pitt - Ran Out Of Time)
But time is short
(Damn Zags went length of court)
and the road is long
(for another pick you got wrong)
in the blinking of an eye
(BC stinking- oh God why?!)
ah that moment's gone
(Wife then yells “Shut TV - tend to lawn.”)
And when it's done
(Hope it was fun)
win or lose
(picking Syracuse)
you always did your best
(You knew they had no rest)
cuz inside you knew
(Well, you got screwed)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED DEEP INSIDE
(Siena’s Shots Went Wide)
ONE SHINING MOMENT
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU KNEW YOU WERE ALIVE
(You Knew – Wake Took A Dive)
Feel the beat of your heart
(There’s no beat of your heart)
feel the wind in your face
(There’s no blood in your face)
it's more than a contest
(Don’t look your greatest)
it's more than a race
(more like a corpse on Cold Case)
And when it's done
(Yup you’re done)
win or lose
(Go grab your booze)
you always did your best
(went 0 for the West)
cuz inside you knew
(Cuz Memphis blew)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(That One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED FOR THE SKY
(You Just Want To Cry)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU WERE WILLING TO TRY
(Worse - Than A Boeheim Sigh)
Take it easy till next year,
Dave
"FREE" POOL INFO -
The pot, made up of all my advertising profits and the donations, stands at $2,758.24
So:
1st place = $1,705.24
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $326 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $326
Jimmy V Foundation = $75
WHO'S WHO AMONGST THOSE ALIVE AS OF THE FINALS
NORTH CAROLINA beats Michigan St.
1st Place - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 147 - Linda was recruited by my St. Bona buddy Keith Mangas via her husband Richard Harkins. Richard is the proud recipient of this year's award as the person who had the most difficulty following the "Idiot Proof" instructions. Lucky for him his wife is a not only brilliant, but apparently a sage.
Group Winner - Tina Hurley (Group1) - 141 - Tina is married to the brother of my BC law buddy and former law partner Patrick Hurley. Should she finish in the $ she will officially make it 3 years of Hurleys to win bucks in this pool. Her husband claims that's a dynasty. He also claims he will get Tina to dress up as Linda Evans.
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 146 - Tammy is the girlfriend of another St. Bona bud, Johnny Cusanno. Johnny edited pretty much every one of my posts. So if you found any grammatical errors or sub-par jokes, they were all his fault.
Best of Rest - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 144 - Robin teaches elementary school in Walpole Mass. with my wife. She's the one who last year convinced me to run a pool for the Woman's Tourney. I've need daily shots of testosterone since.
MICHIGAN STATE beats UNC
1st Place - Sara Barend (Group1) - 128 - A chick I met in a bar.
Best of Rest - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 115 - A chick who I never met and who I hope doesn't mind being referred to as a chick.
Group winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 114 - A chick who, much like Linda, has already locked up $321.
Group Winner - Michael Camosico (Group1A) - 117 - Not a chick. At least I'm pretty sure of that. That makes Michael the only man still alive for $. If memory serves, Michael found my site due to a post that Keith Mangas placed on the St. Bonaventure Bandwagon website.
Others
Jeannie Basile & Marianna Toma - Two people who hate Keith Mangas. Were it not for Keith's recruiting and posting efforts, these two women would still have a shot at some dough.
Since North Carolina won:
CONGRATS TO:
1st Place - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 147
Group Winner - Tina Hurley (Group1) - 141
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 146
Best of Rest - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 144
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Dave's 6th Ridiculous 3 Pointer
Below are 3 more random and hopefully humorous comments on the Tourney. Below that is info on the "FREE" pool.
1.HEADBANGER – During the game against SU, Oklahoma’s Blake Griffin slam dunked and, at the same time, slammed his head against the backboard. Big deal. I did that once. Except it wasn’t on a 10-foot hoop. It was a 7 feet. Oh, and my head didn’t exactly hit the backboard. It hit the net.
2.ENTERPRISE – I have now seen that commercial for Enterprise Car-Rental a hundred times. You know, the one where the woman is holding two teddies and says, “Red or black?” The guy slyly responds, “Both.” Both? Apparently one is for him.
So when you add in the Taco Bell’s cross-dressing spot, that makes two advertisements focusing on transvestites. I’d really prefer to see something that better appeals to my blue blooded American values – like some hot lesbian action.
3.WHO’S ON FIRST – Last night while watching the Tourney I was unwillingly forced to participate in an Abbot and Costello skit with my wife. Below is a excerpt:
Wife: Greg Gumble just said we’re going back to Vernon Raff. What happened?
Me: What do you mean. Vern and Raff are right there.
Wife: Where? I don’t see him.
Me: Who?
Wife: Vernon Raff.
Me: I told you Vern and Raff are right there.
Wife: Why wont you just tell me where he is?
Me; He who?!! And don’t say . . .
Wife & Me (simultaneously): Vernon/Vern and Raff
Me: They are right there!!
Wife: Can’t you be nicer? Maybe next game let me know who’s Clark and who’s Kellogg.
"FREE" POOL INFO -
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and the donations, stands at $2,713.24
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,700.24
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $321 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $321
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. If any more $ comes in (and more is expected) I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
THE 8 POSSIBLE SCENARIOS
UCONN beats UNC
1st place - Sara Barend (Group1) - 176
Group winner - Scott DeTraglia (GroupA)- 155
Group Winner - Michale Camoscio (Group1A)- 159
Best of Rest - Erica Laird (Group1) - 159
UCONN beats Vill
1st place - William Sullivan (Group1A) - 166
Group Winner - Sara Barend (Group1) - 160
Group Wunner - Scott DeTraglia (GroupA) - 139
Best Of Rest - Craig Teal (Group1) - 152
NORTH CAROLINA beats Uconn
1st Place - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA)- 162
Group Winner - Rick Heatquist (Group1) - 156
Group Winner - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 160
Best Of Rest - Marianna Toma (Group1A) - 158
NORTH CAROLINA beats Michigan St.
1st Place - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 147
Group Winner - Tina Hurley (Group1) - 141
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 146
Best of Rest - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 144
VILLANOVA beats Michigan State
1st Place - Mike Lawrence (Group1) - 128
Group Winner - Amanda DiFiore (Group1A) - 123
Group Winner - Darin Schmidt (GroupA) - 103
Best Of Rest - Nora Broseau (Group1) - 118
VILLANOVA beats UConn
1st Place - Mike Lawrence (Group1) - 144
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 114
Group Winner - Amanda DiFiore (Group1A) - 139
Best of Rest (tie)- Nora Brssseau (Group1) - 134
Best of Rest (tie) - Bill Sullivan (Group1A) - 134
MICHIGAN STATE beats UNC
1st Place - Sara Barend (Group1) - 128
Group winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 114
Group Winner - Michael Camosico (Group1A) - 117
Best of Rest - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 115
MICHIGAN STATE beats Villanova
1st Place - Bill Sullivan (Group1A) - 118
Group Winner - Jeannie Basile (Group1) - 113
Group Winner - Darin Schmidt (GroupA) - 103
Best of Rest - Sara Barend (Group1) - 112
PLEASE let me know if you find a mistake or have any questions with the above.
Take it easy,
Dave
1.HEADBANGER – During the game against SU, Oklahoma’s Blake Griffin slam dunked and, at the same time, slammed his head against the backboard. Big deal. I did that once. Except it wasn’t on a 10-foot hoop. It was a 7 feet. Oh, and my head didn’t exactly hit the backboard. It hit the net.
2.ENTERPRISE – I have now seen that commercial for Enterprise Car-Rental a hundred times. You know, the one where the woman is holding two teddies and says, “Red or black?” The guy slyly responds, “Both.” Both? Apparently one is for him.
So when you add in the Taco Bell’s cross-dressing spot, that makes two advertisements focusing on transvestites. I’d really prefer to see something that better appeals to my blue blooded American values – like some hot lesbian action.
3.WHO’S ON FIRST – Last night while watching the Tourney I was unwillingly forced to participate in an Abbot and Costello skit with my wife. Below is a excerpt:
Wife: Greg Gumble just said we’re going back to Vernon Raff. What happened?
Me: What do you mean. Vern and Raff are right there.
Wife: Where? I don’t see him.
Me: Who?
Wife: Vernon Raff.
Me: I told you Vern and Raff are right there.
Wife: Why wont you just tell me where he is?
Me; He who?!! And don’t say . . .
Wife & Me (simultaneously): Vernon/Vern and Raff
Me: They are right there!!
Wife: Can’t you be nicer? Maybe next game let me know who’s Clark and who’s Kellogg.
"FREE" POOL INFO -
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and the donations, stands at $2,713.24
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,700.24
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $321 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $321
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. If any more $ comes in (and more is expected) I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
THE 8 POSSIBLE SCENARIOS
UCONN beats UNC
1st place - Sara Barend (Group1) - 176
Group winner - Scott DeTraglia (GroupA)- 155
Group Winner - Michale Camoscio (Group1A)- 159
Best of Rest - Erica Laird (Group1) - 159
UCONN beats Vill
1st place - William Sullivan (Group1A) - 166
Group Winner - Sara Barend (Group1) - 160
Group Wunner - Scott DeTraglia (GroupA) - 139
Best Of Rest - Craig Teal (Group1) - 152
NORTH CAROLINA beats Uconn
1st Place - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA)- 162
Group Winner - Rick Heatquist (Group1) - 156
Group Winner - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 160
Best Of Rest - Marianna Toma (Group1A) - 158
NORTH CAROLINA beats Michigan St.
1st Place - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 147
Group Winner - Tina Hurley (Group1) - 141
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 146
Best of Rest - Robin Hughes (Group1A) - 144
VILLANOVA beats Michigan State
1st Place - Mike Lawrence (Group1) - 128
Group Winner - Amanda DiFiore (Group1A) - 123
Group Winner - Darin Schmidt (GroupA) - 103
Best Of Rest - Nora Broseau (Group1) - 118
VILLANOVA beats UConn
1st Place - Mike Lawrence (Group1) - 144
Group Winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 114
Group Winner - Amanda DiFiore (Group1A) - 139
Best of Rest (tie)- Nora Brssseau (Group1) - 134
Best of Rest (tie) - Bill Sullivan (Group1A) - 134
MICHIGAN STATE beats UNC
1st Place - Sara Barend (Group1) - 128
Group winner - Tammy Bamrungsuk (GroupA) - 114
Group Winner - Michael Camosico (Group1A) - 117
Best of Rest - Linda Harkins (Group1A) - 115
MICHIGAN STATE beats Villanova
1st Place - Bill Sullivan (Group1A) - 118
Group Winner - Jeannie Basile (Group1) - 113
Group Winner - Darin Schmidt (GroupA) - 103
Best of Rest - Sara Barend (Group1) - 112
PLEASE let me know if you find a mistake or have any questions with the above.
Take it easy,
Dave
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Dave's 5th Ridiculous 3 Pointer
Below are 3 more random and hopefully humorous comments on the Tourney. Below that is info on the "FREE" pool.
1.MEMPHIS STINKS – Yup, I had the Tigers winning it all and I’m officially eliminated from winning my pool. No joke here, just my pain. Sadly my pain is extremely humorous to most of my friends.
2.SCARY MOVIES – So I’m watching the games with my 6-year old and a commercial comes on for the movie “The Haunting in Connecticut.” Maybe I’m getting a tad conservative in my old age, but I’m not sure my little one needed to see that kid puking demons. Can’t they show something a bit more ”family friendly” - like shots of the scantily clad cheerleaders?
3.BINGHAMTON – Last week’s column was a letter to Binghamton Coach Kevin Broadus. He actually checked it out and emailed me with a “LOL”. You know what that means. Broadus is a really nice guy? No. I've discoverd a sure fire way to increase the hits on this site - just write letters to the other 342 coaches.
“FREE” NCAA POOL INFO
STANDINGS:
Top 2 in each group after Round 3/Day2 by Winner (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
LOUSIVILLE
1.Dave Ison (Group1A/Louis-UNC-Vill-Memphis) - 79
1.Bruce Nickles (GroupA/LOUIS-Unc-Uconn-Pitt) - 79
1.Joe Carbone (GroupA/LOUIS-UNC-Pitt-Memphis) - 79
4.Tom Scanlan (Group1 Louis-NC-Missouir - Pitt) - 78
5.Tony Schwagerl (Group1/Louis - Pitt-Conn - Okla) - 77
6.Jeff Wald (Group1A/(Louis-NC-Conn-Pitt) - 74
UCONN
1.Sara Barend (Group1/UCONN- UNC-Mich.St.- Vill) - 80
2.Mark Loncar (Group1A/Conn-okla-Louis-Vlll) - 78
3.Michael Camosico (Conn-NC-MichSt.-Pitt) - 77
4.John Cusanno (GroupA/Conn-NC-Luis-Pitt) - 74
5.Craig Teal (Group1/ Conn-UNC-Louis-Pitt) - 74
6.Molly McQueen (GroupA/UCONN-UNC-Pitt- WF) - 68
NORTH CAROLINA
1.Robin Hughes (Group1A/(UNC-Uconn-Louis-Pitt) - 80
2.Tina Hurley (Group1/UNC-Louis-Pitt-UConn)-77
2.Jean Orjeula (Group1A/UNC-Louis-Memphis - Villanova) - 77
4.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis-Louis-Pitt) - 76
5.Dennis Thorne (Group1/NC-Louis-Conn-Pitt) - 76
6.John Krotzer (GroupA/ NC-Louis- Conn-Pitt) - 74
PITTSBURGH
1.Tara Kenyon (GroupA/PITT-Louis-Uconn-UNC) - 81
2.Eileen Meskill (Group 1A/Pitt-Louis-Memp-NC) - 76
3.Keith Mangas (Group1A/Pitt-Louis-Conn-Nc) - 74
4.Brendan Moynihan (Group1/Pitt-Louis-Conn-UNC) - 72
4.Jason Shelly (GroupA/Pitt-Louis-Memp-Okla0 - 72
4.Ken Capprell (Group1/PITT-UConn-Louis-SU) - 72
OKLAHOMA
1.Jennifer Maiona (Group1/OKLA-Lois-Pitt - Missouri) - 82
2.Wing Wong (GroupA/Okla-Conn-Mst-pitt) - 77
3.Trent Mitchell - (Group1-Okla-Louis-Conn-Pitt) - 74
4.Kevin Laha - (Group1A/ Okla-Louis-Pitt-memp) - 63
(Only people with Oklahoma winning it all)
VILLANOVA
1.Mike Lawrence (Group1/Vill-Conn-Louis-Okla) - 64
2.Amanda DiFiore (Group1A/Vill/Conn-KU-Su) - 59
3.Nora Brosseau (Group1/Vill-Conn-Louis- Ill) -54
(Only people with Villanova)
MICHIGAN STATE
1.Jeannie Basile (Group1/Mst-Pitt-Memp-Okla) - 57
(nobody else has Mich St.)
MISSOURI
Nobody has Missourt winning it all.
There are 58 entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,643.24
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,672
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $307.08 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $307.08
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Take it easy,
Dave
1.MEMPHIS STINKS – Yup, I had the Tigers winning it all and I’m officially eliminated from winning my pool. No joke here, just my pain. Sadly my pain is extremely humorous to most of my friends.
2.SCARY MOVIES – So I’m watching the games with my 6-year old and a commercial comes on for the movie “The Haunting in Connecticut.” Maybe I’m getting a tad conservative in my old age, but I’m not sure my little one needed to see that kid puking demons. Can’t they show something a bit more ”family friendly” - like shots of the scantily clad cheerleaders?
3.BINGHAMTON – Last week’s column was a letter to Binghamton Coach Kevin Broadus. He actually checked it out and emailed me with a “LOL”. You know what that means. Broadus is a really nice guy? No. I've discoverd a sure fire way to increase the hits on this site - just write letters to the other 342 coaches.
“FREE” NCAA POOL INFO
STANDINGS:
Top 2 in each group after Round 3/Day2 by Winner (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
LOUSIVILLE
1.Dave Ison (Group1A/Louis-UNC-Vill-Memphis) - 79
1.Bruce Nickles (GroupA/LOUIS-Unc-Uconn-Pitt) - 79
1.Joe Carbone (GroupA/LOUIS-UNC-Pitt-Memphis) - 79
4.Tom Scanlan (Group1 Louis-NC-Missouir - Pitt) - 78
5.Tony Schwagerl (Group1/Louis - Pitt-Conn - Okla) - 77
6.Jeff Wald (Group1A/(Louis-NC-Conn-Pitt) - 74
UCONN
1.Sara Barend (Group1/UCONN- UNC-Mich.St.- Vill) - 80
2.Mark Loncar (Group1A/Conn-okla-Louis-Vlll) - 78
3.Michael Camosico (Conn-NC-MichSt.-Pitt) - 77
4.John Cusanno (GroupA/Conn-NC-Luis-Pitt) - 74
5.Craig Teal (Group1/ Conn-UNC-Louis-Pitt) - 74
6.Molly McQueen (GroupA/UCONN-UNC-Pitt- WF) - 68
NORTH CAROLINA
1.Robin Hughes (Group1A/(UNC-Uconn-Louis-Pitt) - 80
2.Tina Hurley (Group1/UNC-Louis-Pitt-UConn)-77
2.Jean Orjeula (Group1A/UNC-Louis-Memphis - Villanova) - 77
4.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis-Louis-Pitt) - 76
5.Dennis Thorne (Group1/NC-Louis-Conn-Pitt) - 76
6.John Krotzer (GroupA/ NC-Louis- Conn-Pitt) - 74
PITTSBURGH
1.Tara Kenyon (GroupA/PITT-Louis-Uconn-UNC) - 81
2.Eileen Meskill (Group 1A/Pitt-Louis-Memp-NC) - 76
3.Keith Mangas (Group1A/Pitt-Louis-Conn-Nc) - 74
4.Brendan Moynihan (Group1/Pitt-Louis-Conn-UNC) - 72
4.Jason Shelly (GroupA/Pitt-Louis-Memp-Okla0 - 72
4.Ken Capprell (Group1/PITT-UConn-Louis-SU) - 72
OKLAHOMA
1.Jennifer Maiona (Group1/OKLA-Lois-Pitt - Missouri) - 82
2.Wing Wong (GroupA/Okla-Conn-Mst-pitt) - 77
3.Trent Mitchell - (Group1-Okla-Louis-Conn-Pitt) - 74
4.Kevin Laha - (Group1A/ Okla-Louis-Pitt-memp) - 63
(Only people with Oklahoma winning it all)
VILLANOVA
1.Mike Lawrence (Group1/Vill-Conn-Louis-Okla) - 64
2.Amanda DiFiore (Group1A/Vill/Conn-KU-Su) - 59
3.Nora Brosseau (Group1/Vill-Conn-Louis- Ill) -54
(Only people with Villanova)
MICHIGAN STATE
1.Jeannie Basile (Group1/Mst-Pitt-Memp-Okla) - 57
(nobody else has Mich St.)
MISSOURI
Nobody has Missourt winning it all.
There are 58 entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,643.24
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,672
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $307.08 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $307.08
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Take it easy,
Dave
Wednesday, March 25, 2009
Rant 18: Letter to Binghamton Coach Broadus
Dear Binghamton Bearcats Coach Kevin Broadus,
Congratulations on a fantastic season. Everyone was rooting for your Bearcats to upset Duke. Well, except there’s this friend of a friend of a friend named Big Louie who knows “a guy”. He was all too happy to collect my money after the loss.
Now it’s time to recruit for next season and I'd like to help. You should take a look at this Rochester all-star who received an offer from my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies. He turned them down and joined the Army. Rumor has it that while touring the campus he looked at the women and thought, “Yikes. I might as well be in the Army.”
After his stint, he played JuCo ball then transferred to the University of Buffalo. All signs pointed to that being his break out year. The signs were off a bit. He didn’t break out. He broke his leg.
He then finished two years of courses in 2 semesters, graduated, and moved to – brace yourself- Binghamton. That’s right this guy’s in your backyard. And he’s been there for a while. A long while. See, he’s 70 years old. Actually, on Monday he’ll be 71. He’s also my dad.
His name is Harold Barend. People call him “Golden Balls”. And by “people” I mean himself and his urologist.
You can feel free to call him whatever you want. But I’d suggest you call him soon. Tomorrow I’m sending a similar letter to Boeheim.
Here’s how he can help:
Foul Shooting – Though your squad had a stellar season, its free throw shooting was a mere 66%. Add my dad and that goes up substantially. His personal best is 19 in a row. Nothing to brag about? Let me clarify. That’s 19 in a row - with his eyes closed. Yeah, my dad was “money” before Vince Vaughn was sperm.
3-Point Shooting – Michael Jordan once said that if there was one person whom he would want to take a shot with the game on the line it would be Steve Kerr. Michael Jordan never met my dad.
I remember a game of 2 on 2 - me and my dad versus a guy named Kurt and his brother. Kurt was that rare person who was both a dick and an ass.
Game was up to 7 with winners’ outs. Dad drained 6 in a row behind the line. I did my part by grabbing 6 rebounds. Well, that’s if you consider a rebound catching the ball as it goes through the net.
Dick-ass and his brother then decided to double-team my dad. A move that they might have wanted to consider about 4 points earlier. Dad makes a bounce pass through the legs of Dick-ass. But the ball connected with a couple of other balls – those belonging to Dick-ass. With all 3 balls in his hands, he said, “You’re done now!” That would have come off a lot tougher if he didn’t sound like Michael Jackson.
Dad grabbed the ball right out of the hands of Dick-ass. He threw it, no, not to me, but directly at the forehead of the brother. Ball bounces right back to dad as bro is staggered. (Just to be clear, the ball my dad grabbed was the non-swollen one.)
Then the pass comes to me. Easy lay-up. Which I missed. I managed to grab the rebound and promptly threw it, no, not in the hoop, but back to my dad who drained another 20 footer. I guess that final play proves that although I may have none of my dad’s athletic ability, I did inherit something from him - intelligence.
Hook Shots – That’s right, the old man still shoots the hook. Question; Who the hell throws the hook shot any more? Answer: That’s a stupid question. Better Question: Who the hell can defend a hook shot any more? Answer: Pretty much nobody. It’s essentially indefensible. I’m not sure, but I’d say being unstoppable would make one a pretty good offensive weapon.
Impeccable Defense – In the hundreds of games of basketball I’ve played with my dad, he’s never committed a foul. Just ask him. Somehow he manages to avoid fouling while simultaneously causing his opponents black eyes, bloody noses and severe groin pain.
I recall one time he “charged” into me so hard that he knocked me off the driveway, and onto our fence. Lucky for me, the fence was not “picket” style. After coming to, I grabbed the ball – and just tossed it to him. Obvious blocking foul on me.
A buddy of mine was once convinced that my dad had fouled him. He had pretty strong evidence too - in my dad’s hand was a piece of his shirt. The call - foul on my friend for throwing a moving pick. “If you weren’t moving I wouldn’t have ripped your shirt.” You just can’t argue with that logic.
Toughness – You don’t get much tougher than a cancer survivor and my dad kicked that disease’s butt. Somewhat appropriate given that it tried to nip him in the prostate. He also claims that he beat Anthrax. Yeah, there’s not really any medical proof of that. And, honestly, my sisters and I would prefer he keep that alleged conquest to himself.
Now, if this story about a guy in his 70s trying to play college ball seems familiar then you might be thinking of Ken Mink. This past year he was on the team at Roane State Junior College – until he flunked out. That’s not going to happen with Golden Balls. We’re talking about a guy who spends an hour a day memorizing the dictionary. No, he’s not one of those dorks who does that just to act pretentious. He does it to better his game – his Scrabble game. Yeah, he’s one of “those” dorks.
But say you’re on the bus cruising down beautiful Route 88 after a battle with Albany. While kicking back trying to finish a crossword, you’re stuck trying to come up with a six-letter word for the wool of the underbelly of an ox. I’m guessing your average 19 year old will be of no help. Pose that question to my dad and in a heartbeat he’ll give you, “qiviut.” Up his per-diem and he’ll give you the etymology as well.
Here’s some other positives about having my dad on your team:
1.No Drug Issues – Well, unless you count Viagra. I’m not sure if that counts as a performance enhancing drug.
2.No Over Sleeping – He’s 71. He’s up at 4am like the rest of Geritol Nation.
3.No Incessant Texting – My dad has not quite mastered texting. Heck, he still hasn’t figured out that you can talk into a cell phone without moving it down from your ear to your mouth.
4.No Mouth Guard Expense – Once again, he’s 71. Though your budget for Fix-A-Dent may go up a bit.
While you hopefully have found this entertaining, I’m guessing you’re thinking, “Come on, can your dad really still play?” Well he has a drawer full of medals and awards from the World Senior Games and the Senior Olympics. A couple years ago he won a silver at the Empire State Games. The team photo shows 6 guys smiling and 1 with a big puss – my dad. “No Gold. No Glory.”
But we’re talking Div1 here not the AARP league. No chance he can compete, right? Maybe. But all I’m asking is you see for yourself. Have him over for a little one on one against your 12th man. Oh, and if you could contact me before it starts I’d really appreciate it. I’d like to call that friend of a friend of a friend so I can win my $ back from the Duke game.
Take it easy,
Dave Barend
Postscript -
Yes, I actually did send this to Coach Broadus. I’m hoping you will further encourage him to give my dad a tryout by dropping him a line at kbroadus@binghamton.edu. Just say something like “Let Golden Balls play.” Or, if you’d just like to wish my dad a happy birthday you can do so at haroldbarend@yahoo.com.
Happy #71 Dad.
Take it easy,
Dave
“FREE” NCAA POOL INFO
Combined Standings after Round 3/Day1 (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
1.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis-Louis-Pitt) - 68
2.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UCONN-UNC-Louis-Duke) – 66
2.Jennifer Maiona (Group1/OKLA-Lois-Pitt - Missouri) - 66
4.Tina Hurley (Group1/UNC-Louis-Pitt-UConn)-65
4.Tara Kenyon (GroupA/PITT-Louis-Uconn-UNC) - 65
4.Jean Orjeula (Group1A/UNC-Louis-Memphis - Villanova) - 65
7.Sara Barend(Group1/UCONN- UNC-Mich.St.- Vill) - 64
7.Molly McQueen (GroupA/UCONN-UNC-Pitt- WF) - 64
7.Ken Capprell (Group1/PITT-UConn-Louis-SU) - 64
7.Dan Simonds (GroupA/SU-Louis-UConn - Pitt) - 64
7.Robin Hughes (Group1A/(UNC-Uconn-Louis-Pitt) - 64
12.Sally "Dave's Mom" Thorne (Group1/LOUIS-Okl-Memp-Vill) - 63
12.Bruce Nickles (GroupA/LOUIS-Unc-Uconn-Pitt) - 63
12.Joe Carbone (GroupA/LOUIS-UNC-Pitt-Memphis) - 63
12.Dave Ison (Group1A/Louis-UNC-Vill-Memphis) - 63
There are 58 entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,550
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,600
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $300 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $300
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Take it easy,
Dave
Congratulations on a fantastic season. Everyone was rooting for your Bearcats to upset Duke. Well, except there’s this friend of a friend of a friend named Big Louie who knows “a guy”. He was all too happy to collect my money after the loss.
Now it’s time to recruit for next season and I'd like to help. You should take a look at this Rochester all-star who received an offer from my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies. He turned them down and joined the Army. Rumor has it that while touring the campus he looked at the women and thought, “Yikes. I might as well be in the Army.”
After his stint, he played JuCo ball then transferred to the University of Buffalo. All signs pointed to that being his break out year. The signs were off a bit. He didn’t break out. He broke his leg.
He then finished two years of courses in 2 semesters, graduated, and moved to – brace yourself- Binghamton. That’s right this guy’s in your backyard. And he’s been there for a while. A long while. See, he’s 70 years old. Actually, on Monday he’ll be 71. He’s also my dad.
His name is Harold Barend. People call him “Golden Balls”. And by “people” I mean himself and his urologist.
You can feel free to call him whatever you want. But I’d suggest you call him soon. Tomorrow I’m sending a similar letter to Boeheim.
Here’s how he can help:
Foul Shooting – Though your squad had a stellar season, its free throw shooting was a mere 66%. Add my dad and that goes up substantially. His personal best is 19 in a row. Nothing to brag about? Let me clarify. That’s 19 in a row - with his eyes closed. Yeah, my dad was “money” before Vince Vaughn was sperm.
3-Point Shooting – Michael Jordan once said that if there was one person whom he would want to take a shot with the game on the line it would be Steve Kerr. Michael Jordan never met my dad.
I remember a game of 2 on 2 - me and my dad versus a guy named Kurt and his brother. Kurt was that rare person who was both a dick and an ass.
Game was up to 7 with winners’ outs. Dad drained 6 in a row behind the line. I did my part by grabbing 6 rebounds. Well, that’s if you consider a rebound catching the ball as it goes through the net.
Dick-ass and his brother then decided to double-team my dad. A move that they might have wanted to consider about 4 points earlier. Dad makes a bounce pass through the legs of Dick-ass. But the ball connected with a couple of other balls – those belonging to Dick-ass. With all 3 balls in his hands, he said, “You’re done now!” That would have come off a lot tougher if he didn’t sound like Michael Jackson.
Dad grabbed the ball right out of the hands of Dick-ass. He threw it, no, not to me, but directly at the forehead of the brother. Ball bounces right back to dad as bro is staggered. (Just to be clear, the ball my dad grabbed was the non-swollen one.)
Then the pass comes to me. Easy lay-up. Which I missed. I managed to grab the rebound and promptly threw it, no, not in the hoop, but back to my dad who drained another 20 footer. I guess that final play proves that although I may have none of my dad’s athletic ability, I did inherit something from him - intelligence.
Hook Shots – That’s right, the old man still shoots the hook. Question; Who the hell throws the hook shot any more? Answer: That’s a stupid question. Better Question: Who the hell can defend a hook shot any more? Answer: Pretty much nobody. It’s essentially indefensible. I’m not sure, but I’d say being unstoppable would make one a pretty good offensive weapon.
Impeccable Defense – In the hundreds of games of basketball I’ve played with my dad, he’s never committed a foul. Just ask him. Somehow he manages to avoid fouling while simultaneously causing his opponents black eyes, bloody noses and severe groin pain.
I recall one time he “charged” into me so hard that he knocked me off the driveway, and onto our fence. Lucky for me, the fence was not “picket” style. After coming to, I grabbed the ball – and just tossed it to him. Obvious blocking foul on me.
A buddy of mine was once convinced that my dad had fouled him. He had pretty strong evidence too - in my dad’s hand was a piece of his shirt. The call - foul on my friend for throwing a moving pick. “If you weren’t moving I wouldn’t have ripped your shirt.” You just can’t argue with that logic.
Toughness – You don’t get much tougher than a cancer survivor and my dad kicked that disease’s butt. Somewhat appropriate given that it tried to nip him in the prostate. He also claims that he beat Anthrax. Yeah, there’s not really any medical proof of that. And, honestly, my sisters and I would prefer he keep that alleged conquest to himself.
Now, if this story about a guy in his 70s trying to play college ball seems familiar then you might be thinking of Ken Mink. This past year he was on the team at Roane State Junior College – until he flunked out. That’s not going to happen with Golden Balls. We’re talking about a guy who spends an hour a day memorizing the dictionary. No, he’s not one of those dorks who does that just to act pretentious. He does it to better his game – his Scrabble game. Yeah, he’s one of “those” dorks.
But say you’re on the bus cruising down beautiful Route 88 after a battle with Albany. While kicking back trying to finish a crossword, you’re stuck trying to come up with a six-letter word for the wool of the underbelly of an ox. I’m guessing your average 19 year old will be of no help. Pose that question to my dad and in a heartbeat he’ll give you, “qiviut.” Up his per-diem and he’ll give you the etymology as well.
Here’s some other positives about having my dad on your team:
1.No Drug Issues – Well, unless you count Viagra. I’m not sure if that counts as a performance enhancing drug.
2.No Over Sleeping – He’s 71. He’s up at 4am like the rest of Geritol Nation.
3.No Incessant Texting – My dad has not quite mastered texting. Heck, he still hasn’t figured out that you can talk into a cell phone without moving it down from your ear to your mouth.
4.No Mouth Guard Expense – Once again, he’s 71. Though your budget for Fix-A-Dent may go up a bit.
While you hopefully have found this entertaining, I’m guessing you’re thinking, “Come on, can your dad really still play?” Well he has a drawer full of medals and awards from the World Senior Games and the Senior Olympics. A couple years ago he won a silver at the Empire State Games. The team photo shows 6 guys smiling and 1 with a big puss – my dad. “No Gold. No Glory.”
But we’re talking Div1 here not the AARP league. No chance he can compete, right? Maybe. But all I’m asking is you see for yourself. Have him over for a little one on one against your 12th man. Oh, and if you could contact me before it starts I’d really appreciate it. I’d like to call that friend of a friend of a friend so I can win my $ back from the Duke game.
Take it easy,
Dave Barend
Postscript -
Yes, I actually did send this to Coach Broadus. I’m hoping you will further encourage him to give my dad a tryout by dropping him a line at kbroadus@binghamton.edu. Just say something like “Let Golden Balls play.” Or, if you’d just like to wish my dad a happy birthday you can do so at haroldbarend@yahoo.com.
Happy #71 Dad.
Take it easy,
Dave
“FREE” NCAA POOL INFO
Combined Standings after Round 3/Day1 (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
1.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis-Louis-Pitt) - 68
2.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UCONN-UNC-Louis-Duke) – 66
2.Jennifer Maiona (Group1/OKLA-Lois-Pitt - Missouri) - 66
4.Tina Hurley (Group1/UNC-Louis-Pitt-UConn)-65
4.Tara Kenyon (GroupA/PITT-Louis-Uconn-UNC) - 65
4.Jean Orjeula (Group1A/UNC-Louis-Memphis - Villanova) - 65
7.Sara Barend(Group1/UCONN- UNC-Mich.St.- Vill) - 64
7.Molly McQueen (GroupA/UCONN-UNC-Pitt- WF) - 64
7.Ken Capprell (Group1/PITT-UConn-Louis-SU) - 64
7.Dan Simonds (GroupA/SU-Louis-UConn - Pitt) - 64
7.Robin Hughes (Group1A/(UNC-Uconn-Louis-Pitt) - 64
12.Sally "Dave's Mom" Thorne (Group1/LOUIS-Okl-Memp-Vill) - 63
12.Bruce Nickles (GroupA/LOUIS-Unc-Uconn-Pitt) - 63
12.Joe Carbone (GroupA/LOUIS-UNC-Pitt-Memphis) - 63
12.Dave Ison (Group1A/Louis-UNC-Vill-Memphis) - 63
There are 58 entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,550
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,600
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $300 each
“Wild Card” (person with highest score who did not win a group) - $300
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Dave's 4th Ridiculous 3 Pointer
Below are 3 more random and hopefully humorous comments on the Tourney. Below that is info on the "FREE" pool.
1.MEMPHIS – I have the Tigers winning it all. So, yeah, I was on the verge of a coronary when they were down by 6 in the opener. I looked so bad that my wife had actually hit the “9” and a “1”.
Just to be clear, my wife wasn’t calling for an ambulance. She was entering the first two numbers of the password to access my life insurance policy.
2.TEXAS – Late in the game against Duke and down by 2, Texas missed a wide-open shot. The announcer then said, “You couldn’t ask for anything more.” I wonder if the Texas fans would agree with that statement.
3.IRRELEVANCE – I flicked on ESPN and saw it was showing the NIT. Could there possibly be anything more irrelevant than the NIT? Answer: Yes – the Women’s NIT.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,239.67.
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,470
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $239.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $239.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings after day 4 (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
1.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis-Louis-Pitt) - 56
2.Joseph Scancella (GroupA/Duke-Memphis-Louis-Okla) – 54
2.John Harvey (GroupA/Pitt-Memphis-Louis-SU) - 54
2.John(Vestal)Ward (GroupA/Louis-Pitt-Memphis-UNC) - 54
2.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn-UNC-Louis-Duke) – 54
2.Dave”Shat”Diprosa (Group1A/UNC-UConn-Louis-Pitt) – 54
7.Tina Hurley (Group1/UNC-Louis-Pitt-UConn)-53
(There are a number of others with 53 – but Tina sits atop Group 1)
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 49
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 48
There are 58 entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
1.MEMPHIS – I have the Tigers winning it all. So, yeah, I was on the verge of a coronary when they were down by 6 in the opener. I looked so bad that my wife had actually hit the “9” and a “1”.
Just to be clear, my wife wasn’t calling for an ambulance. She was entering the first two numbers of the password to access my life insurance policy.
2.TEXAS – Late in the game against Duke and down by 2, Texas missed a wide-open shot. The announcer then said, “You couldn’t ask for anything more.” I wonder if the Texas fans would agree with that statement.
3.IRRELEVANCE – I flicked on ESPN and saw it was showing the NIT. Could there possibly be anything more irrelevant than the NIT? Answer: Yes – the Women’s NIT.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,239.67.
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,470
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $239.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $239.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings after day 4 (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
1.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis-Louis-Pitt) - 56
2.Joseph Scancella (GroupA/Duke-Memphis-Louis-Okla) – 54
2.John Harvey (GroupA/Pitt-Memphis-Louis-SU) - 54
2.John(Vestal)Ward (GroupA/Louis-Pitt-Memphis-UNC) - 54
2.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn-UNC-Louis-Duke) – 54
2.Dave”Shat”Diprosa (Group1A/UNC-UConn-Louis-Pitt) – 54
7.Tina Hurley (Group1/UNC-Louis-Pitt-UConn)-53
(There are a number of others with 53 – but Tina sits atop Group 1)
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 49
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 48
There are 58 entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Dave's 3rd Ridiculous 3 Pointer
Below are 3 more random and hopefully humorous comments on the Tourney. Below that is info on the "FREE" pool.
1.TOO MUCH TOURNEY– I think it may be time to let my kids watch a little something other than the Tourney. Yesterday I caught my oldest daughter hitting my youngest in the head with a Barbie doll. She then looked at me and said, “Come on Dad, that was just a nickel-dimer.”
2.YOUR NON-WORK – I just read a report that “March Madness” will cause a decrease in workplace productivity estimated at $2 billion. I’m not economics expert, but I’m guessing that now probably is not the best timing for an anti-stimulus package.
3.VCU – Here’s the positive about VCU being knocked out: Larry Sanders will not make another basket. And we, in turn, will no longer have to hear to the announcers say “Hey Now!”
If you’d like to take a “shot” about anything dealing with the Tourney, just email me your submission to davebarend@yahoo.com and I’ll have it up with my next post.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,229.67.
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,466
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $237.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $237.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings after day 3 (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
1.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis—Louis-Pitt) - 42
1.Joseph Scancella (GroupA/Duke-Memphis-Louis-Okla) - 42
1.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn-UNC-Louis-Duke) – 42
1.Dave”Shat”Diprosa (Group1A/UNC-UConn-Louis-Pitt) – 42
5.Jillian Barend (Group1/Pitt-Louis-UConn-UNC) – 41
5.JD Heartquist (Group1/Duke-KU-Marq-Gonzaga) – 41
5.Jim Richens (Group1/Memphis-Pitt-Lousi-SU) – 41
5. Bob Scancella (GroupA/Duke-Memphis-WF-Louis) - 41
5.Michael Camoscio (Group 1A/UConn-UNC-Mich.St.-Pitt) – 41
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 38
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 37
There are 58 active entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
1.TOO MUCH TOURNEY– I think it may be time to let my kids watch a little something other than the Tourney. Yesterday I caught my oldest daughter hitting my youngest in the head with a Barbie doll. She then looked at me and said, “Come on Dad, that was just a nickel-dimer.”
2.YOUR NON-WORK – I just read a report that “March Madness” will cause a decrease in workplace productivity estimated at $2 billion. I’m not economics expert, but I’m guessing that now probably is not the best timing for an anti-stimulus package.
3.VCU – Here’s the positive about VCU being knocked out: Larry Sanders will not make another basket. And we, in turn, will no longer have to hear to the announcers say “Hey Now!”
If you’d like to take a “shot” about anything dealing with the Tourney, just email me your submission to davebarend@yahoo.com and I’ll have it up with my next post.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,229.67.
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,466
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $237.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $237.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll continue to adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings after day 3 (Group name/champ-runner up-rest of final 4)
1.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC-Memphis—Louis-Pitt) - 42
1.Joseph Scancella (GroupA/Duke-Memphis-Louis-Okla) - 42
1.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn-UNC-Louis-Duke) – 42
1.Dave”Shat”Diprosa (Group1A/UNC-UConn-Louis-Pitt) – 42
5.Jillian Barend (Group1/Pitt-Louis-UConn-UNC) – 41
5.JD Heartquist (Group1/Duke-KU-Marq-Gonzaga) – 41
5.Jim Richens (Group1/Memphis-Pitt-Lousi-SU) – 41
5. Bob Scancella (GroupA/Duke-Memphis-WF-Louis) - 41
5.Michael Camoscio (Group 1A/UConn-UNC-Mich.St.-Pitt) – 41
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 38
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 37
There are 58 active entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, March 20, 2009
Dave's 2nd Ridiculous 3 Pointer
Below are 3 more random and hopefully humorous comments on the Tourney. Below that is info on the "FREE" pool.
1.SPORTS ILLUSTRATED – SI’s NCAA Tourney preview was full of helpful info. It had helpful foul shooting stats and other helpful tips on making picks. You know what would have been even more helpful? If my copy had arrived before the games started.
2.AKRON – During the Gonzaga-Akron game, the ‘Zags went on a 24-4 run. The announcer then provided the following insight, “Akron’s problem is they haven’t been able to score.” Rumor has it, that announcer is also a coroner and reaches conclusions like, “This guy’s problem is he’s not able to breathe.”
3. TACO BELL – Not sure what the advertising geniuses behind that Taco Bell commercial were thinking. Here’s my guess: “Let’s put a guy in drag and stick a bunch of our nachos under his dress. We will thereby accomplish the impossible - make our food actually seem even more disgusting.”
If you’d like to take a “shot” about anything dealing with the Tourney, just email me your submission to davebarend@yahoo.com and I’ll have it up with my next post.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,169.67.
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,430
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $229.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $229.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings - After Day 2 (Group name/champion)
1.Scott DeTraglia (GroupA/UConn) - 27
1.Bob Scancella (GroupA/Duke) - 27
1.Michael Camoscio (Group 1A/UConn) – 27
1.Linda Harkins (Group1A/UNC) – 27
5.Sam Manfer (Group1/UNC) – 26
5.Katie Maiona (Group1/Pitt) - 26
5.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC) - 26
5.Anoj James (GroupA/Louisville) – 26
5.Joseph Scancella (GroupA/Duke) - 26
5.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn) – 26
5.Dave”Shat”Diprosa (Group1A/UNC) – 26
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 24
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 21
There are 58 active entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
1.SPORTS ILLUSTRATED – SI’s NCAA Tourney preview was full of helpful info. It had helpful foul shooting stats and other helpful tips on making picks. You know what would have been even more helpful? If my copy had arrived before the games started.
2.AKRON – During the Gonzaga-Akron game, the ‘Zags went on a 24-4 run. The announcer then provided the following insight, “Akron’s problem is they haven’t been able to score.” Rumor has it, that announcer is also a coroner and reaches conclusions like, “This guy’s problem is he’s not able to breathe.”
3. TACO BELL – Not sure what the advertising geniuses behind that Taco Bell commercial were thinking. Here’s my guess: “Let’s put a guy in drag and stick a bunch of our nachos under his dress. We will thereby accomplish the impossible - make our food actually seem even more disgusting.”
If you’d like to take a “shot” about anything dealing with the Tourney, just email me your submission to davebarend@yahoo.com and I’ll have it up with my next post.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,169.67.
So, at this point –
1st place = $1,430
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $229.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $229.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still do so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings - After Day 2 (Group name/champion)
1.Scott DeTraglia (GroupA/UConn) - 27
1.Bob Scancella (GroupA/Duke) - 27
1.Michael Camoscio (Group 1A/UConn) – 27
1.Linda Harkins (Group1A/UNC) – 27
5.Sam Manfer (Group1/UNC) – 26
5.Katie Maiona (Group1/Pitt) - 26
5.Ernie Barton (GroupA/UNC) - 26
5.Anoj James (GroupA/Louisville) – 26
5.Joseph Scancella (GroupA/Duke) - 26
5.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn) – 26
5.Dave”Shat”Diprosa (Group1A/UNC) – 26
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 24
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 21
There are 58 active entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1.
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Dave's 1st Ridiculous 3 Pointer
Below are 3 random and hopefully humorous comments on the Tourney. Below that is info on the "FREE" pool.
1. HOOPS ON TV - I think I’m forcing my wife to watch too much basketball. Yesterday, she said she was going out to pick up a pizza. She came back with a grocery bag then pulled out a box and said, “Surprise, It’s not delivery it’s DiGiorno.”
Of all the commercials airing during the games, why did she remember that one? I assure you that I would have been much more surprised if she showed up with a waitress from Hooters.
2. BRACKETS - I spent about 2 days just staring at an empty set of brackets. I couldn’t help myself. The symmetry was simply mesmerizing. Serene even. Kind of like Monet’s Water Lilies. Except one’s a world famous work of art and the other was ripped out of a USA Today.
3.NCAA POOL - If I come in first place in my NCAA pool I could win $1,400. You know what I'm thinking. That’s 14 Fatheads.
And One –
Bruce Nickles: The “FREE” NCAA Pool - Thank God I gave to Church of Barend. 2 Corinthians 9:7 “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
If you’d like to take a “shot” about anything dealing with the Tourney, just email me your submission to davebarend@yahoo.com and I’ll have it up with my next post.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,144.67.
So, at least at this point –
1st place = $1,420
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $224.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $224.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still d so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings (Group name/champion)
1.Mike Gleeson (Group1/Pitt) 15
2.Bob Scancella (GroupA/Duke) 15
3.Wing Wong (Group A/Oklahoma) 15
4.Michael Camoscio (Group 1A/UConn) - 15
5.Brian Sprague (Group1A/Louisville) - 15
6.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn) – 15
7.James Stallone (Group1A/UConn) – 15
8.Suzanne Hinckley (Group1A/Louisville) – 15
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 11
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 14
There are 58 active entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1. Someone else also entered, but made no picks in Group1A
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
1. HOOPS ON TV - I think I’m forcing my wife to watch too much basketball. Yesterday, she said she was going out to pick up a pizza. She came back with a grocery bag then pulled out a box and said, “Surprise, It’s not delivery it’s DiGiorno.”
Of all the commercials airing during the games, why did she remember that one? I assure you that I would have been much more surprised if she showed up with a waitress from Hooters.
2. BRACKETS - I spent about 2 days just staring at an empty set of brackets. I couldn’t help myself. The symmetry was simply mesmerizing. Serene even. Kind of like Monet’s Water Lilies. Except one’s a world famous work of art and the other was ripped out of a USA Today.
3.NCAA POOL - If I come in first place in my NCAA pool I could win $1,400. You know what I'm thinking. That’s 14 Fatheads.
And One –
Bruce Nickles: The “FREE” NCAA Pool - Thank God I gave to Church of Barend. 2 Corinthians 9:7 “Each man should give what he has decided in his heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.”
If you’d like to take a “shot” about anything dealing with the Tourney, just email me your submission to davebarend@yahoo.com and I’ll have it up with my next post.
FREE POOL INFO
As of now the pot, made up of all my advertising profits and donations, stands at $2,144.67.
So, at least at this point –
1st place = $1,420
2 Winners of groups (other than the first place overall) - $224.89 each
“Wild Card” (best of the rest) - $224.89
Jimmy V Foundation = $50
If you have not donated yet, you can still d so via the Paypal link above. There are at least 10 people who are “definitely going to donate” or have said, “the check is in the mail”. If any more $ comes in I’ll adjust the breakdown accordingly.
Combined Standings (Group name/champion)
1.Mike Gleeson (Group1/Pitt) 15
2.Bob Scancella (GroupA/Duke) 15
3.Wing Wong (Group A/Oklahoma) 15
4.Michael Camoscio (Group 1A/UConn) - 15
5.Brian Sprague (Group1A/Louisville) - 15
6.Jack Mangas (Group1A/UConn) – 15
7.James Stallone (Group1A/UConn) – 15
8.Suzanne Hinckley (Group1A/Louisville) – 15
Other Non-Notables(Group-Champ-runner up-rest of final4)
A. Samara Barend (GroupA/Memphis-SU-Xavier- Louisville) - 11
B. Dave Barend (Group1/Memphis-Oklahoma-Louisville-Pitt) - 14
There are 58 active entries in each group. I’m “in” all 3, but I only submitted picks in Group1. Someone else also entered, but made no picks in Group1A
If you want any additional info about anyone’s picks who is not in your group, just email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, March 15, 2009
The Idiot’s Guide To Joining My Free NCAA Pool
WARNING: Sometime this week you are going to be approached by the office sports dork. You know, the guy who associates fantasy with football instead of Jessica Alba. He will attempt to sway you to join his NCAA pool. Well, first he’s going to bump into the water cooler and spill his huge stack of brackets. While he’s lying on the floor, you just have to say, “Sorry dude, I’m already in a pool.” If you want to be nice you could also inform him that his forehead seems to be covered with soaked pieces of the West Region.
This will likely place the sports dork on the verge of shock. He’ll still manage to utter, “How? The pairings just came out Sunday.” You say, “There’s this nut case who’s been recruiting people for his pool since November. He actually set up a web site and wrote 2 columns a week just to try to increase the number of people in the pool.” He says, “That’s insane”. You say, “Oh, you know Dave Barend?”
Confused but undeterred, the sports dork counters with, “My pool’s only $10 and the pot is up to $500.” You say, “Dave Barend’s pool is free and his pot is up to $1100. At this point you will be in the presence of a stuttering sports dork. “But, uh, wha, er, huh?” You stop his stammering by informing him that the pot for my pool is made up of all of my advertising profits plus donations from many of the entrants. The dejected sports dork drops his head, wipes away a tear and asks, “How am I supposed to compete with that?” Answer: “You can’t.”
Idiot Proof Instructions For My FREE Pool –
If anyone wants to set up a separate pool to bet on how many people mess up these instructions, count me in.
(1) Send me an email at davebarend@yahoo.com - Just say you want to join the pool and include your full name. In the subject line write something about the NCAA Tourney so I know it’s not a virus or another request for dough from a Nigerian Prince. I truly think I’ve given that guy enough.
(2) Consider adding $ to the Pot – Yes it’s a “free” pool, but it turns out that some folks are using a definition of “free” that I did not intend. My hope was that everyone would think of “free” the same way as how going to church is “free”. There’s no cover charge to get in. But there is a collection.
And that basket eventually comes around to you. And the person sitting to your right has thrown in a $20. And the family to your left has six kids holding envelopes stuffed with their allowances. And you just know the usher is looking at you thinking, “Don’t be a cheap bastard.” Yeah, that’s the “free” I’m talking about – the type that comes with a chunk of guilt and a major dosage of peer pressure.
So, should you feel compelled to donate, just scroll up to the top of this page and right above Gabe Kaplan you’ll find a PayPal link. Click on that to contribute via any credit card. Every dime is going to the pot. Well, every dime except the 2.9% + 30 cents that Paypal takes from each donation.
(3) Receive an Email from Me - This will contain your password and group id # to log into your Yahoo site. I sincerely pray that this year everyone is smart enough to realize that they should not give the password & id# to anyone else. Last year there were two idiots who decided to forward that info to all their friends. Please don’t be that idiot. To say that caused me a bit of a hassle would be like saying that AIG caused a bit of a hassle for the economy.
If you have friends or family who want to join that’s great. All they have to do is email me first. However, I’ve set up 3 different groups on Yahoo for this pool. And I’m trying to put the same number of people in each group. So, I can’t guarantee that the people you invite will all be in your group. But I will perpetually post the leader board on this site. Not being in the same group as your friends does come with a big positive: you can lie about your score.
(4) Go to Yahoo.com
(5) Click on the category "Sports" (towards bottom of left column)
(6) Click on Fantasy (all the way to the right and in red near the top)
(7) Click on "Tourney Pick'em '09" (at least 3 links on that page)
(8) Click on “Join a Group” (Not “create a group”)
(9) Click on “Join Group” (different screen from step 8)
(10) Enter your own personal Yahoo ID and Yahoo password on right side from your own personal Yahoo account. Note that these are NOT the same as the ones that I emailed you for this pool. COMMON MISTAKE – is entering the info I emailed you here. Try not to make that mistake.
(10a) If you do not have your own personal Yahoo account click on "Sign Up" under "Don't have a Yahoo! ID?" Otherwise, go to step (11).
(10b)Enter the requested personal info (name & your creation of an id and password, & code) on the page.
(10c) Write down your personal id and password then click on "agree" to the terms then click on “create my account”.
(10d) Click on “continue” to Yahoo Sports on right side of page.
(11) Enter your group id# and your password that I emailed to you. (Not your personal id and password.) Click on “save and continue”.
(12) Enter your actual full name as your "bracket name". Please NO NICKNAMES!! They make it so hard for me to figure out who is who. Even if you think I know your nickname just enter your actual name. If you must add some additional nickname - go ahead, but your full name must be in there. So let’s say you are Harold Barend and you feel it is extremely important that people know you as Golden Balls, then your entry should be something akin to Harold”GoldenBalls”Barend. I will delete entries that do not comply.
(13) Click on the box next to “Terms of Service”
(14) Determine whether you want to enter Yahoo's contest for $5mil - if so, enter the requested info and accept terms. If you don’t need the $5,000,000 then I’d say you probably could afford to donate a few bucks to the pot.
(15) Hit submit (lower left corner) – You are now in your group.
(16) “I don’t see my name!!” - Your name might not appear because the initial screen only shows 10 entrants. Click on standings. Ahh – there’s your name. Now click on your name. The Midwest region appears. Click on the the team you want to win each game of the first 4 rounds. Then click on Save and Continue. Do the same for the next 3 regions and then for the final 4.
(17) Make sure you Save your Picks – Last year not one, but two people failed to do so. Both actually wanted me to allow them to enter their picks after the games had been played. That reminded me of an episode of Cheers where Sam thought he was doing Woody a favor by not placing a ridiculous sports bet, but the long shot won. Sam then had the following conversation with Diane.
Diane: So, why don't you go to the...
Sam: Bookie.
Diane: ...bookie and tell him that you honestly intended to wager on the winning teams and see if he won't give you the money.
Sam: That's a good idea. While I'm at it why don't I just tell him that I meant to bet on all the winning teams since 1975?
If you just save your picks then we don’t have to have that same conversation.
Rules for the pool:
1.Basic Bracket Format – You get one point for every game you correctly pick in the first round. The points then double each round after each round.
2.Winnings – The person who comes in first place overall will get about 70-75% of the pot. The people who come in first in their groups, but don’t come in first overall will get about 8-10% of the pot. The final 8-10% will be the ”wild card prize” given to the person with the next best score, i.e. – the person with the best score who didn’t come in first in any of the 3 groups.
3.Tie Breakers – The score of the final game will NOT serve as tiebreaker for our pool. If there is a tie the pot is simply split. Should there be a tie for first overall between two or more people who happen to be in the same group – they will split the total for first place plus the $ allotted for the wild card prize. If there is a tie for first overall between two people from different groups, they will split the total of the first place prize, the separate group prize and the wild card prize. If the winners of all 3 groups tie for first overall the whole pot will be split between them.
4.Jimmy V Foundation – Every year I like to take a small portion of the pot and donate it to the Jimmy V. Foundation for Cancer Research. If the pot hits $1,525, I’ll put $25 to Jimmy V. If it goes over $2,050 then I’ll bump that to $50.
*If you don't make your picks before tip off at noon on Thursday, March 19th - you are out - but your $ stays in.
If you need help - and I know some of you will - feel free to email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
This will likely place the sports dork on the verge of shock. He’ll still manage to utter, “How? The pairings just came out Sunday.” You say, “There’s this nut case who’s been recruiting people for his pool since November. He actually set up a web site and wrote 2 columns a week just to try to increase the number of people in the pool.” He says, “That’s insane”. You say, “Oh, you know Dave Barend?”
Confused but undeterred, the sports dork counters with, “My pool’s only $10 and the pot is up to $500.” You say, “Dave Barend’s pool is free and his pot is up to $1100. At this point you will be in the presence of a stuttering sports dork. “But, uh, wha, er, huh?” You stop his stammering by informing him that the pot for my pool is made up of all of my advertising profits plus donations from many of the entrants. The dejected sports dork drops his head, wipes away a tear and asks, “How am I supposed to compete with that?” Answer: “You can’t.”
Idiot Proof Instructions For My FREE Pool –
If anyone wants to set up a separate pool to bet on how many people mess up these instructions, count me in.
(1) Send me an email at davebarend@yahoo.com - Just say you want to join the pool and include your full name. In the subject line write something about the NCAA Tourney so I know it’s not a virus or another request for dough from a Nigerian Prince. I truly think I’ve given that guy enough.
(2) Consider adding $ to the Pot – Yes it’s a “free” pool, but it turns out that some folks are using a definition of “free” that I did not intend. My hope was that everyone would think of “free” the same way as how going to church is “free”. There’s no cover charge to get in. But there is a collection.
And that basket eventually comes around to you. And the person sitting to your right has thrown in a $20. And the family to your left has six kids holding envelopes stuffed with their allowances. And you just know the usher is looking at you thinking, “Don’t be a cheap bastard.” Yeah, that’s the “free” I’m talking about – the type that comes with a chunk of guilt and a major dosage of peer pressure.
So, should you feel compelled to donate, just scroll up to the top of this page and right above Gabe Kaplan you’ll find a PayPal link. Click on that to contribute via any credit card. Every dime is going to the pot. Well, every dime except the 2.9% + 30 cents that Paypal takes from each donation.
(3) Receive an Email from Me - This will contain your password and group id # to log into your Yahoo site. I sincerely pray that this year everyone is smart enough to realize that they should not give the password & id# to anyone else. Last year there were two idiots who decided to forward that info to all their friends. Please don’t be that idiot. To say that caused me a bit of a hassle would be like saying that AIG caused a bit of a hassle for the economy.
If you have friends or family who want to join that’s great. All they have to do is email me first. However, I’ve set up 3 different groups on Yahoo for this pool. And I’m trying to put the same number of people in each group. So, I can’t guarantee that the people you invite will all be in your group. But I will perpetually post the leader board on this site. Not being in the same group as your friends does come with a big positive: you can lie about your score.
(4) Go to Yahoo.com
(5) Click on the category "Sports" (towards bottom of left column)
(6) Click on Fantasy (all the way to the right and in red near the top)
(7) Click on "Tourney Pick'em '09" (at least 3 links on that page)
(8) Click on “Join a Group” (Not “create a group”)
(9) Click on “Join Group” (different screen from step 8)
(10) Enter your own personal Yahoo ID and Yahoo password on right side from your own personal Yahoo account. Note that these are NOT the same as the ones that I emailed you for this pool. COMMON MISTAKE – is entering the info I emailed you here. Try not to make that mistake.
(10a) If you do not have your own personal Yahoo account click on "Sign Up" under "Don't have a Yahoo! ID?" Otherwise, go to step (11).
(10b)Enter the requested personal info (name & your creation of an id and password, & code) on the page.
(10c) Write down your personal id and password then click on "agree" to the terms then click on “create my account”.
(10d) Click on “continue” to Yahoo Sports on right side of page.
(11) Enter your group id# and your password that I emailed to you. (Not your personal id and password.) Click on “save and continue”.
(12) Enter your actual full name as your "bracket name". Please NO NICKNAMES!! They make it so hard for me to figure out who is who. Even if you think I know your nickname just enter your actual name. If you must add some additional nickname - go ahead, but your full name must be in there. So let’s say you are Harold Barend and you feel it is extremely important that people know you as Golden Balls, then your entry should be something akin to Harold”GoldenBalls”Barend. I will delete entries that do not comply.
(13) Click on the box next to “Terms of Service”
(14) Determine whether you want to enter Yahoo's contest for $5mil - if so, enter the requested info and accept terms. If you don’t need the $5,000,000 then I’d say you probably could afford to donate a few bucks to the pot.
(15) Hit submit (lower left corner) – You are now in your group.
(16) “I don’t see my name!!” - Your name might not appear because the initial screen only shows 10 entrants. Click on standings. Ahh – there’s your name. Now click on your name. The Midwest region appears. Click on the the team you want to win each game of the first 4 rounds. Then click on Save and Continue. Do the same for the next 3 regions and then for the final 4.
(17) Make sure you Save your Picks – Last year not one, but two people failed to do so. Both actually wanted me to allow them to enter their picks after the games had been played. That reminded me of an episode of Cheers where Sam thought he was doing Woody a favor by not placing a ridiculous sports bet, but the long shot won. Sam then had the following conversation with Diane.
Diane: So, why don't you go to the...
Sam: Bookie.
Diane: ...bookie and tell him that you honestly intended to wager on the winning teams and see if he won't give you the money.
Sam: That's a good idea. While I'm at it why don't I just tell him that I meant to bet on all the winning teams since 1975?
If you just save your picks then we don’t have to have that same conversation.
Rules for the pool:
1.Basic Bracket Format – You get one point for every game you correctly pick in the first round. The points then double each round after each round.
2.Winnings – The person who comes in first place overall will get about 70-75% of the pot. The people who come in first in their groups, but don’t come in first overall will get about 8-10% of the pot. The final 8-10% will be the ”wild card prize” given to the person with the next best score, i.e. – the person with the best score who didn’t come in first in any of the 3 groups.
3.Tie Breakers – The score of the final game will NOT serve as tiebreaker for our pool. If there is a tie the pot is simply split. Should there be a tie for first overall between two or more people who happen to be in the same group – they will split the total for first place plus the $ allotted for the wild card prize. If there is a tie for first overall between two people from different groups, they will split the total of the first place prize, the separate group prize and the wild card prize. If the winners of all 3 groups tie for first overall the whole pot will be split between them.
4.Jimmy V Foundation – Every year I like to take a small portion of the pot and donate it to the Jimmy V. Foundation for Cancer Research. If the pot hits $1,525, I’ll put $25 to Jimmy V. If it goes over $2,050 then I’ll bump that to $50.
*If you don't make your picks before tip off at noon on Thursday, March 19th - you are out - but your $ stays in.
If you need help - and I know some of you will - feel free to email me.
Take it easy,
Dave
Thursday, March 12, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 14)
Below is my final set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments followed by some Other Opinions and then, most importantly, info on how to join my FREE pool for the NCAA Tourney. Oh, and the “FREE” part isn’t a joke.
1. NORTH CAROLINA (27-3)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland
My Irrelevant Comment:
When Tyler Hansbrough jumps and grabs a rebound he kicks one of his legs out. First time I saw it I thought he was doing that yoga move – Upward Peeing Dog.
2. PITT (28-3)
Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at PC
My Irrelevant Comment:
A lot of people are thinking of picking Pitt to win it all. I wouldn’t be so sure. Why? ‘Cause I’m thinking of picking Pitt to win it all.
3. MEMPHIS (28-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
Though Memphis is ranked #3 is both polls, Dick Vitale has proclaimed them unworthy of any of the four number 1 seeds. If Vitale had his way, the 4 1-seeds would be: Duke, Duke, Duke & Duke.
4. UCONN (27-3)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt, at Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
Seems like every time A.J. Price scores, the announcers feel compelled to say “The Price Is Right!” It’d be nice if they mixed it up a bit and occasionally yelled, “Plinko!”
5. LOUISVILLE (25-5)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
In a game last week, Earl Clark scored 12 points. Well, 2 of Clark’s points were for the wrong team. Yeah, he’s been taking some ribbing. His teammates are now calling him “Dick.” Not ‘cause he’s a jerk. Because he’s about as coherent as Mr. “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.”
6. MICHIGAN STATE (25-5)
Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue
My Irrelevant Comment:
It’s now tradition at Michigan State for the seniors to kiss center court at the end of their last game. I’d say they might want to think about changing that tradition. And instead of kissing the filthy floor they should kiss, oh I don’t know, say maybe – the babes with the pom-poms.
7. DUKE (25-6)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest
Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC, at UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
ESPN kept showing a replay of Coach K and Referee Jamie Lucas knocking heads during Sunday’s game. I guess the producers thought America should see what middle age would look like for conjoined twins.
8. OKLAHOMA (27-4)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, KU, at Missouri
My Irrelevant Comment:
When you hear the last name “Griffin”, what first name comes to mind? If you said Blake, then you’re clearly a college hoop fan. If you said Merv, then you are clearly old. If you said Kathy, then you are clearly pathetic. And if you said Peter then you are clearly disappointed with the level of humor I’ve provided.
9. WAKE FOREST (24-5)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke, FSU
Loss: Virginia Tech, at Miami, at Georgia Tech, at NC State, at Duke
My Irrelevant Comment:
The average height of the starters on the Demon Deacons is about 6’ 6”. That’s like a bunch of trees. Boy would it be great if the school was called something like the Wake Bunch Of Trees.
10. WASHINGTON (24-7)
Best Wins: UCLA, at ASU, ASU, Arizona
Losses: at Portland, at Kansas, at Florida, Cal, at AZ, at Cal, at UCLA
University of Washington is a bit miffed over its less than stellar academic ranking. I really think they should have seen it coming though. I mean, their logo is “W”.
OTHER OPINIONS
Jim Richens – Memphis: Multiple sources confirm that DeMarcus Cousins committed to Memphis yesterday afternoon. He's the #1 high school center in the country. He joins ESPNU's #1 overall high school player, Xavier Henry and top-20 prospects, Nolan Dennis, Will Coleman and Darnell Dodson in the Memphis fall class. Memphis will win the national championship in 2010. Period. Mail it in.
Mike Wood – URI: Went to the URI vs UMass game on Sat at the Ryan Center - great game - UMass guard Lowe - hit a (full-court) drive with a second or so left on the clock to win the game 72-71 - very impressed with URI 6'3" guard Jimmy Baron - who scored 22 points (16 in the 2nd half, also became the 3-pt career scoring leader in the game) - and can he shoot the 3 - back in Nov. he hit 7 consecutive 3's vs. Duke.
Ken Robbins - The Pool & GMU: I'll make my annual $25 donation and will proudly watch the end of March come and go as I piss away another 25 bones! I would have donated $27 if George Mason made it in but sadly they got wrecked tonight down in Richmond by VCU which is where VCU lives........big time home court advantage if you ask me. I say move that CAA tourney around folks!
Pete Frey - Providence: Control their destiny need to beat Lville
Dan Ison – Providence: If they don't get blown out by Louisville they can at least cross their fingers and hope on Sunday afternoon. Then it just depends on what happens in the other conferences - need early round upsets of other bubble teams (Minn, URI, SDS, UNM, USC, Kentucky) and no more freakin' Cleveland States.
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say, “I’m up for the pool.” Include your full name.
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently at $849.13) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan. And, no, I’m not taking a cut.
Take it easy,
Dave
1. NORTH CAROLINA (27-3)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland
My Irrelevant Comment:
When Tyler Hansbrough jumps and grabs a rebound he kicks one of his legs out. First time I saw it I thought he was doing that yoga move – Upward Peeing Dog.
2. PITT (28-3)
Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at PC
My Irrelevant Comment:
A lot of people are thinking of picking Pitt to win it all. I wouldn’t be so sure. Why? ‘Cause I’m thinking of picking Pitt to win it all.
3. MEMPHIS (28-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
Though Memphis is ranked #3 is both polls, Dick Vitale has proclaimed them unworthy of any of the four number 1 seeds. If Vitale had his way, the 4 1-seeds would be: Duke, Duke, Duke & Duke.
4. UCONN (27-3)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt, at Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
Seems like every time A.J. Price scores, the announcers feel compelled to say “The Price Is Right!” It’d be nice if they mixed it up a bit and occasionally yelled, “Plinko!”
5. LOUISVILLE (25-5)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
In a game last week, Earl Clark scored 12 points. Well, 2 of Clark’s points were for the wrong team. Yeah, he’s been taking some ribbing. His teammates are now calling him “Dick.” Not ‘cause he’s a jerk. Because he’s about as coherent as Mr. “Rockin’ New Year’s Eve.”
6. MICHIGAN STATE (25-5)
Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue
My Irrelevant Comment:
It’s now tradition at Michigan State for the seniors to kiss center court at the end of their last game. I’d say they might want to think about changing that tradition. And instead of kissing the filthy floor they should kiss, oh I don’t know, say maybe – the babes with the pom-poms.
7. DUKE (25-6)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest
Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC, at UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
ESPN kept showing a replay of Coach K and Referee Jamie Lucas knocking heads during Sunday’s game. I guess the producers thought America should see what middle age would look like for conjoined twins.
8. OKLAHOMA (27-4)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, KU, at Missouri
My Irrelevant Comment:
When you hear the last name “Griffin”, what first name comes to mind? If you said Blake, then you’re clearly a college hoop fan. If you said Merv, then you are clearly old. If you said Kathy, then you are clearly pathetic. And if you said Peter then you are clearly disappointed with the level of humor I’ve provided.
9. WAKE FOREST (24-5)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke, FSU
Loss: Virginia Tech, at Miami, at Georgia Tech, at NC State, at Duke
My Irrelevant Comment:
The average height of the starters on the Demon Deacons is about 6’ 6”. That’s like a bunch of trees. Boy would it be great if the school was called something like the Wake Bunch Of Trees.
10. WASHINGTON (24-7)
Best Wins: UCLA, at ASU, ASU, Arizona
Losses: at Portland, at Kansas, at Florida, Cal, at AZ, at Cal, at UCLA
University of Washington is a bit miffed over its less than stellar academic ranking. I really think they should have seen it coming though. I mean, their logo is “W”.
OTHER OPINIONS
Jim Richens – Memphis: Multiple sources confirm that DeMarcus Cousins committed to Memphis yesterday afternoon. He's the #1 high school center in the country. He joins ESPNU's #1 overall high school player, Xavier Henry and top-20 prospects, Nolan Dennis, Will Coleman and Darnell Dodson in the Memphis fall class. Memphis will win the national championship in 2010. Period. Mail it in.
Mike Wood – URI: Went to the URI vs UMass game on Sat at the Ryan Center - great game - UMass guard Lowe - hit a (full-court) drive with a second or so left on the clock to win the game 72-71 - very impressed with URI 6'3" guard Jimmy Baron - who scored 22 points (16 in the 2nd half, also became the 3-pt career scoring leader in the game) - and can he shoot the 3 - back in Nov. he hit 7 consecutive 3's vs. Duke.
Ken Robbins - The Pool & GMU: I'll make my annual $25 donation and will proudly watch the end of March come and go as I piss away another 25 bones! I would have donated $27 if George Mason made it in but sadly they got wrecked tonight down in Richmond by VCU which is where VCU lives........big time home court advantage if you ask me. I say move that CAA tourney around folks!
Pete Frey - Providence: Control their destiny need to beat Lville
Dan Ison – Providence: If they don't get blown out by Louisville they can at least cross their fingers and hope on Sunday afternoon. Then it just depends on what happens in the other conferences - need early round upsets of other bubble teams (Minn, URI, SDS, UNM, USC, Kentucky) and no more freakin' Cleveland States.
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say, “I’m up for the pool.” Include your full name.
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently at $849.13) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan. And, no, I’m not taking a cut.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, March 8, 2009
Rant#17: Barend's Bubble Breakdown
So I flick on ESPN to find some info about teams “on the bubble” for making the NCAA Tourney. What do I learn? That the Detroit Lions should take a safety in Round 3.
If you don’t know what “on the bubble” means then you are the exact type of person I want to compete against in my free NCAA pool. (Details below.)
“On the bubble” can be best explained as follows: Imagine you are standing in line at a trendy nightclub that only lets the most attractive people enter. The bouncer checks you out and doesn’t tell you to get lost, but doesn’t immediately let you and your other marginally good-looking friends in. You are on the proverbial bubble. But when a limo filled with professional athletes and super-models pulls up – your bubble has burst.
Personally, I think that “on the bubble” is too wimpy and wussy to describe the dire predicament that these teams face. I, therefore, advocate a change from “on the bubble” to something that better conveys the very slight chance of survival and the very strong possibility of demise. Such as:
*In the percolating volcano.
*On the engineless airplane.
*Driving the Pinto.
*Engaged to be married.
*Fighting Mike Tyson.
*In Detroit.
*Eating my wife’s lasagna.
I must admit that “On the bubble” came in handy back when I was dating. (Oh the good old days.) About a month into each relationship I would be asked the same stupid question: “Where do I stand with you?” My response: “On the bubble.” Every time I got the same reply: “What does that mean?” But one woman actually retorted: “Well, I’ll just have to win my conference tournament.” A few months later I asked her a stupid question: “Will you marry me?”
I was actually “on the bubble” once. No, not for the NCAA Tournament. I didn’t play Div I Basketball. I played JV CYO basketball. Well, I almost didn’t. Yes, I was on the bubble for making my JV CYO team.
It was the end of the last day of tryouts and coach sat us all down. He said he can only keep 10 and since there were 11, one had to go. He then announced that it had come down to me and Stevie - a kid who had a severe case of glaucoma.
I truly thought I had a few advantages over Stevie. Like, for one, my ability to see. There was also the fact that I knew the coach quite well. Not really by choice. He was my dad.
Vision and nepotism apparently weren’t going to be enough. Dad tells Stevie and me we’re playing one-on-one. Winner makes the team. As a hoop player I had one talent – throwing picks. Turns out, that is not an effective move in one-on one. Lucky for me Stevie was legally blind. I perpetually duped him into throwing the ball to me by holding my arms out like a hoop.
After 5 minutes of action, the score was tied: 0-0. Trying to discern who was better had to be like trying to differentiate between the talents of Milli Vanilli and the Jonas Brothers.
My dad then blew his whistle signifying our immediate return to the bench. Stevie got there first and I noticed there was no room for me. My face dropped. I thought, “Oh my God. Has my basketball career just ended due to an impromptu game of musical chairs?”
My dad then got up to grab the bouncing ball. I deftly dove into his spot.
Dad threw his clip board to the floor and said “Ah sh!t. God damn it all.” Yeah, my dad would seem to forget that the C in CYO stood for Catholic. And that Father Malone was standing next to him.
There was a pause as my Dad looked at Stevie. Then me. Then Stevie. Then me. “Screw it. I’ll keep you both.” Stevie and I then hugged with joy. Well, once Stevie could find me.
Other kids remember words of wisdom from their dads. I will always have, “Screw it. I’ll keep you both.” Words that took me right off the bubble - and right on to the bench.
But there are a number of teams currently “on the bubble” who aren’t going be as fortunate as I. Below I give you my breakdown of some of those teams and who is going to be in & out of the Tourney.
Minnesota
If the Gophers get in the Tourney the announcers will continually mention that Coach Tubby Smith is one of 17 kids in his family. That will lead to my wife saying, “If his parents could have 17 children, we can easily handle a third.”
Decision: Definitely Out!
Penn State
There is a chance that Joe Paterno may show up for some of the games if they make the Tourney. That means there is a chance that on national television he may, once again, poop himself.
Decision: In
Providence
I like PC. Even like their nickname. It’s just spelled wrong. They need to change it from Friars to Fryers. Then they can change their mascot from a docile monk to a frightened turkey.
Decision: In
Boston College
If the Eagles get in I will be quite happy. Then when they lose in the first round I will be quite sad.
Decision: Doesn’t matter.
Kentucky
Come on now, say it with me. Just two words: Ashley Judd.
Decision: In
Notre Dame
Come on now, say it with me. Just two words: Digger Phelps.
Decision: Out
Now, all this contemplation about being “on the bubble” has led me to a somewhat unique thought: How about a breakdown of bubbles? I, therefore, give you in match-up format:
Barend’s Bubble Bubble Breakdown:
Boy In The Bubble vs. Strippers Named Bubbles
Let’s see, we have John Travolta in a vat of plastic or dancing naked women. Hmmm.
Decision: Strippers are in. (Strippers are always in.)
Bubble Wrap vs. Mr. Bubble
Everyone loves bubble wrap. Not me. Why? Each Christmas I spend a wad of dough on gifts for my girls. And what do they play with? The damn bubble wrap.
Decision: Bubble wrap is out.
“Tiny Bubbles” vs. “B Is For Bubble”
You might think you’ve never heard “B is for Bubbles”, but you have – on Sesame Street. “B is for bubbles. Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles . . .” Remember it now? Yeah you do. Good luck getting it out of your head.
Decision: Don Ho’s classic “Tiny Bubbles” is in.
William Shakespeare vs. Rodney Dangerfield
There’s the famous Macbeth line of “Double double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble.” And then you have Rodney in “Back To School” with a hut tub full of babes saying, “What’s a bath without bubbles? Come here Bubbles.”
Decision: Shakespeare just can’t compete with the Classics. Rodney’s in.
There you have it - the first ever Bubble Bubble Breakdown, just for you. As for me, well, my wife’s serving lasagna tonight. Guess I’m back on the bubble.
Take it easy,
Dave
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say, “I’m up for the pool.” Include your full name.
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently over $700) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan.
If you don’t know what “on the bubble” means then you are the exact type of person I want to compete against in my free NCAA pool. (Details below.)
“On the bubble” can be best explained as follows: Imagine you are standing in line at a trendy nightclub that only lets the most attractive people enter. The bouncer checks you out and doesn’t tell you to get lost, but doesn’t immediately let you and your other marginally good-looking friends in. You are on the proverbial bubble. But when a limo filled with professional athletes and super-models pulls up – your bubble has burst.
Personally, I think that “on the bubble” is too wimpy and wussy to describe the dire predicament that these teams face. I, therefore, advocate a change from “on the bubble” to something that better conveys the very slight chance of survival and the very strong possibility of demise. Such as:
*In the percolating volcano.
*On the engineless airplane.
*Driving the Pinto.
*Engaged to be married.
*Fighting Mike Tyson.
*In Detroit.
*Eating my wife’s lasagna.
I must admit that “On the bubble” came in handy back when I was dating. (Oh the good old days.) About a month into each relationship I would be asked the same stupid question: “Where do I stand with you?” My response: “On the bubble.” Every time I got the same reply: “What does that mean?” But one woman actually retorted: “Well, I’ll just have to win my conference tournament.” A few months later I asked her a stupid question: “Will you marry me?”
I was actually “on the bubble” once. No, not for the NCAA Tournament. I didn’t play Div I Basketball. I played JV CYO basketball. Well, I almost didn’t. Yes, I was on the bubble for making my JV CYO team.
It was the end of the last day of tryouts and coach sat us all down. He said he can only keep 10 and since there were 11, one had to go. He then announced that it had come down to me and Stevie - a kid who had a severe case of glaucoma.
I truly thought I had a few advantages over Stevie. Like, for one, my ability to see. There was also the fact that I knew the coach quite well. Not really by choice. He was my dad.
Vision and nepotism apparently weren’t going to be enough. Dad tells Stevie and me we’re playing one-on-one. Winner makes the team. As a hoop player I had one talent – throwing picks. Turns out, that is not an effective move in one-on one. Lucky for me Stevie was legally blind. I perpetually duped him into throwing the ball to me by holding my arms out like a hoop.
After 5 minutes of action, the score was tied: 0-0. Trying to discern who was better had to be like trying to differentiate between the talents of Milli Vanilli and the Jonas Brothers.
My dad then blew his whistle signifying our immediate return to the bench. Stevie got there first and I noticed there was no room for me. My face dropped. I thought, “Oh my God. Has my basketball career just ended due to an impromptu game of musical chairs?”
My dad then got up to grab the bouncing ball. I deftly dove into his spot.
Dad threw his clip board to the floor and said “Ah sh!t. God damn it all.” Yeah, my dad would seem to forget that the C in CYO stood for Catholic. And that Father Malone was standing next to him.
There was a pause as my Dad looked at Stevie. Then me. Then Stevie. Then me. “Screw it. I’ll keep you both.” Stevie and I then hugged with joy. Well, once Stevie could find me.
Other kids remember words of wisdom from their dads. I will always have, “Screw it. I’ll keep you both.” Words that took me right off the bubble - and right on to the bench.
But there are a number of teams currently “on the bubble” who aren’t going be as fortunate as I. Below I give you my breakdown of some of those teams and who is going to be in & out of the Tourney.
Minnesota
If the Gophers get in the Tourney the announcers will continually mention that Coach Tubby Smith is one of 17 kids in his family. That will lead to my wife saying, “If his parents could have 17 children, we can easily handle a third.”
Decision: Definitely Out!
Penn State
There is a chance that Joe Paterno may show up for some of the games if they make the Tourney. That means there is a chance that on national television he may, once again, poop himself.
Decision: In
Providence
I like PC. Even like their nickname. It’s just spelled wrong. They need to change it from Friars to Fryers. Then they can change their mascot from a docile monk to a frightened turkey.
Decision: In
Boston College
If the Eagles get in I will be quite happy. Then when they lose in the first round I will be quite sad.
Decision: Doesn’t matter.
Kentucky
Come on now, say it with me. Just two words: Ashley Judd.
Decision: In
Notre Dame
Come on now, say it with me. Just two words: Digger Phelps.
Decision: Out
Now, all this contemplation about being “on the bubble” has led me to a somewhat unique thought: How about a breakdown of bubbles? I, therefore, give you in match-up format:
Barend’s Bubble Bubble Breakdown:
Boy In The Bubble vs. Strippers Named Bubbles
Let’s see, we have John Travolta in a vat of plastic or dancing naked women. Hmmm.
Decision: Strippers are in. (Strippers are always in.)
Bubble Wrap vs. Mr. Bubble
Everyone loves bubble wrap. Not me. Why? Each Christmas I spend a wad of dough on gifts for my girls. And what do they play with? The damn bubble wrap.
Decision: Bubble wrap is out.
“Tiny Bubbles” vs. “B Is For Bubble”
You might think you’ve never heard “B is for Bubbles”, but you have – on Sesame Street. “B is for bubbles. Bubbles, bubbles, bubbles . . .” Remember it now? Yeah you do. Good luck getting it out of your head.
Decision: Don Ho’s classic “Tiny Bubbles” is in.
William Shakespeare vs. Rodney Dangerfield
There’s the famous Macbeth line of “Double double toil and trouble. Fire burn and cauldron bubble.” And then you have Rodney in “Back To School” with a hut tub full of babes saying, “What’s a bath without bubbles? Come here Bubbles.”
Decision: Shakespeare just can’t compete with the Classics. Rodney’s in.
There you have it - the first ever Bubble Bubble Breakdown, just for you. As for me, well, my wife’s serving lasagna tonight. Guess I’m back on the bubble.
Take it easy,
Dave
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say, “I’m up for the pool.” Include your full name.
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently over $700) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan.
Thursday, March 5, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 13)
Below is my latest set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments and then info on how to join my FREE pool for the NCAA Tourney. I hope you laugh and then join.
1. UCONN (27-2)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
Some people just can’t seem to get over the fact that Coach Calhoun’s salary is $1.6 million. They should really heed the advice of America’s greatest capitalists – The Beastie Boys. “Money Makin, Money Money Makin, Manhattan Super Disco Disco Breakin,” Yeah, that’s not completely right on point, but I do like to quote the Beasties whenever possible.
2. NORTH CAROLINA (26-3)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland
My Irrelevant Comment:
Bobby Frasor’s playing time has been sporadic at best. I really hope he can have a sense of humor about the situation. Like if every time he went to the bench, he looked at Roy Williams and said, “And down goes Frasor.”
3. MEMPHIS (26-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
On January 5th, Memphis was not in the Top 25. Then they started playing the pathetic members of Conference USA and have moved up to #3. It is now clear how they can get to be #1 – join the Ivy League.
4. PITT (27-3)
Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at PC
My Irrelevant Comment:
I’m a big fan of Jermaine Dixon for the obvious reason – his hair. Yes, I realize he’s bald. And at least, as of right now, I’m not.
5. LOUISVILLE (24-5)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
So I’m watching the Louisville game last weekend and I see this guy in an all white suit. And I actually think, “What the hell is the Good Humor Man doing in front of the Cardinals’ bench?” Yeah I eventually figured it out. But I still can’t understand what made Al Pacino reprise his role in “Scarface.”
6. OKLAHOMA (25-4)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, KU, at Missouri
My Irrelevant Comment:
Oklahoma has license plates that say, “Oklahoma is Ok.” But when Blake Griffin went down with a concussion people started making some changes. There now the G-Rated version: “Oklahoma is pretty woozy.” And the Pulp Fiction version: “Oklahoma is pretty f#$%ing far from okay.”
7. DUKE (24-5)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest
Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC
My Irrelevant Comment:
I just learned that Cameron Indoor Stadium was named after former Duke AD Eddie Cameron. I really liked it better when I thought it was named after Cameron in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”
8. MICHIGAN STATE (21-5)
Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue
My Irrelevant Comment:
Seth Davis just wrote a book about Michigan State’s 1979 championship. Who’s Seth Davis? He’s the guy you see at half-time and wonder, “Why did CBS hire Mitt Romney?”
9. WAKE FOREST (22-5)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke, FSU
Loss: Virginia Tech, at Miami, at Georgia Tech, at NC State, at Duke
My Irrelevant Comment:
At every game the students all wear matching black and yellow tie-dyed t-shirts. Apparently they are going for that intimidating feeling that can only come from a pack of twirling – sunflowers.
10. KANSAS (24-6)
Best Wins: Washington, Missouri, at Oklahoma,
Losses: at SU, UMass, at Ariz, at Michigan St., at Missouri, Texas Tech
I simply can’t root for Kansas because I’m a Clint Eastwood fan. Huh? Jayhawks were the bad guys who tried to kill Clint in The Outlaw Jose Wales. But I’ll start supporting KU if they change their mascot to an orangutan.
OTHER OPINIONS
Harold Barend: Big East - Remember, a fews years ago, when Jerry McNamara carried the Syracuse team to the Big East Tournament championship. What happened after that was a huge upset of Syracuse in the NCAA Tournament--or was it an upset. I contend having the league tournaments as door mats for the NCAA tournament is a major plus for the small schools selected to play in the early rounds. They do not have to a week of grueling tournament play just prior to the NCAAs. The small schools have a week to nurse their injured, and rest and relax their teams.. While the The Big East, and ACC tournaments, for example, will produce a lot of bruised, battered, and bloodied players who will then have to play another week or two in the NCAA tournament.
Mike Wood: UConn - Marquette gave UConn a good battle - Price was shooting out of his mind - going back and forth with McNeil - they do not look for Thabeet enough though - to win like that was big - no Dyson and Adrien was (unusual) a non-factor
Harold Barend (II) Duke: Despite not having a big man of any significance, Duke should be a Final Four contender. Much depends on how they physically survive the ACC tournament. If anyone of their four starting forwards gets hurt, Duke had better pull out the rosary beads.
Bruce Skillin: The NCAA Pool - I'm in the pool. And my shorts are missing! And why is this part of the pool warmer than others??
Harold Barend (III) Syracuse: This is a team full of hope and athleticism. Hopefully Jim Boeheim arranged to have his big center enrolled in: 101 The Techniques of Good Foul Shooting. They could surprise a lot of people and be in the Final Four or surprise a lot of people and be heading home after the first round. Johnny Flynn is getting better with every game. When Syracuse is hot--they are smoking. There isn't another team that can run and gun like the Cuse. Perhaps their best surprise is yet to come.
Thom Devlin: Georgetown- I know no one cares, because neither team is in contention for the Tournament, but I went to MSG on Tuesday night and watched Georgetown lose to St. John's in overtime. (I also was present when Gtown lost to Marquette and Louisville the week before) Georgetown has no heart! I haven't seen it since the Duke game when their slide began. Our win against UCONN earlier in the season....who cares!? Let me take you back to Christmas Morning real quickly though. You remember when you woke up and ran down the stairs to your....computer to check Davebarendcollegehoophumor.com? This is what you read:
7.Gerogetown (9-1)
Best Wins: Maryland & Memphis
Worst loss - Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment: This week the Hoyas beat Mount St. Mary’s – a school that distinguished itself from St. Mary’s by adding the “Mount”. But now the name seems to suggest that prudish girls named Mary should be, well, mounted.
Well....David--please explain yourself! You ranked my HOYAS 7th in the country, you built up my hopes and made me believe when I shouldn't have. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say, “I’m up for the pool.” Include your full name.
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently over $690) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan.
Take it easy,
Dave
(Next Rant coming Monday)
1. UCONN (27-2)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
Some people just can’t seem to get over the fact that Coach Calhoun’s salary is $1.6 million. They should really heed the advice of America’s greatest capitalists – The Beastie Boys. “Money Makin, Money Money Makin, Manhattan Super Disco Disco Breakin,” Yeah, that’s not completely right on point, but I do like to quote the Beasties whenever possible.
2. NORTH CAROLINA (26-3)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland
My Irrelevant Comment:
Bobby Frasor’s playing time has been sporadic at best. I really hope he can have a sense of humor about the situation. Like if every time he went to the bench, he looked at Roy Williams and said, “And down goes Frasor.”
3. MEMPHIS (26-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
On January 5th, Memphis was not in the Top 25. Then they started playing the pathetic members of Conference USA and have moved up to #3. It is now clear how they can get to be #1 – join the Ivy League.
4. PITT (27-3)
Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at PC
My Irrelevant Comment:
I’m a big fan of Jermaine Dixon for the obvious reason – his hair. Yes, I realize he’s bald. And at least, as of right now, I’m not.
5. LOUISVILLE (24-5)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
So I’m watching the Louisville game last weekend and I see this guy in an all white suit. And I actually think, “What the hell is the Good Humor Man doing in front of the Cardinals’ bench?” Yeah I eventually figured it out. But I still can’t understand what made Al Pacino reprise his role in “Scarface.”
6. OKLAHOMA (25-4)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, KU, at Missouri
My Irrelevant Comment:
Oklahoma has license plates that say, “Oklahoma is Ok.” But when Blake Griffin went down with a concussion people started making some changes. There now the G-Rated version: “Oklahoma is pretty woozy.” And the Pulp Fiction version: “Oklahoma is pretty f#$%ing far from okay.”
7. DUKE (24-5)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest
Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC
My Irrelevant Comment:
I just learned that Cameron Indoor Stadium was named after former Duke AD Eddie Cameron. I really liked it better when I thought it was named after Cameron in “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off.”
8. MICHIGAN STATE (21-5)
Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue
My Irrelevant Comment:
Seth Davis just wrote a book about Michigan State’s 1979 championship. Who’s Seth Davis? He’s the guy you see at half-time and wonder, “Why did CBS hire Mitt Romney?”
9. WAKE FOREST (22-5)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke, FSU
Loss: Virginia Tech, at Miami, at Georgia Tech, at NC State, at Duke
My Irrelevant Comment:
At every game the students all wear matching black and yellow tie-dyed t-shirts. Apparently they are going for that intimidating feeling that can only come from a pack of twirling – sunflowers.
10. KANSAS (24-6)
Best Wins: Washington, Missouri, at Oklahoma,
Losses: at SU, UMass, at Ariz, at Michigan St., at Missouri, Texas Tech
I simply can’t root for Kansas because I’m a Clint Eastwood fan. Huh? Jayhawks were the bad guys who tried to kill Clint in The Outlaw Jose Wales. But I’ll start supporting KU if they change their mascot to an orangutan.
OTHER OPINIONS
Harold Barend: Big East - Remember, a fews years ago, when Jerry McNamara carried the Syracuse team to the Big East Tournament championship. What happened after that was a huge upset of Syracuse in the NCAA Tournament--or was it an upset. I contend having the league tournaments as door mats for the NCAA tournament is a major plus for the small schools selected to play in the early rounds. They do not have to a week of grueling tournament play just prior to the NCAAs. The small schools have a week to nurse their injured, and rest and relax their teams.. While the The Big East, and ACC tournaments, for example, will produce a lot of bruised, battered, and bloodied players who will then have to play another week or two in the NCAA tournament.
Mike Wood: UConn - Marquette gave UConn a good battle - Price was shooting out of his mind - going back and forth with McNeil - they do not look for Thabeet enough though - to win like that was big - no Dyson and Adrien was (unusual) a non-factor
Harold Barend (II) Duke: Despite not having a big man of any significance, Duke should be a Final Four contender. Much depends on how they physically survive the ACC tournament. If anyone of their four starting forwards gets hurt, Duke had better pull out the rosary beads.
Bruce Skillin: The NCAA Pool - I'm in the pool. And my shorts are missing! And why is this part of the pool warmer than others??
Harold Barend (III) Syracuse: This is a team full of hope and athleticism. Hopefully Jim Boeheim arranged to have his big center enrolled in: 101 The Techniques of Good Foul Shooting. They could surprise a lot of people and be in the Final Four or surprise a lot of people and be heading home after the first round. Johnny Flynn is getting better with every game. When Syracuse is hot--they are smoking. There isn't another team that can run and gun like the Cuse. Perhaps their best surprise is yet to come.
Thom Devlin: Georgetown- I know no one cares, because neither team is in contention for the Tournament, but I went to MSG on Tuesday night and watched Georgetown lose to St. John's in overtime. (I also was present when Gtown lost to Marquette and Louisville the week before) Georgetown has no heart! I haven't seen it since the Duke game when their slide began. Our win against UCONN earlier in the season....who cares!? Let me take you back to Christmas Morning real quickly though. You remember when you woke up and ran down the stairs to your....computer to check Davebarendcollegehoophumor.com? This is what you read:
7.Gerogetown (9-1)
Best Wins: Maryland & Memphis
Worst loss - Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment: This week the Hoyas beat Mount St. Mary’s – a school that distinguished itself from St. Mary’s by adding the “Mount”. But now the name seems to suggest that prudish girls named Mary should be, well, mounted.
Well....David--please explain yourself! You ranked my HOYAS 7th in the country, you built up my hopes and made me believe when I shouldn't have. WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY FOR YOURSELF!?
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say, “I’m up for the pool.” Include your full name.
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently over $690) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan.
Take it easy,
Dave
(Next Rant coming Monday)
Sunday, March 1, 2009
Rant#16: Ode To Selection Sunday
In less than two weeks I, Dave Barend, will “fit in”. No, I haven’t read, “The Idiot’s Guide To Basic Social Skills.” Actually, it’s you who are going to change. On March 15, aka Selection Sunday, you will become crazy for college hoops. And then (brace yourselves) you will be just like me.
My short period of acceptance by you mainstream folk, allows me to sympathize with another group of outcasts – female exhibitionists. You know, women who yearn to display their bare breasts. Just as they have Mardi Gras, I have March Madness.
This temporary feeling of non-lunacy leads me to conclude that Selection Sunday is by far the best event of the year. That’s right, even better than Christmas. I get 65 gifts on Selection Sunday – all wrapped in beautiful brackets. On Christmas I’m lucky to get 5. And none of them are even as good as Murray State. Last year, my wife actually gave me a scale. Imagine if I gave her a scale. I’d have been spending Christmas night in the EconoLodge. Yeah, Selection Sunday beats the hell out of Christmas.
Selection Sunday is also better than:
Thanksgiving - because mother-in-law is not in attendance.
The 4th of July - because I always forget when that is.
Kwanzaa, - because, well, I don't really know what that is.
Easter - because I don't feel guilty for not giving up something for Lent.
Boxing Day - because I don't box.
Memorial Day - because I'm not dead.
It's even better than sex. As a married guy I feel comfortable labeling sex as an "event" - a rare one at that. Which reminds me, I guess I have given up something for Lent.
“Wait a minute. How can Selection Sunday be better than the actual Tournament?” Because with Selection Sunday comes hope. The hope that you got the picks right and you are going to win the pool. With the actual games comes – dashed hope. For me, this usually happens by the afternoon of day one.
Why do I care so much about hope? Well, I’m a 40-year old guy whose last gasp at a chance of happiness is hinging to the success of the most pathetic form of entertainment – a blog. So, yeah, I’m a pretty big fan of hope. Or as my buddy Gary likes to say, “Hope is incredible.” Though I should probably reveal he’s referring to an old girlfriend with impressive flexibility.
Amazingly, I almost missed Selection Sunday a few years ago. It was a half hour before the CBS Selection Show and my wife was in bed with a slight case of double pneumonia. She started having a bad reaction to her medication. If I remember correctly it was something trivial like not being able to breathe. So it was up to me to get the new prescription. I tried to hide my utter lack of enthusiasm, but she saw right through me. I guess I shouldn’t have asked, “Do you really think you’ll die if I don’t go?
I got to the store, grabbed the new meds, and then hopped in my car. As I drove toward the exit I noticed another car waiting to leave, but no traffic. I tried to remain calm. Not my forte. I told myself to count to 10. Yeah, I made it to 4, said “Screw it!” and laid on the horn like a Brazilian after a World Cup victory. Car still didn’t move. But the car behind me did. Or more accurately, the cruiser behind me.
As the officer pulled up, I thought, “Great, he’ll get this moron going.” That thought terminated when the cop stopped his pursuit next to me.
“What’s the big rush?”
“Hey officer. Uh, it’s Selection Sunday and the pairings are coming out in a few minutes. I really don’t want to miss it. Any chance you want to give me an escort home?”
In hindsight, that wasn’t a wise request. But I still don’t think it warranted field sobriety tests. Thank God I’m proficient at reciting the alphabet.
I made it home with 5 minutes to spare. I clicked my garage door opener and – nothing. I yelled, “Are you kidding me!!” There was no reply.
I parked in the driveway and booked it to the front door. It was then that a prior conversation with my wife ran through my head
Wife: You should really put a key to the front door on your key chain.
Me: I don’t need a key. I always go through the garage.
Wife: What if your opener breaks?
Me: That’s never going to happen
So I stood there and contemplated incessantly ringing the doorbell. That would have resulted in our baby waking up, my deathly ill wife opening the door, and my very painful castration. I decided to go with option 2 – walk around the house and pray one of the back doors was open.
Yet another prayer unanswered. As I walked back to the front of the house I reassessed the value of my cojones. I then noticed a slightly open window. This led to an immediate reaction of: “Oh my God! We must have wasted a fortune on heat!” It eventually dawned on me that there was another way of viewing the open window - my ticket to see the Selection Show.
This and other potential fiascos can be avoided by correctly preparing for Selection Sunday far in advance:
1. Get Rations – From the time the brackets are reveled on Selection Sunday till noon the following Thursday all of your free time will be spent making your picks. That is if you’re like me. And since we’ve already established that you will be, you need to stock up pronto. This past week I filled my grocery cart with a bunch of DiGiorno pizzas. At the behest of my daughters, I also threw in a couple boxes of Hanna Montana cereal – and simultaneously threw away the last vestiges of my manhood. The emasculation continued when I got in line behind two muscle heads. They seemed lees than convinced when I claimed that Hanna’s cereal was actually chunks of steak.
2. Decorate – Yes, you should truly decorate your home to get in the Selection Sunday Spirit. Every year my wife makes a huge set of brackets that we hang on the wall. Pretty good sign of her love for me, huh? Yeah, not so much. First time she made one was when we were engaged. My buddy Scotty was there and he said, “I guarantee this doesn’t happen when you’re married.” Well, Scotty was wrong. But my wife doesn’t continue making the big brackets out of love. Nope, it’s totally out of spite. In fact, every single year when she’s drawing them up, I can hear her ever so quietly say to herself, “Screw you, Scotty.”
3. Learn Bracketology – There are people who have made entire careers out of trying to figure out what the bracket pairings will be before they are announced on Selection Sunday. They call themselves “bracketologists”. And I believe in high school they were called Dungeon Masters.
I, however, prefer to try to figure out how the brackets will look like when the tournament’s over. You know, so I can win the pool. That just doesn’t seem to work out.
Last year, the picks were due in 30 minutes and I still hadn’t even completed my Elite 8. It was then that I realized that assessing whether #16 seeded Portland State could knock off #1 Kansas shouldn’t have taken 5 hours.
But no need to panic. I had a half-hour to finish with nobody home to bother me. And then - my youngest daughter walked in. Yeah, I kind of forgot about her. (That might have an impact on my nomination for father of the year.)
She looked at me and said, “Poo-poo in the potty.” At that point I noticed that she was half-naked and displayed evidence that at least the first part of her claim was valid.
As we trucked to the bathroom, I looked in her little potty chair and found – nothing. Yet there undoubtedly had been a poo-poo. This begged the question, “Where the hell is the damn poo-poo?”
So my daughter and I then went on a quest. A quest to find the poo-poo. It was kind of like our own little Easter egg hunt. Well, more like an Easter egg hunt sponsored by the guys from South Park. Not quite one of those Father-Daughter Hallmark moments.
First stop was my bedroom and, more specifically, my side of the bed. Nothing. Thank God.
As we went from room to room, she kept saying “Poo-poo in potty.” Maybe I missed it. We cruised back to the bathroom and confirmed that her potty chair was empty. She then pointed to the toilet and said “Poo-poo in potty.” I looked inside and exclaimed, “Holy sh!t. In the potty. Wait till we tell Mommy. She is going to be so proud.” Apparently my daughter had used her potty as a stool and climbed right up. Lucky for me she did not fall in. Might have been a bummer watching the Tournament with the folks at Social Services.
Moments later my wife arrived and my daughter ran to tell her the news. “Mommy. Mommy. Look. Look. Holy sh!t in potty.” Mommy was not so proud of Daddy.
Since I had about 3 minutes till the deadline, I decided to reward my daughter by letting her make my final picks. And miraculously I won the pool. Really? No, not really. But I had hope. All of you can have hope too. And it all starts on the greatest day of the year- Selection Sunday.
Take it easy,
Dave
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say “I’m up for the pool.”
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. Yes, that's it because the pool is FREE! I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently over $600) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan. Just to be clear, this is optional as the pool is FREE!
[Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday.]
My short period of acceptance by you mainstream folk, allows me to sympathize with another group of outcasts – female exhibitionists. You know, women who yearn to display their bare breasts. Just as they have Mardi Gras, I have March Madness.
This temporary feeling of non-lunacy leads me to conclude that Selection Sunday is by far the best event of the year. That’s right, even better than Christmas. I get 65 gifts on Selection Sunday – all wrapped in beautiful brackets. On Christmas I’m lucky to get 5. And none of them are even as good as Murray State. Last year, my wife actually gave me a scale. Imagine if I gave her a scale. I’d have been spending Christmas night in the EconoLodge. Yeah, Selection Sunday beats the hell out of Christmas.
Selection Sunday is also better than:
Thanksgiving - because mother-in-law is not in attendance.
The 4th of July - because I always forget when that is.
Kwanzaa, - because, well, I don't really know what that is.
Easter - because I don't feel guilty for not giving up something for Lent.
Boxing Day - because I don't box.
Memorial Day - because I'm not dead.
It's even better than sex. As a married guy I feel comfortable labeling sex as an "event" - a rare one at that. Which reminds me, I guess I have given up something for Lent.
“Wait a minute. How can Selection Sunday be better than the actual Tournament?” Because with Selection Sunday comes hope. The hope that you got the picks right and you are going to win the pool. With the actual games comes – dashed hope. For me, this usually happens by the afternoon of day one.
Why do I care so much about hope? Well, I’m a 40-year old guy whose last gasp at a chance of happiness is hinging to the success of the most pathetic form of entertainment – a blog. So, yeah, I’m a pretty big fan of hope. Or as my buddy Gary likes to say, “Hope is incredible.” Though I should probably reveal he’s referring to an old girlfriend with impressive flexibility.
Amazingly, I almost missed Selection Sunday a few years ago. It was a half hour before the CBS Selection Show and my wife was in bed with a slight case of double pneumonia. She started having a bad reaction to her medication. If I remember correctly it was something trivial like not being able to breathe. So it was up to me to get the new prescription. I tried to hide my utter lack of enthusiasm, but she saw right through me. I guess I shouldn’t have asked, “Do you really think you’ll die if I don’t go?
I got to the store, grabbed the new meds, and then hopped in my car. As I drove toward the exit I noticed another car waiting to leave, but no traffic. I tried to remain calm. Not my forte. I told myself to count to 10. Yeah, I made it to 4, said “Screw it!” and laid on the horn like a Brazilian after a World Cup victory. Car still didn’t move. But the car behind me did. Or more accurately, the cruiser behind me.
As the officer pulled up, I thought, “Great, he’ll get this moron going.” That thought terminated when the cop stopped his pursuit next to me.
“What’s the big rush?”
“Hey officer. Uh, it’s Selection Sunday and the pairings are coming out in a few minutes. I really don’t want to miss it. Any chance you want to give me an escort home?”
In hindsight, that wasn’t a wise request. But I still don’t think it warranted field sobriety tests. Thank God I’m proficient at reciting the alphabet.
I made it home with 5 minutes to spare. I clicked my garage door opener and – nothing. I yelled, “Are you kidding me!!” There was no reply.
I parked in the driveway and booked it to the front door. It was then that a prior conversation with my wife ran through my head
Wife: You should really put a key to the front door on your key chain.
Me: I don’t need a key. I always go through the garage.
Wife: What if your opener breaks?
Me: That’s never going to happen
So I stood there and contemplated incessantly ringing the doorbell. That would have resulted in our baby waking up, my deathly ill wife opening the door, and my very painful castration. I decided to go with option 2 – walk around the house and pray one of the back doors was open.
Yet another prayer unanswered. As I walked back to the front of the house I reassessed the value of my cojones. I then noticed a slightly open window. This led to an immediate reaction of: “Oh my God! We must have wasted a fortune on heat!” It eventually dawned on me that there was another way of viewing the open window - my ticket to see the Selection Show.
This and other potential fiascos can be avoided by correctly preparing for Selection Sunday far in advance:
1. Get Rations – From the time the brackets are reveled on Selection Sunday till noon the following Thursday all of your free time will be spent making your picks. That is if you’re like me. And since we’ve already established that you will be, you need to stock up pronto. This past week I filled my grocery cart with a bunch of DiGiorno pizzas. At the behest of my daughters, I also threw in a couple boxes of Hanna Montana cereal – and simultaneously threw away the last vestiges of my manhood. The emasculation continued when I got in line behind two muscle heads. They seemed lees than convinced when I claimed that Hanna’s cereal was actually chunks of steak.
2. Decorate – Yes, you should truly decorate your home to get in the Selection Sunday Spirit. Every year my wife makes a huge set of brackets that we hang on the wall. Pretty good sign of her love for me, huh? Yeah, not so much. First time she made one was when we were engaged. My buddy Scotty was there and he said, “I guarantee this doesn’t happen when you’re married.” Well, Scotty was wrong. But my wife doesn’t continue making the big brackets out of love. Nope, it’s totally out of spite. In fact, every single year when she’s drawing them up, I can hear her ever so quietly say to herself, “Screw you, Scotty.”
3. Learn Bracketology – There are people who have made entire careers out of trying to figure out what the bracket pairings will be before they are announced on Selection Sunday. They call themselves “bracketologists”. And I believe in high school they were called Dungeon Masters.
I, however, prefer to try to figure out how the brackets will look like when the tournament’s over. You know, so I can win the pool. That just doesn’t seem to work out.
Last year, the picks were due in 30 minutes and I still hadn’t even completed my Elite 8. It was then that I realized that assessing whether #16 seeded Portland State could knock off #1 Kansas shouldn’t have taken 5 hours.
But no need to panic. I had a half-hour to finish with nobody home to bother me. And then - my youngest daughter walked in. Yeah, I kind of forgot about her. (That might have an impact on my nomination for father of the year.)
She looked at me and said, “Poo-poo in the potty.” At that point I noticed that she was half-naked and displayed evidence that at least the first part of her claim was valid.
As we trucked to the bathroom, I looked in her little potty chair and found – nothing. Yet there undoubtedly had been a poo-poo. This begged the question, “Where the hell is the damn poo-poo?”
So my daughter and I then went on a quest. A quest to find the poo-poo. It was kind of like our own little Easter egg hunt. Well, more like an Easter egg hunt sponsored by the guys from South Park. Not quite one of those Father-Daughter Hallmark moments.
First stop was my bedroom and, more specifically, my side of the bed. Nothing. Thank God.
As we went from room to room, she kept saying “Poo-poo in potty.” Maybe I missed it. We cruised back to the bathroom and confirmed that her potty chair was empty. She then pointed to the toilet and said “Poo-poo in potty.” I looked inside and exclaimed, “Holy sh!t. In the potty. Wait till we tell Mommy. She is going to be so proud.” Apparently my daughter had used her potty as a stool and climbed right up. Lucky for me she did not fall in. Might have been a bummer watching the Tournament with the folks at Social Services.
Moments later my wife arrived and my daughter ran to tell her the news. “Mommy. Mommy. Look. Look. Holy sh!t in potty.” Mommy was not so proud of Daddy.
Since I had about 3 minutes till the deadline, I decided to reward my daughter by letting her make my final picks. And miraculously I won the pool. Really? No, not really. But I had hope. All of you can have hope too. And it all starts on the greatest day of the year- Selection Sunday.
Take it easy,
Dave
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say “I’m up for the pool.”
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. Yes, that's it because the pool is FREE! I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for the basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3.Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (Currently over $600) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan. Just to be clear, this is optional as the pool is FREE!
[Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday.]
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 12)
Below is my current set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments. Below that are some even more irrelevant comments from other folks. And below that is some very relevant info on how to join my FREE pool for the NCAA Tourney.
RANKINGS
1. UCONN (26-2)
Best Wins: at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU, at Marquette
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
This past week Coach Calhoun was asked how much of his $1.6 million salary he’d be willing to return given that Connecticut is facing a $2 billion dollar crisis. He responded, “Not a dime.” Note to self: cross Calhoun off list of possible donors to my free NCAA pool.
2. PITT (25-3)
Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at Providence
My Irrelevant Comment:
You know how twins sometimes pull a swithcheroo to confuse their friends and family? I wonder if Jamie Dixon and Jermaine Dixon ever do that. I’m guessing they don’t. Jamie’s not much of a joker. Well, there’s also the fact that he and Jermaine aren’t really twins. Or the same height. Or the same race.
3. NORTH CAROLINA (24-3)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland
My Irrelevant Comment:
On Saturday UNC lost to the Maryland Terrapins. I’ve always wondered why that school didn’t just go with “The Turtles.” Then Maryland’s Arena would have perpetually blasted the tune “Happy Together.” Hmm. Thank God they went with the Terrapins.
4. LOUISVILLE (21-5)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Louisville’s star Freshman is Samardo Samuels. Yup, first part of his first name is Sam. And the first part of his last name is Sam. Which explains his nickname – Ardo Uels.
5. OKLAHOMA (25-3)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, Kansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
On Saturday Blake Griffin got nipped in the nose and inexplicably suffered a concussion. Now he’s a little afraid to get back on the court. Not that he might get another concussion, but that he’ll get nipped in the stomach and suffer hemorrhoids.
6. MEMPHIS (24-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
My wife and I were playing some game where she had to try to guess the name of a famous person based on facts that I was rattling off. (The joys of married life.) So I say “Moved to Memphis, almost always in the Top 10, rose to fame when he was young and dapper, but then became a fat slob.” Her guess: Elvis. Are you kidding me? I was clearly talking about John Calipari.
7. DUKE (23-5)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest
Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Day before a big game the Duke students will set up tents to camp out in the freezing cold just to get tickets. They call it Krzyzewskiville. I’d call it something entirely different: Stupid.
8. MISSOURI (24-4)
Best Wins: USC, Cal, at Texas, KU
Losses” At Xavier, Illinois, at Nebraska, at Kansas St.
My Irrelevant Comment:
Missouri is currently ranked in the Top 10 in both polls, but has had almost no nationally televised games. The State of Missouri might want to re-think its slogan of the “Show Me State.” Seems like it should be altered to “The Hose Me State.”
9. MICHIGAN STATE (21-5)
Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue
My Irrelevant Comment:
Michigan State’s star player, Raymar Morgan, has had the Flu, Pneumonia, Mono, and a respiratory virus. Yet the Spartans are 21-5 and have a decent shot at the Final 4. How many times do you think the following thought has gone through Coach Izzo’s mind? “If he could just come down with tuberculosis we could win it all.”
10. MARQUETTE (23-5)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, WV, at ND
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee, at USF, at Villanova, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Fact: There are 62,000 people in the city of Milwaukee. Fact: Marquette’s 18,850 seat area has not been filled to capacity for every game this year. Unanswerable Question: How can so many people possibly find anything else to do in Milwaukee?
OTHER OPINIONS
Ken Robbins: George Mason – My alma mater, George Mason, has elected a drag queen at it’s home coming queen.
Harold Barend (I): Duke - I believe Duke will be in the Final Four this year. Understandably, Duke has a problem with the lack of an agile big man. What team in college basketball can start four forwards who can rebound, drill the three and go hard to the basket. At the beginning of the season, Duke seemed to have more intensity on defense--that could be their Achilles heel in the tournament.
Pete Frey: Providence – Friars’ win over Pitt was their biggest win in 12 years.
Scott DeTraglia: Dave’s Free NCAA Pool - You have two choices of where to put your money: The stock market (and watch it decline every day) or The Dave Barend pool (where you have a chance to win). The Dave Barend pool in '09 - your best investment -
Harold Barend (II): The Big East - I think the Big East should get 10 teams. Most of the losses the Big East teams have incurred are within their own division. When Big East teams competed outside their conference they usually win. Syracuse and Notre Dame are the two big question marks for the tournament. I believe Syracuse is in the Big Show but how far will they go? Betting on Syracuse is a real shot in the dark. One game they look like the kid who walked out of the crapper in Slumdog Millionaire the next game they look like they could play with any team in college basketball. Only alumni can love this team. All the hype and build up for Notre Dame has resulted in a premature climax. Notre Dame was at their best halfway through the season and now they must fight like hell to even get a place in the NCAA tournament. It is really a shame if they are left out. The positives of putting them in the tournament: they bring a huge gate, they are fun to watch, (not many tattoos), and they will be competitive. Pittsburg will probably get a very high seed. They are physical, and ugly to watch.
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say “I’m up for the pool.”
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for my basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3. Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (currently over $500) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan.
Take it easy,
Dave Barend
(Next Rant coming Monday.)
RANKINGS
1. UCONN (26-2)
Best Wins: at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU, at Marquette
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
This past week Coach Calhoun was asked how much of his $1.6 million salary he’d be willing to return given that Connecticut is facing a $2 billion dollar crisis. He responded, “Not a dime.” Note to self: cross Calhoun off list of possible donors to my free NCAA pool.
2. PITT (25-3)
Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at Providence
My Irrelevant Comment:
You know how twins sometimes pull a swithcheroo to confuse their friends and family? I wonder if Jamie Dixon and Jermaine Dixon ever do that. I’m guessing they don’t. Jamie’s not much of a joker. Well, there’s also the fact that he and Jermaine aren’t really twins. Or the same height. Or the same race.
3. NORTH CAROLINA (24-3)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland
My Irrelevant Comment:
On Saturday UNC lost to the Maryland Terrapins. I’ve always wondered why that school didn’t just go with “The Turtles.” Then Maryland’s Arena would have perpetually blasted the tune “Happy Together.” Hmm. Thank God they went with the Terrapins.
4. LOUISVILLE (21-5)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Louisville’s star Freshman is Samardo Samuels. Yup, first part of his first name is Sam. And the first part of his last name is Sam. Which explains his nickname – Ardo Uels.
5. OKLAHOMA (25-3)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, Kansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
On Saturday Blake Griffin got nipped in the nose and inexplicably suffered a concussion. Now he’s a little afraid to get back on the court. Not that he might get another concussion, but that he’ll get nipped in the stomach and suffer hemorrhoids.
6. MEMPHIS (24-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
My wife and I were playing some game where she had to try to guess the name of a famous person based on facts that I was rattling off. (The joys of married life.) So I say “Moved to Memphis, almost always in the Top 10, rose to fame when he was young and dapper, but then became a fat slob.” Her guess: Elvis. Are you kidding me? I was clearly talking about John Calipari.
7. DUKE (23-5)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest
Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Day before a big game the Duke students will set up tents to camp out in the freezing cold just to get tickets. They call it Krzyzewskiville. I’d call it something entirely different: Stupid.
8. MISSOURI (24-4)
Best Wins: USC, Cal, at Texas, KU
Losses” At Xavier, Illinois, at Nebraska, at Kansas St.
My Irrelevant Comment:
Missouri is currently ranked in the Top 10 in both polls, but has had almost no nationally televised games. The State of Missouri might want to re-think its slogan of the “Show Me State.” Seems like it should be altered to “The Hose Me State.”
9. MICHIGAN STATE (21-5)
Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue
My Irrelevant Comment:
Michigan State’s star player, Raymar Morgan, has had the Flu, Pneumonia, Mono, and a respiratory virus. Yet the Spartans are 21-5 and have a decent shot at the Final 4. How many times do you think the following thought has gone through Coach Izzo’s mind? “If he could just come down with tuberculosis we could win it all.”
10. MARQUETTE (23-5)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, WV, at ND
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee, at USF, at Villanova, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Fact: There are 62,000 people in the city of Milwaukee. Fact: Marquette’s 18,850 seat area has not been filled to capacity for every game this year. Unanswerable Question: How can so many people possibly find anything else to do in Milwaukee?
OTHER OPINIONS
Ken Robbins: George Mason – My alma mater, George Mason, has elected a drag queen at it’s home coming queen.
Harold Barend (I): Duke - I believe Duke will be in the Final Four this year. Understandably, Duke has a problem with the lack of an agile big man. What team in college basketball can start four forwards who can rebound, drill the three and go hard to the basket. At the beginning of the season, Duke seemed to have more intensity on defense--that could be their Achilles heel in the tournament.
Pete Frey: Providence – Friars’ win over Pitt was their biggest win in 12 years.
Scott DeTraglia: Dave’s Free NCAA Pool - You have two choices of where to put your money: The stock market (and watch it decline every day) or The Dave Barend pool (where you have a chance to win). The Dave Barend pool in '09 - your best investment -
Harold Barend (II): The Big East - I think the Big East should get 10 teams. Most of the losses the Big East teams have incurred are within their own division. When Big East teams competed outside their conference they usually win. Syracuse and Notre Dame are the two big question marks for the tournament. I believe Syracuse is in the Big Show but how far will they go? Betting on Syracuse is a real shot in the dark. One game they look like the kid who walked out of the crapper in Slumdog Millionaire the next game they look like they could play with any team in college basketball. Only alumni can love this team. All the hype and build up for Notre Dame has resulted in a premature climax. Notre Dame was at their best halfway through the season and now they must fight like hell to even get a place in the NCAA tournament. It is really a shame if they are left out. The positives of putting them in the tournament: they bring a huge gate, they are fun to watch, (not many tattoos), and they will be competitive. Pittsburg will probably get a very high seed. They are physical, and ugly to watch.
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say “I’m up for the pool.”
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for my basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3. Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (currently over $500) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan.
Take it easy,
Dave Barend
(Next Rant coming Monday.)
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