Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 8

Below is week 9’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings – slightly better than a lump of coal.

Top 10

1.Kansas – The Jayhawks played Michigan in ESPN’s “Green Game”. I think I actually picked up an important environmental tip during the telecast: If you sit in the stands with your body painted green you are unlikely to raise much awareness to global warming. But you might raise some to gangrene.

2.Kentucky – Last week Bobby Knight publicly chastised UK Coach John Calipari for his lack of character. This week it is expected that Rick Pitino will chastise Tiger Woods for his lack of fidelity.

3.Texas: Answer: Notre Dame Football and Duke Basketball. Question: What are 2 things you would definitely not expect to hear referenced during a game between the Longhorns and UNC? Unless of course, you knew that the announcer was going to be Dick Vitale.

4.Purdue – The Boilermakers played The University of Southern Illinois–Edwardsville on Tuesday. That school had thought about shortening it’s name to Ed U. It then realized that “Ed” is an abbreviation for education. That might lead to the students expecting to receive one.

5.Syracuse –A joyous, but brief moment for my beloved Bonnies occurred when ESPN’s scroll showed St. Bonaventure 33 Syracuse 30. Actually it didn’t say St. Bonventure 33; it said “St. Bon 33.” It would have been an even better moment if ESPN could have just added an “a” to the Bon. Then my friends might not have added an “er”.

6.West Virginia – The Mountaineers have a forward named Da’Sean Butler. Syracuse has a guy named DaShonte Riley and ECU has DaQuan Joyner. Wonder if I would have been a better basketball player had my parents named me Da’Dave. Nah. I would’ve just ended up with a nickname of “Duh”.

7.Duke – The Blue Devils’ last game was December 19 and they don’t play again till the 29th. That gives the Cameron Crazies loads of time to come up with some new antics. Here’s my suggestion: All the students shove as many cigarettes in their mouths as possible. No, not to symbolize that their school was essentially founded with tobacco $. But so they’ll croak.

8.Villanova – Reggie Redding is finally back from a 10 game suspension for driving into a cross-walk sign. How do you hit a cross-walk sign? Actually I could see it happening. You’re driving along and you see a figure with no hands, no feet and a circular black head not attached to his completely black body. You think to yourself, “I must run this alien creature over to save the world!” Who would possible think that? Someone who’s stoned.

9. UConn- I just noticed that UConn’s logo depicts a huskie with its tongue hanging out. I’m not sure that a picture of a panting exhausted dog is all that intimidating. In fact, the message I take from it is, “We are severely out of shape.”

10. New Mexico – The Lobos are having a great season. They are well coached and stocked with underrated talent. But that’s not why I figured they’d beat Oral Roberts this week. The reason I figured that they’d beat Oral Roberts is, well, I’m pretty sure that Oral Roberts is dead.

Merry Christmas,
Dave