Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 9

Week 9 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings is below. I guarantee that you will laugh – either at the jokes or at the fact that I actually think they are jokes.

Top 10

1.Kansas – In 1988, KU students made a banner out of a shower curtain that read, “Pay Heed”. It hung in Allen Fieldhouse for ten years until the administration decided that it didn’t portray the correct image. Apparently the school didn’t want people thinking that folks in Kansas showered.

2.Texas – The Longhorns’ bench is so deep that announcers are running out of things to compare it to. Here are a few of my suggestions: (1) The Longhorns’ bench is deeper than a conversation with Rick Warren. (2) The Longhorns’ bench is deeper than the pockets of a Goldman Sach’s exec. And (3) The Longhorns’ bench is deeper than the throat of Lindsay Lohan.

3.Kentucky – Wildcats became the school’s nickname back in the early 1900s when Commandant Carbusier, the head of UK’s military department, informed the team that they had “fought like a bunch of wildcats.” I guess that was pretty memorable – at least more so than the time Commandant Carbusier told the team that they “fought like a bunch of pussies.”

4.Purdue - E’Twan Moore had a great game this past week. Afterwards he downed some Reese’s Pieces and phoned home.

5.Syracuse – The Orange finally had a true road game last week when they had to travel to Jersey to play the Seton Hall Pirates. Pirates in New Jersey? Must be a euphemism. It would be too obvious if the school was called the Seton Hall Mafia.

6.West Virginia – With 3 of their last 4 games coming down to the final seconds, Mountaineer fans have surely been getting their money’s worth from their tickets. And Coach Huggins has surely been getting his money’s worth from his defibrillator.

7.Duke – An article at goduke.com hyped the Dukies “big” win over Long Beach State by noting that the 49’ers have faced Notre Dame, Texas and West Virginia this season. The article opted not to mention that Long Beach lost to each of those teams by over 20 points.

8.Villanova – Just like Kentucky, Villanova’s nickname is the Wildcats. Back in the 70s though, its women’s team was called the Wild-kittens. They opted to change that when fans became disappointed when the women started playing basketball – and not stripping.

9.North Carolina – Roy Williams has been coaching all season with his arm in a sling. Big deal. This fall Rick Pitino’s wife found out about his tawdry tryst. Since then he’s been coaching with his ass in a sling.

10. Connecticut - Senior Stanley Robinson, was recently quoted as saying, "I feel like it is going to take a little time for us to get together and start playing basketball.” I would suspect this would result in one of two reactions by Huskie fans: 1) Severe Aggravation – with the fact that it’s now 7 weeks into the season and the team is just thinking about getting its act together. OR 2) Severe Amazement – with the fact that the team has just two losses despite not even knowing what sport it was playing.

As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday

Happy New Year!
Dave