Below is Take #8 of my Rankings and Irrelevant Comments. Thank God for Wake Forest and its big win last night. I almost had to put Duke #1.
RANKINGS
1.UConn (18-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment:
Towards the end of the UConn-ND game, Dick Vitale stated that Kentucky held the longest home wining streak. I then yelled, “Please say who’s #2! Please!” There was a pause. Then Dickie V said, “And #2 is the St. Bonaventure Bonnies with 99 in a row.” God bless that bald headed, one-eyed man.
I jumped out of my chair and did a dance of joy for my beloved alma mater. Yeah, you know things haven’t been going well lately when such excitement is caused by an event that dates back to 1948.
2.Wake Forest (17-1)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke
Loss: Virginia Tech
My Irrelevant Comment:
When I told my daughter that Wake Forest’s Al-Farouq Aminu and Georgia Tech’s Alade Aminu are brothers she replied, “Oh, just like the Jonas Brothers.” Yeah, just like the Jonas brothers. Except the Aminu brothers don’t make you want to grab a fork and gouge out your eardrums.
3.Oklahoma (19-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Blake Griffen was home schooled till he was about 13. And I bet you thought it was his huge wingspan that made him a freak.
4.Pitt (18-2)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova
My Irrelevant Comment:
Despite a 29-point margin of victory, over Vermont, Pitt’s coach did not give senior Sean Brown a single minute of playing time. Though that’s kind of sad, it does finally put to rest the question, “What can Brown do for you?”
5. Duke (18-2)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
I didn’t realize that the reason Coach K always has that clipboard covering his face is because he doesn’t want the cameras to catch him swearing. I just thought it was because he’s ugly.
6.North Carolina (18-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
Ty Lawson can supposedly go coast to coast in less than three seconds. Amazing. I can’t think of anything I can do in under-3 seconds. Wait a minute. My wife seems to be raising her hand. She claims to know of something I can do in under-3 seconds.
7.Louisville (15-3)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota
My Irrelevant Comment:
Do you think that Pitino is really trying to get his players’ attention when he stomps his foot on the floor? Or is he just having problems with his switch from boxers to briefs?
8.Marquette (17-2)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, West Virginia, ND
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment: A few years back, Marquette went the politically correct route and changed its nickname from the Warriors to the Golden Eagles. They could have easily kept the Warriors as the nickname. They just needed to dump the Native American mascot and, instead, go with a Patty Smyth mascot. You know, one who would be “shooting at the walls of heartache, bang, bang.”
9. Michigan State (16-3)
Best Wins: Texas, Minn., Ohio St., Kansas, Illinois
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern
My Irrelevant Comment:
I keep hearing ESPN announcers say that Michigan State is likely headed to the Final 4. Those announcers always feel compelled to add that the Spartans would then be playing for the Championship at home in Detroit. This has led the school to print T-shirts that say: East Lansing is a very long 90 miles away from Detroit.
10.Clemson (16-2)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, Alabama
Loss: Wake Forest, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Though Forward Raymond Sykes has a near out of control playing style, he’s had 9 double doubles this year. Those are games where he’s scored at least 10 points and tallied at least 10 fouls.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Notre Dame
Got to stick it to the Irish once again. 12-7 and ranked #22 just isn’t right. While watching their losing effort against Marquette, I noticed that McAlarney is a dead ringer for one of the guys from “Hoosiers”. I hear when he’s off the court he’s a dead ringer for one of the guys from “Cheech & Chong’s Up in Smoke.”
Honorable Mention
St. Bonaventure
People had been saying that my Bonnies have “turned the corner.” Then last night they lost to Fordham at home. Maybe they have turned the corner – three times and all immediate lefts.
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
St. Mary’s
18-1 and ranked #18. Maybe they’d be ranked higher if they went with a “higher” name. St. Mary’s is named for St. Mary. Much like St. Joseph’s is named for St. Joseph and well, you get it. Just wondering why none of those Catholics schools decided to go to the top and name themselves after Jesus. University of Jesus. That would allow the players on the team to state with absolute certainty, “I play for Jesus”. Going with “University of Jesus” would also seem to give that school a huge advantage over the Duke Blue Devils. I guess it could be Jesus University instead. But then you’d have JU for short and that might not clearly portray Catholicism.
OTHER OPINIONS
Bill Sullivan: Marquette - I am willing to be a roving reporter for your blog and am heading out to sunny Milwaukee to evaluate the Marquette Warriors and the Georgetown Hoyas. I will try to avoid having too many beers and brats out there so that I can provide clear analysis, but I cannot promise too much self control having been out there before. There are no places like the Hickey Tavern or the Burton, but they have Sobelman's, Turners and Major Goolsby's. Tough job but I will do my best.
Paul Joseph: Maryland - The Terps have no business playing Division I hoops. I'm sure they are nice guys and can do other things with their lives, but basketball is not one of them. The public sniping between Gary and the AD staff is painful to watch and not how I expected or hoped Gary would ride off into the sunset.
Mike Wood: Marquette & Notre Dame - I like Marquette’s top three players & the big guy at ND is a beast.
Harold Barend: Duke, SU & Louisville –
Even though Duke lost to Wake Forest (big and bigger) by two points at Wake, I am convinced Duke will be in the Final Four. Who goes to number one? Despite their lost to Wake, I think Duke should stay at number one. They have the best team in college basketball--unfortunately, they only clicked on two cylinders against Wake. It will be interesting to see how well Wake plays on the road against teams in the top of the ACC. I wish Mike K. would smile.
How about Syracuse--the Orange is getting crushed. Hopefully this will not be a repeat of the stretch of games when Andy Rautins was recovering from a previous injury. If so, Syracuse will be lucky to get an invitation to the NIT.
Louisville should also get to the final four-- depending on how they are bracketed. Explosive and great defense. They are ugly to watch but on the positive side at the end of the game. Rick Patino can usually find a way to win.
Daniel Palmisano: Binghamton - Dave, Binghamton (BU) got beat last nite by UMBC. How come you never write about BU? For example, one of the players had an incident at the Vestal Walmart. If BU wins its conference its in the NCAA. Good luck with your blog.
If you’d like to contribute an opinion on any college hoop team for next Thursday’s post, just email me your comment by Wednesday night to davebarend@yahoo.com. New Rant coming sometime on Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Sunday, January 25, 2009
Rant#11: How About a Div1 Cyber School?
I have an idea. Let’s create on an on-line college with a Division 1 basketball team. I say “let’s” because my computer skills are non-existent. The instructions for this blog indicated that a monkey could get it going in a half hour - it took me three days. I remain hopeful that someday I’ll figure out how to include photos and maybe, just maybe, some color. I like to say that I’m kicking it old school. I’d like saying that more if describing a blog as “old school” made any sense.
Anyway, this idea for a Div1 on-line hoop squad is chock full of positives:
1.Low Overhead - Or better put, no overhead. The way I see it, the only drain on our profits will be the cost of bus tickets to get our 12 players to the games. What do we do if our point guard lives in Spokane and there’s a game in Miami? Tell him to leave early.
Wait a minute. We really only need 5 players. To be safe we could go with six. Wow, in a matter of seconds I just cut our expenses in half. I am clearly a budgetary genius. If only Henry Paulson had given me a call.
2.Practice Optional - As for practice, I see two alternatives. One is just don’t practice. You know, the Allen Iverson approach. University of North Florida practiced every day last year and won a whopping 3 games. How much worse could we be if we don’t practice at all?
Other option is to set up a virtual practice with each player showing up as one of those CNN Election night holograms. Though I’m not sure if a hologram could catch a chest pass.
3.Home Away From Home - The lack of a home arena may seem like an issue. And I’ll concede that our student section will be quite sparse. It’ll pretty much consist of the players on the bench. Given that I just cut that down to one guy, we’ll have to make sure he’s really vocal.
But take the Harlem Globetrotters. They don’t have a home court and everyone loves them. We will be the Globetrotters of college hoops. Well, maybe more like that team that the Globetrotters always beat, the Washington Generals. Yes, we’ll be the Washington Generals of college basketball. But we might not want to make that our motto.
Now, if we eventually want to have our own arena, we could. As an on-line school, we can put it anywhere. This is something non-on-line schools can’t do. Like the University of Utah. That school is forever stuck in the hell that is Utah. We don’t have that problem.
4.Class Attendance Ease: Other schools are always suspending players for skipping class. That will never be an issue for us. If anyone ever asks one of our players when he was last at class, all he has to do is open his lap top and say, “Right now.”
5.Recruiting – Now you might be thinking, “How can we get a kid to play for us when he could play for a school like Duke instead? That’s simple. We can’t. Nor can most of the other 347 Div1 schools. NJIT lost 51 straight games before finally wining last week. Yet they get players to go there. Or imagine trying to recruit for Bryant – that’s the school that just lost to NJIT. “Come play for us. We lost to the team that never wins.”
But being a cyber school provides some unique recruiting advantages. The fact that the players will be living at home gives us a great pitch line: “You’ll get a home cooked meal every night.”
We’d also be able to recruit in the biggest untapped source of basketball talent – America’s prison system. It’s really only game time that they’d have to be out of shackles. We just have to convince a warden to grant some furloughs.
There are a few decisions that need to be made. Such as the degrees we’d offer, our name, and the team’s nickname.
Degrees Offered:
1.Basket weaving – No other course of study has been more maligned than basket weaving. I took a look at a basket the other day, and that weaving is intricate. I’m not confident that our players would be able achieve the necessary weaving skills. We might want to instead go with bag making. Or better yet, bag filling – you know, the grocery store style.
2.Welding – This subject took a hit a few years back when my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies claimed that one of its players had a 2-year degree when he only had a welding certificate. I think that the welding player didn’t get enough credit for his expertise. I went to college for 4 years, then law school for 3 more and I can’t weld to save my life.
Moreover, last week two different Massachusetts residents burned down their homes while trying to use a blowtorch. This proves either a) welding is not easy or b) I’m not the only idiot in Massachusetts. Just to be safe, if we go with welding we should probably make sure that none of our players is from The Bay State.
Name For Cyber School:
Something mythological would be appropriate, given that we’re kind of a farce. I’ve always liked that firebird called the Phoenix. So I came up with Phoenix College. But, amazingly, there’s another on-line school with almost the same name.
There’s actually a whole bunch of these colleges. One’s called CTU. Jack Bauer must be the dean. Another’s Graceland University. Upon graduation all students receive a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. Then there’s Bellevue U. They took Stanford’s mantra of Knowledge is Power and gave it a twist: Prozac is Power.
I say with go with University of USA. Everyone already knows our chant. (U-S-A! U-S-A!) And we’ll get free publicity at each Olympics.
Nicknames:
The Bloggers – I figure instead of having “Nike” on the jerseys, we could go with “DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com.” Or maybe not.
The Virus – I’m just not sure we’d find someone to dress up as the mascot. It’s one thing to run around as a bulldog or a bird, but quite another to be – vomit.
The Spam – Loved this one until I realized our team color would have to be pink.
The Tangled Web – I originally thought this was a clever use of a Shakespearean line. Minor problem though, “tangled web” wasn’t written by Shakespeare. (Thank God for Google. That might have been embarrassing.) So instead of being Shakespearean, it’s really just pretentious. And that’s not the University of USA.
Nope, my vote for a nickname is the Non-Hypocrites. As opposed to other schools we aren’t going to pretend to be something we’re not. We were created for one reason – to make money from our team. Other schools just don’t admit it. Really, would University of Kentucky even exist if it ended its basketball team? You can bet Ashley Judd wouldn’t be showing up for the calculus lectures.
We also won’t lie about our ability to win as opposed to say Long Island University. According to its media guide for this season, it anticipated being a “contender”. On Saturday that school lost to Bryant. Yeah that’s right, Bryant - the team that lost to the team that never wins. I guess Long Island has the same definition of “contender” as Ralph Nader.
We, however, will flat out tell our players that it will take a miracle for us to compete. But the thing is, people love rooting for miracles. I kind of remember a big one involving a hockey team in 1980. People eat that crap up. I see dollar signs and I hear chanting. U-S-A! U-S-A! The Non-Hypocrites - America’s team.
So, come on, let’s do this. I’ll provide the blogging and you’ll, well, you’ll have to do everything else.
Take it easy,
Dave
Thanks again to Johnny Cusanno for his editing assitance.
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments will be up on Thursday. If you'd like to submit your comments about the most overrated or underrated team of the week, just email me by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com.
Anyway, this idea for a Div1 on-line hoop squad is chock full of positives:
1.Low Overhead - Or better put, no overhead. The way I see it, the only drain on our profits will be the cost of bus tickets to get our 12 players to the games. What do we do if our point guard lives in Spokane and there’s a game in Miami? Tell him to leave early.
Wait a minute. We really only need 5 players. To be safe we could go with six. Wow, in a matter of seconds I just cut our expenses in half. I am clearly a budgetary genius. If only Henry Paulson had given me a call.
2.Practice Optional - As for practice, I see two alternatives. One is just don’t practice. You know, the Allen Iverson approach. University of North Florida practiced every day last year and won a whopping 3 games. How much worse could we be if we don’t practice at all?
Other option is to set up a virtual practice with each player showing up as one of those CNN Election night holograms. Though I’m not sure if a hologram could catch a chest pass.
3.Home Away From Home - The lack of a home arena may seem like an issue. And I’ll concede that our student section will be quite sparse. It’ll pretty much consist of the players on the bench. Given that I just cut that down to one guy, we’ll have to make sure he’s really vocal.
But take the Harlem Globetrotters. They don’t have a home court and everyone loves them. We will be the Globetrotters of college hoops. Well, maybe more like that team that the Globetrotters always beat, the Washington Generals. Yes, we’ll be the Washington Generals of college basketball. But we might not want to make that our motto.
Now, if we eventually want to have our own arena, we could. As an on-line school, we can put it anywhere. This is something non-on-line schools can’t do. Like the University of Utah. That school is forever stuck in the hell that is Utah. We don’t have that problem.
4.Class Attendance Ease: Other schools are always suspending players for skipping class. That will never be an issue for us. If anyone ever asks one of our players when he was last at class, all he has to do is open his lap top and say, “Right now.”
5.Recruiting – Now you might be thinking, “How can we get a kid to play for us when he could play for a school like Duke instead? That’s simple. We can’t. Nor can most of the other 347 Div1 schools. NJIT lost 51 straight games before finally wining last week. Yet they get players to go there. Or imagine trying to recruit for Bryant – that’s the school that just lost to NJIT. “Come play for us. We lost to the team that never wins.”
But being a cyber school provides some unique recruiting advantages. The fact that the players will be living at home gives us a great pitch line: “You’ll get a home cooked meal every night.”
We’d also be able to recruit in the biggest untapped source of basketball talent – America’s prison system. It’s really only game time that they’d have to be out of shackles. We just have to convince a warden to grant some furloughs.
There are a few decisions that need to be made. Such as the degrees we’d offer, our name, and the team’s nickname.
Degrees Offered:
1.Basket weaving – No other course of study has been more maligned than basket weaving. I took a look at a basket the other day, and that weaving is intricate. I’m not confident that our players would be able achieve the necessary weaving skills. We might want to instead go with bag making. Or better yet, bag filling – you know, the grocery store style.
2.Welding – This subject took a hit a few years back when my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies claimed that one of its players had a 2-year degree when he only had a welding certificate. I think that the welding player didn’t get enough credit for his expertise. I went to college for 4 years, then law school for 3 more and I can’t weld to save my life.
Moreover, last week two different Massachusetts residents burned down their homes while trying to use a blowtorch. This proves either a) welding is not easy or b) I’m not the only idiot in Massachusetts. Just to be safe, if we go with welding we should probably make sure that none of our players is from The Bay State.
Name For Cyber School:
Something mythological would be appropriate, given that we’re kind of a farce. I’ve always liked that firebird called the Phoenix. So I came up with Phoenix College. But, amazingly, there’s another on-line school with almost the same name.
There’s actually a whole bunch of these colleges. One’s called CTU. Jack Bauer must be the dean. Another’s Graceland University. Upon graduation all students receive a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich. Then there’s Bellevue U. They took Stanford’s mantra of Knowledge is Power and gave it a twist: Prozac is Power.
I say with go with University of USA. Everyone already knows our chant. (U-S-A! U-S-A!) And we’ll get free publicity at each Olympics.
Nicknames:
The Bloggers – I figure instead of having “Nike” on the jerseys, we could go with “DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com.” Or maybe not.
The Virus – I’m just not sure we’d find someone to dress up as the mascot. It’s one thing to run around as a bulldog or a bird, but quite another to be – vomit.
The Spam – Loved this one until I realized our team color would have to be pink.
The Tangled Web – I originally thought this was a clever use of a Shakespearean line. Minor problem though, “tangled web” wasn’t written by Shakespeare. (Thank God for Google. That might have been embarrassing.) So instead of being Shakespearean, it’s really just pretentious. And that’s not the University of USA.
Nope, my vote for a nickname is the Non-Hypocrites. As opposed to other schools we aren’t going to pretend to be something we’re not. We were created for one reason – to make money from our team. Other schools just don’t admit it. Really, would University of Kentucky even exist if it ended its basketball team? You can bet Ashley Judd wouldn’t be showing up for the calculus lectures.
We also won’t lie about our ability to win as opposed to say Long Island University. According to its media guide for this season, it anticipated being a “contender”. On Saturday that school lost to Bryant. Yeah that’s right, Bryant - the team that lost to the team that never wins. I guess Long Island has the same definition of “contender” as Ralph Nader.
We, however, will flat out tell our players that it will take a miracle for us to compete. But the thing is, people love rooting for miracles. I kind of remember a big one involving a hockey team in 1980. People eat that crap up. I see dollar signs and I hear chanting. U-S-A! U-S-A! The Non-Hypocrites - America’s team.
So, come on, let’s do this. I’ll provide the blogging and you’ll, well, you’ll have to do everything else.
Take it easy,
Dave
Thanks again to Johnny Cusanno for his editing assitance.
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments will be up on Thursday. If you'd like to submit your comments about the most overrated or underrated team of the week, just email me by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com.
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 7)
I was really looking forward to beginning this post with a re-cap of my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies’ big win over Xavier last night. Didn’t quite work out. They were a mere 20 points short. Anyway, here’s Take #7 of my Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More.
RANKINGS
1.UConn (17-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment:
Whenever I hear a reference to Coach Jim Calhoun, I can’t help but envision Haystacks Calhoun – former WWF champ who weighed in at 600lbs. But not when I actually see the coach. Then I usually envision - a used car salesman.
2.Pitt (17-1)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse
Loss: at Louisville
My Irrelevant Comment:
While Pitt’s Coach Jamie Dixon was a TV actor during his childhood, Memphis Coach John Calapari is hoping to start an acting career. He apparently is vying for one of two roles in the upcoming Sopranos Movie: Fat Guy#1 or Fat Guy #2.
3.Oklahoma (17-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Last week I heard an announcer say, “Oklahoma is the class of the Big 12”. And there you have it - the first time in history that the word “class” has been used to describe anything associated with the state of Oklahoma.”
4.Wake Forest (16-1)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson
Loss: Virginia Tech
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake Forest’s arena is called the Lawrence Joel Coliseum. Who’s Lawrence Joel? I’m guessing the love child of Lawrence Welk and Billy Joel.
5. Duke (16-1)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment:
Greg Paulus is a decent player, but his basketball skills do not nearly match his ability to be annoying. So he likely won’t play pro, but he is more than qualified to write a college hoop humor blog.
6.North Carolina (15-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
Dick Vitale has taken to calling Wayne Ellington, “Duke”. This is supposedly a reference to Duke Ellington. Or could it be another attempt by Vitale to promote Duke University? I don’t know about that. I think better evidence of Dickie V’s plugging of the Blue Devils is when he refers to Roy Williams as Coach K.
7.Clemson (16-2)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, Alabama
Loss: Wake Forest, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Oliver Purnell scares me. He’s got huge hands, extremely long arms, and massively wide shoulders. But that’s not what scares me. What scares me is what’s on top – an Emmanuel Lewis-sized head.
8.Marquette (16-2)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, West Virginia
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment:
Back when I was dating (yes, eons ago), I’d test a woman’s intelligence by seeing if she could correctly pronounce Marquette. One actually said “Mar-Cutie”. God, I miss her.
9.UCLA(14-3)
Best Wins: Southern Illinois, at Oregon
Losses: Michigan, Texas, Arizona State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Monday was the 35th anniversary of UCLA’s win streak ending loss to Notre Dame. It also the marked the 3,500th time that Digger Phelps re-told the story.
10. Michigan State (15-3)
Best Wins: Texas, Minn., Ohio St., Kansas, Illinois
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern
My Irrelevant Comment:
Michigan State is looking into whether Apple’s I-Book has infringed on rights of its senior center whose last name is Ibok. I don’t think they have much of a case. But if Apple created a computerized sex toy then this guy might have a claim – his first name is Idong.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Texas
The Longhorns have lost to almost every decent team it has faced. And now they have to deal with the former president’s return. I heard a rumor that “W” was seen at the Arkansas game holding a banner at half-time that said “Mission Accomplished.”
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Oklahoma State
The Cowboys are currently 12-4 and somehow receive no votes in either poll. Even more amazing is that there are 19,000 students at that school. I mean, it’s amazing that there are 19,000 students who couldn’t get into Oklahoma.
UPSET PICK OF THE WEEK
Notre Dame over UConn on Saturday night
If this game was in Stoors, I’d say it’d be a blow out for the Huskies, but the Irish are basically unbeatable at home. I will admit I’m not overly confident about this pick. I am, however, confident that I will be missing the game. Yes, I’m giving up watching what may be the epic battle of the year to attend a “father-daughter” dance. So instead of hearing Dickie V yell, “That’s Awesome, baby,” my ears will be subjected to a never-ending loop of the soundtrack from High School Musical 3. Please pray for me.
OTHER OPINIONS
Ken Robbins: Syracuse
That 'Cuse win over "No Defense" Notre Dame would have been a good one to watch!!!
Jim Richens: Pittsburgh:
It's going to take something really exceptional to happen to the Hoyas (and everybody else except North Carolina, perhaps) for them to get past Pittsburgh. I've seen several of their games this year (including the early-Saturday-morning affair against the Hoyas) and I'm discouraged to report that Pitt's the real deal. And yes, I'm aware of Louisville's win against them earlier this week.
Harold Barend – Syracuse & Duke:
If you are a Syracuse fan, it is like having the same feeling as being a Buffalo Bills fan. They make you feel like something good is going to happen then kick you in the groin. My problem with Syracuse is: can their coach inspire the team. When you see Jim Boeheim sitting on the bench you know he must be carrying a horseshoe, wearing a lucky tie, and saying his novenas because he is one of the winningest coaches in college basketball--but inspiration does not appear to be his strong point.
Duke is already getting ready for the final four. How many college teams play the kind of defense Duke administers the whole game. They are deep, talented and battle scarred. When March arrives they will be ready to go all the way
Jim Collins: Upset Specials
Duke over Wake next week. (My 3rd # 1 knockout)
UCONN will lose to ND and Louisville. (That's right two losses in a row.) Loyola Marymount beats Gonzaga in the city of Angels for 2nd win of long season. FIFA Soccer special 1/24/2009 also from LA, Friendly - USA 0 Sweden 0
Bill Sullivan – Marquette & St. Bonaventure:
As for underrated, I still think Marquette is underrated at # 10, and after beating Richmond on the road, I will have to list the Bonnies which should make all the Bona alums here happy..
Pete Frey – Providence:
Providence is just slowly draining the life out of me by showing they can compete with the big boys but can't win.
If you’d like to contribute to next Thursday’s post with your comments on the most overrated/underrated team or with an upset pick just email me by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com. Rant#11 coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
RANKINGS
1.UConn (17-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment:
Whenever I hear a reference to Coach Jim Calhoun, I can’t help but envision Haystacks Calhoun – former WWF champ who weighed in at 600lbs. But not when I actually see the coach. Then I usually envision - a used car salesman.
2.Pitt (17-1)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse
Loss: at Louisville
My Irrelevant Comment:
While Pitt’s Coach Jamie Dixon was a TV actor during his childhood, Memphis Coach John Calapari is hoping to start an acting career. He apparently is vying for one of two roles in the upcoming Sopranos Movie: Fat Guy#1 or Fat Guy #2.
3.Oklahoma (17-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Last week I heard an announcer say, “Oklahoma is the class of the Big 12”. And there you have it - the first time in history that the word “class” has been used to describe anything associated with the state of Oklahoma.”
4.Wake Forest (16-1)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson
Loss: Virginia Tech
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake Forest’s arena is called the Lawrence Joel Coliseum. Who’s Lawrence Joel? I’m guessing the love child of Lawrence Welk and Billy Joel.
5. Duke (16-1)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment:
Greg Paulus is a decent player, but his basketball skills do not nearly match his ability to be annoying. So he likely won’t play pro, but he is more than qualified to write a college hoop humor blog.
6.North Carolina (15-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
Dick Vitale has taken to calling Wayne Ellington, “Duke”. This is supposedly a reference to Duke Ellington. Or could it be another attempt by Vitale to promote Duke University? I don’t know about that. I think better evidence of Dickie V’s plugging of the Blue Devils is when he refers to Roy Williams as Coach K.
7.Clemson (16-2)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, Alabama
Loss: Wake Forest, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Oliver Purnell scares me. He’s got huge hands, extremely long arms, and massively wide shoulders. But that’s not what scares me. What scares me is what’s on top – an Emmanuel Lewis-sized head.
8.Marquette (16-2)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, West Virginia
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment:
Back when I was dating (yes, eons ago), I’d test a woman’s intelligence by seeing if she could correctly pronounce Marquette. One actually said “Mar-Cutie”. God, I miss her.
9.UCLA(14-3)
Best Wins: Southern Illinois, at Oregon
Losses: Michigan, Texas, Arizona State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Monday was the 35th anniversary of UCLA’s win streak ending loss to Notre Dame. It also the marked the 3,500th time that Digger Phelps re-told the story.
10. Michigan State (15-3)
Best Wins: Texas, Minn., Ohio St., Kansas, Illinois
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern
My Irrelevant Comment:
Michigan State is looking into whether Apple’s I-Book has infringed on rights of its senior center whose last name is Ibok. I don’t think they have much of a case. But if Apple created a computerized sex toy then this guy might have a claim – his first name is Idong.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Texas
The Longhorns have lost to almost every decent team it has faced. And now they have to deal with the former president’s return. I heard a rumor that “W” was seen at the Arkansas game holding a banner at half-time that said “Mission Accomplished.”
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Oklahoma State
The Cowboys are currently 12-4 and somehow receive no votes in either poll. Even more amazing is that there are 19,000 students at that school. I mean, it’s amazing that there are 19,000 students who couldn’t get into Oklahoma.
UPSET PICK OF THE WEEK
Notre Dame over UConn on Saturday night
If this game was in Stoors, I’d say it’d be a blow out for the Huskies, but the Irish are basically unbeatable at home. I will admit I’m not overly confident about this pick. I am, however, confident that I will be missing the game. Yes, I’m giving up watching what may be the epic battle of the year to attend a “father-daughter” dance. So instead of hearing Dickie V yell, “That’s Awesome, baby,” my ears will be subjected to a never-ending loop of the soundtrack from High School Musical 3. Please pray for me.
OTHER OPINIONS
Ken Robbins: Syracuse
That 'Cuse win over "No Defense" Notre Dame would have been a good one to watch!!!
Jim Richens: Pittsburgh:
It's going to take something really exceptional to happen to the Hoyas (and everybody else except North Carolina, perhaps) for them to get past Pittsburgh. I've seen several of their games this year (including the early-Saturday-morning affair against the Hoyas) and I'm discouraged to report that Pitt's the real deal. And yes, I'm aware of Louisville's win against them earlier this week.
Harold Barend – Syracuse & Duke:
If you are a Syracuse fan, it is like having the same feeling as being a Buffalo Bills fan. They make you feel like something good is going to happen then kick you in the groin. My problem with Syracuse is: can their coach inspire the team. When you see Jim Boeheim sitting on the bench you know he must be carrying a horseshoe, wearing a lucky tie, and saying his novenas because he is one of the winningest coaches in college basketball--but inspiration does not appear to be his strong point.
Duke is already getting ready for the final four. How many college teams play the kind of defense Duke administers the whole game. They are deep, talented and battle scarred. When March arrives they will be ready to go all the way
Jim Collins: Upset Specials
Duke over Wake next week. (My 3rd # 1 knockout)
UCONN will lose to ND and Louisville. (That's right two losses in a row.) Loyola Marymount beats Gonzaga in the city of Angels for 2nd win of long season. FIFA Soccer special 1/24/2009 also from LA, Friendly - USA 0 Sweden 0
Bill Sullivan – Marquette & St. Bonaventure:
As for underrated, I still think Marquette is underrated at # 10, and after beating Richmond on the road, I will have to list the Bonnies which should make all the Bona alums here happy..
Pete Frey – Providence:
Providence is just slowly draining the life out of me by showing they can compete with the big boys but can't win.
If you’d like to contribute to next Thursday’s post with your comments on the most overrated/underrated team or with an upset pick just email me by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com. Rant#11 coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Rant#10: Dear ESPN, Please Just Show The Game
Things you will never hear a man say: (1) I’d love to watch Thelma & Louise again. (2) Mmmm… Tofu. (3) Her breasts are way too big. And (4) I can’t take another minute of ESPN.
I must sadly admit that as of this past week the one about ESPN no longer applies to me.
During overtime of ND at Louisville on Monday, ESPN put up a live “picture-in-picture” shot of Coach Rick Pitino. Yes, the folks in charge felt it necessary to superimpose the “action” of Pitino on one knee, over the game. Utterly assinine. Though not as stupid as the thought that went through my mind - that Pitino, at age 56, was subbing himself into the game.
I understand that when there’s a blow out the producers and announcers need to try to spice things up. This has led to my accumulation of enough information to write the biographies of Dick Vitale’s grandkids. But we were in overtime here.
There’s also the fact that ESPN perpetually showed Pitino, while ND’s coach, Mike Brey, didn’t get any isolated camera time. Probably because Brey’s attire was inspired by seeing a maitre‘d place a sport coat on a longshoreman. Regardless, this snubbing of Mike Brey accomplished something I never thought possible – it made me feel sympathy for Notre Dame. Damn you, ESPN.
Then Tuesday came. I turned on the Memphis-Tulsa match-up (clearly, no game is too meaningless for me) and I noticed that in addition to the score, the shot clock, the game clock, and the scroll bar – there was verbiage spewing across the top of my screen. ESPN apparently decided that a perpetual stream of input from fans would enhance the basketball viewing experience. It’s called “Interactive Tuesday.” And the following day is definitely Migraine Wednesday.
This is just too much on the screen. It reminds me of the time when the US Women’s Softball team was posing for the camera. A fine looking bunch of ladies. But then the catcher tried to squeeze in. Too much. Or when Desperate Housewives shows all the hotties standing together. But then Felicity Huffman walks in. Too much. I guess I should be happy that ESPN hasn’t put up a “picture-in-picture” of a computer geek submitting comments from his parent’s basement.
In fact, they should change the name from Interactive Tuesday to Dork-Central Tuesday. I mean truly, the only people reading this stuff are the same people submitting it. There’s no “interaction”. Heck, an even better name would be Narcissistic Tuesday.
I actually gave reading it a shot, but quickly learned that submitting in English is not a requirement. It’s all in some text/Internet language. My inability to crack that code led to another realization – I’m getting old. God, I hate Interactive Tuesday.
I did think that this streaming on national TV might be a good way to plug the blog. So I was going to try to enter a message about DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com, but that seemed a little self-important. You know, more so than having a blog with my name in the title. I, therefore, tried to enlist a few friends and family members to do my dirty work. Below are some of the responses to my request:
Sean: You have a blog?
Anil: Your blog is “DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.COM”? I thought it was “ORG” That one’s much better.
My Wife: Sure I’d love to. But first I have to do the laundry, take out the garbage, change the oil in your car, teach the girls how to make a jump shot, wear the pants . . .
Here’s what I’d really like to see when I watch a basketball game: a basketball game. Watching the action on the court should be the thrill, not seeing your user name crawl across the screen. Imagine trying to explain to a friend how you missed James Harden’s monster dunk, “Uh, yeah, I had the game on, but I was engrossed in the witticisms of MegaDufus99.”
You know who is really to blame for all this – J.K. Rowling. Yup, the woman who wrote all those freakin’ Harry Potter books. She’s the one who got the younger generation thinking it’s fun to read. (For the purpose of this argument, please try to forget that you are currently reading.) Granted there’s a place for reading, but it’s not on top of a basketball game – it’s in the bathroom.
I honestly fear what ESPN is going to do next. I envision that every time a player touches the ball, ESPN is going to have his personal Facebook page pop up. Or even worse, instead of that stream of stupidity, they are going to have an instant message board appear on your screen – making you feel compelled to respond. I remember back when I had AOL, my mother would perpetually IM me. Worst part was I couldn’t figure out how to get that thing to go off. Pretty hard to surf the Internet for, well, things guys surf the Internet for, when there’s a message on the screen from your mom asking, “What are you doing right now?”
If ESPN is dead set on this Interactive Tuesday, I do have some better ideas:
1. Announcer reading – Instead of putting the comments on the top of the screen, have an announcer read them. You know, kind of like how stockbrokers used to rattle off the ticker tape - out loud the instant they came in. I suggest Digger Phelps. This way there’d at least be a chance he’d say something intelligent. Though at almost 70, he’d likely pass out from exhaustion. Yeah, I’d pay to see that.
2. Cameraman assistance – Have the people who are commenting help the cameramen find the good-looking women in the stands. “There’s a babe 4 rows behind Duke’s bench – DirtyOldMan51.” Or “Stephan Curry’s mom is in Row2, Seat 5 – StephanCurry’sDad”.
3.Screen on ball – Install a mini-monitor on the surface of the basketball. This would allow viewers to trash talk directly to the players. I imagine the following play-by play: “Harangody has the ball and is going up for a slam. But no he’s, well, he appears to be crying. I’m getting a look at the screen on the ball and, well, my best guess is Harangody’s mom really does wear combat boots.”
I’m betting that ESPN doesn’t take any of my suggestions. And after further contemplation I’m probably okay with that. There is a positive about these people who submit comments on Interactive Tuesday - they definitely make me and my blog seem substantially less pathetic.
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you’d like to submit your choice for the most overrated or underrated team of the week, email me at davebarend@yahoo.com by Wednesday.
I must sadly admit that as of this past week the one about ESPN no longer applies to me.
During overtime of ND at Louisville on Monday, ESPN put up a live “picture-in-picture” shot of Coach Rick Pitino. Yes, the folks in charge felt it necessary to superimpose the “action” of Pitino on one knee, over the game. Utterly assinine. Though not as stupid as the thought that went through my mind - that Pitino, at age 56, was subbing himself into the game.
I understand that when there’s a blow out the producers and announcers need to try to spice things up. This has led to my accumulation of enough information to write the biographies of Dick Vitale’s grandkids. But we were in overtime here.
There’s also the fact that ESPN perpetually showed Pitino, while ND’s coach, Mike Brey, didn’t get any isolated camera time. Probably because Brey’s attire was inspired by seeing a maitre‘d place a sport coat on a longshoreman. Regardless, this snubbing of Mike Brey accomplished something I never thought possible – it made me feel sympathy for Notre Dame. Damn you, ESPN.
Then Tuesday came. I turned on the Memphis-Tulsa match-up (clearly, no game is too meaningless for me) and I noticed that in addition to the score, the shot clock, the game clock, and the scroll bar – there was verbiage spewing across the top of my screen. ESPN apparently decided that a perpetual stream of input from fans would enhance the basketball viewing experience. It’s called “Interactive Tuesday.” And the following day is definitely Migraine Wednesday.
This is just too much on the screen. It reminds me of the time when the US Women’s Softball team was posing for the camera. A fine looking bunch of ladies. But then the catcher tried to squeeze in. Too much. Or when Desperate Housewives shows all the hotties standing together. But then Felicity Huffman walks in. Too much. I guess I should be happy that ESPN hasn’t put up a “picture-in-picture” of a computer geek submitting comments from his parent’s basement.
In fact, they should change the name from Interactive Tuesday to Dork-Central Tuesday. I mean truly, the only people reading this stuff are the same people submitting it. There’s no “interaction”. Heck, an even better name would be Narcissistic Tuesday.
I actually gave reading it a shot, but quickly learned that submitting in English is not a requirement. It’s all in some text/Internet language. My inability to crack that code led to another realization – I’m getting old. God, I hate Interactive Tuesday.
I did think that this streaming on national TV might be a good way to plug the blog. So I was going to try to enter a message about DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com, but that seemed a little self-important. You know, more so than having a blog with my name in the title. I, therefore, tried to enlist a few friends and family members to do my dirty work. Below are some of the responses to my request:
Sean: You have a blog?
Anil: Your blog is “DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.COM”? I thought it was “ORG” That one’s much better.
My Wife: Sure I’d love to. But first I have to do the laundry, take out the garbage, change the oil in your car, teach the girls how to make a jump shot, wear the pants . . .
Here’s what I’d really like to see when I watch a basketball game: a basketball game. Watching the action on the court should be the thrill, not seeing your user name crawl across the screen. Imagine trying to explain to a friend how you missed James Harden’s monster dunk, “Uh, yeah, I had the game on, but I was engrossed in the witticisms of MegaDufus99.”
You know who is really to blame for all this – J.K. Rowling. Yup, the woman who wrote all those freakin’ Harry Potter books. She’s the one who got the younger generation thinking it’s fun to read. (For the purpose of this argument, please try to forget that you are currently reading.) Granted there’s a place for reading, but it’s not on top of a basketball game – it’s in the bathroom.
I honestly fear what ESPN is going to do next. I envision that every time a player touches the ball, ESPN is going to have his personal Facebook page pop up. Or even worse, instead of that stream of stupidity, they are going to have an instant message board appear on your screen – making you feel compelled to respond. I remember back when I had AOL, my mother would perpetually IM me. Worst part was I couldn’t figure out how to get that thing to go off. Pretty hard to surf the Internet for, well, things guys surf the Internet for, when there’s a message on the screen from your mom asking, “What are you doing right now?”
If ESPN is dead set on this Interactive Tuesday, I do have some better ideas:
1. Announcer reading – Instead of putting the comments on the top of the screen, have an announcer read them. You know, kind of like how stockbrokers used to rattle off the ticker tape - out loud the instant they came in. I suggest Digger Phelps. This way there’d at least be a chance he’d say something intelligent. Though at almost 70, he’d likely pass out from exhaustion. Yeah, I’d pay to see that.
2. Cameraman assistance – Have the people who are commenting help the cameramen find the good-looking women in the stands. “There’s a babe 4 rows behind Duke’s bench – DirtyOldMan51.” Or “Stephan Curry’s mom is in Row2, Seat 5 – StephanCurry’sDad”.
3.Screen on ball – Install a mini-monitor on the surface of the basketball. This would allow viewers to trash talk directly to the players. I imagine the following play-by play: “Harangody has the ball and is going up for a slam. But no he’s, well, he appears to be crying. I’m getting a look at the screen on the ball and, well, my best guess is Harangody’s mom really does wear combat boots.”
I’m betting that ESPN doesn’t take any of my suggestions. And after further contemplation I’m probably okay with that. There is a positive about these people who submit comments on Interactive Tuesday - they definitely make me and my blog seem substantially less pathetic.
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you’d like to submit your choice for the most overrated or underrated team of the week, email me at davebarend@yahoo.com by Wednesday.
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 6)
I feel it’s my duty to preface this set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments by informing you that Selection Sunday is in a mere 2 months. Let the countdown begin.
RANKINGS
1.Pitt (16-0)
Best wins: Washington St., Florida State, at Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: The city of Pittsburgh has a new slogan: “It may feel like it and it may look like it, but we assure you, you’re not in Detroit.”
2.Wake Forest (14-0)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake Forest University claims it fosters individuality. Wonder if the folks in charge have ever been to a hoops game. For years all the students have been sitting in the same section, wearing the same black and yellow t-shirts, and doing the same chants. That seems like individuality as defined by David Koresh.
3.UConn (14-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: When you hear Coach Calhoun yell at Jeff Adrien, do you think he’s honestly upset with the kid? I bet he’s just a huge Rocky fan and likes re-enacting the last scene: “Adrien! Adrien!”
4. Duke (15-1)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, & Xavier
Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment: Duke was established with profits from tobacco sales. So wouldn’t it make more sense if the team replaced the Nike swoosh that adorns all of its jerseys with something more appropriate? Like Joe Camel. Yeah, the school probably doesn’t want to promote its ties to cigarette companies. It’s much more comfortable displaying its connection to Indonesian sweatshops.
5.Oklahoma (16-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
I still don’t get that “Boomer-Sooner” chant. It has, however, got me trying to figure out who is my favorite Boomer. I was going to go with George “Boomer” Scott, but he was nudged out by Boomer from Battlestar Gallactica. No, not from the show that’s currently on Sci-Fi. No, not from the 2003 mini-series. I’m talking about the TV series that ran from 1978 to – Oh forget it. Somebody get me some Geritol.
6.North Carolina (14-2)
Best wins: Michigan State and Notre Dame
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment: I heard an announcer say that Tyler Hansbrough wouldn’t be nearly as good if you took away his elbows. Hard to disagree with that. Cause if you took away his elbows he wouldn’t have much left for arms.
7.Clemson (14-0)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, Alabama
My Irrelevant Comment:
Clemson claims they are underrated. Maybe so. But it makes up for the fact that they are substantially overrated academically. Now, I have no idea where the school is ranked by US News or the Princeton Review, but come on, it’s Clemson. No matter where it’s ranked it’s too high.
8. UCLA (13-2)
Best Wins: Southern Illinois, at Oregon
Losses: Michigan, Texas
My Irrelevant Comment: UCLA has a version of its jersey that has the “C” emblazoned in a brighter color than the other 3 letters. I guess the school pulls those out when it fears its opponent might not realize that LA is in California. I think they’re primarily worn for games against Clemson
9 Georgetown (12-3)
Best Wins: Memphis, at UConn, Syracuse
Losses: Tennessee, Pitt, at Notre Dame
My Irrelevant Comment
During Wednesday night’s Georgetown-Syracuse game, SU Coach Jim Boeheim looked a lot like Rodin’s The Thinker. Though, unlike Boeheim, I’d bet The Thinker was actually thinking.
10. Michigan State (14-2)
Best Wins: Texas, Minn., Ohio St., Kansas
Losses: Maryland, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment: Though I’m sure Tom Izzo’s wife is a fine lady, I’m rooting for the two to split and for him to end up with Stockard Channing. My reason – if she reprised her role from Grease she’d be Rizzo Izzo. And if she got her own sitcom it could be called the Rizzo Izzo Show. And if . . Please make me stop.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Notre Dame
This team just lost to Louisville who was last week’s most overrated team. I hear a lot of experts saying that they look at Luke Harangody and see a top notch pro in 5 years. I don’t know about that. I’ve taken a long hard look at Harangody and in 5 years I see – Brian Dennehy.
Other Opinions
John Cusanno
Memphis: I'm not sure why, but I always seem annoyed to see Memphis do well, even though their coach is a paison.
Rick Condon
Notre Dame: Overrated - yup - Notre Dog (notice the undeniable evidence that this emailer has read the damn blog) ... see, I was recently driving from Boston to D.C. with the family and as were passing through VP-elect Joe "plugs" Biden's very own Delaware, my wife told the kids that old saying of What did Dela wear? Idaho. Alaska. A New Jersey ... so stay with me ... made me think of Mr. former Blue Hens himself - that's right, Mike Brey, and his awful mock turtleneck look that he just won't kill. Why does he insist on this look? Idaho. Alaskhim. He needs a New Jersey (in addition to an actual tough road win) soon. [It should be noted that Rick is a 1990 ND grad. Uh, unless Rick didn’t want me to mention that.]
Ken Robbins
North Carolina - Are you a UNC fan [and most of you are] ..... if so hey how'd you like that Wake Forest game?!? Most overrated - that would be all of the UNC coaches this decade!!
John Cusanno #2
St. Bonaventure: Why the f*** can't the Bonnies win at home anymore?
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Kentucky
52 teams got votes from either the AP or the Coaches and not one of those was the 13-4 Kentucky Wildcats. They just throttled Tennessee at Tennessee. Junior Jodie Meeks scored a record breaking 54 points in that game. He definitely has some cojones. With a name like Jodie Meeks, he kind of has to. He has a girl’s first name and his last name is
well, meek.
UPSET OF THE WEEK
Miami at UNC - Saturday
I’m going with the Hurricanes. Why? Let’s see. BC beat UNC. And Miami beat BC. I’m pretty sure there’s some logical syllogism that supports my pick. I also like the fact that Miami refuses to be called Miami-Florida. They’re essentially telling the folks at Miami-Ohio – “Go rent some creativity and get your own damn name.”
Other Opinions:
Jim Collins
(What a rough week. I couldn't pick anything. I don't want to be remembered as a one hit wonder. I am not Tommy Tutone)
1.Louisville upends Pittsburgh on 1/17/2009. - I am going for a Bomb this week.
2.Duke NCAA Tourney Champ - Mitch Ryder and Detroit Wheels had a hit song in the 60's Devil with the Blue Dress on. Duke Blue Devils win it all. You heard it here first.
3. College Hockey special pick just for Dave- Niagara sweeps 2 game series against Quinnipiac this weekend.
If you’d like to contribute to next Thursday’s post with your comments on the most overrated/underrated team or with an upset pick just email me by Wednesday night at DaveBarend@yahoo.com. Rant#10 coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
RANKINGS
1.Pitt (16-0)
Best wins: Washington St., Florida State, at Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: The city of Pittsburgh has a new slogan: “It may feel like it and it may look like it, but we assure you, you’re not in Detroit.”
2.Wake Forest (14-0)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake Forest University claims it fosters individuality. Wonder if the folks in charge have ever been to a hoops game. For years all the students have been sitting in the same section, wearing the same black and yellow t-shirts, and doing the same chants. That seems like individuality as defined by David Koresh.
3.UConn (14-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: When you hear Coach Calhoun yell at Jeff Adrien, do you think he’s honestly upset with the kid? I bet he’s just a huge Rocky fan and likes re-enacting the last scene: “Adrien! Adrien!”
4. Duke (15-1)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, & Xavier
Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment: Duke was established with profits from tobacco sales. So wouldn’t it make more sense if the team replaced the Nike swoosh that adorns all of its jerseys with something more appropriate? Like Joe Camel. Yeah, the school probably doesn’t want to promote its ties to cigarette companies. It’s much more comfortable displaying its connection to Indonesian sweatshops.
5.Oklahoma (16-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
I still don’t get that “Boomer-Sooner” chant. It has, however, got me trying to figure out who is my favorite Boomer. I was going to go with George “Boomer” Scott, but he was nudged out by Boomer from Battlestar Gallactica. No, not from the show that’s currently on Sci-Fi. No, not from the 2003 mini-series. I’m talking about the TV series that ran from 1978 to – Oh forget it. Somebody get me some Geritol.
6.North Carolina (14-2)
Best wins: Michigan State and Notre Dame
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment: I heard an announcer say that Tyler Hansbrough wouldn’t be nearly as good if you took away his elbows. Hard to disagree with that. Cause if you took away his elbows he wouldn’t have much left for arms.
7.Clemson (14-0)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, Alabama
My Irrelevant Comment:
Clemson claims they are underrated. Maybe so. But it makes up for the fact that they are substantially overrated academically. Now, I have no idea where the school is ranked by US News or the Princeton Review, but come on, it’s Clemson. No matter where it’s ranked it’s too high.
8. UCLA (13-2)
Best Wins: Southern Illinois, at Oregon
Losses: Michigan, Texas
My Irrelevant Comment: UCLA has a version of its jersey that has the “C” emblazoned in a brighter color than the other 3 letters. I guess the school pulls those out when it fears its opponent might not realize that LA is in California. I think they’re primarily worn for games against Clemson
9 Georgetown (12-3)
Best Wins: Memphis, at UConn, Syracuse
Losses: Tennessee, Pitt, at Notre Dame
My Irrelevant Comment
During Wednesday night’s Georgetown-Syracuse game, SU Coach Jim Boeheim looked a lot like Rodin’s The Thinker. Though, unlike Boeheim, I’d bet The Thinker was actually thinking.
10. Michigan State (14-2)
Best Wins: Texas, Minn., Ohio St., Kansas
Losses: Maryland, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment: Though I’m sure Tom Izzo’s wife is a fine lady, I’m rooting for the two to split and for him to end up with Stockard Channing. My reason – if she reprised her role from Grease she’d be Rizzo Izzo. And if she got her own sitcom it could be called the Rizzo Izzo Show. And if . . Please make me stop.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Notre Dame
This team just lost to Louisville who was last week’s most overrated team. I hear a lot of experts saying that they look at Luke Harangody and see a top notch pro in 5 years. I don’t know about that. I’ve taken a long hard look at Harangody and in 5 years I see – Brian Dennehy.
Other Opinions
John Cusanno
Memphis: I'm not sure why, but I always seem annoyed to see Memphis do well, even though their coach is a paison.
Rick Condon
Notre Dame: Overrated - yup - Notre Dog (notice the undeniable evidence that this emailer has read the damn blog) ... see, I was recently driving from Boston to D.C. with the family and as were passing through VP-elect Joe "plugs" Biden's very own Delaware, my wife told the kids that old saying of What did Dela wear? Idaho. Alaska. A New Jersey ... so stay with me ... made me think of Mr. former Blue Hens himself - that's right, Mike Brey, and his awful mock turtleneck look that he just won't kill. Why does he insist on this look? Idaho. Alaskhim. He needs a New Jersey (in addition to an actual tough road win) soon. [It should be noted that Rick is a 1990 ND grad. Uh, unless Rick didn’t want me to mention that.]
Ken Robbins
North Carolina - Are you a UNC fan [and most of you are] ..... if so hey how'd you like that Wake Forest game?!? Most overrated - that would be all of the UNC coaches this decade!!
John Cusanno #2
St. Bonaventure: Why the f*** can't the Bonnies win at home anymore?
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Kentucky
52 teams got votes from either the AP or the Coaches and not one of those was the 13-4 Kentucky Wildcats. They just throttled Tennessee at Tennessee. Junior Jodie Meeks scored a record breaking 54 points in that game. He definitely has some cojones. With a name like Jodie Meeks, he kind of has to. He has a girl’s first name and his last name is
well, meek.
UPSET OF THE WEEK
Miami at UNC - Saturday
I’m going with the Hurricanes. Why? Let’s see. BC beat UNC. And Miami beat BC. I’m pretty sure there’s some logical syllogism that supports my pick. I also like the fact that Miami refuses to be called Miami-Florida. They’re essentially telling the folks at Miami-Ohio – “Go rent some creativity and get your own damn name.”
Other Opinions:
Jim Collins
(What a rough week. I couldn't pick anything. I don't want to be remembered as a one hit wonder. I am not Tommy Tutone)
1.Louisville upends Pittsburgh on 1/17/2009. - I am going for a Bomb this week.
2.Duke NCAA Tourney Champ - Mitch Ryder and Detroit Wheels had a hit song in the 60's Devil with the Blue Dress on. Duke Blue Devils win it all. You heard it here first.
3. College Hockey special pick just for Dave- Niagara sweeps 2 game series against Quinnipiac this weekend.
If you’d like to contribute to next Thursday’s post with your comments on the most overrated/underrated team or with an upset pick just email me by Wednesday night at DaveBarend@yahoo.com. Rant#10 coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Rant#9: The Best 1 Min. 22 Sec. Of College Hoops I Never Saw
Last Sunday, I turned on the BC-North Carolina game. I figured watching the Eagles get pummeled by the nation’s #1 team would be the perfect antidote to all the joy I had built up from the holiday season. Everyone has a skill. Mine’s self-induced depression.
The game was being shown in the Boston area on NESN - New England Sports Network. “New England Sports” is Bostoneese for “hockey”. If you’re looking for a Bruins game or that all-important Quinnipiac vs. Providence College hockey match-up, NESN is the place. Basketball, however, is not their forte.
About 3 minutes in, NESN displayed its ineptness and lost the audio. Infuriating. But then I realized that I’m capable of comprehending the action without the sound. Much like the folks attending the game. Might be different if I was watching CNBC’s Squawk Box or the Oprah Winfrey Show. Come to think of it, Oprah’s show might be better named the Squawk Box. (Wait a minute. How would I know? I don’t watch Oprah. Oh hell, who am I kidding? You go girl.)
NESN did something else truly unbelievable. It showed a score with BC leading. Even more amazingly, that wasn’t erroneous. In fact, BC led at half. And with 15 minutes to go. And with 10 minutes to go. I remember thinking, “Oh my God. I might have to find another way to become miserable.”
And then it happened.
Tyler Hansbrough stepped to the foul line with 1:26 left and BC up by 4. As he released his first of two - a commercial was played.
My initial reaction was to scream. No, this wasn’t one of those girly high-pitched screams. I save those for the Alien movie series. This was more like the sound you make when you see Grandma naked. A quick “Ahh!” You close your eyes knowing that when you open, the horror will be over. But another commercial came on. And another. My screaming then became much more like that of a roller coaster rider. Except my hands were not up in the air. They were clutching my chest.
Yet another commercial appeared. This one was for Hooters and I seemed to calm down a bit. Hooters commercials always have a soothing effect on me. Not quite sure why. I’m guessing it’s the hooters.
If only a Hooters commercial could have been played during other stressful moments of my life. Like at my wedding. In fact I really think my wife should have a Hooters commercial cued up just in case she ever has to tell me she is pregnant again. I do feel compelled to admit that there was a part of me that hoped the game would not come back on until after the Hooters girls finished their pitch. Don’t worry it was just a very small part of me, I assure you.
The Hooters commercial was followed by - another commercial, then another and another. And that calm I experienced had been completely replaced with total frustration. For some reason, I thought maybe there was just something wrong with the TV. So I decided to fix it the same way I fix my furnace or my dishwasher – I kicked it.
The difference between the TV and those other appliances is that the TV is up pretty high. That was no barrier for my uncontrollable rage. I decided to do a karate spin style kick up at my 36-inch tank of a set for which I overpaid back in 1997. I swear to God, that thing some how blocked my kick. There can be no other logical explanation for how I ended up flat on my back.
As I laid there with yet another commercial playing, a somewhat irrelevant thought ran through my head: Men like their TVs much different than their women. One should be big and flat and the other, well, not so big and not so flat.
My groin then seemed to be displaying a bulge – and not the good kind. I wasn’t bleeding which comforted me until I recalled Eddie Murphy’s wise words in Trading Places – “Karate men bleed on the inside.”
I was tempted to go upstairs to my office to follow along on the Internet. But I didn’t want to give up hope that the game would come back on my TV. Unfortunately I don’t have Internet access in my family room. I instead have Barbie dolls, American Girl dolls and High School Musical dolls. I should probably mention that I also have two daughters –you know, so you don’t think I’m a freak. Oh and there’s the Hanna Montana Guitar TV game – sort of like Guitar Hero, but only with songs that make you want to shove screwdrivers in your ears.
I then did what every married guy does when feeling the immense furor of not being able to solve a problem – I blamed my wife. While she was putting the girls to bed, I thought it made sense to yell, “It’s these damn cheap batteries you put in the remote. I can’t see the game because you wanted to save 50 cents and got the crappy generic batteries instead of Duracell. Now the remote doesn’t work right and I can’t see the end of the game!” A silent pause preceded my wife’s reply: “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” She had simultaneously added to my boiling anger and made me a bit proud. See this was the 5th day in a row that I had managed to top the dumbest thing my wife had ever heard. Hey, everyone defines success differently.
Now 5 minutes had passed and the commercials were still going strong. I had one last unappealing option – call my dad in New York who was watching on a non-NESN channel and get his color commentary over the phone. The reason for my hesitancy wasn’t because I knew the conversation would be a fiasco. It’s because I had already predicted such a fiasco and wrote about in Rant#2. (Feel free to scroll down and see.)
I opted to suck it up and subject myself to a mind numbing conversation with an old man without any possibility of the subsequent fun of joking about it in this blog. The next day when talking to my friends about my dad’s play by play they all said, “That’s hilarious. You should really put that in one of your blog posts.” That revealed something very important – my friends aren’t reading my blog posts.
So here is the actual conversation with my Dad that nearly mimics that found in Rant #2 that, apparently, no one read:
Answering machine picks up –
“Dad, I know you’re there. Will you please get the phone, I . . .”
“What the hell are you calling me for? I’m watching the game.”
“Dad, my channel lost its feed. What’s happening?”
“They’ve got the ball. Oh they turned it over.”
“Dad, who’s they?!”
“It’s, uh, hey have you heard from your sister?”
“Dad! What’s the score?”
“It’s 82 to 78. BC. I think.”
“You think?”
“BC’s winning. I just can’t tell the score. BC’s in the 80s and Carolina is in the 70s.”
“That is almost completely unhelpful.”
“Now he has the ball and there’s 26 seconds left.”
“Dad, stop with the pronouns. Which team is “he” on?”
“He who?
“Oh my God, this is just like the blog.”
“What blog?”
“Unbelievable.”
“He’s shooting.”
“What team Dad!?”
“Carolina. Oh the game’s over.”
“It’s over? Who won? What happened? Wait, holy crap! The game’s back on. It’s on! It’s on! 4 seconds to go and BC’s at the line up by 6!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said. It’s over. Now let me go. I’ve got a date with, uh, oh hell, I’ll ask her when I see her. Don’t put this in your damn blog.”
Post-Game Commentary:
Yes, BC ended up winning. Though I was quite happy, I’ve got to say I felt gypped. I watched the whole game but I didn’t get to see the best part. Kind of like a kid who eats his whole dinner only to find there’s no dessert. Or better yet, kind of like a guy whose wife forces him to watch Steel Magnolias for the 30th time but then she decides to shut it off before he gets to watch Julia Roberts finally croak.
I figured, I could get my needed finality when I picked up the morning Boston Globe which was sure to have a big BC headline. I was right. Well sort of. Lead story was dedicated to BC’s firing of its football coach for interviewing with the Jets.
There was a 1-inch paragraph on page 6 noting that NESN’s producer apologized for the problem. Just wondering if Tar Heel fans would have let the station in North Carolina get away with just an apology. My guess is he would have been tarred. I probably should just be happy that NESN didn’t brag about getting better ratings for the commercials than for the game.
Still in need of closure, I turned to Wednesday night’s telecast of BC vs. Harvard against assuming that they’d replay those last exciting moments of the Carolina game. Only problem with that assumption was that there was no telecast. NESN decided to show hockey, of course. No, not a Bruins game. But the Hockey East Finals – that took place last year. Yup. A repeat college hockey game was playing instead of a game with the hometown team that had just beaten the #1 ranked squad in the country.
Stunningly, BC lost to Harvard. And I never really got that moment of happiness I felt I deserved. But I did finally manage to rid myself of that holiday joy. Yet another success.
Take it easy,
Dave
If you would like to submit a choice for the most overrated/underrated team of the week email me at davebarend@yahoo.com by Wednesday night and I'll have it up with Thursday's new set of Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More.
The game was being shown in the Boston area on NESN - New England Sports Network. “New England Sports” is Bostoneese for “hockey”. If you’re looking for a Bruins game or that all-important Quinnipiac vs. Providence College hockey match-up, NESN is the place. Basketball, however, is not their forte.
About 3 minutes in, NESN displayed its ineptness and lost the audio. Infuriating. But then I realized that I’m capable of comprehending the action without the sound. Much like the folks attending the game. Might be different if I was watching CNBC’s Squawk Box or the Oprah Winfrey Show. Come to think of it, Oprah’s show might be better named the Squawk Box. (Wait a minute. How would I know? I don’t watch Oprah. Oh hell, who am I kidding? You go girl.)
NESN did something else truly unbelievable. It showed a score with BC leading. Even more amazingly, that wasn’t erroneous. In fact, BC led at half. And with 15 minutes to go. And with 10 minutes to go. I remember thinking, “Oh my God. I might have to find another way to become miserable.”
And then it happened.
Tyler Hansbrough stepped to the foul line with 1:26 left and BC up by 4. As he released his first of two - a commercial was played.
My initial reaction was to scream. No, this wasn’t one of those girly high-pitched screams. I save those for the Alien movie series. This was more like the sound you make when you see Grandma naked. A quick “Ahh!” You close your eyes knowing that when you open, the horror will be over. But another commercial came on. And another. My screaming then became much more like that of a roller coaster rider. Except my hands were not up in the air. They were clutching my chest.
Yet another commercial appeared. This one was for Hooters and I seemed to calm down a bit. Hooters commercials always have a soothing effect on me. Not quite sure why. I’m guessing it’s the hooters.
If only a Hooters commercial could have been played during other stressful moments of my life. Like at my wedding. In fact I really think my wife should have a Hooters commercial cued up just in case she ever has to tell me she is pregnant again. I do feel compelled to admit that there was a part of me that hoped the game would not come back on until after the Hooters girls finished their pitch. Don’t worry it was just a very small part of me, I assure you.
The Hooters commercial was followed by - another commercial, then another and another. And that calm I experienced had been completely replaced with total frustration. For some reason, I thought maybe there was just something wrong with the TV. So I decided to fix it the same way I fix my furnace or my dishwasher – I kicked it.
The difference between the TV and those other appliances is that the TV is up pretty high. That was no barrier for my uncontrollable rage. I decided to do a karate spin style kick up at my 36-inch tank of a set for which I overpaid back in 1997. I swear to God, that thing some how blocked my kick. There can be no other logical explanation for how I ended up flat on my back.
As I laid there with yet another commercial playing, a somewhat irrelevant thought ran through my head: Men like their TVs much different than their women. One should be big and flat and the other, well, not so big and not so flat.
My groin then seemed to be displaying a bulge – and not the good kind. I wasn’t bleeding which comforted me until I recalled Eddie Murphy’s wise words in Trading Places – “Karate men bleed on the inside.”
I was tempted to go upstairs to my office to follow along on the Internet. But I didn’t want to give up hope that the game would come back on my TV. Unfortunately I don’t have Internet access in my family room. I instead have Barbie dolls, American Girl dolls and High School Musical dolls. I should probably mention that I also have two daughters –you know, so you don’t think I’m a freak. Oh and there’s the Hanna Montana Guitar TV game – sort of like Guitar Hero, but only with songs that make you want to shove screwdrivers in your ears.
I then did what every married guy does when feeling the immense furor of not being able to solve a problem – I blamed my wife. While she was putting the girls to bed, I thought it made sense to yell, “It’s these damn cheap batteries you put in the remote. I can’t see the game because you wanted to save 50 cents and got the crappy generic batteries instead of Duracell. Now the remote doesn’t work right and I can’t see the end of the game!” A silent pause preceded my wife’s reply: “That is the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.” She had simultaneously added to my boiling anger and made me a bit proud. See this was the 5th day in a row that I had managed to top the dumbest thing my wife had ever heard. Hey, everyone defines success differently.
Now 5 minutes had passed and the commercials were still going strong. I had one last unappealing option – call my dad in New York who was watching on a non-NESN channel and get his color commentary over the phone. The reason for my hesitancy wasn’t because I knew the conversation would be a fiasco. It’s because I had already predicted such a fiasco and wrote about in Rant#2. (Feel free to scroll down and see.)
I opted to suck it up and subject myself to a mind numbing conversation with an old man without any possibility of the subsequent fun of joking about it in this blog. The next day when talking to my friends about my dad’s play by play they all said, “That’s hilarious. You should really put that in one of your blog posts.” That revealed something very important – my friends aren’t reading my blog posts.
So here is the actual conversation with my Dad that nearly mimics that found in Rant #2 that, apparently, no one read:
Answering machine picks up –
“Dad, I know you’re there. Will you please get the phone, I . . .”
“What the hell are you calling me for? I’m watching the game.”
“Dad, my channel lost its feed. What’s happening?”
“They’ve got the ball. Oh they turned it over.”
“Dad, who’s they?!”
“It’s, uh, hey have you heard from your sister?”
“Dad! What’s the score?”
“It’s 82 to 78. BC. I think.”
“You think?”
“BC’s winning. I just can’t tell the score. BC’s in the 80s and Carolina is in the 70s.”
“That is almost completely unhelpful.”
“Now he has the ball and there’s 26 seconds left.”
“Dad, stop with the pronouns. Which team is “he” on?”
“He who?
“Oh my God, this is just like the blog.”
“What blog?”
“Unbelievable.”
“He’s shooting.”
“What team Dad!?”
“Carolina. Oh the game’s over.”
“It’s over? Who won? What happened? Wait, holy crap! The game’s back on. It’s on! It’s on! 4 seconds to go and BC’s at the line up by 6!”
“Yeah, that’s what I said. It’s over. Now let me go. I’ve got a date with, uh, oh hell, I’ll ask her when I see her. Don’t put this in your damn blog.”
Post-Game Commentary:
Yes, BC ended up winning. Though I was quite happy, I’ve got to say I felt gypped. I watched the whole game but I didn’t get to see the best part. Kind of like a kid who eats his whole dinner only to find there’s no dessert. Or better yet, kind of like a guy whose wife forces him to watch Steel Magnolias for the 30th time but then she decides to shut it off before he gets to watch Julia Roberts finally croak.
I figured, I could get my needed finality when I picked up the morning Boston Globe which was sure to have a big BC headline. I was right. Well sort of. Lead story was dedicated to BC’s firing of its football coach for interviewing with the Jets.
There was a 1-inch paragraph on page 6 noting that NESN’s producer apologized for the problem. Just wondering if Tar Heel fans would have let the station in North Carolina get away with just an apology. My guess is he would have been tarred. I probably should just be happy that NESN didn’t brag about getting better ratings for the commercials than for the game.
Still in need of closure, I turned to Wednesday night’s telecast of BC vs. Harvard against assuming that they’d replay those last exciting moments of the Carolina game. Only problem with that assumption was that there was no telecast. NESN decided to show hockey, of course. No, not a Bruins game. But the Hockey East Finals – that took place last year. Yup. A repeat college hockey game was playing instead of a game with the hometown team that had just beaten the #1 ranked squad in the country.
Stunningly, BC lost to Harvard. And I never really got that moment of happiness I felt I deserved. But I did finally manage to rid myself of that holiday joy. Yet another success.
Take it easy,
Dave
If you would like to submit a choice for the most overrated/underrated team of the week email me at davebarend@yahoo.com by Wednesday night and I'll have it up with Thursday's new set of Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More.
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 5)
For the 5th week of my Rankings and Irrelevant Comments I’ve added a section for the upset picks of the week. This was prompted by Jim Collins’ unsolicited and incredible prediction that BC would beat UNC. I’ve now changed the name of this post to Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More. I’m so crafty.
RANKINGS
1.Pitt (14-0)
Best wins: Washington St., Florida State, at Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: I have a problem. When I was a kid, I had a big crush on Blair from Facts of Life. No, that’s not the problem. The problem is I think of her whenever I see Pitt’s 6’ 7”, 265lb forward DeJuan Blair. I guess I should just be happy that I don’t think of Natalie whenever I see LPGA hottie, Natalie Gulbis.
2.North Carolina (14-1)
Best wins: Michigan State and Notre Dame
Loss: Boston College
My Irrelevant Comment: Even after knocking off #1 ranked UNC, BC still can’t win the hearts of Boston fans. My solution: don’t recruit another guy with a name like their star freshman - Reggie Jackson. Seriously, if next year they have a shot at some McDonald’s All-American, they need to pass if he goes by A-Rod.
3.UConn (12-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: Over the last few seasons Connecticut has had more than a few players with criminal records. If one more guy on that squad gets arrested the school might want to think about dropping the second “n” in UConn.
4. Duke (13-1)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Davidson
Worst Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment: Apparently Duke has mastered human cloning. Yeah, they clearly duplicated Scheyer and named his clone Singler. I’m not impressed though. I mean, they previously took Bobby Hurley’s J-Chromosome and used it to create Wojciechowski and Reddick. The J-Chromosome, of course, being the one that results in jerks.
5.Wake Forest (13-0)
Best Wins; Baylor, UTEP & BYU
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake’s Bobby Hoekstra indicated that he was looking forward to his senior year. That was before he registered a stat line of less than a half-point a game. Oh well. Maybe he really meant he was looking forward to his “senior years”. It’s possible he could yearn for a daily attire that includes Depends and Fix-A-Dent.
6. UCLA (12-2)
Best Wins: Southern Illinois, at Oregon
Losses: Michigan, Texas
My Irrelevant Comment: On ESPN’s UCLA basketball page there is video of the cheerleaders. You’re welcome.
7.Oklahoma (13-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson & Utah
Loss – at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Sooners coach Jeff Capel missed last week’s game against the Hawks of Maryland-Eastern Shore due to a stomach virus. Oddly, the Hawks’ coach had serious stomach aliments after the game. His pains weren’t cause by a virus though. He was done in by the sight of his players who had just lost by 36 points.
8 Syracuse (14-1)
Best Wins: Florida, Kansas, Virginia, at Memphis
Losses: Cleveland State
My Irrelevant Comment
If there’s one thing you have to respect about Syracuse it’s clearly – their mascot. Take Georgetown, who are called the Hoyas, but use a bulldog as their mascot. Or North Carolina, called the Tar Heels, yet use a ram as their mascot. Syracuse, however, is called the Orange and they quite creatively decided that their mascot should be – an orange. You’ve got to respect that.
9.Clemson (14-0)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, Alabama
My Irrelevant Comment:
The school was named after Tom Green Clemson. They got to be happy they went with that guy’s last name instead of his first and middle. Tom Green University just doesn’t evoke academic excellence.
Just to clarify, Tom Green is a gross-out comic whose career pinnacled with the not so-family friendly flick entitled “Freddy Got Fingered”. I would like to see what fraternity initiations at Tom Green University would entail. You know, given that its namesake previously drank milk from a cow – that’s directly from a cow.
10. Texas (11-3)
Best Wins: UCLA, Oregon, & Villanova, Wisconsin
Losses: Notre Dame, Michigan St., Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment: Texas’ colors are white and “burnt orange”. I’m really not sure what “burnt orange” means. But from the look of their jerseys I guess it’s the color of puke.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Louisville
The have 3 losses (one to Western Kentucky) and not a single victory over any team in the top 50. Somehow they are ranked 21st by the Coaches and 23rd by the AP. Even their travel difficulties are over-hyped. On Tuesday their plane made an emergency landing due to - no, not ice on the wings, nor a sudden decrease in cabin pressure – a fire that turned out to be harmless. Mainly because it was nonexistent.
Other Opinions
Anil Joseph: Boston College - Ugh-we moved up too much. We're at 17 in AP and 24 in ESPN. I see bad things coming...and dead people. [Too bad Anil was right: BC lost to Harvard by 12 Wednesday night. Ugh.]
Harold Barend: West Coast Teams - It is no secret the Big East and the ACC appear to be the dominate divisions. With the exception of Gonzaga, from the Mississippi River West college basketball is a secondary sport and it really shows this year.
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
South Carolina
Darrin Horn in his first year coaching the Gamecocks has them at 11-2. This being a team that The Sporting News predicted to finish at the bottom of the SEC. I’d say Coach Horn deserves at least one vote for his team from the AP or the Coaches. Or at least get the guys who play the trumpet in the pep band to name themselves the “Darin” section.
Other Opinions
Bill Sullivan: Marquette- I am sticking with Marquette as my underrated pick. They knocked Villanova and Cincy to start Big East play. They will do some real damage this year.
Matt Carty: Miami Dolphins - I wasn't gonna say anything, but since Dave let the comments on the Cowboys and Eagles get through last time (football smack on a college hoops board?), I figured I'd chime in and get a shout out for my Dolphins!!!! GO MIAMI!!! If they've lost to Baltimore by the time you've read this, I don't apologize. I still haven't come down from the high of watching them keep both the Jets AND Patriots from getting to the playoffs!
Harold Barend: Duke - I thought Duke was underrated last week and I still think they are underrated. Unfortunately for the Blogmeister, he felt it a necessity to say I might be the only one who thought Duke underrated. He forgot to take into consideration those who compile the rankings. Each game, I see more cuts and bruises on the Dukies than their opposition. Could it be the ACC refs think like the Blogmeister. [Note from the “Blogmeister” – given that Duke is currently ranked #2 in both Polls, it’s almost a mathematical impossibility for them to be underrated.]
Ken Robbins: George Mason - GMU is still tops in the CAA.
Matt Carty #2: Arizona State - I don't know anything about college hoops, but I guess Arizona State is doing pretty good this year. And, from what I hear on sports radio out here, Herb Sendek rules. I couldn't agree more. I loved Where the Wild Things Are. (It was either go for that joke, or the WKRP/Herb Tarlek connection - hope I picked the funnier one.) [Evidence that my blog has not quite hit the big time: one of my few contributors starts his comment with “I don’t know anything about college hoops”.]
Harold Barend #2: Syracuse - Syracuse could be a major surprise during their first showing in three years in the NCAA tournament. They have depth, power on the inside, great three-point shooting, and a healthy basketball team. Unfortunately, they sometimes follow their coach's example and fall asleep. They are off to one of their best starts ever but only after a number of shaky moments and razor thin endings. To prepare for this season, Syracuse fans should buy plenty of stress tabs.
UPSET PICK OF THE WEEK
Florida State over Duke on Sat.
These two have had some classic battles of late. Even some OT thrillers if my memory serves. There’s no way the refs let this on go to extra time though. Why? They want to see the NFL playoffs. And given that the game is at FSU they’ll make sure the Seminoles win. Why? They’d like to be alive to see those playoffs.
Other Opinions
Jim Collins: Texas wins at Oklahoma 1/12
But everything is OK because Sooners win against Florida in FedEx BCS National Championship
Jim Collins #2.Wake Forest beats Boston College 1/14
18 point win for Demon Deacons.
Jim Collins #3 - Final 4 in Detroit- Where teams will bailout not bow out. Detroit Hotel Rules- Minimum Four Night Stay Required (April 3-6, 2009) First Prize- 1 week in Detroit Second Prize 2 weeks in Detroit.
Ken Robbins: Jim Collins will be wrong
Big deal on that massive fortune tale by Jim picking BC over UNC. Hey if Jim picks the next huge upset and then I'll call it "incredible" as Dave did.
If you want to contribute to next Thursday posting of the most overrated/underrated teams or the upset of the week, email be your comments by Wednesday night and they’ll be up in the morning. Next Rant is coming on Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
RANKINGS
1.Pitt (14-0)
Best wins: Washington St., Florida State, at Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: I have a problem. When I was a kid, I had a big crush on Blair from Facts of Life. No, that’s not the problem. The problem is I think of her whenever I see Pitt’s 6’ 7”, 265lb forward DeJuan Blair. I guess I should just be happy that I don’t think of Natalie whenever I see LPGA hottie, Natalie Gulbis.
2.North Carolina (14-1)
Best wins: Michigan State and Notre Dame
Loss: Boston College
My Irrelevant Comment: Even after knocking off #1 ranked UNC, BC still can’t win the hearts of Boston fans. My solution: don’t recruit another guy with a name like their star freshman - Reggie Jackson. Seriously, if next year they have a shot at some McDonald’s All-American, they need to pass if he goes by A-Rod.
3.UConn (12-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: Over the last few seasons Connecticut has had more than a few players with criminal records. If one more guy on that squad gets arrested the school might want to think about dropping the second “n” in UConn.
4. Duke (13-1)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Davidson
Worst Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment: Apparently Duke has mastered human cloning. Yeah, they clearly duplicated Scheyer and named his clone Singler. I’m not impressed though. I mean, they previously took Bobby Hurley’s J-Chromosome and used it to create Wojciechowski and Reddick. The J-Chromosome, of course, being the one that results in jerks.
5.Wake Forest (13-0)
Best Wins; Baylor, UTEP & BYU
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake’s Bobby Hoekstra indicated that he was looking forward to his senior year. That was before he registered a stat line of less than a half-point a game. Oh well. Maybe he really meant he was looking forward to his “senior years”. It’s possible he could yearn for a daily attire that includes Depends and Fix-A-Dent.
6. UCLA (12-2)
Best Wins: Southern Illinois, at Oregon
Losses: Michigan, Texas
My Irrelevant Comment: On ESPN’s UCLA basketball page there is video of the cheerleaders. You’re welcome.
7.Oklahoma (13-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson & Utah
Loss – at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Sooners coach Jeff Capel missed last week’s game against the Hawks of Maryland-Eastern Shore due to a stomach virus. Oddly, the Hawks’ coach had serious stomach aliments after the game. His pains weren’t cause by a virus though. He was done in by the sight of his players who had just lost by 36 points.
8 Syracuse (14-1)
Best Wins: Florida, Kansas, Virginia, at Memphis
Losses: Cleveland State
My Irrelevant Comment
If there’s one thing you have to respect about Syracuse it’s clearly – their mascot. Take Georgetown, who are called the Hoyas, but use a bulldog as their mascot. Or North Carolina, called the Tar Heels, yet use a ram as their mascot. Syracuse, however, is called the Orange and they quite creatively decided that their mascot should be – an orange. You’ve got to respect that.
9.Clemson (14-0)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, Alabama
My Irrelevant Comment:
The school was named after Tom Green Clemson. They got to be happy they went with that guy’s last name instead of his first and middle. Tom Green University just doesn’t evoke academic excellence.
Just to clarify, Tom Green is a gross-out comic whose career pinnacled with the not so-family friendly flick entitled “Freddy Got Fingered”. I would like to see what fraternity initiations at Tom Green University would entail. You know, given that its namesake previously drank milk from a cow – that’s directly from a cow.
10. Texas (11-3)
Best Wins: UCLA, Oregon, & Villanova, Wisconsin
Losses: Notre Dame, Michigan St., Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment: Texas’ colors are white and “burnt orange”. I’m really not sure what “burnt orange” means. But from the look of their jerseys I guess it’s the color of puke.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Louisville
The have 3 losses (one to Western Kentucky) and not a single victory over any team in the top 50. Somehow they are ranked 21st by the Coaches and 23rd by the AP. Even their travel difficulties are over-hyped. On Tuesday their plane made an emergency landing due to - no, not ice on the wings, nor a sudden decrease in cabin pressure – a fire that turned out to be harmless. Mainly because it was nonexistent.
Other Opinions
Anil Joseph: Boston College - Ugh-we moved up too much. We're at 17 in AP and 24 in ESPN. I see bad things coming...and dead people. [Too bad Anil was right: BC lost to Harvard by 12 Wednesday night. Ugh.]
Harold Barend: West Coast Teams - It is no secret the Big East and the ACC appear to be the dominate divisions. With the exception of Gonzaga, from the Mississippi River West college basketball is a secondary sport and it really shows this year.
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
South Carolina
Darrin Horn in his first year coaching the Gamecocks has them at 11-2. This being a team that The Sporting News predicted to finish at the bottom of the SEC. I’d say Coach Horn deserves at least one vote for his team from the AP or the Coaches. Or at least get the guys who play the trumpet in the pep band to name themselves the “Darin” section.
Other Opinions
Bill Sullivan: Marquette- I am sticking with Marquette as my underrated pick. They knocked Villanova and Cincy to start Big East play. They will do some real damage this year.
Matt Carty: Miami Dolphins - I wasn't gonna say anything, but since Dave let the comments on the Cowboys and Eagles get through last time (football smack on a college hoops board?), I figured I'd chime in and get a shout out for my Dolphins!!!! GO MIAMI!!! If they've lost to Baltimore by the time you've read this, I don't apologize. I still haven't come down from the high of watching them keep both the Jets AND Patriots from getting to the playoffs!
Harold Barend: Duke - I thought Duke was underrated last week and I still think they are underrated. Unfortunately for the Blogmeister, he felt it a necessity to say I might be the only one who thought Duke underrated. He forgot to take into consideration those who compile the rankings. Each game, I see more cuts and bruises on the Dukies than their opposition. Could it be the ACC refs think like the Blogmeister. [Note from the “Blogmeister” – given that Duke is currently ranked #2 in both Polls, it’s almost a mathematical impossibility for them to be underrated.]
Ken Robbins: George Mason - GMU is still tops in the CAA.
Matt Carty #2: Arizona State - I don't know anything about college hoops, but I guess Arizona State is doing pretty good this year. And, from what I hear on sports radio out here, Herb Sendek rules. I couldn't agree more. I loved Where the Wild Things Are. (It was either go for that joke, or the WKRP/Herb Tarlek connection - hope I picked the funnier one.) [Evidence that my blog has not quite hit the big time: one of my few contributors starts his comment with “I don’t know anything about college hoops”.]
Harold Barend #2: Syracuse - Syracuse could be a major surprise during their first showing in three years in the NCAA tournament. They have depth, power on the inside, great three-point shooting, and a healthy basketball team. Unfortunately, they sometimes follow their coach's example and fall asleep. They are off to one of their best starts ever but only after a number of shaky moments and razor thin endings. To prepare for this season, Syracuse fans should buy plenty of stress tabs.
UPSET PICK OF THE WEEK
Florida State over Duke on Sat.
These two have had some classic battles of late. Even some OT thrillers if my memory serves. There’s no way the refs let this on go to extra time though. Why? They want to see the NFL playoffs. And given that the game is at FSU they’ll make sure the Seminoles win. Why? They’d like to be alive to see those playoffs.
Other Opinions
Jim Collins: Texas wins at Oklahoma 1/12
But everything is OK because Sooners win against Florida in FedEx BCS National Championship
Jim Collins #2.Wake Forest beats Boston College 1/14
18 point win for Demon Deacons.
Jim Collins #3 - Final 4 in Detroit- Where teams will bailout not bow out. Detroit Hotel Rules- Minimum Four Night Stay Required (April 3-6, 2009) First Prize- 1 week in Detroit Second Prize 2 weeks in Detroit.
Ken Robbins: Jim Collins will be wrong
Big deal on that massive fortune tale by Jim picking BC over UNC. Hey if Jim picks the next huge upset and then I'll call it "incredible" as Dave did.
If you want to contribute to next Thursday posting of the most overrated/underrated teams or the upset of the week, email be your comments by Wednesday night and they’ll be up in the morning. Next Rant is coming on Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Rant#8: There’s No Crying In Basketball – Anymore
See if you can follow my logic. A tough task, but give it a shot.
Many coaches claim that a bad call by a ref feels like being punched in the gut. Most people when punched in the gut react. (The exception, of course, is Bea Arthur. That chick can take a punch.) So you’d think that it would make sense that coaches would react to a bad call. But if you’re thinking, then you’re clearly not a member of the NCAA Rules Committee.
See, this past year those folks basically forbade any expression of displeasure with a ref. Which make you wonder if NCAA actually stands for No Cognitive Abilities Allowed.
Amongst the new rules are:
1.No Gesturing After A Disputed Call – This rule is not only ludicrous, but also discriminatory. It clearly renders all Italian coaches mute.
2.No Yelling – A ref misses a blatant travel. This leads the coach to yell. And who’s the bad guy? The yelling coach. Ridiculous. The ref should be immensely grateful that all the coach did was yell. Much like I should be applauded for only yelling at my mailman after he did the unthinkable - dropped last year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue in a puddle.
For some reason, most people think that yelling is worse than whatever caused the yelling. I don’t buy it. So when my wife says, “I can’t believe you’re yelling at me.” I say, “No. No. No. What’s unbelievable is that you drove your SUV over our garbage can – again.”
3. No Charging After A Ref – I actually could be convinced to agree with this rule. But only if the ref has position with both feet planted. Otherwise it’s a blocking violation on the guy in stripes. The coach should then be granted one free gesticulation. And I’d suggest the same one my father uses instead of his turn signal.
The result of these rules:
A bunch of coaches gliding up and down the sideline with their hands and arms grasped behind their backs. They look as if they they’re trying to make the Olympic Speed skating team. You truly need to check out Indiana’s coach Tom Crean. I swear he’s doing the Safety Dance. I’m also pretty sure he told his assistants, “You can dance if you want to and you can leave your friends behind, but if you don’t dance then you’re no friend of mine.”
What’s really unfair about this emotional restraint is that these coaches, like most married men, must perpetually display fake emotions to appease their wives. Take a coach with kids. He undoubtedly pretended to appear overcome with joy when his pregnant wife forced him to feel the baby kicking. He, of course, was really thinking, “What if her ass stays this big?”
So he should be allowed to show some honest emotion when something truly important happens – you know, like when his point guard fouls out.
I’ve, therefore, come up with 4 better ways to handle the so-called lack of coaching decorum.
1. A 10 Second Rule – Allow the coach to yell, gesture, and pretty much do anything short of strangle the ref – but just for 10 seconds. Imagine the entertainment value of an unadulterated tirade by Rick Pitino or John Calipari. You’d learn more Italian swear words in those 10 seconds than you did during an entire season of the Sopranos. I also think the ref should have to do a count down with his arm as if he were counting out a boxer. And if the coach stops in time, the Jumbotron could show the final 10 second count from Rocky II – arguably the best 10 seconds in the history of cinema.
2. Allow Ventriloquism – I know what you’re thinking – sheer brilliance. Okay maybe not. But if a coach uses a miniature of himself to berate a ref then it’s really not like the coach is doing anything wrong – it’s the wooden guy sitting on his lap. No technical foul gets called unless replay shows the coach’s lips moving. I also love the redundancy in a Jim Boeheim Dummy. As well as the seeming impossibility of a “Little Rick Majerus.”
3. Let Refs Yell Back – You have to bet that most referees would gladly give up their power to T-up a coach for the opportunity to retaliate with their own verbal assault. I suggest a game of “the dozens” and if the ref runs out of “Your mother’s so ugly” lines first, he reverses the call that commenced the fight. Now if some of these refs feel they aren’t witty enough to spar with the coaches, the NCAA should provide them with tutelage from Don Rickles and Dennis Leary. They can take those lessons during the time that they clearly aren’t using to better their refereeing skills.
4.Permit Charades – If yelling is truly offensive, I think coaches should be able to try to get their point across via everyone’s favorite non-verbal game. Have the ref flip over one of those mini hourglass thingys and then try to figure out what the coach is trying to convey before the sand seeps to the other side. I envision something like this:
Ref: All right here we go. Uh, I’m not too good at charades. But I think you’re saying there’s 2 words. No, 2 syllables? Yes. Second syllable is - you’re making a circle with your arms – no a barrel, no, oh, now you seem to be digging and – oh it’s a hole. Yes. Great. Now, the first syllable. You are pointing to your rear end. The second syllable is rear end - no your butt, no your anus, no your ass? Yes! Great! So first syllable is your ass and second syllable is – hole. I don’t get it.
Obviously the best solution to decrease coaching outbursts would simply be to get better referees. But that would be logical. And though you may have the ability to follow sound logic, that’s clearly asking too much of the NCAA.
Take it easy,
Dave
Special thanks to John Krotzer for setting up a "fan site" on Facebook for DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com. I'm just a little worried that the reason it's called a "fan site" and not a "fans site" is because John is the only fan.
Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday.
Many coaches claim that a bad call by a ref feels like being punched in the gut. Most people when punched in the gut react. (The exception, of course, is Bea Arthur. That chick can take a punch.) So you’d think that it would make sense that coaches would react to a bad call. But if you’re thinking, then you’re clearly not a member of the NCAA Rules Committee.
See, this past year those folks basically forbade any expression of displeasure with a ref. Which make you wonder if NCAA actually stands for No Cognitive Abilities Allowed.
Amongst the new rules are:
1.No Gesturing After A Disputed Call – This rule is not only ludicrous, but also discriminatory. It clearly renders all Italian coaches mute.
2.No Yelling – A ref misses a blatant travel. This leads the coach to yell. And who’s the bad guy? The yelling coach. Ridiculous. The ref should be immensely grateful that all the coach did was yell. Much like I should be applauded for only yelling at my mailman after he did the unthinkable - dropped last year’s Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue in a puddle.
For some reason, most people think that yelling is worse than whatever caused the yelling. I don’t buy it. So when my wife says, “I can’t believe you’re yelling at me.” I say, “No. No. No. What’s unbelievable is that you drove your SUV over our garbage can – again.”
3. No Charging After A Ref – I actually could be convinced to agree with this rule. But only if the ref has position with both feet planted. Otherwise it’s a blocking violation on the guy in stripes. The coach should then be granted one free gesticulation. And I’d suggest the same one my father uses instead of his turn signal.
The result of these rules:
A bunch of coaches gliding up and down the sideline with their hands and arms grasped behind their backs. They look as if they they’re trying to make the Olympic Speed skating team. You truly need to check out Indiana’s coach Tom Crean. I swear he’s doing the Safety Dance. I’m also pretty sure he told his assistants, “You can dance if you want to and you can leave your friends behind, but if you don’t dance then you’re no friend of mine.”
What’s really unfair about this emotional restraint is that these coaches, like most married men, must perpetually display fake emotions to appease their wives. Take a coach with kids. He undoubtedly pretended to appear overcome with joy when his pregnant wife forced him to feel the baby kicking. He, of course, was really thinking, “What if her ass stays this big?”
So he should be allowed to show some honest emotion when something truly important happens – you know, like when his point guard fouls out.
I’ve, therefore, come up with 4 better ways to handle the so-called lack of coaching decorum.
1. A 10 Second Rule – Allow the coach to yell, gesture, and pretty much do anything short of strangle the ref – but just for 10 seconds. Imagine the entertainment value of an unadulterated tirade by Rick Pitino or John Calipari. You’d learn more Italian swear words in those 10 seconds than you did during an entire season of the Sopranos. I also think the ref should have to do a count down with his arm as if he were counting out a boxer. And if the coach stops in time, the Jumbotron could show the final 10 second count from Rocky II – arguably the best 10 seconds in the history of cinema.
2. Allow Ventriloquism – I know what you’re thinking – sheer brilliance. Okay maybe not. But if a coach uses a miniature of himself to berate a ref then it’s really not like the coach is doing anything wrong – it’s the wooden guy sitting on his lap. No technical foul gets called unless replay shows the coach’s lips moving. I also love the redundancy in a Jim Boeheim Dummy. As well as the seeming impossibility of a “Little Rick Majerus.”
3. Let Refs Yell Back – You have to bet that most referees would gladly give up their power to T-up a coach for the opportunity to retaliate with their own verbal assault. I suggest a game of “the dozens” and if the ref runs out of “Your mother’s so ugly” lines first, he reverses the call that commenced the fight. Now if some of these refs feel they aren’t witty enough to spar with the coaches, the NCAA should provide them with tutelage from Don Rickles and Dennis Leary. They can take those lessons during the time that they clearly aren’t using to better their refereeing skills.
4.Permit Charades – If yelling is truly offensive, I think coaches should be able to try to get their point across via everyone’s favorite non-verbal game. Have the ref flip over one of those mini hourglass thingys and then try to figure out what the coach is trying to convey before the sand seeps to the other side. I envision something like this:
Ref: All right here we go. Uh, I’m not too good at charades. But I think you’re saying there’s 2 words. No, 2 syllables? Yes. Second syllable is - you’re making a circle with your arms – no a barrel, no, oh, now you seem to be digging and – oh it’s a hole. Yes. Great. Now, the first syllable. You are pointing to your rear end. The second syllable is rear end - no your butt, no your anus, no your ass? Yes! Great! So first syllable is your ass and second syllable is – hole. I don’t get it.
Obviously the best solution to decrease coaching outbursts would simply be to get better referees. But that would be logical. And though you may have the ability to follow sound logic, that’s clearly asking too much of the NCAA.
Take it easy,
Dave
Special thanks to John Krotzer for setting up a "fan site" on Facebook for DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com. I'm just a little worried that the reason it's called a "fan site" and not a "fans site" is because John is the only fan.
Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday.
Thursday, January 1, 2009
Rankings and Irrelevant Comments (Take 4)
Below is my 4th week of Top 10 Rankings hopefully accompanied by entertaining “irrelevant comments.” There are also submissions of the most overrated and underrated teams even further below.
Rankings
1.North Carolina (13-0)
Best wins: Michigan State and Notre Dame
My Irrelevant Comment:
Check out Tyler Hansbrough’s eyes sometime. They look like he’s in a perpetual state of shock. He always has the same expression as that guy in Caddyshack who dove out of a fishing boat just as Rodney Dangerfield smashed through with his yacht. Who the hell remembers that guy? Well, I was going to say that Hansbrough looks like a cross between Nancy Pelosi and Steve Buscemi. Can there be any doubt that Tyler would prefer that I go with the Caddyshack guy?
2.Pitt (13-0)
Best wins: Texas Tech, Washington St., & Florida State
My Irrelevant Comment: School called itself Pitt because Crotch would have been too disgusting.
3.Wake Forest (11-0)
Best Wins; Baylor and UTEP
My Irrelevant Comment:
I always assumed that Coach Gaudio’s first name was Dean and people called him Dean-O just like they would to Dean Martin. Turns out, his actual name is Dino and they call him Dino just as they would to, well, Fred Flintstone’s pet.
4.Oklahoma (12-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson & Utah
Loss – at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
You know Oklahoma’s “Boomer-Sooner” chant? Well, I really thought they were saying “Boom her sooner.” I’ve got to say that my interpretation is much better. It’s essentially telling prospective freshmen that the women on campus don’t have that 3-date requirement.
5. Duke (11-1)
Best Wins: S. Illinois, Michigan, & Purdue, Xavier
Worst Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment: I’m rooting hard for Duke’s Brian Zoubek to make it big time. Why? Because I’ve always been a big fan of Zubaz pants. Remember those? The really cheesy red and blue zebra stripped sweat pants that were huge in the late 80s. I loved those. And if Zoubek makes it in the pros, he’d be the perfect pitch man: “Zoubek for Zubaz.”
6.Gerogetown (9-1)
Best Wins: Maryland, Memphis & UConn
Loss - Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment: Though called the Hoyas, the team is also referred to as the G-Men, which of course, conjures up images of the FBI and J. Edgar Hoover. Then again so does the penchant of the male cheerleaders to dress in drag.
7.UConn (10-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin and at Gonzaga
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: I hear there is a problem with the water on the UConn campus. Something about a yet to be identified foreign substance. Here’s my theory: UConn, a school with a very good men’s basketball team and a bowl bound football team, is crazy for its women’s hoop team. The foreign substance must therefore be – estrogen. (I’d check the water at Tennessee as well.)
8.Notre Dame (10-2)
Best Wins: Texas, Indiana
Losses: North Carolina, Ohio State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Notre Dame is notorious for having a less than stunningly attractive female portion of its student body. It’s really misleading having “Dame” right in its name. I think most alums would even agree that they should really call themselves Notre Dog University. I say “most alums” because my wife, who is an ND grad, will likely castrate me upon reading this. What I won’t do for a laugh.
9. Texas (10-2)
Best Wins: UCLA, Oregon, & Villanova, Wisconsin
Losses: Notre Dame, Michigan St.
My Irrelevant Comment:
True story: I once met a judge who told he me went to Univ. of Texas. In an effort to impress him I said, “Well Hang ’em Horns.” After he walked away disgusted with my stupidity I made the following note: Try to remember it’s Hook ‘em Horns NOT Hang ‘em Horns – especially when speaking to a judge from Texas.
10 Syracuse (12-1)
Best Wins: Florida, Kansas, Virginia, at Memphis
Losses: Cleveland State
My Irrelevant Comment
In last week’s edition of Sport Illustrated, Seth Davis claimed that Syracuse is a potential Final 4 team. This is clear evidence that I am no longer the least knowledgeable college hoop writer.
Most Overrated Team
Ohio State
The Big Ten stinks. The Big Ten stinks. The Big Ten stinks. I must say that over and over so that I never forget how inferior the Big Ten is. Last week I claimed that Ohio State, the best of the Big Ten, was really good. They then lost to West Virginia by 28 – at home.
Other Opinions
Pat Hurley: Purdue - Not only did Purdue (11-3) lose to Illinois at home Tuesday night, but they have two other losses, including an ass-whooping administered by Duke. Why are they ranked #9? More importantly, you can count the number of hot chicks at Purdue on one hand (insert joke here). [Never knew it was a joke that is inserted into one’s hand. Guess I’ve had it wrong all these years.]
Ken Robbins: Dallas Cowboys - Yes how about them Cowboys? More like the cowgirls....or perhaps like the Yankees! As both the Cowboys & Yankees try each year to simply Buy a championship instead of get this - actually compete for a world championship. Not that I would know from my experiences, but as a fan and living here in Chi-town where Jordan built Championships I do know that you need to bring your A-game each time out there. Clearly, the Eagles brought it folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Ken, sort of looking for an overrated college hoops team, you know to go with DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com.]
Craig Teal: Fordham – Though my Fordham Rams are ranked about 250th according to Jeff Sagarin, I still think they are overrated. They have a brand new logo that was created to inspire more ferocious play. Clearly it didn’t work.
Most Underrated Team
Kentucky (11-3)
How can team with the history and tradition of Kentucky receive no votes from either poll, yet have an 11-3 record? I blame Ashley Judd. She clearly has not been showing up to enough Wildcats games scantily clad.
Other Opinions
Pat Hurley: Illinois - The Illini (13-1) aren’t even ranked, despite wins over Purdue, Vandy, Mizzou and Georgia, and only a single 2-point loss to a 13-0 Clemson squad. Admittedly, the Purdue win was Tuesday night, but still! Moreover, in the words of our honorable governor, Rod Blagojevich, “Being mentioned in Dave Barend’s blog is a pretty f&*%ing valuable thing!”
Keith Mangas: Himself - The only thing that is underrated is a certain blogger’s perceptions of the time this working husband and father of two has to devote to marketing, editing, contributing and increasing the ad revenue of an unnamed Internet blog. And I say that with nothing but admiration for the blogger :)
Bill Sullivan: Notre Dame, Marquette & Georgetown - Not to show any Big East bias but I would nominate Notre Dame, Marquette and Georgetown as the underrated picks. Notre Dame, because as an alum anytime one of our teams is not ranked #1, I in an irrational response, feel we are underrated. Marquette will be a seriously dangerous team this year, with the three top guard rotation in the country and a blossoming star in Lazar Hayward. If only they had Al McGuire back coaching and were still called the Warriors it might be like 1977 all over again.
(If you'd like to contribute to next Thursday's post with your choice for the most overrated/underrated team or player just send an email to me at DaveBarend@yahoo.com by Wednesday night. Rant #8 coming Monday.)
Take it easy,
Dave
Rankings
1.North Carolina (13-0)
Best wins: Michigan State and Notre Dame
My Irrelevant Comment:
Check out Tyler Hansbrough’s eyes sometime. They look like he’s in a perpetual state of shock. He always has the same expression as that guy in Caddyshack who dove out of a fishing boat just as Rodney Dangerfield smashed through with his yacht. Who the hell remembers that guy? Well, I was going to say that Hansbrough looks like a cross between Nancy Pelosi and Steve Buscemi. Can there be any doubt that Tyler would prefer that I go with the Caddyshack guy?
2.Pitt (13-0)
Best wins: Texas Tech, Washington St., & Florida State
My Irrelevant Comment: School called itself Pitt because Crotch would have been too disgusting.
3.Wake Forest (11-0)
Best Wins; Baylor and UTEP
My Irrelevant Comment:
I always assumed that Coach Gaudio’s first name was Dean and people called him Dean-O just like they would to Dean Martin. Turns out, his actual name is Dino and they call him Dino just as they would to, well, Fred Flintstone’s pet.
4.Oklahoma (12-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson & Utah
Loss – at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
You know Oklahoma’s “Boomer-Sooner” chant? Well, I really thought they were saying “Boom her sooner.” I’ve got to say that my interpretation is much better. It’s essentially telling prospective freshmen that the women on campus don’t have that 3-date requirement.
5. Duke (11-1)
Best Wins: S. Illinois, Michigan, & Purdue, Xavier
Worst Loss: Michigan
My Irrelevant Comment: I’m rooting hard for Duke’s Brian Zoubek to make it big time. Why? Because I’ve always been a big fan of Zubaz pants. Remember those? The really cheesy red and blue zebra stripped sweat pants that were huge in the late 80s. I loved those. And if Zoubek makes it in the pros, he’d be the perfect pitch man: “Zoubek for Zubaz.”
6.Gerogetown (9-1)
Best Wins: Maryland, Memphis & UConn
Loss - Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment: Though called the Hoyas, the team is also referred to as the G-Men, which of course, conjures up images of the FBI and J. Edgar Hoover. Then again so does the penchant of the male cheerleaders to dress in drag.
7.UConn (10-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin and at Gonzaga
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment: I hear there is a problem with the water on the UConn campus. Something about a yet to be identified foreign substance. Here’s my theory: UConn, a school with a very good men’s basketball team and a bowl bound football team, is crazy for its women’s hoop team. The foreign substance must therefore be – estrogen. (I’d check the water at Tennessee as well.)
8.Notre Dame (10-2)
Best Wins: Texas, Indiana
Losses: North Carolina, Ohio State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Notre Dame is notorious for having a less than stunningly attractive female portion of its student body. It’s really misleading having “Dame” right in its name. I think most alums would even agree that they should really call themselves Notre Dog University. I say “most alums” because my wife, who is an ND grad, will likely castrate me upon reading this. What I won’t do for a laugh.
9. Texas (10-2)
Best Wins: UCLA, Oregon, & Villanova, Wisconsin
Losses: Notre Dame, Michigan St.
My Irrelevant Comment:
True story: I once met a judge who told he me went to Univ. of Texas. In an effort to impress him I said, “Well Hang ’em Horns.” After he walked away disgusted with my stupidity I made the following note: Try to remember it’s Hook ‘em Horns NOT Hang ‘em Horns – especially when speaking to a judge from Texas.
10 Syracuse (12-1)
Best Wins: Florida, Kansas, Virginia, at Memphis
Losses: Cleveland State
My Irrelevant Comment
In last week’s edition of Sport Illustrated, Seth Davis claimed that Syracuse is a potential Final 4 team. This is clear evidence that I am no longer the least knowledgeable college hoop writer.
Most Overrated Team
Ohio State
The Big Ten stinks. The Big Ten stinks. The Big Ten stinks. I must say that over and over so that I never forget how inferior the Big Ten is. Last week I claimed that Ohio State, the best of the Big Ten, was really good. They then lost to West Virginia by 28 – at home.
Other Opinions
Pat Hurley: Purdue - Not only did Purdue (11-3) lose to Illinois at home Tuesday night, but they have two other losses, including an ass-whooping administered by Duke. Why are they ranked #9? More importantly, you can count the number of hot chicks at Purdue on one hand (insert joke here). [Never knew it was a joke that is inserted into one’s hand. Guess I’ve had it wrong all these years.]
Ken Robbins: Dallas Cowboys - Yes how about them Cowboys? More like the cowgirls....or perhaps like the Yankees! As both the Cowboys & Yankees try each year to simply Buy a championship instead of get this - actually compete for a world championship. Not that I would know from my experiences, but as a fan and living here in Chi-town where Jordan built Championships I do know that you need to bring your A-game each time out there. Clearly, the Eagles brought it folks!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Ken, sort of looking for an overrated college hoops team, you know to go with DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com.]
Craig Teal: Fordham – Though my Fordham Rams are ranked about 250th according to Jeff Sagarin, I still think they are overrated. They have a brand new logo that was created to inspire more ferocious play. Clearly it didn’t work.
Most Underrated Team
Kentucky (11-3)
How can team with the history and tradition of Kentucky receive no votes from either poll, yet have an 11-3 record? I blame Ashley Judd. She clearly has not been showing up to enough Wildcats games scantily clad.
Other Opinions
Pat Hurley: Illinois - The Illini (13-1) aren’t even ranked, despite wins over Purdue, Vandy, Mizzou and Georgia, and only a single 2-point loss to a 13-0 Clemson squad. Admittedly, the Purdue win was Tuesday night, but still! Moreover, in the words of our honorable governor, Rod Blagojevich, “Being mentioned in Dave Barend’s blog is a pretty f&*%ing valuable thing!”
Keith Mangas: Himself - The only thing that is underrated is a certain blogger’s perceptions of the time this working husband and father of two has to devote to marketing, editing, contributing and increasing the ad revenue of an unnamed Internet blog. And I say that with nothing but admiration for the blogger :)
Bill Sullivan: Notre Dame, Marquette & Georgetown - Not to show any Big East bias but I would nominate Notre Dame, Marquette and Georgetown as the underrated picks. Notre Dame, because as an alum anytime one of our teams is not ranked #1, I in an irrational response, feel we are underrated. Marquette will be a seriously dangerous team this year, with the three top guard rotation in the country and a blossoming star in Lazar Hayward. If only they had Al McGuire back coaching and were still called the Warriors it might be like 1977 all over again.
(If you'd like to contribute to next Thursday's post with your choice for the most overrated/underrated team or player just send an email to me at DaveBarend@yahoo.com by Wednesday night. Rant #8 coming Monday.)
Take it easy,
Dave
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