Below is my current set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments. Below that are some even more irrelevant comments from other folks. And below that is some very relevant info on how to join my FREE pool for the NCAA Tourney.
RANKINGS
1. UCONN (26-2)
Best Wins: at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU, at Marquette
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
This past week Coach Calhoun was asked how much of his $1.6 million salary he’d be willing to return given that Connecticut is facing a $2 billion dollar crisis. He responded, “Not a dime.” Note to self: cross Calhoun off list of possible donors to my free NCAA pool.
2. PITT (25-3)
Best wins: at Florida State, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova, at Providence
My Irrelevant Comment:
You know how twins sometimes pull a swithcheroo to confuse their friends and family? I wonder if Jamie Dixon and Jermaine Dixon ever do that. I’m guessing they don’t. Jamie’s not much of a joker. Well, there’s also the fact that he and Jermaine aren’t really twins. Or the same height. Or the same race.
3. NORTH CAROLINA (24-3)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest, at Maryland
My Irrelevant Comment:
On Saturday UNC lost to the Maryland Terrapins. I’ve always wondered why that school didn’t just go with “The Turtles.” Then Maryland’s Arena would have perpetually blasted the tune “Happy Together.” Hmm. Thank God they went with the Terrapins.
4. LOUISVILLE (21-5)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, at ND, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Louisville’s star Freshman is Samardo Samuels. Yup, first part of his first name is Sam. And the first part of his last name is Sam. Which explains his nickname – Ardo Uels.
5. OKLAHOMA (25-3)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas, at Texas, Kansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
On Saturday Blake Griffin got nipped in the nose and inexplicably suffered a concussion. Now he’s a little afraid to get back on the court. Not that he might get another concussion, but that he’ll get nipped in the stomach and suffer hemorrhoids.
6. MEMPHIS (24-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
My wife and I were playing some game where she had to try to guess the name of a famous person based on facts that I was rattling off. (The joys of married life.) So I say “Moved to Memphis, almost always in the Top 10, rose to fame when he was young and dapper, but then became a fat slob.” Her guess: Elvis. Are you kidding me? I was clearly talking about John Calipari.
7. DUKE (23-5)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown, Wake Forest
Losses: at Michigan, at Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Day before a big game the Duke students will set up tents to camp out in the freezing cold just to get tickets. They call it Krzyzewskiville. I’d call it something entirely different: Stupid.
8. MISSOURI (24-4)
Best Wins: USC, Cal, at Texas, KU
Losses” At Xavier, Illinois, at Nebraska, at Kansas St.
My Irrelevant Comment:
Missouri is currently ranked in the Top 10 in both polls, but has had almost no nationally televised games. The State of Missouri might want to re-think its slogan of the “Show Me State.” Seems like it should be altered to “The Hose Me State.”
9. MICHIGAN STATE (21-5)
Bet wins, Texas, Minn., KU, Ohio St., Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, Northwestern, Penn St., at Purdue
My Irrelevant Comment:
Michigan State’s star player, Raymar Morgan, has had the Flu, Pneumonia, Mono, and a respiratory virus. Yet the Spartans are 21-5 and have a decent shot at the Final 4. How many times do you think the following thought has gone through Coach Izzo’s mind? “If he could just come down with tuberculosis we could win it all.”
10. MARQUETTE (23-5)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, WV, at ND
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee, at USF, at Villanova, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Fact: There are 62,000 people in the city of Milwaukee. Fact: Marquette’s 18,850 seat area has not been filled to capacity for every game this year. Unanswerable Question: How can so many people possibly find anything else to do in Milwaukee?
OTHER OPINIONS
Ken Robbins: George Mason – My alma mater, George Mason, has elected a drag queen at it’s home coming queen.
Harold Barend (I): Duke - I believe Duke will be in the Final Four this year. Understandably, Duke has a problem with the lack of an agile big man. What team in college basketball can start four forwards who can rebound, drill the three and go hard to the basket. At the beginning of the season, Duke seemed to have more intensity on defense--that could be their Achilles heel in the tournament.
Pete Frey: Providence – Friars’ win over Pitt was their biggest win in 12 years.
Scott DeTraglia: Dave’s Free NCAA Pool - You have two choices of where to put your money: The stock market (and watch it decline every day) or The Dave Barend pool (where you have a chance to win). The Dave Barend pool in '09 - your best investment -
Harold Barend (II): The Big East - I think the Big East should get 10 teams. Most of the losses the Big East teams have incurred are within their own division. When Big East teams competed outside their conference they usually win. Syracuse and Notre Dame are the two big question marks for the tournament. I believe Syracuse is in the Big Show but how far will they go? Betting on Syracuse is a real shot in the dark. One game they look like the kid who walked out of the crapper in Slumdog Millionaire the next game they look like they could play with any team in college basketball. Only alumni can love this team. All the hype and build up for Notre Dame has resulted in a premature climax. Notre Dame was at their best halfway through the season and now they must fight like hell to even get a place in the NCAA tournament. It is really a shame if they are left out. The positives of putting them in the tournament: they bring a huge gate, they are fun to watch, (not many tattoos), and they will be competitive. Pittsburg will probably get a very high seed. They are physical, and ugly to watch.
STEPS TO JOIN MY FREE NCAA POOL
1.Email me at davebarend@yahoo.com and say “I’m up for the pool.”
2. There is no Step 2 – once you email me you are in. I’ll then get you all the info & passwords for my basic bracket format pool that will be run on Yahoo sites.
3. Optional Step – Donate to the pot of the pool (currently over $500) via the PayPal link at the top of this site above Gabe Kaplan.
Take it easy,
Dave Barend
(Next Rant coming Monday.)
Thursday, February 26, 2009
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Rant#15: It Takes An Idiot To Run An NCAA Pool
To make the NCAA Tourney fun you need to find someone dumb enough to want to run a pool. For the past 15 years that dummy has been me.
After each year, I swear I’m never going to be that idiot again. The stress of running a pool is simply not worth it. But then March comes and, much like Al Pacino said, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." (Though I’m not sure if Michael Corleone would find the “stress” of running an NCAA pool “much like” the stress of running - the mafia.)
Why do I succumb each year? Well, I’m not sure.
For the $? - A good reason, except I don’t make any money off the pool. A few years ago I wanted to assure everyone that I wasn’t taking a percentage of the pot. So I sent an email out to the couple hundred people in my pool saying, “I’m not taking any ‘Fig”’. Huh? See, I thought that “The Fig” was the term for taking a cut of a pool. Turns out it’s called “The Vig”. Which explains the responses saying things like, “What the hell are you talking about?”, and “What do you have against Figs?” My pathetic display of ignorance did have a positive. It reconfirmed for everyone in my pool that I was the prefect idiot for the job.
For Fun? – The fun part is being in the pool. Dealing with people who can’t figure out how to fill in the brackets, not fun. Couple years ago, it was 5 minutes before tip off of the first round. I was just about to take the first bite of my pizza when the phone rang.
Sean: Hey man it’s Sean. I haven’t gotten my picks in yet.
Dave: Don’t know what to tell you. Tip off is in less than 5 minutes.
Sean: Great, I was worried we wouldn’t have enough time.
Me: We?
Sean: Yeah, I need you to enter the picks on that web site for me.
(At this point, a normal person would have pretended that there was a bad connection and hung up. Sadly, I’m not normal.)
Dave: Sure. Just read off your picks and I’ll type ‘em in.
Sean: Dude, I haven’t even looked at the brackets yet.
(As I furiously typed in the winners of all 63 games a drop of sweat fell toward my pizza. I managed to deftly catch it with my big toe. Unfortunately, I was unable to prevent my foot from landing in the double cheese. I now had a meal that was literally going to taste like feet.)
Dave: Wow, we finished with 30 seconds to spare.
Sean: Dave, hold a second. Yeah, uh, can I get a large Coke with that? Dave, you there? Thanks man. Gotta go. Don’t want my pizza to get cold.
For Making Friends? – Actually I seem to lose friends. This obsession with my NCAA pool has pretty much alienated my entire neighborhood. Though they claim that they aren’t interested, that simply makes no sense to me. How can anybody not want to be in an NCCA pool? It’s like not wanting sex. In fact, an NCAA pool is like 3 weeks of sex. Who wouldn’t want that? Well, apparently about 50 people according to the signatures on the neighborhood’s cease and desist petition.
Last year, a new family moved into my neighborhood about 1 week before the Tourney. My wife made me promise that I would not even mention my pool to them. I agreed. I also lied. A crafty move given that they happily joined.
The day before the Tourney started, I noticed that some unknown person had logged into my pool’s web site. This infuriating discovery meant three things: (1) someone had entered my pool without paying (2) someone had given out the password for my pool’s web site and (3) the pulsating vein in my forehead was going to explode. Yeah, I was a bit perturbed. I then received an email from my brand new neighbor indicating that he had given the password to another guy. He apologized and said he’d gladly take care of the fee.
If you think that’s the end, then you are, once again, forgetting that I’m an idiot. I decided to vent by forwarding my neighbor’s email to another buddy in the pool and wrote, “Read below. Looks like I found the @#$%&*#!” Except I didn’t hit forward. I hit reply. And I didn’t write @#$%&*#. I wrote “asshole.”
I immediately realized my mistake. Somehow I had to stop that email. So I did the only logical thing - I yanked my computer right out of the wall. The cord flew out of the socket and, accompanied by a chunk of dry wall, smashed into my face. Upon rebooting my computer I learned a disappointing fact - I’m not as fast as email.
I then re-opened the email, made absolutely sure I hit forward, and sent the following note to my wife: “In the next few hours our new neighbors will cease speaking with us. See below. Please let me know if this is a 6 roses or a full dozen mistake. My wife wrote back. One line: “You are an idiot.”
For Pride? Amazingly, yes. If there is one thing that I know I can do well, it’s run a good NCAA pool. I can actually envision the engraving on my headstone: “Dave Barend – Loving father and devoted husband? That’s debatable. But he ran a damn good pool.”
What I’d really like is to be able to say that I ran a stress-free pool. And I truly think this year I might be getting closer to that goal. My two biggest stressors are:
Stressor #1: Collecting $ -
Every year I swear that I’m not letting anyone in without first receiving their payment. Every single year I get a bunch of last minute calls. I’ve heard all the excuses:
There are threats like: Let me in or I’ll tell everyone about that time with the ostrich
There are pleas to my sympathy like: I’m your mother, damn it.
There are also promises like: I’m writing the check now, well, not like right now, but as soon as I find my check book, and a stamp, and an envelope . . .
Then there are my friends who aren’t actually deadbeats, but simply like to torture me by paying late. One year my buddy Gary sent his payment days before the Tourney started. Or so I thought. When I opened his envelope all that was inside was a note that read: “How pissed are you now?”
So, the pool ends up being financed by the Bank of Dave – the only bank currently doing worse than Washington Mutual.
Stressor #2.Fear of Prison Time –
It has occasionally dawned on me that the pool that I have been running for years over the Internet with friends across the country just might involve some federal violations. A quick LEXIS search revealed that such actions seem to be prohibited by: The Wire Act, The Paraphernalia Act (substantially less risqué than I had hoped), The Federal Anti-gambling Statute, and The Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act. I now have an image of me in Federal prison having a conversation with another inmate. "So what are you in for?" "Murder, how about you? "Violating the Professional and Amateur, er, I mean murder."
But even if my odds of ending up in the poky are likely slim, as an attorney I have another concern – The Board Of Bar Overseers. While doing a little time in the slammer would be one thing, getting disbarred would really have a negative impact on my career.
Before I called the BBO to ascertain my risk, I prepared some questions such as: Is it true that something can be illegal but not unethical? Has anyone ever been disbarred for running an NCAA pool? And, Do you have caller id?
The person I spoke to asserted that running an illegal NCAA pool could result in sanctions, but such a complaint would realistically be pushed to the far corner of his desk. He, however, refused to even acknowledge the possibility that such a file could be pushed off his desk and into his garbage can. Ethical people are so hard to bribe.
So, just in case anyone reading this is from the BBO, IRS, or FBI, all the references above to me accepting fees for an NCAA pool – nothing but jokes. They fall into the “Humor” part of “DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.
Solution: Make The Pool FREE –
You got it. This year’s pool is completely FREE! Gone are my worries about collecting money and ending up in the big house ‘cause the pool will be FREE. Yes, I still have the stress of dealing with people who contact me in the middle of round three asking if there’s anyway they can change their picks. And yes, I still have the stress of convincing people to join the pool. But that later concern should be slightly alleviated because the pool is FREE.
But if the pool is FREE where is the $ for the pot coming from? Well, for the most part it’s coming from me. As promised, I’ve decided to dedicate every dollar of advertising to the pot of this pool. So far I’m up to $450. ($375 from individual ads and about $75 from people finding interest in those ads setup by Google.) I also have leads on 3 more possible ads. If you know anyone who is up for shelling out a mere $125, they can have an ad too. I do realize that giving away all my profits is, to say the least, a very unique business model. But my goal isn’t to make any mullah. It’s just to run a damn good pool.
The other source of dough from the pot is hopefully from you. Wait a minute, what happened to the FREE part? Well, it is FREE, I’m just hoping that you decide to voluntarily contribute to the pot via the PayPal button at the top right of this site – just above Gabe Kaplan.
Why the hell would anyone pay when they could enter for FREE? I’m banking on the most effective persuasive technique I know. No, it’s nothing that I learned in law school, but instead something that I picked up from my torturous Catholic upbringing – guilt. Yes, I’m truly hoping that some of you will feel compelled to toss in 5-10 bucks. You know, since I’m giving my earnings, my time and a good part of my hairline for this pool. I also went through 23 hours of labor just for you, so you damn well . . . Oh sorry, that one doesn’t really apply.
But if you can’t spare a few bucks or even if you just don’t want to, no big deal, because the pool truly is FREE. I really only ask for one thing: When this pool inevitably leads to a fatal stress induced heart attack, please just raise a glass and say, “Dave Barend - That idiot ran a damn good pool.”
[Though I’ll post a full list on instructions on Selection Sunday, if you want to join the pool now all you have to do is (1) join as a “follower" of this site (look under the Google ads), (2) contemplate a donation via PayPal (Look above the Fast Break poster) and (3) send an email to me at davebarend@yahoo.com with your name and address. I’ll get you all the details and passwords. Nutshell: Pool’s a basic bracket format run via Yahoo and, most importantly, it’s FREE!!! ]
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you want to contribute with your own comment on any hoop team just email it to me by Tuesday night.
After each year, I swear I’m never going to be that idiot again. The stress of running a pool is simply not worth it. But then March comes and, much like Al Pacino said, "Just when I thought I was out, they pull me back in." (Though I’m not sure if Michael Corleone would find the “stress” of running an NCAA pool “much like” the stress of running - the mafia.)
Why do I succumb each year? Well, I’m not sure.
For the $? - A good reason, except I don’t make any money off the pool. A few years ago I wanted to assure everyone that I wasn’t taking a percentage of the pot. So I sent an email out to the couple hundred people in my pool saying, “I’m not taking any ‘Fig”’. Huh? See, I thought that “The Fig” was the term for taking a cut of a pool. Turns out it’s called “The Vig”. Which explains the responses saying things like, “What the hell are you talking about?”, and “What do you have against Figs?” My pathetic display of ignorance did have a positive. It reconfirmed for everyone in my pool that I was the prefect idiot for the job.
For Fun? – The fun part is being in the pool. Dealing with people who can’t figure out how to fill in the brackets, not fun. Couple years ago, it was 5 minutes before tip off of the first round. I was just about to take the first bite of my pizza when the phone rang.
Sean: Hey man it’s Sean. I haven’t gotten my picks in yet.
Dave: Don’t know what to tell you. Tip off is in less than 5 minutes.
Sean: Great, I was worried we wouldn’t have enough time.
Me: We?
Sean: Yeah, I need you to enter the picks on that web site for me.
(At this point, a normal person would have pretended that there was a bad connection and hung up. Sadly, I’m not normal.)
Dave: Sure. Just read off your picks and I’ll type ‘em in.
Sean: Dude, I haven’t even looked at the brackets yet.
(As I furiously typed in the winners of all 63 games a drop of sweat fell toward my pizza. I managed to deftly catch it with my big toe. Unfortunately, I was unable to prevent my foot from landing in the double cheese. I now had a meal that was literally going to taste like feet.)
Dave: Wow, we finished with 30 seconds to spare.
Sean: Dave, hold a second. Yeah, uh, can I get a large Coke with that? Dave, you there? Thanks man. Gotta go. Don’t want my pizza to get cold.
For Making Friends? – Actually I seem to lose friends. This obsession with my NCAA pool has pretty much alienated my entire neighborhood. Though they claim that they aren’t interested, that simply makes no sense to me. How can anybody not want to be in an NCCA pool? It’s like not wanting sex. In fact, an NCAA pool is like 3 weeks of sex. Who wouldn’t want that? Well, apparently about 50 people according to the signatures on the neighborhood’s cease and desist petition.
Last year, a new family moved into my neighborhood about 1 week before the Tourney. My wife made me promise that I would not even mention my pool to them. I agreed. I also lied. A crafty move given that they happily joined.
The day before the Tourney started, I noticed that some unknown person had logged into my pool’s web site. This infuriating discovery meant three things: (1) someone had entered my pool without paying (2) someone had given out the password for my pool’s web site and (3) the pulsating vein in my forehead was going to explode. Yeah, I was a bit perturbed. I then received an email from my brand new neighbor indicating that he had given the password to another guy. He apologized and said he’d gladly take care of the fee.
If you think that’s the end, then you are, once again, forgetting that I’m an idiot. I decided to vent by forwarding my neighbor’s email to another buddy in the pool and wrote, “Read below. Looks like I found the @#$%&*#!” Except I didn’t hit forward. I hit reply. And I didn’t write @#$%&*#. I wrote “asshole.”
I immediately realized my mistake. Somehow I had to stop that email. So I did the only logical thing - I yanked my computer right out of the wall. The cord flew out of the socket and, accompanied by a chunk of dry wall, smashed into my face. Upon rebooting my computer I learned a disappointing fact - I’m not as fast as email.
I then re-opened the email, made absolutely sure I hit forward, and sent the following note to my wife: “In the next few hours our new neighbors will cease speaking with us. See below. Please let me know if this is a 6 roses or a full dozen mistake. My wife wrote back. One line: “You are an idiot.”
For Pride? Amazingly, yes. If there is one thing that I know I can do well, it’s run a good NCAA pool. I can actually envision the engraving on my headstone: “Dave Barend – Loving father and devoted husband? That’s debatable. But he ran a damn good pool.”
What I’d really like is to be able to say that I ran a stress-free pool. And I truly think this year I might be getting closer to that goal. My two biggest stressors are:
Stressor #1: Collecting $ -
Every year I swear that I’m not letting anyone in without first receiving their payment. Every single year I get a bunch of last minute calls. I’ve heard all the excuses:
There are threats like: Let me in or I’ll tell everyone about that time with the ostrich
There are pleas to my sympathy like: I’m your mother, damn it.
There are also promises like: I’m writing the check now, well, not like right now, but as soon as I find my check book, and a stamp, and an envelope . . .
Then there are my friends who aren’t actually deadbeats, but simply like to torture me by paying late. One year my buddy Gary sent his payment days before the Tourney started. Or so I thought. When I opened his envelope all that was inside was a note that read: “How pissed are you now?”
So, the pool ends up being financed by the Bank of Dave – the only bank currently doing worse than Washington Mutual.
Stressor #2.Fear of Prison Time –
It has occasionally dawned on me that the pool that I have been running for years over the Internet with friends across the country just might involve some federal violations. A quick LEXIS search revealed that such actions seem to be prohibited by: The Wire Act, The Paraphernalia Act (substantially less risqué than I had hoped), The Federal Anti-gambling Statute, and The Professional and Amateur Sports Protection Act. I now have an image of me in Federal prison having a conversation with another inmate. "So what are you in for?" "Murder, how about you? "Violating the Professional and Amateur, er, I mean murder."
But even if my odds of ending up in the poky are likely slim, as an attorney I have another concern – The Board Of Bar Overseers. While doing a little time in the slammer would be one thing, getting disbarred would really have a negative impact on my career.
Before I called the BBO to ascertain my risk, I prepared some questions such as: Is it true that something can be illegal but not unethical? Has anyone ever been disbarred for running an NCAA pool? And, Do you have caller id?
The person I spoke to asserted that running an illegal NCAA pool could result in sanctions, but such a complaint would realistically be pushed to the far corner of his desk. He, however, refused to even acknowledge the possibility that such a file could be pushed off his desk and into his garbage can. Ethical people are so hard to bribe.
So, just in case anyone reading this is from the BBO, IRS, or FBI, all the references above to me accepting fees for an NCAA pool – nothing but jokes. They fall into the “Humor” part of “DaveBarendsCollegeHoopHumor.
Solution: Make The Pool FREE –
You got it. This year’s pool is completely FREE! Gone are my worries about collecting money and ending up in the big house ‘cause the pool will be FREE. Yes, I still have the stress of dealing with people who contact me in the middle of round three asking if there’s anyway they can change their picks. And yes, I still have the stress of convincing people to join the pool. But that later concern should be slightly alleviated because the pool is FREE.
But if the pool is FREE where is the $ for the pot coming from? Well, for the most part it’s coming from me. As promised, I’ve decided to dedicate every dollar of advertising to the pot of this pool. So far I’m up to $450. ($375 from individual ads and about $75 from people finding interest in those ads setup by Google.) I also have leads on 3 more possible ads. If you know anyone who is up for shelling out a mere $125, they can have an ad too. I do realize that giving away all my profits is, to say the least, a very unique business model. But my goal isn’t to make any mullah. It’s just to run a damn good pool.
The other source of dough from the pot is hopefully from you. Wait a minute, what happened to the FREE part? Well, it is FREE, I’m just hoping that you decide to voluntarily contribute to the pot via the PayPal button at the top right of this site – just above Gabe Kaplan.
Why the hell would anyone pay when they could enter for FREE? I’m banking on the most effective persuasive technique I know. No, it’s nothing that I learned in law school, but instead something that I picked up from my torturous Catholic upbringing – guilt. Yes, I’m truly hoping that some of you will feel compelled to toss in 5-10 bucks. You know, since I’m giving my earnings, my time and a good part of my hairline for this pool. I also went through 23 hours of labor just for you, so you damn well . . . Oh sorry, that one doesn’t really apply.
But if you can’t spare a few bucks or even if you just don’t want to, no big deal, because the pool truly is FREE. I really only ask for one thing: When this pool inevitably leads to a fatal stress induced heart attack, please just raise a glass and say, “Dave Barend - That idiot ran a damn good pool.”
[Though I’ll post a full list on instructions on Selection Sunday, if you want to join the pool now all you have to do is (1) join as a “follower" of this site (look under the Google ads), (2) contemplate a donation via PayPal (Look above the Fast Break poster) and (3) send an email to me at davebarend@yahoo.com with your name and address. I’ll get you all the details and passwords. Nutshell: Pool’s a basic bracket format run via Yahoo and, most importantly, it’s FREE!!! ]
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you want to contribute with your own comment on any hoop team just email it to me by Tuesday night.
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 11)
Below is my 11th set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments. To your right is my attempt to decorate this site.
RANKINGS
1. Pitt (23-2)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova
My Irrelevant Comment:
A week or so ago when I likened Pitt to a football team I thought I might have been a bit unfair. Then on Monday DeJuan Blair literally flipped Hasheem Thabeet over his shoulder. So I guess I was unfair – to football teams. Apparently the more accurate comparison is to the UCF.
2.Oklahoma (25-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Oklahoma is ranked #2 in the Coaches Poll yet they haven’t beaten a single team currently in the top 20. I have no problem with that. You see, my alma mater, St. Bonaventure hasn’t beaten a team in the top 50. So next week . . . you gotta know what I’m thinking. Say it with me, “Bonnies are #1! Bonnies are #1!”
3.North Carolina (23-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
The Tar Heels have lost 3 players for the season. If they go on to win the championship the unthinkable may occur – the coach of the year award being given to Roy Williams. The only thing that would then lead to my world making sense again: every other coach being given – a pink slip.
4.UConn (23-2)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Calhoun restrained himself from laying into the refs after the Pitt game. The NCAA ridiculously refuses to let coaches critique the refereeing. The only way the NCAA would allow Calhoun to voice his negative opinions is if he: shaved his head, painted his face and downed a 6-pack of Bud.
5.Memphis (23-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
Memphis’s conference, Conference USA, might not be accurately named. I mean the USA is a country where millions of people would do anything possible to try to get in. Then there’s Conference-USA, where every team that’s ever been in has tried everything possible to get out.
6.Wake Forest (19-4)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke
Loss: Virginia Tech, Miami, Georgia Tech, NC State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake’s student section calls themselves the “Screaming Demons”. They must think they’re pretty clever. Yeah, well, wait till those kids get older. Then they’ll discover a better name for screaming demon - wife.
7. Duke (20-5)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan, Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Tickets to see Duke at BC via Stub Hub: $125/per person.
One program for my 6-year old: $15
One stuffed Eagle for my 3 year old: $20
The cost to my psyche for not going to see BC beat Duke because I was too damn cheap:
PRICELESS.
8.Marquette (22-4)
Best Wins: Villanova, ND
Losses: Dayton, Tenn., at USF, at Villanova
Irrelevant Comment:
Marquette was named after the 17th Century explorer and missionary, Jacques Marquette. When it came time to come up with a nickname a contingent of students wanted to go with the Marquette Missionary. Ironically, the Catholics in charge took a different "position".
9.Michigan State (20-5)
Best Wins: Texas, KU, at Minn, at Ohio St. at Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, NW, Penn St., at Purdue
Irrelevant Comment:
While checking the television listings last week I noticed Michigan State was on something labeled BTN. Turns out BTN stands for the Big Ten Network. Stupid me, I thought that was CBS.
10.Louisville (20-4)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, UConn, at ND
My Irrelevant Comment:
Louisville has not only lost to Western Kentucky, but just recently got blown out by a Notre Dame team that had lost 7 in a row. So why do I have then ranked 10th? That’s easy. Because I couldn’t come up with a joke for Missouri.
OTHER OPINIONS
Bill Sullivan: Notre Dame - In typical Notre Dame fan reaction, from last week's total dejection, now I cannot figure out why we are not slated for a number one seed. At least we don't overreact.
Harold Barend: Duke - Duke needs a big man who can jump. It pains me to see a 7 footer who plays with the tenacity of Mother Theresa. Despite their big man problems, I still think they will be in the final four--unless they meet Oklahoma, North Carolina, or Connecticut along with a few other teams before they get there. The way the Duke Blue Devils have been physically abused, they are fortunate to have a very respected medical facility.
Mike Wood: BC - It must be a Carolina thing (beating both NC and Duke) - they looked good and I'm very impressed with the play of Joe Trapani - the transfer from Vermont - the Singler/Trapani match-up was fun to watch. Trapani scored 19 in a loss to Wake Forest and had another big game vs Duke scoring 20 points.
Harold Barend (II): Binghamton - Binghamton University from the American East (from where do you ask) just might be in the big tourney. They are playing with a purpose and have just risen to the top of their conference. At home, the school attendance sets new records almost every game with a lot of support from the community. They could easily surprise one of the higher ranked teams--good three-point shooting, very athletic, and fast.
Pete Frey: Anybody but BC – Pete would just like everyone to know that former BC player Sean Williams was arrested once again – this time for trespassing at BC.
Harold Barend (III) - Syracuse: I was beginning to believe someone taught the big man how to shoot a free throw after he made two in a row to a standing ovation. Unfortunately the good feeling did not last. My question: Why doesn't Syracuse University hire a coach to teach how to shoot a free throw? If they already did hire someone, then they should fire the person. Have a good evening and I hope this helps.
Harold Barend (IV): Notre Dame - Notre Dame always looks good at the beginning of a game then usually allows the competition to control the second half. I have a problem buying into Harangody for Big East Player of the Year. I think he takes to many ill advised shots and he seldom sets picks or screens for his teammates. At the beginning of the game with West Virginia, I was watching a totally different Notre Dame team, cutting, screening, and shooting the lights out. Harangody made some great passes but just as quick as it began, it ended when Harangody took an off balanced 20 foot jumper. It was as if something clicked in his brain that said: "I haven't had my share of shots."
If you’d like to contribute to next weeks Rankings and Irrelevant Comments just email me your submission at davebarend@yahoo.com by Tuesday night and it’ll be up on Thursday. Next Rant coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
RANKINGS
1. Pitt (23-2)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse, ND, WV, at UConn
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova
My Irrelevant Comment:
A week or so ago when I likened Pitt to a football team I thought I might have been a bit unfair. Then on Monday DeJuan Blair literally flipped Hasheem Thabeet over his shoulder. So I guess I was unfair – to football teams. Apparently the more accurate comparison is to the UCF.
2.Oklahoma (25-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Oklahoma is ranked #2 in the Coaches Poll yet they haven’t beaten a single team currently in the top 20. I have no problem with that. You see, my alma mater, St. Bonaventure hasn’t beaten a team in the top 50. So next week . . . you gotta know what I’m thinking. Say it with me, “Bonnies are #1! Bonnies are #1!”
3.North Carolina (23-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
The Tar Heels have lost 3 players for the season. If they go on to win the championship the unthinkable may occur – the coach of the year award being given to Roy Williams. The only thing that would then lead to my world making sense again: every other coach being given – a pink slip.
4.UConn (23-2)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown, Pitt
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Calhoun restrained himself from laying into the refs after the Pitt game. The NCAA ridiculously refuses to let coaches critique the refereeing. The only way the NCAA would allow Calhoun to voice his negative opinions is if he: shaved his head, painted his face and downed a 6-pack of Bud.
5.Memphis (23-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
Memphis’s conference, Conference USA, might not be accurately named. I mean the USA is a country where millions of people would do anything possible to try to get in. Then there’s Conference-USA, where every team that’s ever been in has tried everything possible to get out.
6.Wake Forest (19-4)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke
Loss: Virginia Tech, Miami, Georgia Tech, NC State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake’s student section calls themselves the “Screaming Demons”. They must think they’re pretty clever. Yeah, well, wait till those kids get older. Then they’ll discover a better name for screaming demon - wife.
7. Duke (20-5)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan, Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC, at BC
My Irrelevant Comment:
Tickets to see Duke at BC via Stub Hub: $125/per person.
One program for my 6-year old: $15
One stuffed Eagle for my 3 year old: $20
The cost to my psyche for not going to see BC beat Duke because I was too damn cheap:
PRICELESS.
8.Marquette (22-4)
Best Wins: Villanova, ND
Losses: Dayton, Tenn., at USF, at Villanova
Irrelevant Comment:
Marquette was named after the 17th Century explorer and missionary, Jacques Marquette. When it came time to come up with a nickname a contingent of students wanted to go with the Marquette Missionary. Ironically, the Catholics in charge took a different "position".
9.Michigan State (20-5)
Best Wins: Texas, KU, at Minn, at Ohio St. at Michigan
Losses: Maryland, UNC, NW, Penn St., at Purdue
Irrelevant Comment:
While checking the television listings last week I noticed Michigan State was on something labeled BTN. Turns out BTN stands for the Big Ten Network. Stupid me, I thought that was CBS.
10.Louisville (20-4)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, UConn, at ND
My Irrelevant Comment:
Louisville has not only lost to Western Kentucky, but just recently got blown out by a Notre Dame team that had lost 7 in a row. So why do I have then ranked 10th? That’s easy. Because I couldn’t come up with a joke for Missouri.
OTHER OPINIONS
Bill Sullivan: Notre Dame - In typical Notre Dame fan reaction, from last week's total dejection, now I cannot figure out why we are not slated for a number one seed. At least we don't overreact.
Harold Barend: Duke - Duke needs a big man who can jump. It pains me to see a 7 footer who plays with the tenacity of Mother Theresa. Despite their big man problems, I still think they will be in the final four--unless they meet Oklahoma, North Carolina, or Connecticut along with a few other teams before they get there. The way the Duke Blue Devils have been physically abused, they are fortunate to have a very respected medical facility.
Mike Wood: BC - It must be a Carolina thing (beating both NC and Duke) - they looked good and I'm very impressed with the play of Joe Trapani - the transfer from Vermont - the Singler/Trapani match-up was fun to watch. Trapani scored 19 in a loss to Wake Forest and had another big game vs Duke scoring 20 points.
Harold Barend (II): Binghamton - Binghamton University from the American East (from where do you ask) just might be in the big tourney. They are playing with a purpose and have just risen to the top of their conference. At home, the school attendance sets new records almost every game with a lot of support from the community. They could easily surprise one of the higher ranked teams--good three-point shooting, very athletic, and fast.
Pete Frey: Anybody but BC – Pete would just like everyone to know that former BC player Sean Williams was arrested once again – this time for trespassing at BC.
Harold Barend (III) - Syracuse: I was beginning to believe someone taught the big man how to shoot a free throw after he made two in a row to a standing ovation. Unfortunately the good feeling did not last. My question: Why doesn't Syracuse University hire a coach to teach how to shoot a free throw? If they already did hire someone, then they should fire the person. Have a good evening and I hope this helps.
Harold Barend (IV): Notre Dame - Notre Dame always looks good at the beginning of a game then usually allows the competition to control the second half. I have a problem buying into Harangody for Big East Player of the Year. I think he takes to many ill advised shots and he seldom sets picks or screens for his teammates. At the beginning of the game with West Virginia, I was watching a totally different Notre Dame team, cutting, screening, and shooting the lights out. Harangody made some great passes but just as quick as it began, it ended when Harangody took an off balanced 20 foot jumper. It was as if something clicked in his brain that said: "I haven't had my share of shots."
If you’d like to contribute to next weeks Rankings and Irrelevant Comments just email me your submission at davebarend@yahoo.com by Tuesday night and it’ll be up on Thursday. Next Rant coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Rant#14: Any Luster To ESPN’s Bracket Buster?
My wife thinks I’m a College-Hoop-aholic. The evidence is somewhat convincing:
*On February 14th, she asked, “Do you have any idea what today is? I responded, “Yeah, it’s Wisconsin’s turn to host College GameDay.”
*When purchasing a tie last week I uncontrollably asked if it came with a matching highlighter.
*The minute the Advent Calendar comes down it’s replaced with my “Countdown to Selection Sunday.”
*I’m unable to be in bed with my wife without uttering, “Send it in big fella!”
And - I’m excited for ESPN’s upcoming Bracket Buster Weekend.
If you haven’t heard of Bracket Buster Weekend then you haven’t turned on ESPN since November. It’s 51 games between mid-major schools. Why is it called Bracket Buster? Because no one would watch if ESPN called it “Games That You Couldn’t Care Less About.”
Amongst the marquis Bracket Buster match-ups are:
Butler at Davidson – ESPN Saturday 12pm
This would be a great game if it could be rescheduled for – the 2008 season. You know, when Davidson was actually good.
Buffalo at Vermont – ESPN2 Saturday 1pm
I’m anti-UVM because of their nickname, the Catamounts. Western Carolina has had the same moniker since 1933. Vermont should really change to something that honors the state’s most famous residents: Ben & Jerry. I propose the Vermont Chunky Monkeys.
Utah State at Saint Mary’s – ESPN2 Saturday 5pm
ESPN’s web site touts this as a great chance to see St. Mary’s stellar guard, Patrick Mills. Though that’s true, the site should probably also mention that he’ll be clad in a suit and sitting on the bench. Yes, the Gale’s star player is injured. So ESPN might be better off replacing St. Mary’s with St. Clete’s School For Wayward Girls. (Most famous alum – Carla Tortelli.)
There are a few ways that ESPN could improve its Bracket Buster Weekend:
1.One Underdog Per Game – When there’s hoop on and I don’t have a clear rooting interest, I, as a red-blooded American, pull for the underdog. So, what am I supposed to do with the Bracket Buster game of Illinois State v. Niagara? It’s like if there were a wrestling match between Eva Mendes and Eva Longoria. No way to choose who to root for, so why even watch? Actually, that’s a horrible example.
2.Make It Truly Bracket Busting - You lose and you go home, for good. That’s right, the rule should be that if you lose a Bracket Buster game, your season is over. No NCAAs. No NIT. Not even that ridiculous CBI. You’re talking tons of misery for the losers. Who would want to see that? Everyone. These games would become NCAA’s version of a NASCAR pile up.
3.Bracket Busting Cheerleaders – I am always trying to find ways for more cheerleader involvement and any word that includes “bust” clearly lends itself to my goal. (God, I miss Beavis.) Here’s what I’m thinking: the cheerleaders replace their sports bras and halter tops with - a set of brackets. Wouldn’t that be quite revealing? I truly hope so. ESPN should also slightly change the name to Bracket Bustier Weekend.
Yet despite all of the problems with ESPN’s slate of games, I’m still excited to tune in this weekend because:
1.I Believe The Hype - I’ll admit I’m a sucker for a good pitch. Probably the reason why I currently own two cases of TAG body spray. But the folks at ESPN have almost complete control over my little brain. Simply put, I’m watching Bracket Busters because ESPN says I should. Heck, ESPN has gotten me to watch soccer even though I’m, well, a man.
2.I Don’t Care – Yes, I watch because I don’t care. I swear this makes sense. See, the two teams I root for in college hoops are my two alma maters: St. Bonaventure and BC. When they are playing it’s truly an un-enjoyable emotional roller coaster ride for me. Granted, with St. Bona’s that ride is usually over after about 5 minutes.
But that definitely was not the case back in March of 2000. It was Selection Sunday. I’m waiting, and hoping and praying and - then it happened: Greg Gumble said, “The next spot goes to the St. Bonaventure Bonnies.” I immediately ran around my apartment, out the door and through the streets screaming, “The Bonnies are in the Tournament!” With my arms raised in victory, I felt like the guy in Chariots of Fire. My wife, however, had a different vision. She claims I looked more like Julie Andrews in her “Hills are Alive” scene from The Sound of Music. I much prefer my recollection. Apparently the neighbors heard something all together different. See, the next day the paper comes and I’m in there. Well, sort of. In the police log it stated, “Man heard running through street yelling, ‘Johnny needs a tourniquet.’”
My beloved Bonnies drew Kentucky in the first round. After not one but two overtimes, St. Bonaventure lost. I then laid immobile on my living room floor. Phone rang but I couldn’t move. Answering machine picked up. While contemplating suicide, I heard the voice of my buddy Rick saying, “Dave, question for you. Why’d it take St. Bonaventure so long to lose? Later.”
None of that will happen with Saturday’s Northeastern-Wright State game.
If I’m honest though, the main reason that I’m watching Bracket Buster Weekend is that my wife’s right. My name is Dave Barend and I’m a College-Hoop-aholic. The evidence just keeps mounting:
*It infuriates me that not a single contestant on American Idol has chosen to sing “One Shining Moment.”
*I read everything I can about college basketball – even columns written by Doug Gottlieb.
*I think I might actually miss Billy Packer.
*I despise people who don’t watch any games all year and then win my pool.
*To me, the greatest movie of all time is the college basketball classic, “Fastbreak” staring the one and only Gabe Kaplan. Those of you who think it’s Citizen Kane are just wrong.
*I refuse to let my wife leave the bedroom without saying, “That was Awesome, baby.”
And finally - I’m truly pumped to watch Northern Iowa at Siena, which will be part of a fantastic Bracket Buster Weekend.
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you’d like to add a comment about any team, just email it to me at davebarend@yahoo.com by Tuesday night.
*On February 14th, she asked, “Do you have any idea what today is? I responded, “Yeah, it’s Wisconsin’s turn to host College GameDay.”
*When purchasing a tie last week I uncontrollably asked if it came with a matching highlighter.
*The minute the Advent Calendar comes down it’s replaced with my “Countdown to Selection Sunday.”
*I’m unable to be in bed with my wife without uttering, “Send it in big fella!”
And - I’m excited for ESPN’s upcoming Bracket Buster Weekend.
If you haven’t heard of Bracket Buster Weekend then you haven’t turned on ESPN since November. It’s 51 games between mid-major schools. Why is it called Bracket Buster? Because no one would watch if ESPN called it “Games That You Couldn’t Care Less About.”
Amongst the marquis Bracket Buster match-ups are:
Butler at Davidson – ESPN Saturday 12pm
This would be a great game if it could be rescheduled for – the 2008 season. You know, when Davidson was actually good.
Buffalo at Vermont – ESPN2 Saturday 1pm
I’m anti-UVM because of their nickname, the Catamounts. Western Carolina has had the same moniker since 1933. Vermont should really change to something that honors the state’s most famous residents: Ben & Jerry. I propose the Vermont Chunky Monkeys.
Utah State at Saint Mary’s – ESPN2 Saturday 5pm
ESPN’s web site touts this as a great chance to see St. Mary’s stellar guard, Patrick Mills. Though that’s true, the site should probably also mention that he’ll be clad in a suit and sitting on the bench. Yes, the Gale’s star player is injured. So ESPN might be better off replacing St. Mary’s with St. Clete’s School For Wayward Girls. (Most famous alum – Carla Tortelli.)
There are a few ways that ESPN could improve its Bracket Buster Weekend:
1.One Underdog Per Game – When there’s hoop on and I don’t have a clear rooting interest, I, as a red-blooded American, pull for the underdog. So, what am I supposed to do with the Bracket Buster game of Illinois State v. Niagara? It’s like if there were a wrestling match between Eva Mendes and Eva Longoria. No way to choose who to root for, so why even watch? Actually, that’s a horrible example.
2.Make It Truly Bracket Busting - You lose and you go home, for good. That’s right, the rule should be that if you lose a Bracket Buster game, your season is over. No NCAAs. No NIT. Not even that ridiculous CBI. You’re talking tons of misery for the losers. Who would want to see that? Everyone. These games would become NCAA’s version of a NASCAR pile up.
3.Bracket Busting Cheerleaders – I am always trying to find ways for more cheerleader involvement and any word that includes “bust” clearly lends itself to my goal. (God, I miss Beavis.) Here’s what I’m thinking: the cheerleaders replace their sports bras and halter tops with - a set of brackets. Wouldn’t that be quite revealing? I truly hope so. ESPN should also slightly change the name to Bracket Bustier Weekend.
Yet despite all of the problems with ESPN’s slate of games, I’m still excited to tune in this weekend because:
1.I Believe The Hype - I’ll admit I’m a sucker for a good pitch. Probably the reason why I currently own two cases of TAG body spray. But the folks at ESPN have almost complete control over my little brain. Simply put, I’m watching Bracket Busters because ESPN says I should. Heck, ESPN has gotten me to watch soccer even though I’m, well, a man.
2.I Don’t Care – Yes, I watch because I don’t care. I swear this makes sense. See, the two teams I root for in college hoops are my two alma maters: St. Bonaventure and BC. When they are playing it’s truly an un-enjoyable emotional roller coaster ride for me. Granted, with St. Bona’s that ride is usually over after about 5 minutes.
But that definitely was not the case back in March of 2000. It was Selection Sunday. I’m waiting, and hoping and praying and - then it happened: Greg Gumble said, “The next spot goes to the St. Bonaventure Bonnies.” I immediately ran around my apartment, out the door and through the streets screaming, “The Bonnies are in the Tournament!” With my arms raised in victory, I felt like the guy in Chariots of Fire. My wife, however, had a different vision. She claims I looked more like Julie Andrews in her “Hills are Alive” scene from The Sound of Music. I much prefer my recollection. Apparently the neighbors heard something all together different. See, the next day the paper comes and I’m in there. Well, sort of. In the police log it stated, “Man heard running through street yelling, ‘Johnny needs a tourniquet.’”
My beloved Bonnies drew Kentucky in the first round. After not one but two overtimes, St. Bonaventure lost. I then laid immobile on my living room floor. Phone rang but I couldn’t move. Answering machine picked up. While contemplating suicide, I heard the voice of my buddy Rick saying, “Dave, question for you. Why’d it take St. Bonaventure so long to lose? Later.”
None of that will happen with Saturday’s Northeastern-Wright State game.
If I’m honest though, the main reason that I’m watching Bracket Buster Weekend is that my wife’s right. My name is Dave Barend and I’m a College-Hoop-aholic. The evidence just keeps mounting:
*It infuriates me that not a single contestant on American Idol has chosen to sing “One Shining Moment.”
*I read everything I can about college basketball – even columns written by Doug Gottlieb.
*I think I might actually miss Billy Packer.
*I despise people who don’t watch any games all year and then win my pool.
*To me, the greatest movie of all time is the college basketball classic, “Fastbreak” staring the one and only Gabe Kaplan. Those of you who think it’s Citizen Kane are just wrong.
*I refuse to let my wife leave the bedroom without saying, “That was Awesome, baby.”
And finally - I’m truly pumped to watch Northern Iowa at Siena, which will be part of a fantastic Bracket Buster Weekend.
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings & Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you’d like to add a comment about any team, just email it to me at davebarend@yahoo.com by Tuesday night.
Thursday, February 12, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 10)
I give you my tenth installment of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments - more so for your entertainment than for your education.
RANKINGS
1.UConn (23-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment:
I swear I’ve seen Hasheen Thabeet miss at least three dunks this year. The guy is 7’3”. Him missing a dunk is almost as unfathomable as Rick Majueris missing a meal.
2.Oklahoma (22-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
When you think of Oklahoma you probably don’t think of basketball. Unless maybe you’re from Oklahoma. But, then in that case, you’re probably not thinking at all.
3.North Carolina (20-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
I tried to explain to my 6-year old the difference between North Carolina and NC State. I told her that they are both public schools, but North Carolina is much harder to get into than North Carolina State. And she said, “Oh, so in North Carolina, ‘state’ means dumb.”
4.Pitt (20-2)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse, ND, WV
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova
My Irrelevant Comment:
Fans of opposing teams have allegedly taken to calling Levance Fields, Sally. That’s just mean. I really hope he hits a game winner some day, then grabs the microphone and yells, “You like me. You really like me.”
5.Louisville (18-4)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Whenever I hear Edgar Sosa’s name I always think of Keyser Soze from “Usual Suspects”. I guess they do kind of sound the same. And then there’s freshman Kyle Kuric. When I hear his name I can’t help but think of – Dan Rather.
6.UCLA (19-4)
Best Wins: USC, Cal, Arizona, ND
Losses: Michigan, Texas, ASU, Washington
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Ben Howland came to LA after spending 4 years at Pittsburgh. That’s like moving to paradise after spending 4 years in, well, Pittsburgh.
7.Wake Forest (18-4)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke
Loss: Virginia Tech, Miami, Georgia Tech, NC State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake’s sophomore forward James Johnson is a martial arts specialist. He’s also in a bit of a shooting slump. This begs the question: Can he break more bricks than he shoots?
8.Clemson (20-3)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, South Carolina, Duke
Loss: Wake Forest, UNC, Florida St.
My Irrelevant Comment:
Terrence Oglesby is one of the best 3-point shooters in the country. It’s amazing that he was an un-recruited walk-on. Makes me think I should apply for job as a recruiter. I have no experience, so my resume would simply be one line: I’m not one of the idiots who missed out on Oglesby.
9.Memphis (21-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
Forward Pierre Henderson-Niles has lost a staggering 40-plus pounds since September. Though I don’t know if it’s actually “lost” because I can still see it – around the waistline of Coach Calipari.
10. Duke (20-4)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan, Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
The Blue Devils play in Cameron Indoor Stadium. Isn’t the “Indoor” part kind of implied? You know, by the existence of the walls and the roof.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Marquette
I sense a pretty hard fall is coming. Check out the end of Marquette’s schedule: UConn, Louisville, Pitt, and SU. Wow! And by “Wow” I don’t mean that’s exciting. No, I mean “Wow” as if I just saw Kathy Griffin without make-up.
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Utah State
Only blemish on the record is a 5-point loss to BYU. That’s thanks in large part to 26-year old Gary Wilkinson. He claims he feels old around his teammates. Woe is you Gary. I’m now at the age where I can’t even remember when 26 seemed old.
OTHER OPINIONS
Bill Sullivan – Notre Dame: I cannot take Notre Dame losing 7 in a row, so I am taking drastic measures and I am not going to watch anymore college basketball until the Irish win again. So let me know how this year's March Madness goes and see you all next December.
Ken Robbins - Memphis: The Tigers are overrated. Though Dave’s early season prediction that they’ll make it to the Final 4 with an unfair home court advantage may prove true. Sure hope their coach learns how to take time-outs this post-season so he survives that long.
If you’d like to contribute to next weeks Rankings and Irrelevant Comments just email me your comments by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com.
Also, please check out collegehoopsnet.com where you will not only find more of me (starting sometime this week), but a whole lot of other info on college hoops as well.
Take it easy,
Dave
RANKINGS
1.UConn (23-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville, SU
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment:
I swear I’ve seen Hasheen Thabeet miss at least three dunks this year. The guy is 7’3”. Him missing a dunk is almost as unfathomable as Rick Majueris missing a meal.
2.Oklahoma (22-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss: at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
When you think of Oklahoma you probably don’t think of basketball. Unless maybe you’re from Oklahoma. But, then in that case, you’re probably not thinking at all.
3.North Carolina (20-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson, at Duke
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
I tried to explain to my 6-year old the difference between North Carolina and NC State. I told her that they are both public schools, but North Carolina is much harder to get into than North Carolina State. And she said, “Oh, so in North Carolina, ‘state’ means dumb.”
4.Pitt (20-2)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse, ND, WV
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova
My Irrelevant Comment:
Fans of opposing teams have allegedly taken to calling Levance Fields, Sally. That’s just mean. I really hope he hits a game winner some day, then grabs the microphone and yells, “You like me. You really like me.”
5.Louisville (18-4)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
Whenever I hear Edgar Sosa’s name I always think of Keyser Soze from “Usual Suspects”. I guess they do kind of sound the same. And then there’s freshman Kyle Kuric. When I hear his name I can’t help but think of – Dan Rather.
6.UCLA (19-4)
Best Wins: USC, Cal, Arizona, ND
Losses: Michigan, Texas, ASU, Washington
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Ben Howland came to LA after spending 4 years at Pittsburgh. That’s like moving to paradise after spending 4 years in, well, Pittsburgh.
7.Wake Forest (18-4)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke
Loss: Virginia Tech, Miami, Georgia Tech, NC State
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake’s sophomore forward James Johnson is a martial arts specialist. He’s also in a bit of a shooting slump. This begs the question: Can he break more bricks than he shoots?
8.Clemson (20-3)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, South Carolina, Duke
Loss: Wake Forest, UNC, Florida St.
My Irrelevant Comment:
Terrence Oglesby is one of the best 3-point shooters in the country. It’s amazing that he was an un-recruited walk-on. Makes me think I should apply for job as a recruiter. I have no experience, so my resume would simply be one line: I’m not one of the idiots who missed out on Oglesby.
9.Memphis (21-3)
Best wins: at Gonzaga, Cincinnati, Tennessee
Losses: Xavier, Georgetown, SU
My Irrelevant Comment
Forward Pierre Henderson-Niles has lost a staggering 40-plus pounds since September. Though I don’t know if it’s actually “lost” because I can still see it – around the waistline of Coach Calipari.
10. Duke (20-4)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan, Wake Forest, at Clemson, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
The Blue Devils play in Cameron Indoor Stadium. Isn’t the “Indoor” part kind of implied? You know, by the existence of the walls and the roof.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Marquette
I sense a pretty hard fall is coming. Check out the end of Marquette’s schedule: UConn, Louisville, Pitt, and SU. Wow! And by “Wow” I don’t mean that’s exciting. No, I mean “Wow” as if I just saw Kathy Griffin without make-up.
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Utah State
Only blemish on the record is a 5-point loss to BYU. That’s thanks in large part to 26-year old Gary Wilkinson. He claims he feels old around his teammates. Woe is you Gary. I’m now at the age where I can’t even remember when 26 seemed old.
OTHER OPINIONS
Bill Sullivan – Notre Dame: I cannot take Notre Dame losing 7 in a row, so I am taking drastic measures and I am not going to watch anymore college basketball until the Irish win again. So let me know how this year's March Madness goes and see you all next December.
Ken Robbins - Memphis: The Tigers are overrated. Though Dave’s early season prediction that they’ll make it to the Final 4 with an unfair home court advantage may prove true. Sure hope their coach learns how to take time-outs this post-season so he survives that long.
If you’d like to contribute to next weeks Rankings and Irrelevant Comments just email me your comments by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com.
Also, please check out collegehoopsnet.com where you will not only find more of me (starting sometime this week), but a whole lot of other info on college hoops as well.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Rant#13: I'll Be "Dancing" With Myself
Though I live in the Boston area, I’m not going to the NCAA Tourney games at The Garden. Why? For one, if you’ve never been to Boston, it’s much like NYC, but without all the easy-to-find parking spots. Beantown used to have plenty of parking – in 1776. So yeah, there’s an abundance of on-street parking assuming that your mode of transportation is an Appaloosa.
I guess I’d go if I got great seats. Something in the rafters would be perfect. Well, not actually “in” the rafters– but harnessed to the rafters and dangling down, hovering above the court. Like that scene from Mission Impossible. Except instead of Tom Cruise, it’d be me – a guy with a somewhat erratic bladder.
I could also be convinced to take a seat at center court. I mean dead center, in the middle of the actual court. Yes, that seat would be worth the parking hassle. I figure they already have advertising on the court, why not spectators? Or more specifically, just one spectator - me. It’d really allow me to promote this site. You know, like those boxers with their temporary tattoos. Just rather than having Golden Palace.com across my back, I’d have DaveBarendsColegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com. Yeah, I’m going to have to get a bigger back.
Honestly, I will be more than content watching the games Macualay Caulkin style – home alone. I truly prefer to remain in complete solitude during March Madness. I don’t even want to take a phone call. In 3 weeks the message on my answering machine will say: “Hi. You’ve reached the Barend residence. It’s March. The Tournament is on. What the hell are you thinking? Hang up the phone, turn on your TV, and call back in April.”
There are really so many positives about watching the games alone, like:
*When I order pizza there’s no worry that someone else is going to get that extra big slice.
*Belching is not only accepted, it’s encouraged.
*When I yell, “Come on, I could have made that shot”, there’s nobody sitting nearby with knowledge that that is definitely not true.
*I don’t have to fear ridicule if I want to quickly change the channel to see what’s going on with The Gilmore Girls.
*I never have to hear anyone say, “For the love of God, please put your shoes back on.”
*There’s no compulsion to wear underwear.
*Nobody knows if the coaching moves I blurt out are actually dumber than Boeheim’s.
*Deodorant, shaving, showering – all optional.
*I never have to share the remote. The Freudian phallic extension is all mine.
There are actually a few people with whom I wouldn’t mind watching the Tournament:
1.Elvis: Yes, I’d gladly allow the King to watch hoop with me. This may prove to be unlikely, you know, given that he’s dead. But I still hold out hope as evidenced by my EBay purchase of a recording made last year of a conversation between him and Jim Morrison.
2.My Dad – But only if he has money on the games. There are few things I enjoy more than watching my 70-year old father come to the brink of a coronary when bad coaching costs him some dough. See, my dad’s not just Old-School. He’s “Old Nun Smashing Knuckles With Ruler-School”. He still thinks everyone should know how to shoot a hook shot. He actually taught me the hook shot before I could make a lay-up. All right, that’s not completely true. I never learned how to make a lay up.
3.The Hooters Girls – Gorgeous women who are skilled at serving – yeah, they are more than welcome. They may, however, have a problem getting past the bouncer – a.k.a. my wife.
I thought about putting President Obama on the list. He seems pretty knowledgeable about hoops. But if there’s one thing everybody can agree on about #44, he likes to talk. And talk and talk. So, I’d feel pretty bad if I had to say, “Mr. President, any chance you could shut the hell up?” I’d feel bad not just ‘cause I would have insulted the President of The United States, but because some secret service guy would probably be dragging me out by my nostrils.
There is one person who I have little choice but to watch the games with – my wife. After many years, I’ve finally figured out how to convince her to let me watch the Big Dance in peace. Below is an example of the interchange during our conversations:
Wife: I can’t believe this game isn’t over.
Wife: I thought we were going to watch “27 Dresses” tonight.
Wife: Why is it called charging? He’s not purchasing anything.
Wife: It says 5 minutes is left. That means a half hour, doesn’t it?
Wife: Let’s just change the channel. I know you want to see what’s happening with the Gilmore Girls.
Wife: Wait a second. They just called time out. Why would they call another one?
Wife: Aren’t foul shots supposed to be easy?
Wife: Why did the announcer say “With the Kiss”?
Wife: Oh geez, there’s the cheerleaders. Why do they even need them?
Wife: You know those boobs are fake.
Wife: I can tell what you’re thinking, “Who cares.” You’re disgusting.
Wife: He said it again, “The Kiss”. Oh, we should kiss every time he says that.
Wife: Ewww. What smells?
Wife: Oh my God, did you – that just stinks - I’m out of here.
Ahhh. Time to pull out a stogie and cue up that Mission Impossible theme song. Or better yet, a little Billy Idol, cause I’m going to be “Dancing with Myself.”
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday.
I guess I’d go if I got great seats. Something in the rafters would be perfect. Well, not actually “in” the rafters– but harnessed to the rafters and dangling down, hovering above the court. Like that scene from Mission Impossible. Except instead of Tom Cruise, it’d be me – a guy with a somewhat erratic bladder.
I could also be convinced to take a seat at center court. I mean dead center, in the middle of the actual court. Yes, that seat would be worth the parking hassle. I figure they already have advertising on the court, why not spectators? Or more specifically, just one spectator - me. It’d really allow me to promote this site. You know, like those boxers with their temporary tattoos. Just rather than having Golden Palace.com across my back, I’d have DaveBarendsColegeHoopHumor.blogspot.com. Yeah, I’m going to have to get a bigger back.
Honestly, I will be more than content watching the games Macualay Caulkin style – home alone. I truly prefer to remain in complete solitude during March Madness. I don’t even want to take a phone call. In 3 weeks the message on my answering machine will say: “Hi. You’ve reached the Barend residence. It’s March. The Tournament is on. What the hell are you thinking? Hang up the phone, turn on your TV, and call back in April.”
There are really so many positives about watching the games alone, like:
*When I order pizza there’s no worry that someone else is going to get that extra big slice.
*Belching is not only accepted, it’s encouraged.
*When I yell, “Come on, I could have made that shot”, there’s nobody sitting nearby with knowledge that that is definitely not true.
*I don’t have to fear ridicule if I want to quickly change the channel to see what’s going on with The Gilmore Girls.
*I never have to hear anyone say, “For the love of God, please put your shoes back on.”
*There’s no compulsion to wear underwear.
*Nobody knows if the coaching moves I blurt out are actually dumber than Boeheim’s.
*Deodorant, shaving, showering – all optional.
*I never have to share the remote. The Freudian phallic extension is all mine.
There are actually a few people with whom I wouldn’t mind watching the Tournament:
1.Elvis: Yes, I’d gladly allow the King to watch hoop with me. This may prove to be unlikely, you know, given that he’s dead. But I still hold out hope as evidenced by my EBay purchase of a recording made last year of a conversation between him and Jim Morrison.
2.My Dad – But only if he has money on the games. There are few things I enjoy more than watching my 70-year old father come to the brink of a coronary when bad coaching costs him some dough. See, my dad’s not just Old-School. He’s “Old Nun Smashing Knuckles With Ruler-School”. He still thinks everyone should know how to shoot a hook shot. He actually taught me the hook shot before I could make a lay-up. All right, that’s not completely true. I never learned how to make a lay up.
3.The Hooters Girls – Gorgeous women who are skilled at serving – yeah, they are more than welcome. They may, however, have a problem getting past the bouncer – a.k.a. my wife.
I thought about putting President Obama on the list. He seems pretty knowledgeable about hoops. But if there’s one thing everybody can agree on about #44, he likes to talk. And talk and talk. So, I’d feel pretty bad if I had to say, “Mr. President, any chance you could shut the hell up?” I’d feel bad not just ‘cause I would have insulted the President of The United States, but because some secret service guy would probably be dragging me out by my nostrils.
There is one person who I have little choice but to watch the games with – my wife. After many years, I’ve finally figured out how to convince her to let me watch the Big Dance in peace. Below is an example of the interchange during our conversations:
Wife: I can’t believe this game isn’t over.
Wife: I thought we were going to watch “27 Dresses” tonight.
Wife: Why is it called charging? He’s not purchasing anything.
Wife: It says 5 minutes is left. That means a half hour, doesn’t it?
Wife: Let’s just change the channel. I know you want to see what’s happening with the Gilmore Girls.
Wife: Wait a second. They just called time out. Why would they call another one?
Wife: Aren’t foul shots supposed to be easy?
Wife: Why did the announcer say “With the Kiss”?
Wife: Oh geez, there’s the cheerleaders. Why do they even need them?
Wife: You know those boobs are fake.
Wife: I can tell what you’re thinking, “Who cares.” You’re disgusting.
Wife: He said it again, “The Kiss”. Oh, we should kiss every time he says that.
Wife: Ewww. What smells?
Wife: Oh my God, did you – that just stinks - I’m out of here.
Ahhh. Time to pull out a stogie and cue up that Mission Impossible theme song. Or better yet, a little Billy Idol, cause I’m going to be “Dancing with Myself.”
Take it easy,
Dave
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday.
Thursday, February 5, 2009
Rankings, Irrelevant Comments & More (Take 9)
Below is my ninth attempt at Ranking the Top 10 accompanied by some Irrelevant Comments. Hope you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed Duke's loss to Clemson.
RANKINGS
1.UConn (21-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Calhoun tries hard to exude class. He wears a nice suit, puts on a decent tie, dons a shined pair of shoes and then tops it all off - with a mouth full of Hubba Bubba.
2.Oklahoma (21-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Oklahoma just beat Texas A&M. Do you think that school goes with “A&M” because adding Agriculture and Mining is just too long? I actually think it uses “A&M” because it’s hoping and praying that prospective students will think those letters stand for something else – anything else.
3.North Carolina (19-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
Last week I heard an announcer say that Danny Green jumps like he has springs in his sneakers. When I was a kid I actually did put springs in my sneakers. Well, I tried, but all I could find was a couple Slinkeys. Yeah, that didn’t work out as hoped. All that happened was an uncontrollable urge to summersault.
4.Pitt (19-2)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse, ND
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova
My Irrelevant Comment: Pitt’s ferocious, hard-hitting defense is quite unique. Well, come to think of it, there is another team with a similar style - The Steelers.
5.Louisville (17-4)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
When Louisville prints Freedom Hall, the name of its arena, it uses a basketball in place of the letter “o” in Freedom - signifying the importance of that sport to the school. I think they should mix it up a bit. Like, to signify the unimportance of academics, the school could replace the “o” in Freedom with a “u”.
6.Marquette (19-2)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, West Virginia, ND, Georgetown
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment: Did you see Coach Buzz Williams in the Super Bowl ad? It was the one for Bridgestone. Come on, you have to remember. He was the one driving the car with Mrs. Potato Head.
7.Wake Forest (17-2)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke
Loss: Virginia Tech, Miami
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake Forest’s Jeff Teague got completely spun around by Georgia Tech’s quick dribbling Iman Shumpert. Haven’t seen someone that dizzy since Cloris Leachman’s attempt at the Cha-Cha.
8.Xavier (19-2)
Best Wins: Missouri, Memphis, LSU
Losses: Duke, Butler
My Irrelevant Comment:
Xavier and Wake Forest have agreed to a yearly match-up. There are going to call it The Skip Prosser Classic. That’s a great decision. Much better than their back up plan – The Skip Bayless Classic.
9.Clemson (19-2)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, South Carolina, Duke
Loss: Wake Forest, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
During the Clemson-Virginia Tech game, Bobby Knight stated, “Malcolm Delaney is like a good looking Miss America.” Has there ever been a non-good looking Miss America? In fact, I’m pretty sure that Malcolm Delaney would be the ugliest Miss America of all time. You know, ‘cause he’s a dude.
10. Duke (19-3)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan, Wake Forest, at Clemson
My Irrelevant Comment:
Like many schools, Duke named its court after its coach. St. Louis is planning something similar for Rick Majerus, but instead of the court they’re going with the Jumbo Tron.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Bobby Knight
Yeah, I usually pick a team here, but Knight’s color commentary is too ripe to pass up. In addition to the ridiculous comment mentioned above, he also tried to figure how much time had elapsed during a play by counting aloud while watching a replay. Amazingly that’s not the stupid part. The stupid part is that he did this while the replay was in slow motion.
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Northeastern
The Huskies are 15-6 and in first place in the CAA. I love to see Massachusetts teams do well. Gives me hope that maybe a couple folks in the area might actually start following college hoops. But, somehow Northeastern is only ranked 6th. No, not in the country, but in its hometown of Roxbury.
OTHER OPINIONS
Mike Hurley – Illinois: Being an alum of the Univ. of Illinois, I am intrigued by the Big 10 and U of I in particular. If you get a chance to look into it, can you figure out why this team is good. They don't have any good scorers, (none average more than 13 points) and they are mostly a bunch of sophomores. On a follow up questions, why can't Weber recruit (he is a great coach), and why can't their football coach coach (he is a great recruiter)? Maybe the two of them could be co-coaches for f-ball and basketball. Zook could do all the recruiting and Weber could coach. (Zook will have to give the inspirational speeches, since Weber's voice sounds like some kind of muppet).
Mike Wood – UMass: UMass has Gaffney - one of the top reb and shot blockers in the country at only 6'8" and 208. He is my sleeper for this year. He came out of nowhere after playing his first two yrs at BU.
Ken Robbins – Notre Dame: Loved your Cheech & Chong Up in Smoke comment in last week’s Rankings about ND & McAlarney.....but it appears Up in Smoke also has reference to America's fav speedo boy - M Phelps too!!
Bill Sullivan – Marquette, Georgetown & Beer: Just returned from road trip to Milwaukee for the Marquette-Georgetown game. Impressions: Marquette will be tough down the stretch but really only has 4 quality players so depth a problem. but what defense they can play. Jerel McNeal is playing like an All American. Georgetown has ridiculous talent, hard to believe they are not better. More importantly, Calderone's Pub and Turner's Bar are great pre and post game spots in Milwaukee and Soblemans is the spot for the town's best burger and coldest beer.
Harold Barend – Duke, Notre Dame & Tattoos: This year, when it comes to picking teams for the Final Four, I think I'll just throw darts. Just when I thought I had it all figured out Duke loses by 20 to Clemson and Wake Forest gets pummeled by Miami and Notre Dame loses another. The coaches on the Duke bench never smile when they win so you can picture how they looked when the camera panned the bench during this game. I thought they were the pallbearers for a funeral and I guess they were. As for Notre Dame, I think they get the short end from the referees. The opposing teams realize the refs are not calling the bumping and holding--so much for the three.
Despite being laden with tattoos Devendorf played great for Syracuse. Every time I watch Syracuse play, I see a tattoo I haven't seen before. When I played in the 50s, if you wore a tattoo you either played for the jail or the playground team. No high school or college coach would have you representing their school. Today it is all about winning and money.
If you’d like to contribute to next Thursday’s Rankings & Irrelevant Comments, just email me by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com. Rant #13 coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
RANKINGS
1.UConn (21-1)
Best Wins: Miami, at Wisconsin, at Gonzaga, West Virginia, Villanova, at Louisville
Losses: Georgetown
My Irrelevant Comment:
Coach Calhoun tries hard to exude class. He wears a nice suit, puts on a decent tie, dons a shined pair of shoes and then tops it all off - with a mouth full of Hubba Bubba.
2.Oklahoma (21-1)
Best Wins: Purdue, Davidson, Utah, Texas
Loss at Arkansas
My Irrelevant Comment:
Oklahoma just beat Texas A&M. Do you think that school goes with “A&M” because adding Agriculture and Mining is just too long? I actually think it uses “A&M” because it’s hoping and praying that prospective students will think those letters stand for something else – anything else.
3.North Carolina (19-2)
Best wins: Michigan State, Notre Dame, Clemson
Loss: Boston College, Wake Forest
My Irrelevant Comment:
Last week I heard an announcer say that Danny Green jumps like he has springs in his sneakers. When I was a kid I actually did put springs in my sneakers. Well, I tried, but all I could find was a couple Slinkeys. Yeah, that didn’t work out as hoped. All that happened was an uncontrollable urge to summersault.
4.Pitt (19-2)
Best wins: Florida State, at Georgetown, Syracuse, ND
Loss: at Louisville, at Villanova
My Irrelevant Comment: Pitt’s ferocious, hard-hitting defense is quite unique. Well, come to think of it, there is another team with a similar style - The Steelers.
5.Louisville (17-4)
Best Wins: at Villanova, Kentucky, Pitt, ND, at SU
Losses: Western Kentucky, UNLV, Minnesota, UConn
My Irrelevant Comment:
When Louisville prints Freedom Hall, the name of its arena, it uses a basketball in place of the letter “o” in Freedom - signifying the importance of that sport to the school. I think they should mix it up a bit. Like, to signify the unimportance of academics, the school could replace the “o” in Freedom with a “u”.
6.Marquette (19-2)
Best Wins: Wisconsin, Villanova, West Virginia, ND, Georgetown
Losses: Dayton, Tennessee
My Irrelevant Comment: Did you see Coach Buzz Williams in the Super Bowl ad? It was the one for Bridgestone. Come on, you have to remember. He was the one driving the car with Mrs. Potato Head.
7.Wake Forest (17-2)
Best Wins; Baylor, BYU, UNC, at Clemson, Duke
Loss: Virginia Tech, Miami
My Irrelevant Comment:
Wake Forest’s Jeff Teague got completely spun around by Georgia Tech’s quick dribbling Iman Shumpert. Haven’t seen someone that dizzy since Cloris Leachman’s attempt at the Cha-Cha.
8.Xavier (19-2)
Best Wins: Missouri, Memphis, LSU
Losses: Duke, Butler
My Irrelevant Comment:
Xavier and Wake Forest have agreed to a yearly match-up. There are going to call it The Skip Prosser Classic. That’s a great decision. Much better than their back up plan – The Skip Bayless Classic.
9.Clemson (19-2)
Best Wins: at Illinois, at Miami, South Carolina, Duke
Loss: Wake Forest, UNC
My Irrelevant Comment:
During the Clemson-Virginia Tech game, Bobby Knight stated, “Malcolm Delaney is like a good looking Miss America.” Has there ever been a non-good looking Miss America? In fact, I’m pretty sure that Malcolm Delaney would be the ugliest Miss America of all time. You know, ‘cause he’s a dude.
10. Duke (19-3)
Best Wins: Michigan, Purdue, Xavier, Georgetown
Loss: Michigan, Wake Forest, at Clemson
My Irrelevant Comment:
Like many schools, Duke named its court after its coach. St. Louis is planning something similar for Rick Majerus, but instead of the court they’re going with the Jumbo Tron.
MOST OVERRATED TEAM
Bobby Knight
Yeah, I usually pick a team here, but Knight’s color commentary is too ripe to pass up. In addition to the ridiculous comment mentioned above, he also tried to figure how much time had elapsed during a play by counting aloud while watching a replay. Amazingly that’s not the stupid part. The stupid part is that he did this while the replay was in slow motion.
MOST UNDERRATED TEAM
Northeastern
The Huskies are 15-6 and in first place in the CAA. I love to see Massachusetts teams do well. Gives me hope that maybe a couple folks in the area might actually start following college hoops. But, somehow Northeastern is only ranked 6th. No, not in the country, but in its hometown of Roxbury.
OTHER OPINIONS
Mike Hurley – Illinois: Being an alum of the Univ. of Illinois, I am intrigued by the Big 10 and U of I in particular. If you get a chance to look into it, can you figure out why this team is good. They don't have any good scorers, (none average more than 13 points) and they are mostly a bunch of sophomores. On a follow up questions, why can't Weber recruit (he is a great coach), and why can't their football coach coach (he is a great recruiter)? Maybe the two of them could be co-coaches for f-ball and basketball. Zook could do all the recruiting and Weber could coach. (Zook will have to give the inspirational speeches, since Weber's voice sounds like some kind of muppet).
Mike Wood – UMass: UMass has Gaffney - one of the top reb and shot blockers in the country at only 6'8" and 208. He is my sleeper for this year. He came out of nowhere after playing his first two yrs at BU.
Ken Robbins – Notre Dame: Loved your Cheech & Chong Up in Smoke comment in last week’s Rankings about ND & McAlarney.....but it appears Up in Smoke also has reference to America's fav speedo boy - M Phelps too!!
Bill Sullivan – Marquette, Georgetown & Beer: Just returned from road trip to Milwaukee for the Marquette-Georgetown game. Impressions: Marquette will be tough down the stretch but really only has 4 quality players so depth a problem. but what defense they can play. Jerel McNeal is playing like an All American. Georgetown has ridiculous talent, hard to believe they are not better. More importantly, Calderone's Pub and Turner's Bar are great pre and post game spots in Milwaukee and Soblemans is the spot for the town's best burger and coldest beer.
Harold Barend – Duke, Notre Dame & Tattoos: This year, when it comes to picking teams for the Final Four, I think I'll just throw darts. Just when I thought I had it all figured out Duke loses by 20 to Clemson and Wake Forest gets pummeled by Miami and Notre Dame loses another. The coaches on the Duke bench never smile when they win so you can picture how they looked when the camera panned the bench during this game. I thought they were the pallbearers for a funeral and I guess they were. As for Notre Dame, I think they get the short end from the referees. The opposing teams realize the refs are not calling the bumping and holding--so much for the three.
Despite being laden with tattoos Devendorf played great for Syracuse. Every time I watch Syracuse play, I see a tattoo I haven't seen before. When I played in the 50s, if you wore a tattoo you either played for the jail or the playground team. No high school or college coach would have you representing their school. Today it is all about winning and money.
If you’d like to contribute to next Thursday’s Rankings & Irrelevant Comments, just email me by Wednesday night at davebarend@yahoo.com. Rant #13 coming Monday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Monday, February 2, 2009
Rant#12: No More Hoop-TV For Me
My wife likes to describe me as: stressed, humorous and prone to protracted bathroom visits. She claims I go in the bathroom just to hide. That’s not true. I go in there to read too.
Yes, there’s basically a library next to my commode. Last check I have an SI, an ESPN Magazine, 3 Pre-season College Basketball guides, a copy of Ulysses (with a bookmark shoved between pages 4 and 5) and an edition of “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”. Pretty sure I’ve been sweating the small stuff since my first communal shower after 7th grade gym class.
There’s also a 3-inch hand held RCA antenna TV. You know, so I can keep up with my soaps. Come on. Do I strike you as a fan of General Hospital? I assure you I could care less. Though I may just kill myself if things don’t work out for Luke and Laura.
The little TV is there for one reason – college basketball viewing during “emergencies.” Like when I try to watch triple overtime though it was back at the half when my chili kicked in.
You might wonder why, in those circumstances, I don’t just record the end of the games. That’s because my DVR is perpetually filled with multiple seasons of Desperate Housewives and Dora The Explorer. That may beg the question: Who wears the pants in the house? Answer: nobody. It’s filled with women – sadly, me included. (I have, however, often thought that Dora should do little exploring down Wysteria Lane. Maybe then she’d realize that she could stand to shed a few pounds.)
Using my little TV works just fine. Well, that is until February 18th. That’s the very sad day when analog antenna reception will no longer exist. You may have seen the advertisements about how the switch to digital will definitely not affect you. They need to amend that and add, “unless you have digestive issues.”
But on Tuesday there was fabulous news – Senator Rockefeller of West Virginia had passed a bill delaying the conversion until well after March Madness. Reportedly, more time was needed to help people with obsolete TVs. That’s just spin. Real reason: Senator Rockefeller is both a Mountaineers basketball fan and a sufferer of irritable bowl syndrome.
So I was euphoric – until Wednesday, when the bill was rejected by the morons in the House. Sorry for the redundancy.
This has left me quite depressed. My little TV was actually a gift from my wife and I must say it was the best gift ever. In fact, Lexus should really put me in one of their commercials during the NCAA Tourney. You know, the ones where a little kid is with a Big Wheel, or an Atari, or a pony and says it was the “best gift ever.” Yeah, they could have me with my little TV sitting on – yeah, that probably wouldn’t help sell cars.
But it’s not just the bathroom where this TV has been needed. In March 2004, I was lying on the couch and enjoying some prime time NCAA Tourney action when in walked my wife. She looked like death and said she was going to the hospital. Like a good husband, my immediate reaction was to say, “So, should I order pizza or do you think you’ll be back to make dinner?” I stand by the appropriateness of that response. She said “she” was going to the hospital not “we”.
I trucked her to the ER and the doctors swooped her up as if she’d been a gunshot victim. That left poor me in a waiting room filled with people glued to TNT – aka the “Law and Order” channel. Luckily, I came equipped with my 3-inch RCA and I didn’t miss a minute. 4 hours later the doctors brought me to her room. My wife’s was lying there, and with a tear coming down her face she said, “They say it’s double pneumonia. I can’t leave for at least another 2 hours.” I said, “Don’t worry honey. I have my little TV.”
The following year my sister set her wedding for Championship Weekend. As this was during Lent, she could only have the ceremony on that date with permission from the Bishop. Amazingly, the Bishop opted to allow the wedding to take place despite my incessant phone calls citing Canon Law. Even more mind-boggling was that this was taking place in Indiana. How could the Hoosier State sanction any marriage during March Madness?
My initial idea was to try to find a way to postpone the wedding. I knew who I had to contact – Digger Phelps. Many years back he had taken my sister to dinner. Maybe he still held a torch for her. Maybe he’d make a call. Maybe the wedding could get shelved. Maybe he could get me some tickets to the Tourney. So I found his e-mail address and told him what was going on. About 5 days later I got a response - an advertisement for his book: “The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Basketball by Digger Phelps.” In the entire history of publishing there has never been a more appropriate title.
Once again, I had to rely on my mini TV. With the entire wedding party circled around my little 3-inch screen, the priest walks in the vestibule and says, “It’s time to go. Oh wow, is that the Louisville game?” Sure is Father, and there’s 2 minutes left. During that “2 minutes”, the violinist must have gone through a dozen renditions of Pachelbel’s Cannon D. When the game ended there was an unmistakable grin on the face of the priest. Some think he had money on the game. Others think he was just enjoying the camera shots of the ball boys. All I could think was, thank God for my little TV.
Next year, I’m back in the hospital again with my wife. This time for the birth of our second child. I really can’t blame her for this one though. Nope, the fault lies completely with my neighbor. Once again, I think clarification may be called for. On the previous Father’s Day, I yell to my neighbor, “Happy Father’s Day, Andy.” He yells back, “Same to you. Be the King!” So I thought, yeah, I should be the king. And later that night, my wife, well, let me be the king. Exactly nine months later we’re in the maternity ward – during round 3 of the NCAA Tournament. Lesson to be learned: 9 months from Father’s Day is the NCAA Tournament.
Didn’t matter though, I had my mini TV and saw every second of the Tournament. I also got to see one of life’s true miracles – Duke losing.
But without my TV, I would have missed that precious moment. And after February 18t,h, my Hoop TV will be no more. I have tried to come up with some solutions for this year’s Tourney.
1.Avoid All Bran Products – This will not only lead to less voyages to the toilet, but it will eliminate any interruption of the games by my wife. See, her maiden name is Bran. Come to think of it, so to is the last name of my mother-in-law. It’s actually spelled Brann – second “n” needed for the extra “nagging.” But not during the Tourney this year. When she calls I can honestly say, “Sorry, can’t talk, I’ve cut out Brann”
2.Get A Laptop – A computer with access to CBS’ Internet coverage could work. But the thought of that reminds of an interview I once saw on 20/20 of Whoppi Goldberg. I swear to God, there was a shot of her playing a xylophone while - on the John. That’s an image I don’t need reinforced. It also brings a whole different meaning to the title of her show – “The View”
3.Put Cable In The Commode –When my wife and I bought our house we could not agree as to what should go into the bathroom. I wanted cable. She wanted potpourri and little annoying unusable towels. So we compromised and went with - potpourri and those little annoying unusable towels. Such is married life.
4.Buy The Converter Box – Hmmm. The only problem is the box needs to be plugged in. So, if I were to go out to dinner how would that work? Ahh. Just bring an extension cord with me. And a sedative for my wife.
5. Write My Congressman – The news reports note that there is still time for another bill to pass before the end of analog kicks in on February 18 – or, as I like to call it Armageddon. I’ve, therefore, written the following letter to my congressman: Representative James McGovern.
Dear Congressman McGovern,
I’m a huge college basketball fan. I also have digestive problems. Why am I telling you this? See, on February 18th the analog signal needed to operate my little 3-inch TV will cease. And so will my ability to watch the NCAA Tournament when nature calls.
So I’m begging you Congressman, please re-introduce some legislation that will delay the switch to digital TV until after the Tournament. Now some people might think I should be writing to you about the economy. But you folks on Capitol Hill clearly have that all figured out.
In return for your efforts, I promise the votes of every one of my readers. Though I should reveal that only two of them live in your district. I could instead offer you free entry into my NCAA pool. Unless participating in an arguably illegal contest of betting on collegiate athletics might reflect poorly on your image. If so, let me know. Then I’ll just funnel some of the proceeds from my pool to your campaign fund.
Sincerely,
Dave Barend
Yes, I actually did forward this letter on to the Congressman. So please keep your fingers crossed that the February date will get postponed. Or at least hope that my letter doesn’t constitute some Federal crime.
Take it easy,
Dave
A special thanks to Suzanne Hinckley for her General Hospital knowledge.
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you’d like to contribute an opinion on any college hoop team, just email me your comment by Wednesday night to davebarend@yahoo.com.
Yes, there’s basically a library next to my commode. Last check I have an SI, an ESPN Magazine, 3 Pre-season College Basketball guides, a copy of Ulysses (with a bookmark shoved between pages 4 and 5) and an edition of “Don’t Sweat the Small Stuff”. Pretty sure I’ve been sweating the small stuff since my first communal shower after 7th grade gym class.
There’s also a 3-inch hand held RCA antenna TV. You know, so I can keep up with my soaps. Come on. Do I strike you as a fan of General Hospital? I assure you I could care less. Though I may just kill myself if things don’t work out for Luke and Laura.
The little TV is there for one reason – college basketball viewing during “emergencies.” Like when I try to watch triple overtime though it was back at the half when my chili kicked in.
You might wonder why, in those circumstances, I don’t just record the end of the games. That’s because my DVR is perpetually filled with multiple seasons of Desperate Housewives and Dora The Explorer. That may beg the question: Who wears the pants in the house? Answer: nobody. It’s filled with women – sadly, me included. (I have, however, often thought that Dora should do little exploring down Wysteria Lane. Maybe then she’d realize that she could stand to shed a few pounds.)
Using my little TV works just fine. Well, that is until February 18th. That’s the very sad day when analog antenna reception will no longer exist. You may have seen the advertisements about how the switch to digital will definitely not affect you. They need to amend that and add, “unless you have digestive issues.”
But on Tuesday there was fabulous news – Senator Rockefeller of West Virginia had passed a bill delaying the conversion until well after March Madness. Reportedly, more time was needed to help people with obsolete TVs. That’s just spin. Real reason: Senator Rockefeller is both a Mountaineers basketball fan and a sufferer of irritable bowl syndrome.
So I was euphoric – until Wednesday, when the bill was rejected by the morons in the House. Sorry for the redundancy.
This has left me quite depressed. My little TV was actually a gift from my wife and I must say it was the best gift ever. In fact, Lexus should really put me in one of their commercials during the NCAA Tourney. You know, the ones where a little kid is with a Big Wheel, or an Atari, or a pony and says it was the “best gift ever.” Yeah, they could have me with my little TV sitting on – yeah, that probably wouldn’t help sell cars.
But it’s not just the bathroom where this TV has been needed. In March 2004, I was lying on the couch and enjoying some prime time NCAA Tourney action when in walked my wife. She looked like death and said she was going to the hospital. Like a good husband, my immediate reaction was to say, “So, should I order pizza or do you think you’ll be back to make dinner?” I stand by the appropriateness of that response. She said “she” was going to the hospital not “we”.
I trucked her to the ER and the doctors swooped her up as if she’d been a gunshot victim. That left poor me in a waiting room filled with people glued to TNT – aka the “Law and Order” channel. Luckily, I came equipped with my 3-inch RCA and I didn’t miss a minute. 4 hours later the doctors brought me to her room. My wife’s was lying there, and with a tear coming down her face she said, “They say it’s double pneumonia. I can’t leave for at least another 2 hours.” I said, “Don’t worry honey. I have my little TV.”
The following year my sister set her wedding for Championship Weekend. As this was during Lent, she could only have the ceremony on that date with permission from the Bishop. Amazingly, the Bishop opted to allow the wedding to take place despite my incessant phone calls citing Canon Law. Even more mind-boggling was that this was taking place in Indiana. How could the Hoosier State sanction any marriage during March Madness?
My initial idea was to try to find a way to postpone the wedding. I knew who I had to contact – Digger Phelps. Many years back he had taken my sister to dinner. Maybe he still held a torch for her. Maybe he’d make a call. Maybe the wedding could get shelved. Maybe he could get me some tickets to the Tourney. So I found his e-mail address and told him what was going on. About 5 days later I got a response - an advertisement for his book: “The Complete Idiot’s Guide To Basketball by Digger Phelps.” In the entire history of publishing there has never been a more appropriate title.
Once again, I had to rely on my mini TV. With the entire wedding party circled around my little 3-inch screen, the priest walks in the vestibule and says, “It’s time to go. Oh wow, is that the Louisville game?” Sure is Father, and there’s 2 minutes left. During that “2 minutes”, the violinist must have gone through a dozen renditions of Pachelbel’s Cannon D. When the game ended there was an unmistakable grin on the face of the priest. Some think he had money on the game. Others think he was just enjoying the camera shots of the ball boys. All I could think was, thank God for my little TV.
Next year, I’m back in the hospital again with my wife. This time for the birth of our second child. I really can’t blame her for this one though. Nope, the fault lies completely with my neighbor. Once again, I think clarification may be called for. On the previous Father’s Day, I yell to my neighbor, “Happy Father’s Day, Andy.” He yells back, “Same to you. Be the King!” So I thought, yeah, I should be the king. And later that night, my wife, well, let me be the king. Exactly nine months later we’re in the maternity ward – during round 3 of the NCAA Tournament. Lesson to be learned: 9 months from Father’s Day is the NCAA Tournament.
Didn’t matter though, I had my mini TV and saw every second of the Tournament. I also got to see one of life’s true miracles – Duke losing.
But without my TV, I would have missed that precious moment. And after February 18t,h, my Hoop TV will be no more. I have tried to come up with some solutions for this year’s Tourney.
1.Avoid All Bran Products – This will not only lead to less voyages to the toilet, but it will eliminate any interruption of the games by my wife. See, her maiden name is Bran. Come to think of it, so to is the last name of my mother-in-law. It’s actually spelled Brann – second “n” needed for the extra “nagging.” But not during the Tourney this year. When she calls I can honestly say, “Sorry, can’t talk, I’ve cut out Brann”
2.Get A Laptop – A computer with access to CBS’ Internet coverage could work. But the thought of that reminds of an interview I once saw on 20/20 of Whoppi Goldberg. I swear to God, there was a shot of her playing a xylophone while - on the John. That’s an image I don’t need reinforced. It also brings a whole different meaning to the title of her show – “The View”
3.Put Cable In The Commode –When my wife and I bought our house we could not agree as to what should go into the bathroom. I wanted cable. She wanted potpourri and little annoying unusable towels. So we compromised and went with - potpourri and those little annoying unusable towels. Such is married life.
4.Buy The Converter Box – Hmmm. The only problem is the box needs to be plugged in. So, if I were to go out to dinner how would that work? Ahh. Just bring an extension cord with me. And a sedative for my wife.
5. Write My Congressman – The news reports note that there is still time for another bill to pass before the end of analog kicks in on February 18 – or, as I like to call it Armageddon. I’ve, therefore, written the following letter to my congressman: Representative James McGovern.
Dear Congressman McGovern,
I’m a huge college basketball fan. I also have digestive problems. Why am I telling you this? See, on February 18th the analog signal needed to operate my little 3-inch TV will cease. And so will my ability to watch the NCAA Tournament when nature calls.
So I’m begging you Congressman, please re-introduce some legislation that will delay the switch to digital TV until after the Tournament. Now some people might think I should be writing to you about the economy. But you folks on Capitol Hill clearly have that all figured out.
In return for your efforts, I promise the votes of every one of my readers. Though I should reveal that only two of them live in your district. I could instead offer you free entry into my NCAA pool. Unless participating in an arguably illegal contest of betting on collegiate athletics might reflect poorly on your image. If so, let me know. Then I’ll just funnel some of the proceeds from my pool to your campaign fund.
Sincerely,
Dave Barend
Yes, I actually did forward this letter on to the Congressman. So please keep your fingers crossed that the February date will get postponed. Or at least hope that my letter doesn’t constitute some Federal crime.
Take it easy,
Dave
A special thanks to Suzanne Hinckley for her General Hospital knowledge.
Next set of Rankings and Irrelevant Comments coming Thursday. If you’d like to contribute an opinion on any college hoop team, just email me your comment by Wednesday night to davebarend@yahoo.com.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
