Below is Week 4’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings. That’s 4 sets of 10 within November. That’s at least marginally impressive. And maybe even marginally humorous as well.
Top 10
1.Kansas – I’m pretty sure I heard Cole Aldrich, swear during a game last week. Sean Hannity of Fox News seems to be overeating to Cole’s little indiscretion. Call me crazy, but I really don’t see this as further evidence that there is no such thing as clean coal.
2.Kentucky –John Calipari has a new book called “Bounce Back”. The title is likely a reference to his perseverance after that devastating defeat in the 2008 Finals. Or it could be referring to what happens to his belly when he stands up.
3.Michigan State – Draymond Green and Raymar Morgan play for the Spartans. Both of these kids’ parents must have really wanted to almost name their child Raymond.
4.Villanova – During the Villanova-Dayton game, one of the announcers said, “You always need to be worried about those second half runs.” I’m not sure whether he was talking about a potential comeback by the Flyers, or the effects of concession-stand nachos.
5.Texas – Jai Lucas left Florida where he was a starting guard and coached by a man with two championships. He is now on Texas where he’s possibly the 6th best guard and coached by a man who has won nothing. He also can’t play till mid-December and wasn’t even given a scholarship. Wonder how this might impact his dad’s foundation that teaches people how to make good decisions.
6.Purdue – According to Sports Illustrated, the Boilermakers should be really good this year because they have 6 starters returning. I kind of think that’s why they were so good last year. I mean, most teams only have 5 starters.
7.West Virginia – In 1959 Jerry West lead the Mountaineers to the Final Four. He used to kid that the University was named after him. He stopped telling that joke when he realized that many of the WV alum didn’t know it was a joke.
8.Duke – Duke got its nickname of the Blue Devils from a regiment of blue cape wearing WWI soldiers who fought for France. And there you have it – yet another reason why rooting for Duke is un-American.
9.Syracuse – Dick Vitale did the color commentary for the SU-UNC game. He is definitely knowledgeable, energetic and entertaining. But I think he’s missing one little thing – a voice.
10.Butler – Gordon Hayward grew over 11 inches from his freshman year of high school to his freshman year of college. He had to go through a new wardrobe every three months. Got to give a lot of credit to his parents. Not just for keeping Gordon clothed, but for single handedly keeping the recession from bankrupting the GAP.
Next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, November 27, 2009
Friday, November 20, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 3
For your entertainment and education, I give you week 3's version of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings & Irrelevant Comments. The education value may be minimal, but the entertainment value, well, that may also be minimal.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The folks at Kansas are convinced that their Jayhawk is the most unique mascot in college sports. Really? The Jayhawk is a big bird with a big yellow beak and big yellow feet. Apparently the folks at Kansas don’t get PBS.
2.Kentucky – During a recent interview with ESPN John Calipari said that his players at Kentucky aren’t as focused on basketball as were his players at Memphis. Yeah, it’s amazing how much more you can focus on hoops when you don’t have to worry about taking your own tests.
3.Michigan State – Given that there are 5 different Div 1 teams with Michigan in their names, it’s hard to keep them straight. I think I have it though. Michigan State – the Spartans. Michigan – the Wolverines. Central Michigan, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan – Irrelevant.
4.North Carolina – UNC refers to the color on its uniforms as “Carolina Blue” instead of what it actually looks like: powder blue. I think my beloved St. Bonaventure University should adopt a similar name change with its color. They should go with “Bonaventure Brown” instead of what it actually looks like: crap.
5.West Virginia – Every time Bob Huggins is subjected to a bad call, he looks like he’s going to soil himself. He really should team up with Huggies and create an adult diaper. Any geezer with bowel control issues would rather poop in something called a Huggins than a Depends. They better move quick though. I hear Pampers is coming out with the Paterno.
6. Purdue – Purdue University was named after John Purdue – a hardworking, successful, businessman and philanthropist. Unfortunately, people think of something vastly different when they see Purdue – a balding, skinny, chicken hawking, geriatric.
7. Texas – Coach Rick Barnes credits one of his former teachers with turning his life around during his young troublemaking days. He says that’s why he recruited the very troubled J’Covan Brown. Boy, was I wrong. I would have sworn the reason Coach Barnes recruited J’Covan was because he’s a great basketball player.
8.Duke – Though they are the Blue Devils, many people at Duke like to be called Dukies. That just seems perfect, phonetically.
9.Villanova – The ‘Nova faithful were quite excited when Scottie Reynolds decided to stick around for his senior year. His length-of-the-court drive last year to beat Pitt was rated the most thrilling play of The Tourney. Though probably not by players on Pitt.
10. Butler – Coach Brad Stevens has one great recruiting tool: If you go to Butler you'll play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse – the site of the final game from “Hoosiers”. Coach Stevens also has one huge recruiting obstacle: In order to play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse you have to go to Butler.
Most Overrated: Iowa – The Hawkeyes lost to Texas-San Antonio in the first round of the CBE “Tournament”. I put that word in quotes because though Iowa lost they still advance to the semi-finals because the “Tournament” organizers wanted to have the bigger name advance. That’s just plain wrong. Texas-San Antonio is clearly a bigger name than Iowa. By 11 letters to be exact.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The folks at Kansas are convinced that their Jayhawk is the most unique mascot in college sports. Really? The Jayhawk is a big bird with a big yellow beak and big yellow feet. Apparently the folks at Kansas don’t get PBS.
2.Kentucky – During a recent interview with ESPN John Calipari said that his players at Kentucky aren’t as focused on basketball as were his players at Memphis. Yeah, it’s amazing how much more you can focus on hoops when you don’t have to worry about taking your own tests.
3.Michigan State – Given that there are 5 different Div 1 teams with Michigan in their names, it’s hard to keep them straight. I think I have it though. Michigan State – the Spartans. Michigan – the Wolverines. Central Michigan, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan – Irrelevant.
4.North Carolina – UNC refers to the color on its uniforms as “Carolina Blue” instead of what it actually looks like: powder blue. I think my beloved St. Bonaventure University should adopt a similar name change with its color. They should go with “Bonaventure Brown” instead of what it actually looks like: crap.
5.West Virginia – Every time Bob Huggins is subjected to a bad call, he looks like he’s going to soil himself. He really should team up with Huggies and create an adult diaper. Any geezer with bowel control issues would rather poop in something called a Huggins than a Depends. They better move quick though. I hear Pampers is coming out with the Paterno.
6. Purdue – Purdue University was named after John Purdue – a hardworking, successful, businessman and philanthropist. Unfortunately, people think of something vastly different when they see Purdue – a balding, skinny, chicken hawking, geriatric.
7. Texas – Coach Rick Barnes credits one of his former teachers with turning his life around during his young troublemaking days. He says that’s why he recruited the very troubled J’Covan Brown. Boy, was I wrong. I would have sworn the reason Coach Barnes recruited J’Covan was because he’s a great basketball player.
8.Duke – Though they are the Blue Devils, many people at Duke like to be called Dukies. That just seems perfect, phonetically.
9.Villanova – The ‘Nova faithful were quite excited when Scottie Reynolds decided to stick around for his senior year. His length-of-the-court drive last year to beat Pitt was rated the most thrilling play of The Tourney. Though probably not by players on Pitt.
10. Butler – Coach Brad Stevens has one great recruiting tool: If you go to Butler you'll play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse – the site of the final game from “Hoosiers”. Coach Stevens also has one huge recruiting obstacle: In order to play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse you have to go to Butler.
Most Overrated: Iowa – The Hawkeyes lost to Texas-San Antonio in the first round of the CBE “Tournament”. I put that word in quotes because though Iowa lost they still advance to the semi-finals because the “Tournament” organizers wanted to have the bigger name advance. That’s just plain wrong. Texas-San Antonio is clearly a bigger name than Iowa. By 11 letters to be exact.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 2
Below is week 2's version of my hopefully humorous college hoop rankings.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Some KU alum worry that rumors about super frosh Xavier Henry being “one and done” indicate that he’s not taking his education seriously. I’d say the fact that he enrolled at Kansas would be sufficient indication that he’s not taking his education seriously.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats opening game is against Morehead State. According to the Sporting News, “The key for Morehead will be finding a suitable replacement for power forward Leon Buchanan.” Stupid me. I always thought the key was finding enough booze.
3.Michigan State – Last year Kalin Lucas made almost 40% of his 3-point shots. That means he missed over 60% - wholly unimpressive to me. During my CYO hoops career, I didn’t miss a single trey. I also wasn’t ever allowed to shot one. Or touch the ball.
4.North Carolina (2-0) – Coach Roy Williams has just published an autobiography entitled “Hard Work”. And to write the forward he got – John Grisham. Why? It makes perfect sense to me. Filling over 20 novels almost entirely with monosyllabic words has to be “Hard Work.”
5.West Virginia – This past July, sophomore Darryl Bryant crashed his vehicle into a fellow WVU student. Amazingly no one was seriously hurt. More amazingly, Bryant maintained his hoop scholarship. Most amazingly, Bryant also maintained his nickname of “Truck”.
6. Purdue – Forward Robbie Hummel is often injured and perpetually recovering from a nagging back injury. Heck, he’s so fragile that he should change his name to, well, actually Hummel is perfect.
7. Texas – I’m rooting hard for junior Dogus Balbay this year. Not so much on the court but to try out for American Idol. I’d just love to hear what Randy Jackson could possibly come up with to call him.
8.California (2-0) – Cal is in this year’s Coaches vs. Cancer Tournament. It’s great that the coaches raise money to fight cancer given how many of them have had that disease afflict their colons. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could come up with some symbol like that pink paper ribbon for breast cancer? If only there was a paper product that could somehow be colored to symbolize the colon.
9.Duke – Andre Dawkins is departing high school early to start playing for the Blue Devils this season. Big deal. Louisville has two players with a similar accomplishment. Though their early departure wasn’t from high school, but from the Clark County, Indiana penal system.
10.Villanova – I originally thought that Villanova might be a bit overrated. Then I heard ESPN’s Andy Katz proclaim that the Wildcats are overrated. That confirmed it for me. Villanova is definitely underrated.
Most Underrated: LeMoyne - I received some flack this past week for not giving LeMoyne their due respect for beating SU and merely chiding the Orange for their ineptness. I, therefore, promise that if (& when) the Dolphins knock off my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies next month, I will definitely focus solely on the positives of LeMoyne.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Some KU alum worry that rumors about super frosh Xavier Henry being “one and done” indicate that he’s not taking his education seriously. I’d say the fact that he enrolled at Kansas would be sufficient indication that he’s not taking his education seriously.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats opening game is against Morehead State. According to the Sporting News, “The key for Morehead will be finding a suitable replacement for power forward Leon Buchanan.” Stupid me. I always thought the key was finding enough booze.
3.Michigan State – Last year Kalin Lucas made almost 40% of his 3-point shots. That means he missed over 60% - wholly unimpressive to me. During my CYO hoops career, I didn’t miss a single trey. I also wasn’t ever allowed to shot one. Or touch the ball.
4.North Carolina (2-0) – Coach Roy Williams has just published an autobiography entitled “Hard Work”. And to write the forward he got – John Grisham. Why? It makes perfect sense to me. Filling over 20 novels almost entirely with monosyllabic words has to be “Hard Work.”
5.West Virginia – This past July, sophomore Darryl Bryant crashed his vehicle into a fellow WVU student. Amazingly no one was seriously hurt. More amazingly, Bryant maintained his hoop scholarship. Most amazingly, Bryant also maintained his nickname of “Truck”.
6. Purdue – Forward Robbie Hummel is often injured and perpetually recovering from a nagging back injury. Heck, he’s so fragile that he should change his name to, well, actually Hummel is perfect.
7. Texas – I’m rooting hard for junior Dogus Balbay this year. Not so much on the court but to try out for American Idol. I’d just love to hear what Randy Jackson could possibly come up with to call him.
8.California (2-0) – Cal is in this year’s Coaches vs. Cancer Tournament. It’s great that the coaches raise money to fight cancer given how many of them have had that disease afflict their colons. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could come up with some symbol like that pink paper ribbon for breast cancer? If only there was a paper product that could somehow be colored to symbolize the colon.
9.Duke – Andre Dawkins is departing high school early to start playing for the Blue Devils this season. Big deal. Louisville has two players with a similar accomplishment. Though their early departure wasn’t from high school, but from the Clark County, Indiana penal system.
10.Villanova – I originally thought that Villanova might be a bit overrated. Then I heard ESPN’s Andy Katz proclaim that the Wildcats are overrated. That confirmed it for me. Villanova is definitely underrated.
Most Underrated: LeMoyne - I received some flack this past week for not giving LeMoyne their due respect for beating SU and merely chiding the Orange for their ineptness. I, therefore, promise that if (& when) the Dolphins knock off my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies next month, I will definitely focus solely on the positives of LeMoyne.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Pre-Season Rankings & Irrelevant Comments
2009-2010 college hoops season is here! Below is my first set of Hopefully Humorous Rankings & Irrelevant Comments. I’ll do my best to have a new installment up every Friday.
Pre-Season Top 10
1.Kansas – Lots of cupcakes for the Jayhawks this year – a bunch on their schedule and even more in Sherron Collins’ gut.
2.Kentucky - Speaking of guts, UK has a new “Coach Tubby” in John Calipari. Wonder how long it takes for him to get Kentucky to 16 Final 4 appearances. Yeah I know they already have 17, but Coach Cal has a way of making those disappear.
3.Michigan State – The main reason why the Spartans will have a great season may just lie with the talents of junior Mike Keebler. Not so much for his hoop skills, but because the team can’t make it through half time without downing a batch of his cookies. (At 6’ 4”, I’m pretty sure he was the inspiration for Will Ferrell’s character in Elf.)
4.North Carolina – This past summer Coach Williams was able to live out one of my ultimate fantasies – telling everyone, “I did it! Twins baby!” Though my fantasy has nothing to do with the signing of David and Travis Wear.
5.West Virginia – Freshman D. Kilicli is already feeling a tad homesick. Someone really should have told him that when he gets to West Virginia he can’t expect to have all the modern amenities that he had in his home in Turkey.
6.Duke – Duke has one guy who is 7’1” and 3 guys who are 6’ 10”. Wow. If they all stood on each other’s shoulders they would almost be able to reach the top of Coach K’s ego.
7.Texas – When Dexter Pittman arrived on campus he weighed a massive 366 lbs. He has amazingly dropped over 70 lbs. Not only has his game drastically improved, but the big positive is that people no longer mistake him for Bevo.
8. Mississippi State – The Bulldogs have 17 guys on their roster. That seems a tad stupid. They still need one more for an inter-squad game, of baseball.
9.Villanova – I don’t think I’m going to watch a single Villanova game this season. Don’t get me wrong, I love the team, but after 8 weeks of this year’s football season I don’t think I can handle hearing another announcer say, “Wildcat”.
10.Purdue – Last year while watching the Boilermakers play, my nephew points to the picture of a train on the court and says “Thomas!” I then look at my sister-in-law and say, “What the hell is he talking about?” All right, I didn’t say that, but she could tell I was thinking it. She then says, “Thomas the train. John you are going to have to teach Uncle Dave all about Thomas the train.” I looked back at my sister-in-law and said, “Why the hell do I give a crap about some train named Thomas?” All right, I didn’t say that, but amazingly she couldn’t tell I was thinking that. What I did say was, “Sure John, teach me all about Thomas the train, but first let me grab a beer and a shot and teach you all about a boilermaker.”
Most Overrated: Syracuse - This past week the Orange lost an exhibition game to Div II LeMoyne 82-79. I do give Boeheim some credit though. No not for the class he showed after the embarrassing loss. But for being smart enough to avoid further embarrassment and opting not to scrimmage Wellesley.
Take it easy,
Dave
Pre-Season Top 10
1.Kansas – Lots of cupcakes for the Jayhawks this year – a bunch on their schedule and even more in Sherron Collins’ gut.
2.Kentucky - Speaking of guts, UK has a new “Coach Tubby” in John Calipari. Wonder how long it takes for him to get Kentucky to 16 Final 4 appearances. Yeah I know they already have 17, but Coach Cal has a way of making those disappear.
3.Michigan State – The main reason why the Spartans will have a great season may just lie with the talents of junior Mike Keebler. Not so much for his hoop skills, but because the team can’t make it through half time without downing a batch of his cookies. (At 6’ 4”, I’m pretty sure he was the inspiration for Will Ferrell’s character in Elf.)
4.North Carolina – This past summer Coach Williams was able to live out one of my ultimate fantasies – telling everyone, “I did it! Twins baby!” Though my fantasy has nothing to do with the signing of David and Travis Wear.
5.West Virginia – Freshman D. Kilicli is already feeling a tad homesick. Someone really should have told him that when he gets to West Virginia he can’t expect to have all the modern amenities that he had in his home in Turkey.
6.Duke – Duke has one guy who is 7’1” and 3 guys who are 6’ 10”. Wow. If they all stood on each other’s shoulders they would almost be able to reach the top of Coach K’s ego.
7.Texas – When Dexter Pittman arrived on campus he weighed a massive 366 lbs. He has amazingly dropped over 70 lbs. Not only has his game drastically improved, but the big positive is that people no longer mistake him for Bevo.
8. Mississippi State – The Bulldogs have 17 guys on their roster. That seems a tad stupid. They still need one more for an inter-squad game, of baseball.
9.Villanova – I don’t think I’m going to watch a single Villanova game this season. Don’t get me wrong, I love the team, but after 8 weeks of this year’s football season I don’t think I can handle hearing another announcer say, “Wildcat”.
10.Purdue – Last year while watching the Boilermakers play, my nephew points to the picture of a train on the court and says “Thomas!” I then look at my sister-in-law and say, “What the hell is he talking about?” All right, I didn’t say that, but she could tell I was thinking it. She then says, “Thomas the train. John you are going to have to teach Uncle Dave all about Thomas the train.” I looked back at my sister-in-law and said, “Why the hell do I give a crap about some train named Thomas?” All right, I didn’t say that, but amazingly she couldn’t tell I was thinking that. What I did say was, “Sure John, teach me all about Thomas the train, but first let me grab a beer and a shot and teach you all about a boilermaker.”
Most Overrated: Syracuse - This past week the Orange lost an exhibition game to Div II LeMoyne 82-79. I do give Boeheim some credit though. No not for the class he showed after the embarrassing loss. But for being smart enough to avoid further embarrassment and opting not to scrimmage Wellesley.
Take it easy,
Dave
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