Below is my "First Ridiculous 4 Point Play" of the Tourney. I hope it is as laughable as when I actually attempt to make a 4-point play in a game.
1.Kentucky – I picked The Wildcats to win it all. My only fear is if Bledsoe gets injured. You know, ‘cause UK doesn’t have a guy to replace him named Brady.
2.Syracuse – Vegas has pretty high odds on SU making it to the Final Four. They also have decent odds on Jennifer Hudson showing up and singing, “One Shining Moment”. This then begs the following question: If both Syracuse & Jennifer Hudson are at the Final 4, what are the odds that she tries to eat the Orange?
3.Arkansas-Pine Bluff – The Golden Lions lost their first 11 games of the season, but managed an unbelievable turn around and made the Tournament. Such immense failure followed by incredible success is much like the story of my life. Well, minus the part with the incredible success.
4.The Masters – CBS has been perpetually promoting the Masters during the Tourney. I really think they should add a little public service message concerning the lesson to be learned from Tiger’s predicament. That of course being – Don’t ever get married.
For those of you in the "FREE" and arguably non-illegal pool, the pot is at $3,245.81 as of 4:00p.m. on 3/22.
I'll try for another 4 pointer on Thursday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, March 19, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
Idiot Proof Rules for Pool with Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 19
The Idiot Proof Rules & Instructions for this year’s pool are below my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Though this week instead of listing the top 10, I listed the first 10 – as in the first 10 in the NCAA Tourney.
First 10 -
1.Cornell – Given that “The Big Red” is located in the economic disaster land of upstate New York, Cornell might want to make a slight alteration to its nickname. And go with “In The Big Red”.
2.Murray State - Murray State was the best of the 10 teams in the Ohio Valley Conference. Of those 10 teams, not one is actually in Ohio. Big deal. Not one team in the Atlantic-10 Conference is in the Atlantic.
3.East Tennessee State – With ETSU now in the Tourney, the state of Tennessee might get an impressive four bids. The best of the bunch just may be the Vanderbilt Commodores. Though the folks at Vandy like to call themselves “The ‘dores”. Why? Well, go to iTunes and click on “Three Times A Lady.” That’s why.
4.Winthrop – Based in Rock Hill, South Carolina, Winthrop was formed with the goal of educating teachers. It changed that goal when it realized that the State of South Carolina found no need for having educated teachers.
5.Northern Iowa – Senior Jordan Eglsder is majoring in Youth and Human Services. Huh. Aren’t most youth also human? Wait a minute. I forgot about teenagers.
6.Old Dominion – I just checked out ODU’s roster and I noticed that Chris Cooper plays forward. That’s hard to picture. I’ll always see him as a CIA agent trying to catch Jason Bourne.
7.Siena – The Saints have won the automatic bid from the Metro Atlantic. The Vermont Catamounts may get the bid from America East. It has yet to be determined who will represent Virgin Atlantic or US Air.
8.Wofford – Many people think that Wofford is pronounced “Wuff-ford”. The school chooses to pronounce it Waff-ford. It doesn’t help that the nickname is the Terriers. But then again, the school chooses to pronounce “Terriers” as Cats.
9.St. Mary’s - St. Mary’s web site indicates that college’s mission is to “Transform the way students think about themselves.” If that’s really their mission they might want to think about dropping St. Mary’s as its name. And replacing it with L Ron Hubbard’s.
10.North Texas – North Texas has one of my favorite nicknames: The Mean Green. So much better than their second choice: The Cantankerous Chartreuse.
Idiot Proof Instructions For This Year's "Free" NCAA Tourney Pool.
(As of 3:30 p.m. 3/18/10 - the pot is at $2,288.16)
There's some BIG CHANGES from last year, so PLEASE READ through the below spew.
1. Yahoo - As in the past, the pool will be run via Yahoo and in the classic "fill out the bracket" format with points doubling each round. As opposed to last year, the whole pool will be on one Yahoo site. Since each site can only hold 250 entries, you might want to join soon to assure yourself a spot. Also IMPORTANT to note is that every year the Yahoo Tourney site temporarily crashes - usually the day after Selection Sunday and the hour before the first round starts on Thursday. Avoid this aggravation by joining soon.
2. $ prizes - 1st place: 60% of pot, 2nd place: 20% of pot, 3rd place 10% of pot, 4th place - 5% of pot, Jimmy V Foundation 5% of pot.
3. Cost - BIG CHANGES
3a. Same as last year - The pot for the pool, like last year, will come from all of the advertising revenue and donations that I receive at www.davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com. That's right, every penny I get I'm putting toward the pot. I'm not keeping a cent. Last year's total pot was near $3000. Also like last year, you can join the pool for free.
3b. Different from last year - If you donate less than $25 and you finish in 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th place, your share of the winnings will be sent directly to the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research. If you donate $25 or more and you finish in 1st, 2nd or 3rd or 4th place, your share of the winnings will be sent directly to you and you can make whatever charitable donation you see fit. Bottom line - if you want the winnings sent to you, donate at least $25.
4.How to donate - The easiest and preferable way is via the PayPal link at the top right hand corner of www.davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com. There are a couple negatives with PayPal though: that company takes something like 3% + 30 cents of every donation. Regardless, a $25 donation to Paypal will count as a "$25" donation to the pool. Also, some people are just afraid of using Paypal. So if you would like to donate, but don't want to use Paypal you can send me a check BUT ONLY IF you actually know me. Sorry.
5. Deadline to donate - If you donate via Paypal you must have your donation in before noon on Thursday, March 18th. If you donate via check (only if you know me) you must have your envelope postmarked by Thursday March 18. If you join the pool, but submit your donation after March 18th, your winnings will be forwarded to Jimmy V. Also, if you don't get an email me thanking you for your donation, that means that I have not received your donation.
6.Enter with your Actual Name - It's VERY IMPORTANT that when you create the name of your entry for our Yahoo site, you enter your actual name. Otherwise, I will delete you. It is a severe pain in the ass trying to keep track of who everyone is when people are not using their actual names. So, if your name is Keith Mangas, just create your entry name to be Keith Mangas. If you feel absolutely compelled to include some kind of nickname, as my father does, then put it in quotes between your first and last names. Got it Harold "Golden Balls" Barend? Also, if I do not know you, you must email me at davebarend@yahoo.com prior to joining to let me know who you are. If there is a entry in our pool whose name I do not recognize, I will delete it.
7. NO Multiple Entries - 1 entry per person. BUT if you really want to submit multiple entries, then convince someone else you know to join and make the picks for that person. You might also want to try to convince that person to give you the $ if you win.
8.Friends/Recruits - Feel free to get your friends, family members or whoever else you know to join the pool. But please make sure they realize that if they join they need to email me and let me know who they are or they will be deleted. Also, don't just forward other people the password and group id#. Make sure they get all of the rules.
9.Advertising - if you want to advertise on my site, send me an email and we'll work out something.
10. How to Join our Yahoo group site - Though I have listed idiot proof steps to join the Yahoo site, many of you should be able to figure it out at http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1. Go to join group. The group id # is 11594. The password is swish - (the name of the transvestite in Fastbreak.) Please remember that when you enter your "Bracket Name" to use your actual name. You also might want to remember to sign back in to the site after Sunday March 14 - so you can make your picks.
Idiot Proof instruction on joining the Yahoo Group
(1) Go to http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1. OR you can go to Yahoo, click on sport, click on fantasy, then click on Tourney Pick'em '10.
(2) Click on “Join a Group” (Not “create a group”)
(3) Click on “Join Group” (different screen from step 2)
(4) Enter your own personal Yahoo ID and Yahoo password on right side from your own personal Yahoo account. Note that these are NOT the same as the ones list below for entering our group. COMMON MISTAKE – is entering the info to join the site. Try not to make that mistake.
(5) If you do not have your own personal Yahoo account click on "Sign Up" under "Don't have a Yahoo! ID?" Otherwise, go to step (6).
(5b)Enter the requested personal info (name & your creation of an id and password, & code) on the page.
(5c) Write down your personal id and password then click on "agree" to the terms then click on “create my account”.
(5d) Click on “continue” to Yahoo Sports on right side of page.
(6) Enter our group id# 11594 and our password swish - (the name of the transvestite in Fastbreak.) . (DO Not enter your personal Yahoo id and password.) Click on “save and continue”.
(7) Enter your actual full name as your "bracket name". Please NO NICKNAMES!! I will delete entries that do not comply.
(8) Click on the box next to “Terms of Service”
(9) Determine whether you want to enter Yahoo's separate contest for $1mil - if so, enter the requested info and accept terms. If you don’t need the $1,000,000 then I’d say you probably could afford to donate $25 bucks to the pot.
(10) Hit submit (lower left corner) – You are now in our group.
(11) “I don’t see my name!!” - Your name might not appear because the initial screen only shows 10 entrants. Click on standings. Ahh – there’s your name.
(12) Click on your name. The Midwest region appears. Click on the the team you want to win each game of the first 4 rounds. Then click on Save and Continue. Do the same for the next 3 regions and then for the final 4.
(13) Make sure you Save your Picks – Every year someone fails to do so. Every year that person actually wanted me to allow them to enter their picks after the games had been played. So every year I'm reminded me of an episode of Cheers where Sam thought he was doing Woody a favor by not placing a ridiculous sports bet, but the long shot won. Sam then had the following conversation with Diane.
Diane: So, why don't you go to the...
Sam: Bookie.
Diane: ...bookie and tell him that you honestly intended to wager on the winning teams and see if he won't give you the money.
Sam: That's a good idea. While I'm at it why don't I just tell him that I meant to bet on all the winning teams since 1975?
If you just save your picks then we don’t have to have that same conversation.
Take it easy,
Dave
First 10 -
1.Cornell – Given that “The Big Red” is located in the economic disaster land of upstate New York, Cornell might want to make a slight alteration to its nickname. And go with “In The Big Red”.
2.Murray State - Murray State was the best of the 10 teams in the Ohio Valley Conference. Of those 10 teams, not one is actually in Ohio. Big deal. Not one team in the Atlantic-10 Conference is in the Atlantic.
3.East Tennessee State – With ETSU now in the Tourney, the state of Tennessee might get an impressive four bids. The best of the bunch just may be the Vanderbilt Commodores. Though the folks at Vandy like to call themselves “The ‘dores”. Why? Well, go to iTunes and click on “Three Times A Lady.” That’s why.
4.Winthrop – Based in Rock Hill, South Carolina, Winthrop was formed with the goal of educating teachers. It changed that goal when it realized that the State of South Carolina found no need for having educated teachers.
5.Northern Iowa – Senior Jordan Eglsder is majoring in Youth and Human Services. Huh. Aren’t most youth also human? Wait a minute. I forgot about teenagers.
6.Old Dominion – I just checked out ODU’s roster and I noticed that Chris Cooper plays forward. That’s hard to picture. I’ll always see him as a CIA agent trying to catch Jason Bourne.
7.Siena – The Saints have won the automatic bid from the Metro Atlantic. The Vermont Catamounts may get the bid from America East. It has yet to be determined who will represent Virgin Atlantic or US Air.
8.Wofford – Many people think that Wofford is pronounced “Wuff-ford”. The school chooses to pronounce it Waff-ford. It doesn’t help that the nickname is the Terriers. But then again, the school chooses to pronounce “Terriers” as Cats.
9.St. Mary’s - St. Mary’s web site indicates that college’s mission is to “Transform the way students think about themselves.” If that’s really their mission they might want to think about dropping St. Mary’s as its name. And replacing it with L Ron Hubbard’s.
10.North Texas – North Texas has one of my favorite nicknames: The Mean Green. So much better than their second choice: The Cantankerous Chartreuse.
Idiot Proof Instructions For This Year's "Free" NCAA Tourney Pool.
(As of 3:30 p.m. 3/18/10 - the pot is at $2,288.16)
There's some BIG CHANGES from last year, so PLEASE READ through the below spew.
1. Yahoo - As in the past, the pool will be run via Yahoo and in the classic "fill out the bracket" format with points doubling each round. As opposed to last year, the whole pool will be on one Yahoo site. Since each site can only hold 250 entries, you might want to join soon to assure yourself a spot. Also IMPORTANT to note is that every year the Yahoo Tourney site temporarily crashes - usually the day after Selection Sunday and the hour before the first round starts on Thursday. Avoid this aggravation by joining soon.
2. $ prizes - 1st place: 60% of pot, 2nd place: 20% of pot, 3rd place 10% of pot, 4th place - 5% of pot, Jimmy V Foundation 5% of pot.
3. Cost - BIG CHANGES
3a. Same as last year - The pot for the pool, like last year, will come from all of the advertising revenue and donations that I receive at www.davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com. That's right, every penny I get I'm putting toward the pot. I'm not keeping a cent. Last year's total pot was near $3000. Also like last year, you can join the pool for free.
3b. Different from last year - If you donate less than $25 and you finish in 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th place, your share of the winnings will be sent directly to the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research. If you donate $25 or more and you finish in 1st, 2nd or 3rd or 4th place, your share of the winnings will be sent directly to you and you can make whatever charitable donation you see fit. Bottom line - if you want the winnings sent to you, donate at least $25.
4.How to donate - The easiest and preferable way is via the PayPal link at the top right hand corner of www.davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com. There are a couple negatives with PayPal though: that company takes something like 3% + 30 cents of every donation. Regardless, a $25 donation to Paypal will count as a "$25" donation to the pool. Also, some people are just afraid of using Paypal. So if you would like to donate, but don't want to use Paypal you can send me a check BUT ONLY IF you actually know me. Sorry.
5. Deadline to donate - If you donate via Paypal you must have your donation in before noon on Thursday, March 18th. If you donate via check (only if you know me) you must have your envelope postmarked by Thursday March 18. If you join the pool, but submit your donation after March 18th, your winnings will be forwarded to Jimmy V. Also, if you don't get an email me thanking you for your donation, that means that I have not received your donation.
6.Enter with your Actual Name - It's VERY IMPORTANT that when you create the name of your entry for our Yahoo site, you enter your actual name. Otherwise, I will delete you. It is a severe pain in the ass trying to keep track of who everyone is when people are not using their actual names. So, if your name is Keith Mangas, just create your entry name to be Keith Mangas. If you feel absolutely compelled to include some kind of nickname, as my father does, then put it in quotes between your first and last names. Got it Harold "Golden Balls" Barend? Also, if I do not know you, you must email me at davebarend@yahoo.com prior to joining to let me know who you are. If there is a entry in our pool whose name I do not recognize, I will delete it.
7. NO Multiple Entries - 1 entry per person. BUT if you really want to submit multiple entries, then convince someone else you know to join and make the picks for that person. You might also want to try to convince that person to give you the $ if you win.
8.Friends/Recruits - Feel free to get your friends, family members or whoever else you know to join the pool. But please make sure they realize that if they join they need to email me and let me know who they are or they will be deleted. Also, don't just forward other people the password and group id#. Make sure they get all of the rules.
9.Advertising - if you want to advertise on my site, send me an email and we'll work out something.
10. How to Join our Yahoo group site - Though I have listed idiot proof steps to join the Yahoo site, many of you should be able to figure it out at http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1. Go to join group. The group id # is 11594. The password is swish - (the name of the transvestite in Fastbreak.) Please remember that when you enter your "Bracket Name" to use your actual name. You also might want to remember to sign back in to the site after Sunday March 14 - so you can make your picks.
Idiot Proof instruction on joining the Yahoo Group
(1) Go to http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1. OR you can go to Yahoo, click on sport, click on fantasy, then click on Tourney Pick'em '10.
(2) Click on “Join a Group” (Not “create a group”)
(3) Click on “Join Group” (different screen from step 2)
(4) Enter your own personal Yahoo ID and Yahoo password on right side from your own personal Yahoo account. Note that these are NOT the same as the ones list below for entering our group. COMMON MISTAKE – is entering the info to join the site. Try not to make that mistake.
(5) If you do not have your own personal Yahoo account click on "Sign Up" under "Don't have a Yahoo! ID?" Otherwise, go to step (6).
(5b)Enter the requested personal info (name & your creation of an id and password, & code) on the page.
(5c) Write down your personal id and password then click on "agree" to the terms then click on “create my account”.
(5d) Click on “continue” to Yahoo Sports on right side of page.
(6) Enter our group id# 11594 and our password swish - (the name of the transvestite in Fastbreak.) . (DO Not enter your personal Yahoo id and password.) Click on “save and continue”.
(7) Enter your actual full name as your "bracket name". Please NO NICKNAMES!! I will delete entries that do not comply.
(8) Click on the box next to “Terms of Service”
(9) Determine whether you want to enter Yahoo's separate contest for $1mil - if so, enter the requested info and accept terms. If you don’t need the $1,000,000 then I’d say you probably could afford to donate $25 bucks to the pot.
(10) Hit submit (lower left corner) – You are now in our group.
(11) “I don’t see my name!!” - Your name might not appear because the initial screen only shows 10 entrants. Click on standings. Ahh – there’s your name.
(12) Click on your name. The Midwest region appears. Click on the the team you want to win each game of the first 4 rounds. Then click on Save and Continue. Do the same for the next 3 regions and then for the final 4.
(13) Make sure you Save your Picks – Every year someone fails to do so. Every year that person actually wanted me to allow them to enter their picks after the games had been played. So every year I'm reminded me of an episode of Cheers where Sam thought he was doing Woody a favor by not placing a ridiculous sports bet, but the long shot won. Sam then had the following conversation with Diane.
Diane: So, why don't you go to the...
Sam: Bookie.
Diane: ...bookie and tell him that you honestly intended to wager on the winning teams and see if he won't give you the money.
Sam: That's a good idea. While I'm at it why don't I just tell him that I meant to bet on all the winning teams since 1975?
If you just save your picks then we don’t have to have that same conversation.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, March 5, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 18
I feel compelled to inform you that my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies are mentioned on page 27 of this week’s Sports Illustrated. You should really check it out. Well, after you read week 18 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings.
Top 10 -
1.Syracuse – During ESPN’s telecast of Saturday’s game from the Carrier Dome, they kept showing a dancing, overweight, middle-aged guy who had achieved a modicum of fame in the 80s. They called him the “Dome Ranger.” I kind of think a better nickname would have been “Digger.”
2.Kansas – Thanks to a great game from Obi Muonelo, Oklahoma State knocked off the Jayhawks this past weekend. I have to say the reporters showed great restraint when interviewing Muonelo after the big win. Not once did anyone ask, “So Obi, do you think the force was with you?”
3.Kentucky - The Wildcats went to Tennessee and got knocked off. The same fate befell Kansas when they went to Tennessee. So it seems like the Volunteers just need one more accomplishment to be considered the favorite to win the Tourney. Beat Syracuse? No. Convince the NCAA to move the Final 4 to Tennessee.
4. West Virginia – The current Mountaineer mascot is a very attractive female student. I don’t think that’s going to help rid West Virginia of its back woods image. I mean, they finally find a good-looking woman in that state and then they dress her up as a man.
5.Villanova – For $5 you can buy a headband that says, “I love Villanova Hoops”. Or for free, you can get a marker and write on your forehead, “I’m a Dork”.
6. Kansas State – I just learned that the purple clad K-State Wildcats are one of only 3 Division 1 teams that have a single official color. There’s Syracuse whose one color is obviously orange. And also Harvard, whose one color is obviously - dollar bill green.
7. Ohio State – In December, Evan Turner fell during an attempted slam-dunk and broke 2 vertebrae. Today he’s not only back playing, but is a front-runner for player of the year. Truly fantastic. Especially in the eyes of conservative commentator Glenn Beck. He believes Turner’s recovery is definitive evidence that there is no need for national health care.
8. Purdue – ESPN included Robbie Hummel’s season ending injury amongst the “Breaking News” on its scroll. I’m amazed ESPN considered that breaking news. Usually they reserve that for extremely important events. Like when Mel Kiper Jr. creates a new list of the top 5 tackles.
9.Duke – The Blue Devils may end up facing Florida State in the ACC Tournament. The Seminoles center, Soloman Alabi (pronounced A-lah-be) is one of my favorites. I’ve even gone so far as to write a song about him. Here’s what I have so far:
“A-lah be, A-lah be, A-lah A-lah A-lah be. A-lah be on the next level. A-lah be rockin over that bass treble.”
I’m telling you, it’s going to be a hit. I gotta feeling.
10. New Mexico – New Mexico’s coach got into a bit of a confrontation with a player on BYU. For perspective on whether the coach should be punished who did ESPN turn to? Bobby Knight. You can actually read Knight’s response on ESPN.com. If instead you’re looking for something less predictable, check out Rush Limbaugh’s current opinion on the Obama Administration.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10 -
1.Syracuse – During ESPN’s telecast of Saturday’s game from the Carrier Dome, they kept showing a dancing, overweight, middle-aged guy who had achieved a modicum of fame in the 80s. They called him the “Dome Ranger.” I kind of think a better nickname would have been “Digger.”
2.Kansas – Thanks to a great game from Obi Muonelo, Oklahoma State knocked off the Jayhawks this past weekend. I have to say the reporters showed great restraint when interviewing Muonelo after the big win. Not once did anyone ask, “So Obi, do you think the force was with you?”
3.Kentucky - The Wildcats went to Tennessee and got knocked off. The same fate befell Kansas when they went to Tennessee. So it seems like the Volunteers just need one more accomplishment to be considered the favorite to win the Tourney. Beat Syracuse? No. Convince the NCAA to move the Final 4 to Tennessee.
4. West Virginia – The current Mountaineer mascot is a very attractive female student. I don’t think that’s going to help rid West Virginia of its back woods image. I mean, they finally find a good-looking woman in that state and then they dress her up as a man.
5.Villanova – For $5 you can buy a headband that says, “I love Villanova Hoops”. Or for free, you can get a marker and write on your forehead, “I’m a Dork”.
6. Kansas State – I just learned that the purple clad K-State Wildcats are one of only 3 Division 1 teams that have a single official color. There’s Syracuse whose one color is obviously orange. And also Harvard, whose one color is obviously - dollar bill green.
7. Ohio State – In December, Evan Turner fell during an attempted slam-dunk and broke 2 vertebrae. Today he’s not only back playing, but is a front-runner for player of the year. Truly fantastic. Especially in the eyes of conservative commentator Glenn Beck. He believes Turner’s recovery is definitive evidence that there is no need for national health care.
8. Purdue – ESPN included Robbie Hummel’s season ending injury amongst the “Breaking News” on its scroll. I’m amazed ESPN considered that breaking news. Usually they reserve that for extremely important events. Like when Mel Kiper Jr. creates a new list of the top 5 tackles.
9.Duke – The Blue Devils may end up facing Florida State in the ACC Tournament. The Seminoles center, Soloman Alabi (pronounced A-lah-be) is one of my favorites. I’ve even gone so far as to write a song about him. Here’s what I have so far:
“A-lah be, A-lah be, A-lah A-lah A-lah be. A-lah be on the next level. A-lah be rockin over that bass treble.”
I’m telling you, it’s going to be a hit. I gotta feeling.
10. New Mexico – New Mexico’s coach got into a bit of a confrontation with a player on BYU. For perspective on whether the coach should be punished who did ESPN turn to? Bobby Knight. You can actually read Knight’s response on ESPN.com. If instead you’re looking for something less predictable, check out Rush Limbaugh’s current opinion on the Obama Administration.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, February 26, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 17
Below is week 17 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Last week I had an unprecedented number of hits on this site. Which makes me wonder, what is it about davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com that makes people think that there might be porn?
Top 10 -
1.Kansas – Due to his shooting slump, Sherron Collins was recently asked if he is in good health. He responded, “I’m great. I’m 100%. When you miss shots everyone thinks there’s something wrong with you.” Apparently Sherron would prefer that everyone just think that he stinks.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats would have lost to Vandy had Ogilvy hit a wide-open last second shot. I’m guessing the reason he missed was because he arm was still sore. You know, from leaning into that pitch against the Yankees during his stint on the Bad News Bears.
3.Purdue – During a recent Boilermakers’ home game, ESPN announcer, Steve Lavin, allowed fans to pour popcorn into his mouth as a tribute to Purdue grad Orville Redenbacher. I hope he continues these tributes to famous alums when he goes to University of Illinois – the alma mater of Hugh Hefner.
4.Syracuse – ESPN’s Game Day will be at the Carrier Dome this weekend. Last week they were at University of Washington’s Hec Edmundson Pavillion. That begs the relatively unique question: “Who the heck is Hec?”
Clarence “Hec” Edmundson coached Washington from 1920-1947 and is credited with creating the fast break. He would have been a great choice to star in the less-than blockbuster movie “Fast Break”. The part went to Gabe Kaplan who had a bit of an advantage over Hec. He wasn’t dead.
5.Duke – I’m thinking of buying one of those T-shirts Duke is selling to commemorate Mike Krzyzewski’s 1000th game. It’s not that I’m a big fan of Coach K. I just want some evidence to prove to my wife that somebody does in fact watch more college basketball than me.
6.Kansas State - Some people believe Coach Frank Martin’s physical confrontation with one of his players is connected to his Cuban heritage. That’s ridiculous. First of all, he barely touched the kid. Second of all, at no point did he pull out a gun and say, “Let me introduce you to my little friend.”
7.West Virginia – The Mountaineers were the latest victim of Coach Jim Calhoun’s resurgent UConn Huskies. I just learned that Calhoun used to be a game show host. Given his plethora of recent health problems and surgeries, he’d be the perfect guy if they ever made a show out of the game “Operation”. Not as the host, but as the game board.
8.Villanova – During half-time of Sunday’s Villanova-Pitt game, CBS began its “Countdown To The Tournament.” That’s actually just an abbreviated title of the countdown. The full title is; “Countdown To The Tournament That CBS Ruins By Mandating Timeouts Every 2.5 Minutes.”
9.Ohio State – The president of Ohio State is looking to make some big changes. If I were in charge, I’d get rid of the mascot. Because his name is Brutus.
10.Butler –On Saturday, ESPN’s announcers noted that the Final 4 is taking place in Indianapolis – also the location of Butler’s campus. They then agreed that it would, therefore, be ironic if Butler made the Final 4 this year. It is somewhat amazing that a strong grasp of the English language is not a prerequisite to obtaining a job as an ESPN commentator. Actually, it’s somewhat ironic.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10 -
1.Kansas – Due to his shooting slump, Sherron Collins was recently asked if he is in good health. He responded, “I’m great. I’m 100%. When you miss shots everyone thinks there’s something wrong with you.” Apparently Sherron would prefer that everyone just think that he stinks.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats would have lost to Vandy had Ogilvy hit a wide-open last second shot. I’m guessing the reason he missed was because he arm was still sore. You know, from leaning into that pitch against the Yankees during his stint on the Bad News Bears.
3.Purdue – During a recent Boilermakers’ home game, ESPN announcer, Steve Lavin, allowed fans to pour popcorn into his mouth as a tribute to Purdue grad Orville Redenbacher. I hope he continues these tributes to famous alums when he goes to University of Illinois – the alma mater of Hugh Hefner.
4.Syracuse – ESPN’s Game Day will be at the Carrier Dome this weekend. Last week they were at University of Washington’s Hec Edmundson Pavillion. That begs the relatively unique question: “Who the heck is Hec?”
Clarence “Hec” Edmundson coached Washington from 1920-1947 and is credited with creating the fast break. He would have been a great choice to star in the less-than blockbuster movie “Fast Break”. The part went to Gabe Kaplan who had a bit of an advantage over Hec. He wasn’t dead.
5.Duke – I’m thinking of buying one of those T-shirts Duke is selling to commemorate Mike Krzyzewski’s 1000th game. It’s not that I’m a big fan of Coach K. I just want some evidence to prove to my wife that somebody does in fact watch more college basketball than me.
6.Kansas State - Some people believe Coach Frank Martin’s physical confrontation with one of his players is connected to his Cuban heritage. That’s ridiculous. First of all, he barely touched the kid. Second of all, at no point did he pull out a gun and say, “Let me introduce you to my little friend.”
7.West Virginia – The Mountaineers were the latest victim of Coach Jim Calhoun’s resurgent UConn Huskies. I just learned that Calhoun used to be a game show host. Given his plethora of recent health problems and surgeries, he’d be the perfect guy if they ever made a show out of the game “Operation”. Not as the host, but as the game board.
8.Villanova – During half-time of Sunday’s Villanova-Pitt game, CBS began its “Countdown To The Tournament.” That’s actually just an abbreviated title of the countdown. The full title is; “Countdown To The Tournament That CBS Ruins By Mandating Timeouts Every 2.5 Minutes.”
9.Ohio State – The president of Ohio State is looking to make some big changes. If I were in charge, I’d get rid of the mascot. Because his name is Brutus.
10.Butler –On Saturday, ESPN’s announcers noted that the Final 4 is taking place in Indianapolis – also the location of Butler’s campus. They then agreed that it would, therefore, be ironic if Butler made the Final 4 this year. It is somewhat amazing that a strong grasp of the English language is not a prerequisite to obtaining a job as an ESPN commentator. Actually, it’s somewhat ironic.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, February 19, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 16
Below is Week 16 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. However, it’s not the rankings that are humorous, it’s the comments afterward. Sadly, that might not be clear.
Top 10 –
1.Kansas – Coach Self forced Tyshawn Taylor to remove his Facebook site after he made a couple of really stupid postings. This has got the folks at Facebook worried. If people realize that they shouldn’t put up stupid posts there’ll be nothing left.
2.Kentucky – Coach Cal is a bit afraid of playing at Vandy because his players might forget that in that arena the coaches sit on the baseline. I guess I could see the following mishap: Calipari calls “play #1”, but John Wall runs “play #2” Why? Because he sees some fat fan on the sideline ordering two Buds.
3.Villanova – The Wildcats just lost to UConn who had been on a tailspin since Coach Jim Calhoun left for health reasons too personal to disclose. This is the same guy who previously shared his prostate issues with the world. What could possibly be more embarrassing? My guess: an accidental overdose of Viagra.
4.Purdue – ESPN’s bracketology expert, Joe Lunardi has Purdue as a #2 seed. What the hell are bracketology experts, you ask? People who try to project the NCAA Tournament brackets. In other words, they’re geeks who follow college hoops. You can actually take a bracketology course taught by Lunardi. He’ll even sign your certificate upon completion. Which would look great next to your Mark Hamill signed lightsaber.
5.Syracuse –An intentional foul was called on SU’s Kris Joseph right near the end of the Louisville game. Apparently it’s okay to foul at the end of the game, but only if you have the ability to act like you’re not doing so intentionally. I understand Boeheim’s frustration, but he overreacted by immediately adding a coaching position for James Lipton.
6.Duke – Venezuela native and Maryland guard, Greivis Vasqueaz, declared that Duke’s arena was his home. He and his Terps then went to Duke and got blown out. I believe that when these facts are considered together there can be only one conclusion: Venezuela blows.
7.Kansas State –Jason Pullen’s Amish-esq beard is now a craze amongst the K-State student body. It’s nice to see that style in the state of Kansas has finally caught up to that of the Amish.
8. West Virginia - The game between Pittsburgh and West Virginia was billed as the “Backyard Brawl”. A clever name, but it might have some negative marketing ramifications. I mean, do the folks at West Virginia really want to emphasize their proximity to the city of Pittsburgh?
9.Gonzaga – After the Jesuits decided to name a college after Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, Father Cataldo rejected their suggestion to name the school Aloysius College. His rumored reasoning: People would never remember how to correctly pronounce Aloysius.
10. Georgetown – During the Hoyas’ game on Thursday, I saw a woman in the stands wearing a pink hat with the big Georgetown “G” on the front. She needs to either get rid of that hat or her boyfriend. He appeared to be poking her in the forehead in hopes of providing a climactic experience.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10 –
1.Kansas – Coach Self forced Tyshawn Taylor to remove his Facebook site after he made a couple of really stupid postings. This has got the folks at Facebook worried. If people realize that they shouldn’t put up stupid posts there’ll be nothing left.
2.Kentucky – Coach Cal is a bit afraid of playing at Vandy because his players might forget that in that arena the coaches sit on the baseline. I guess I could see the following mishap: Calipari calls “play #1”, but John Wall runs “play #2” Why? Because he sees some fat fan on the sideline ordering two Buds.
3.Villanova – The Wildcats just lost to UConn who had been on a tailspin since Coach Jim Calhoun left for health reasons too personal to disclose. This is the same guy who previously shared his prostate issues with the world. What could possibly be more embarrassing? My guess: an accidental overdose of Viagra.
4.Purdue – ESPN’s bracketology expert, Joe Lunardi has Purdue as a #2 seed. What the hell are bracketology experts, you ask? People who try to project the NCAA Tournament brackets. In other words, they’re geeks who follow college hoops. You can actually take a bracketology course taught by Lunardi. He’ll even sign your certificate upon completion. Which would look great next to your Mark Hamill signed lightsaber.
5.Syracuse –An intentional foul was called on SU’s Kris Joseph right near the end of the Louisville game. Apparently it’s okay to foul at the end of the game, but only if you have the ability to act like you’re not doing so intentionally. I understand Boeheim’s frustration, but he overreacted by immediately adding a coaching position for James Lipton.
6.Duke – Venezuela native and Maryland guard, Greivis Vasqueaz, declared that Duke’s arena was his home. He and his Terps then went to Duke and got blown out. I believe that when these facts are considered together there can be only one conclusion: Venezuela blows.
7.Kansas State –Jason Pullen’s Amish-esq beard is now a craze amongst the K-State student body. It’s nice to see that style in the state of Kansas has finally caught up to that of the Amish.
8. West Virginia - The game between Pittsburgh and West Virginia was billed as the “Backyard Brawl”. A clever name, but it might have some negative marketing ramifications. I mean, do the folks at West Virginia really want to emphasize their proximity to the city of Pittsburgh?
9.Gonzaga – After the Jesuits decided to name a college after Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, Father Cataldo rejected their suggestion to name the school Aloysius College. His rumored reasoning: People would never remember how to correctly pronounce Aloysius.
10. Georgetown – During the Hoyas’ game on Thursday, I saw a woman in the stands wearing a pink hat with the big Georgetown “G” on the front. She needs to either get rid of that hat or her boyfriend. He appeared to be poking her in the forehead in hopes of providing a climactic experience.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, February 12, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 15
My Valentine’s Day gift to you: a joke about college hoops. Yes, I realize that there are 10 attempts at humor below. Just consider the one that comes closest to making you laugh to be the gift.
Top 10 -
1.Kansas – Cole Aldrich is a regional finalist for the College Sports Information Directors of America’s Academic All-American team. To make the team he’ll need to keep up his stellar performance on the court and in the classroom. A task almost a daunting as figuring out what in the hell is the College Sports Information Directors of America.
2.Syracuse – Not too long ago Syracuse used to be called the Orangemen. They got rid of that name due to a fear that it might offend some people - like George Hamilton.
3.Kentucky – Demarcus Cousins had a streak of 6 double-doubles in a row. I also had double-doubles in my last 6 pick-up games. Though I’m not sure if you’re supposed to count turnovers and fouls.
4.West Virginia – Though their official nickname is the Mountaineers, WV fans will sometimes refer to the team as the Eers. The abbreviation doesn’t seem to work on t-shirts that say, “I’m A Big Eers Fan.” I think those t-shirts would be much bigger sellers if the official nickname was the Mountainboobs.
5.Villanova – Coach Jay Wright is taking some flak for refusing to wear an all pink suit for this Saturday’s “Pink Out”. He is, however, up for singing “Glitter In The Air” while hanging upside down from the rafters.
6.Purdue – The Boilermaker’s should make “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now” the team’s theme song. Why? 2 reasons: (1) Their offense is at times completely unstoppable, and (2) Their web site is sponsored by Toyota.
7.Duke – I’ve always associated Duke with academic excellence. But yesterday I came across some strong evidence to the contrary: A Duke Snuggie.
8.Gerogetown – Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was at the Hoyas game this past weekend. Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head when Monore made an incredible pass. And when Wright made a lay-up. And when the coach called time out. And when the ref blew his whistle. And when a player dribbled the ball. And when . . .
9.Kansas State – K-State’s web site has freshman phenom Wally Judge’s major listed as “undecided.” I think that’s a misprint. It should say “unnecessary.”
10.Michigan State – Much like Stanford, Michigan State’s logo is a big “S”. And much like Stanford, Michigan State . . . nope, the logo is pretty much the only similarity between Stanford and Michigan State.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10 -
1.Kansas – Cole Aldrich is a regional finalist for the College Sports Information Directors of America’s Academic All-American team. To make the team he’ll need to keep up his stellar performance on the court and in the classroom. A task almost a daunting as figuring out what in the hell is the College Sports Information Directors of America.
2.Syracuse – Not too long ago Syracuse used to be called the Orangemen. They got rid of that name due to a fear that it might offend some people - like George Hamilton.
3.Kentucky – Demarcus Cousins had a streak of 6 double-doubles in a row. I also had double-doubles in my last 6 pick-up games. Though I’m not sure if you’re supposed to count turnovers and fouls.
4.West Virginia – Though their official nickname is the Mountaineers, WV fans will sometimes refer to the team as the Eers. The abbreviation doesn’t seem to work on t-shirts that say, “I’m A Big Eers Fan.” I think those t-shirts would be much bigger sellers if the official nickname was the Mountainboobs.
5.Villanova – Coach Jay Wright is taking some flak for refusing to wear an all pink suit for this Saturday’s “Pink Out”. He is, however, up for singing “Glitter In The Air” while hanging upside down from the rafters.
6.Purdue – The Boilermaker’s should make “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now” the team’s theme song. Why? 2 reasons: (1) Their offense is at times completely unstoppable, and (2) Their web site is sponsored by Toyota.
7.Duke – I’ve always associated Duke with academic excellence. But yesterday I came across some strong evidence to the contrary: A Duke Snuggie.
8.Gerogetown – Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was at the Hoyas game this past weekend. Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head when Monore made an incredible pass. And when Wright made a lay-up. And when the coach called time out. And when the ref blew his whistle. And when a player dribbled the ball. And when . . .
9.Kansas State – K-State’s web site has freshman phenom Wally Judge’s major listed as “undecided.” I think that’s a misprint. It should say “unnecessary.”
10.Michigan State – Much like Stanford, Michigan State’s logo is a big “S”. And much like Stanford, Michigan State . . . nope, the logo is pretty much the only similarity between Stanford and Michigan State.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, February 5, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 14
Below is week 14 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Just to be clear it’s “week 14” not “weak 14”. Well, you know, hopefully.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks won at Kansas State’s court called the “Octagon of Doom”. An especially impressive win given that all of KU’s prior games were on rectangles.
2.Villanova – Some folks think that Junior Antonio Pena is destined for greatness because he was born on July 20th – the day that man first walked on the moon. Others think differently. Those would be people who know that I was also born on July 20th.
3.Kentucky – The Wildcats play in Rupp Arena, named after Adolph Rupp who (1) was unquestionably one of the best college basketball coaches of all time and (2) was unquestionably one of the last people named Adolph.
4.Syracuse – Go to Google and start typing in “Jim Boeheim”. As you are typing you will notice that Google lists “Jim Boeheim Wife” as it’s second suggestion. Click on that. Now try to come up with a reason why that wasn’t the first suggestion.
5.Michigan State – In a game last weekend Durrell Summers scored on an alley-oop to start both the first half and the second half. I couldn’t find out if that had been done before, but I did learn that ally-oop was derived from the French “allez hop” – the popular cry of a circus acrobat about to land. Substantially more popular than “allez plop” – the cry of a circus acrobat about to plummet.
6.West Virginia - Over the past few weeks fans at WV games have been throwing objects at the refs and opposing players. Coach Huggins can’t understand how the fans could be so stupid. Apparently he didn’t realize that when coaching at West Virginia there would be fans from West Virginia.
7.Purdue – The Boilermakers and the rest of the Big 10 may be joined by Pitt in the near future. This would make for a total of 12 teams in that conference. So is it finally time for a name change? Heck no. Just go with a very large font. Or have it appear as “The Big 12”, but tell everyone it’s pronounced “The Big 10.”
8. Georgetown – Hoyas Coach John Thompson III joined other coaches across the country last week and wore sneakers during his game to raise awareness for cancer. Unfortunately, I don’t think it was a big success. Probably because most people are already aware of cancer.
9.Kansas State – McGruder hit two pressure packed free throws to send Saturday’s game into overtime. Too bad he couldn’t have had that same composure later – you know, when he choked trying to defuse a bomb on Saturday Night Live.
10.Duke – A few years ago Coach Krzyewski wrote a book called “Leading with The Heart” and subtitled “Successful strategies for basketball, business and life.” Unfortunately he did not include any successful strategies for spelling and pronouncing Krzyzewski.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks won at Kansas State’s court called the “Octagon of Doom”. An especially impressive win given that all of KU’s prior games were on rectangles.
2.Villanova – Some folks think that Junior Antonio Pena is destined for greatness because he was born on July 20th – the day that man first walked on the moon. Others think differently. Those would be people who know that I was also born on July 20th.
3.Kentucky – The Wildcats play in Rupp Arena, named after Adolph Rupp who (1) was unquestionably one of the best college basketball coaches of all time and (2) was unquestionably one of the last people named Adolph.
4.Syracuse – Go to Google and start typing in “Jim Boeheim”. As you are typing you will notice that Google lists “Jim Boeheim Wife” as it’s second suggestion. Click on that. Now try to come up with a reason why that wasn’t the first suggestion.
5.Michigan State – In a game last weekend Durrell Summers scored on an alley-oop to start both the first half and the second half. I couldn’t find out if that had been done before, but I did learn that ally-oop was derived from the French “allez hop” – the popular cry of a circus acrobat about to land. Substantially more popular than “allez plop” – the cry of a circus acrobat about to plummet.
6.West Virginia - Over the past few weeks fans at WV games have been throwing objects at the refs and opposing players. Coach Huggins can’t understand how the fans could be so stupid. Apparently he didn’t realize that when coaching at West Virginia there would be fans from West Virginia.
7.Purdue – The Boilermakers and the rest of the Big 10 may be joined by Pitt in the near future. This would make for a total of 12 teams in that conference. So is it finally time for a name change? Heck no. Just go with a very large font. Or have it appear as “The Big 12”, but tell everyone it’s pronounced “The Big 10.”
8. Georgetown – Hoyas Coach John Thompson III joined other coaches across the country last week and wore sneakers during his game to raise awareness for cancer. Unfortunately, I don’t think it was a big success. Probably because most people are already aware of cancer.
9.Kansas State – McGruder hit two pressure packed free throws to send Saturday’s game into overtime. Too bad he couldn’t have had that same composure later – you know, when he choked trying to defuse a bomb on Saturday Night Live.
10.Duke – A few years ago Coach Krzyewski wrote a book called “Leading with The Heart” and subtitled “Successful strategies for basketball, business and life.” Unfortunately he did not include any successful strategies for spelling and pronouncing Krzyzewski.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
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