Below is week 17 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Last week I had an unprecedented number of hits on this site. Which makes me wonder, what is it about davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com that makes people think that there might be porn?
Top 10 -
1.Kansas – Due to his shooting slump, Sherron Collins was recently asked if he is in good health. He responded, “I’m great. I’m 100%. When you miss shots everyone thinks there’s something wrong with you.” Apparently Sherron would prefer that everyone just think that he stinks.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats would have lost to Vandy had Ogilvy hit a wide-open last second shot. I’m guessing the reason he missed was because he arm was still sore. You know, from leaning into that pitch against the Yankees during his stint on the Bad News Bears.
3.Purdue – During a recent Boilermakers’ home game, ESPN announcer, Steve Lavin, allowed fans to pour popcorn into his mouth as a tribute to Purdue grad Orville Redenbacher. I hope he continues these tributes to famous alums when he goes to University of Illinois – the alma mater of Hugh Hefner.
4.Syracuse – ESPN’s Game Day will be at the Carrier Dome this weekend. Last week they were at University of Washington’s Hec Edmundson Pavillion. That begs the relatively unique question: “Who the heck is Hec?”
Clarence “Hec” Edmundson coached Washington from 1920-1947 and is credited with creating the fast break. He would have been a great choice to star in the less-than blockbuster movie “Fast Break”. The part went to Gabe Kaplan who had a bit of an advantage over Hec. He wasn’t dead.
5.Duke – I’m thinking of buying one of those T-shirts Duke is selling to commemorate Mike Krzyzewski’s 1000th game. It’s not that I’m a big fan of Coach K. I just want some evidence to prove to my wife that somebody does in fact watch more college basketball than me.
6.Kansas State - Some people believe Coach Frank Martin’s physical confrontation with one of his players is connected to his Cuban heritage. That’s ridiculous. First of all, he barely touched the kid. Second of all, at no point did he pull out a gun and say, “Let me introduce you to my little friend.”
7.West Virginia – The Mountaineers were the latest victim of Coach Jim Calhoun’s resurgent UConn Huskies. I just learned that Calhoun used to be a game show host. Given his plethora of recent health problems and surgeries, he’d be the perfect guy if they ever made a show out of the game “Operation”. Not as the host, but as the game board.
8.Villanova – During half-time of Sunday’s Villanova-Pitt game, CBS began its “Countdown To The Tournament.” That’s actually just an abbreviated title of the countdown. The full title is; “Countdown To The Tournament That CBS Ruins By Mandating Timeouts Every 2.5 Minutes.”
9.Ohio State – The president of Ohio State is looking to make some big changes. If I were in charge, I’d get rid of the mascot. Because his name is Brutus.
10.Butler –On Saturday, ESPN’s announcers noted that the Final 4 is taking place in Indianapolis – also the location of Butler’s campus. They then agreed that it would, therefore, be ironic if Butler made the Final 4 this year. It is somewhat amazing that a strong grasp of the English language is not a prerequisite to obtaining a job as an ESPN commentator. Actually, it’s somewhat ironic.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, February 26, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 16
Below is Week 16 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. However, it’s not the rankings that are humorous, it’s the comments afterward. Sadly, that might not be clear.
Top 10 –
1.Kansas – Coach Self forced Tyshawn Taylor to remove his Facebook site after he made a couple of really stupid postings. This has got the folks at Facebook worried. If people realize that they shouldn’t put up stupid posts there’ll be nothing left.
2.Kentucky – Coach Cal is a bit afraid of playing at Vandy because his players might forget that in that arena the coaches sit on the baseline. I guess I could see the following mishap: Calipari calls “play #1”, but John Wall runs “play #2” Why? Because he sees some fat fan on the sideline ordering two Buds.
3.Villanova – The Wildcats just lost to UConn who had been on a tailspin since Coach Jim Calhoun left for health reasons too personal to disclose. This is the same guy who previously shared his prostate issues with the world. What could possibly be more embarrassing? My guess: an accidental overdose of Viagra.
4.Purdue – ESPN’s bracketology expert, Joe Lunardi has Purdue as a #2 seed. What the hell are bracketology experts, you ask? People who try to project the NCAA Tournament brackets. In other words, they’re geeks who follow college hoops. You can actually take a bracketology course taught by Lunardi. He’ll even sign your certificate upon completion. Which would look great next to your Mark Hamill signed lightsaber.
5.Syracuse –An intentional foul was called on SU’s Kris Joseph right near the end of the Louisville game. Apparently it’s okay to foul at the end of the game, but only if you have the ability to act like you’re not doing so intentionally. I understand Boeheim’s frustration, but he overreacted by immediately adding a coaching position for James Lipton.
6.Duke – Venezuela native and Maryland guard, Greivis Vasqueaz, declared that Duke’s arena was his home. He and his Terps then went to Duke and got blown out. I believe that when these facts are considered together there can be only one conclusion: Venezuela blows.
7.Kansas State –Jason Pullen’s Amish-esq beard is now a craze amongst the K-State student body. It’s nice to see that style in the state of Kansas has finally caught up to that of the Amish.
8. West Virginia - The game between Pittsburgh and West Virginia was billed as the “Backyard Brawl”. A clever name, but it might have some negative marketing ramifications. I mean, do the folks at West Virginia really want to emphasize their proximity to the city of Pittsburgh?
9.Gonzaga – After the Jesuits decided to name a college after Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, Father Cataldo rejected their suggestion to name the school Aloysius College. His rumored reasoning: People would never remember how to correctly pronounce Aloysius.
10. Georgetown – During the Hoyas’ game on Thursday, I saw a woman in the stands wearing a pink hat with the big Georgetown “G” on the front. She needs to either get rid of that hat or her boyfriend. He appeared to be poking her in the forehead in hopes of providing a climactic experience.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10 –
1.Kansas – Coach Self forced Tyshawn Taylor to remove his Facebook site after he made a couple of really stupid postings. This has got the folks at Facebook worried. If people realize that they shouldn’t put up stupid posts there’ll be nothing left.
2.Kentucky – Coach Cal is a bit afraid of playing at Vandy because his players might forget that in that arena the coaches sit on the baseline. I guess I could see the following mishap: Calipari calls “play #1”, but John Wall runs “play #2” Why? Because he sees some fat fan on the sideline ordering two Buds.
3.Villanova – The Wildcats just lost to UConn who had been on a tailspin since Coach Jim Calhoun left for health reasons too personal to disclose. This is the same guy who previously shared his prostate issues with the world. What could possibly be more embarrassing? My guess: an accidental overdose of Viagra.
4.Purdue – ESPN’s bracketology expert, Joe Lunardi has Purdue as a #2 seed. What the hell are bracketology experts, you ask? People who try to project the NCAA Tournament brackets. In other words, they’re geeks who follow college hoops. You can actually take a bracketology course taught by Lunardi. He’ll even sign your certificate upon completion. Which would look great next to your Mark Hamill signed lightsaber.
5.Syracuse –An intentional foul was called on SU’s Kris Joseph right near the end of the Louisville game. Apparently it’s okay to foul at the end of the game, but only if you have the ability to act like you’re not doing so intentionally. I understand Boeheim’s frustration, but he overreacted by immediately adding a coaching position for James Lipton.
6.Duke – Venezuela native and Maryland guard, Greivis Vasqueaz, declared that Duke’s arena was his home. He and his Terps then went to Duke and got blown out. I believe that when these facts are considered together there can be only one conclusion: Venezuela blows.
7.Kansas State –Jason Pullen’s Amish-esq beard is now a craze amongst the K-State student body. It’s nice to see that style in the state of Kansas has finally caught up to that of the Amish.
8. West Virginia - The game between Pittsburgh and West Virginia was billed as the “Backyard Brawl”. A clever name, but it might have some negative marketing ramifications. I mean, do the folks at West Virginia really want to emphasize their proximity to the city of Pittsburgh?
9.Gonzaga – After the Jesuits decided to name a college after Saint Aloysius Gonzaga, Father Cataldo rejected their suggestion to name the school Aloysius College. His rumored reasoning: People would never remember how to correctly pronounce Aloysius.
10. Georgetown – During the Hoyas’ game on Thursday, I saw a woman in the stands wearing a pink hat with the big Georgetown “G” on the front. She needs to either get rid of that hat or her boyfriend. He appeared to be poking her in the forehead in hopes of providing a climactic experience.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, February 12, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 15
My Valentine’s Day gift to you: a joke about college hoops. Yes, I realize that there are 10 attempts at humor below. Just consider the one that comes closest to making you laugh to be the gift.
Top 10 -
1.Kansas – Cole Aldrich is a regional finalist for the College Sports Information Directors of America’s Academic All-American team. To make the team he’ll need to keep up his stellar performance on the court and in the classroom. A task almost a daunting as figuring out what in the hell is the College Sports Information Directors of America.
2.Syracuse – Not too long ago Syracuse used to be called the Orangemen. They got rid of that name due to a fear that it might offend some people - like George Hamilton.
3.Kentucky – Demarcus Cousins had a streak of 6 double-doubles in a row. I also had double-doubles in my last 6 pick-up games. Though I’m not sure if you’re supposed to count turnovers and fouls.
4.West Virginia – Though their official nickname is the Mountaineers, WV fans will sometimes refer to the team as the Eers. The abbreviation doesn’t seem to work on t-shirts that say, “I’m A Big Eers Fan.” I think those t-shirts would be much bigger sellers if the official nickname was the Mountainboobs.
5.Villanova – Coach Jay Wright is taking some flak for refusing to wear an all pink suit for this Saturday’s “Pink Out”. He is, however, up for singing “Glitter In The Air” while hanging upside down from the rafters.
6.Purdue – The Boilermaker’s should make “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now” the team’s theme song. Why? 2 reasons: (1) Their offense is at times completely unstoppable, and (2) Their web site is sponsored by Toyota.
7.Duke – I’ve always associated Duke with academic excellence. But yesterday I came across some strong evidence to the contrary: A Duke Snuggie.
8.Gerogetown – Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was at the Hoyas game this past weekend. Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head when Monore made an incredible pass. And when Wright made a lay-up. And when the coach called time out. And when the ref blew his whistle. And when a player dribbled the ball. And when . . .
9.Kansas State – K-State’s web site has freshman phenom Wally Judge’s major listed as “undecided.” I think that’s a misprint. It should say “unnecessary.”
10.Michigan State – Much like Stanford, Michigan State’s logo is a big “S”. And much like Stanford, Michigan State . . . nope, the logo is pretty much the only similarity between Stanford and Michigan State.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10 -
1.Kansas – Cole Aldrich is a regional finalist for the College Sports Information Directors of America’s Academic All-American team. To make the team he’ll need to keep up his stellar performance on the court and in the classroom. A task almost a daunting as figuring out what in the hell is the College Sports Information Directors of America.
2.Syracuse – Not too long ago Syracuse used to be called the Orangemen. They got rid of that name due to a fear that it might offend some people - like George Hamilton.
3.Kentucky – Demarcus Cousins had a streak of 6 double-doubles in a row. I also had double-doubles in my last 6 pick-up games. Though I’m not sure if you’re supposed to count turnovers and fouls.
4.West Virginia – Though their official nickname is the Mountaineers, WV fans will sometimes refer to the team as the Eers. The abbreviation doesn’t seem to work on t-shirts that say, “I’m A Big Eers Fan.” I think those t-shirts would be much bigger sellers if the official nickname was the Mountainboobs.
5.Villanova – Coach Jay Wright is taking some flak for refusing to wear an all pink suit for this Saturday’s “Pink Out”. He is, however, up for singing “Glitter In The Air” while hanging upside down from the rafters.
6.Purdue – The Boilermaker’s should make “Ain’t No Stopping Us Now” the team’s theme song. Why? 2 reasons: (1) Their offense is at times completely unstoppable, and (2) Their web site is sponsored by Toyota.
7.Duke – I’ve always associated Duke with academic excellence. But yesterday I came across some strong evidence to the contrary: A Duke Snuggie.
8.Gerogetown – Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi was at the Hoyas game this past weekend. Her eyes looked like they were going to pop out of her head when Monore made an incredible pass. And when Wright made a lay-up. And when the coach called time out. And when the ref blew his whistle. And when a player dribbled the ball. And when . . .
9.Kansas State – K-State’s web site has freshman phenom Wally Judge’s major listed as “undecided.” I think that’s a misprint. It should say “unnecessary.”
10.Michigan State – Much like Stanford, Michigan State’s logo is a big “S”. And much like Stanford, Michigan State . . . nope, the logo is pretty much the only similarity between Stanford and Michigan State.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, February 5, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 14
Below is week 14 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Just to be clear it’s “week 14” not “weak 14”. Well, you know, hopefully.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks won at Kansas State’s court called the “Octagon of Doom”. An especially impressive win given that all of KU’s prior games were on rectangles.
2.Villanova – Some folks think that Junior Antonio Pena is destined for greatness because he was born on July 20th – the day that man first walked on the moon. Others think differently. Those would be people who know that I was also born on July 20th.
3.Kentucky – The Wildcats play in Rupp Arena, named after Adolph Rupp who (1) was unquestionably one of the best college basketball coaches of all time and (2) was unquestionably one of the last people named Adolph.
4.Syracuse – Go to Google and start typing in “Jim Boeheim”. As you are typing you will notice that Google lists “Jim Boeheim Wife” as it’s second suggestion. Click on that. Now try to come up with a reason why that wasn’t the first suggestion.
5.Michigan State – In a game last weekend Durrell Summers scored on an alley-oop to start both the first half and the second half. I couldn’t find out if that had been done before, but I did learn that ally-oop was derived from the French “allez hop” – the popular cry of a circus acrobat about to land. Substantially more popular than “allez plop” – the cry of a circus acrobat about to plummet.
6.West Virginia - Over the past few weeks fans at WV games have been throwing objects at the refs and opposing players. Coach Huggins can’t understand how the fans could be so stupid. Apparently he didn’t realize that when coaching at West Virginia there would be fans from West Virginia.
7.Purdue – The Boilermakers and the rest of the Big 10 may be joined by Pitt in the near future. This would make for a total of 12 teams in that conference. So is it finally time for a name change? Heck no. Just go with a very large font. Or have it appear as “The Big 12”, but tell everyone it’s pronounced “The Big 10.”
8. Georgetown – Hoyas Coach John Thompson III joined other coaches across the country last week and wore sneakers during his game to raise awareness for cancer. Unfortunately, I don’t think it was a big success. Probably because most people are already aware of cancer.
9.Kansas State – McGruder hit two pressure packed free throws to send Saturday’s game into overtime. Too bad he couldn’t have had that same composure later – you know, when he choked trying to defuse a bomb on Saturday Night Live.
10.Duke – A few years ago Coach Krzyewski wrote a book called “Leading with The Heart” and subtitled “Successful strategies for basketball, business and life.” Unfortunately he did not include any successful strategies for spelling and pronouncing Krzyzewski.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks won at Kansas State’s court called the “Octagon of Doom”. An especially impressive win given that all of KU’s prior games were on rectangles.
2.Villanova – Some folks think that Junior Antonio Pena is destined for greatness because he was born on July 20th – the day that man first walked on the moon. Others think differently. Those would be people who know that I was also born on July 20th.
3.Kentucky – The Wildcats play in Rupp Arena, named after Adolph Rupp who (1) was unquestionably one of the best college basketball coaches of all time and (2) was unquestionably one of the last people named Adolph.
4.Syracuse – Go to Google and start typing in “Jim Boeheim”. As you are typing you will notice that Google lists “Jim Boeheim Wife” as it’s second suggestion. Click on that. Now try to come up with a reason why that wasn’t the first suggestion.
5.Michigan State – In a game last weekend Durrell Summers scored on an alley-oop to start both the first half and the second half. I couldn’t find out if that had been done before, but I did learn that ally-oop was derived from the French “allez hop” – the popular cry of a circus acrobat about to land. Substantially more popular than “allez plop” – the cry of a circus acrobat about to plummet.
6.West Virginia - Over the past few weeks fans at WV games have been throwing objects at the refs and opposing players. Coach Huggins can’t understand how the fans could be so stupid. Apparently he didn’t realize that when coaching at West Virginia there would be fans from West Virginia.
7.Purdue – The Boilermakers and the rest of the Big 10 may be joined by Pitt in the near future. This would make for a total of 12 teams in that conference. So is it finally time for a name change? Heck no. Just go with a very large font. Or have it appear as “The Big 12”, but tell everyone it’s pronounced “The Big 10.”
8. Georgetown – Hoyas Coach John Thompson III joined other coaches across the country last week and wore sneakers during his game to raise awareness for cancer. Unfortunately, I don’t think it was a big success. Probably because most people are already aware of cancer.
9.Kansas State – McGruder hit two pressure packed free throws to send Saturday’s game into overtime. Too bad he couldn’t have had that same composure later – you know, when he choked trying to defuse a bomb on Saturday Night Live.
10.Duke – A few years ago Coach Krzyewski wrote a book called “Leading with The Heart” and subtitled “Successful strategies for basketball, business and life.” Unfortunately he did not include any successful strategies for spelling and pronouncing Krzyzewski.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, January 29, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 13
Week 13 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings is below. You will enjoy this immensely unless you don’t.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks beat Missouri in what Kansas calls “The Border Showdown”. I guess they don’t consider their games with Colorado, Nebraska and Oklahoma to be showdowns. Or, more likely, they don’t realize that they also border those states.
2.Villanova – Coach Jay Wright was once an administrative assistant with the USFL’s Philadelphia Stars. Great stepping-stone for a career coaching football, not basketball. But then again, Villanova is in the Big East.
3.Kentucky – Though DeMarcus Cousins had 16 points in a game last week it really doesn’t make him stand out on Kentucky. He also chipped two teeth in that game. And that doesn’t really make him stand out in Kentucky.
4.Syracuse – Say what you will about Jim Boeheim but . . . Actually, no but, just go ahead and say what you will about Boehiem.
5.Michigan State – Michigan State almost chose the nickname the Staters over the Spartans. The Michigan State Staters? Actually that would have been great. It would have made my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies seem much less pathetic.
6.Texas – After losing two in a row, Longhorns’ Coach Rick Barnes was asked what his team needed to do to start winning. His response: “More execution.” Huh. Isn’t that also the motto for the state of Texas?
7.Duke – The folks at Clemson’s Littlejohn Coliseum had to be a bit displeased with the Tiger’s blowout loss to the Dukies. And even more displeased when Dick Vitale perpetually referred to their arena as “The John”.
8.Gonzaga – 7’5” Will Foster has been averaging a little less than 7.5 minutes per game. That leads to a unique average time playing of about 1 min per foot. His coaches think he could easily double his time by working on his mobility. Either that or just grow another 7 feet 5 inches.
9. BYU – Some find it surprising that Center Chris Miles is married and has a daughter. Others find it surprising that he only has one wife.
10. Georgetown – Digger Phelps thinks that the Hoyas may be the best team in the Big East. That is hilarious. No, not that Georgetown could be that good. But that after all these years Digger is still trying to think.
As always, next set of Rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks beat Missouri in what Kansas calls “The Border Showdown”. I guess they don’t consider their games with Colorado, Nebraska and Oklahoma to be showdowns. Or, more likely, they don’t realize that they also border those states.
2.Villanova – Coach Jay Wright was once an administrative assistant with the USFL’s Philadelphia Stars. Great stepping-stone for a career coaching football, not basketball. But then again, Villanova is in the Big East.
3.Kentucky – Though DeMarcus Cousins had 16 points in a game last week it really doesn’t make him stand out on Kentucky. He also chipped two teeth in that game. And that doesn’t really make him stand out in Kentucky.
4.Syracuse – Say what you will about Jim Boeheim but . . . Actually, no but, just go ahead and say what you will about Boehiem.
5.Michigan State – Michigan State almost chose the nickname the Staters over the Spartans. The Michigan State Staters? Actually that would have been great. It would have made my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies seem much less pathetic.
6.Texas – After losing two in a row, Longhorns’ Coach Rick Barnes was asked what his team needed to do to start winning. His response: “More execution.” Huh. Isn’t that also the motto for the state of Texas?
7.Duke – The folks at Clemson’s Littlejohn Coliseum had to be a bit displeased with the Tiger’s blowout loss to the Dukies. And even more displeased when Dick Vitale perpetually referred to their arena as “The John”.
8.Gonzaga – 7’5” Will Foster has been averaging a little less than 7.5 minutes per game. That leads to a unique average time playing of about 1 min per foot. His coaches think he could easily double his time by working on his mobility. Either that or just grow another 7 feet 5 inches.
9. BYU – Some find it surprising that Center Chris Miles is married and has a daughter. Others find it surprising that he only has one wife.
10. Georgetown – Digger Phelps thinks that the Hoyas may be the best team in the Big East. That is hilarious. No, not that Georgetown could be that good. But that after all these years Digger is still trying to think.
As always, next set of Rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, January 22, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 12
A buddy of mine informed me that someone else in the blog-o-sphere crafts a similar top 10 rankings with comments, but doesn’t attempt to be funny. Well I guess that’s a positive – I mean, that my buddy can actually tell that I’m attempting to be funny.
Week 12 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings are below. Enjoy.
Top 10
1.Kentucky – At CoachCal.com you can buy a shirt that has a picture on it of one of Calipari’s ties. The perfect gift for someone who wants to pretend to be the coach of UK but can’t afford a tie. Which is pretty much everyone in Kentucky.
2.Texas. In their win over Texas A&M this past week, the Longhorns shot a miserable 56% from the line and missed 3 lay-ups in the last 3 seconds of regulation. Little did I realize that I have the skills to play for Texas.
3.Kansas – The “Rock Chalk Jayhawk” chant was crafted by an English professor. So apparently KU’s English Department doesn’t place much importance on coherent speech.
4.Syracuse – The Orange just beat the Fighting Irish in ND’s new Purcell Pavilion. They named their newly refurbished arena after Morgan Stanley’s former CEO, Phillip Purcell. That makes sense. Because nobody exemplifies Christian values like an investment banker.
5.Villanova – I'm hoping the Wildcats’ upcoming game against Cincinnati is televised. Not that I really care about either team. It’s just that my pre-season guide says Cincy is coached by Mick Cronin. But every time I see them on TV, I swear they’re being coached by Scott Hamilton.
6.Duke – Coach Krzyzewski has thrown his support behind expanding the NCAA Tourney to 96 teams, which should be more than enough reason for everyone else to be against it.
7.Tennessee –Tennessee’s orange and white jerseys have led opposing fans to call the players “creamsicles”. I think the Vols should embrace that creamsicle moniker. It’s much better than the actual origin of those colors. According to UT’s website, the colors represent a little flower that grew on campus called- the daisy.
8.Kansas State – Denis Clement became a YouTube sensation due to his incredible trick shot. He threw a ball at KSU’s center court scoreboard, which then bounced off the floor and through the hoop. Amazing, but I think he can top it. To do so will require a little letter: “Dear Jerry Jones. You know that Jumbotron you bought for $42 million? Can I throw my ball at it?”
9.Gonzaga – I think I finally get it now. It’s not Gon-zah-ga, it’s Gon-ZAG-a. And it’s not Cin-der-ella, it’s O-ver-rated.
10.West Virginia – Guard Casey Mitchell actually dropped out of high school at one point to help with his mom’s cancer. His mom eventually convinced him that he should return because he needed an education. And she needed an oncologist.
As always, next set of Rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Week 12 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings are below. Enjoy.
Top 10
1.Kentucky – At CoachCal.com you can buy a shirt that has a picture on it of one of Calipari’s ties. The perfect gift for someone who wants to pretend to be the coach of UK but can’t afford a tie. Which is pretty much everyone in Kentucky.
2.Texas. In their win over Texas A&M this past week, the Longhorns shot a miserable 56% from the line and missed 3 lay-ups in the last 3 seconds of regulation. Little did I realize that I have the skills to play for Texas.
3.Kansas – The “Rock Chalk Jayhawk” chant was crafted by an English professor. So apparently KU’s English Department doesn’t place much importance on coherent speech.
4.Syracuse – The Orange just beat the Fighting Irish in ND’s new Purcell Pavilion. They named their newly refurbished arena after Morgan Stanley’s former CEO, Phillip Purcell. That makes sense. Because nobody exemplifies Christian values like an investment banker.
5.Villanova – I'm hoping the Wildcats’ upcoming game against Cincinnati is televised. Not that I really care about either team. It’s just that my pre-season guide says Cincy is coached by Mick Cronin. But every time I see them on TV, I swear they’re being coached by Scott Hamilton.
6.Duke – Coach Krzyzewski has thrown his support behind expanding the NCAA Tourney to 96 teams, which should be more than enough reason for everyone else to be against it.
7.Tennessee –Tennessee’s orange and white jerseys have led opposing fans to call the players “creamsicles”. I think the Vols should embrace that creamsicle moniker. It’s much better than the actual origin of those colors. According to UT’s website, the colors represent a little flower that grew on campus called- the daisy.
8.Kansas State – Denis Clement became a YouTube sensation due to his incredible trick shot. He threw a ball at KSU’s center court scoreboard, which then bounced off the floor and through the hoop. Amazing, but I think he can top it. To do so will require a little letter: “Dear Jerry Jones. You know that Jumbotron you bought for $42 million? Can I throw my ball at it?”
9.Gonzaga – I think I finally get it now. It’s not Gon-zah-ga, it’s Gon-ZAG-a. And it’s not Cin-der-ella, it’s O-ver-rated.
10.West Virginia – Guard Casey Mitchell actually dropped out of high school at one point to help with his mom’s cancer. His mom eventually convinced him that he should return because he needed an education. And she needed an oncologist.
As always, next set of Rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, January 15, 2010
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 11
Less than 2 months till Selection Sunday. And if the NCAA increases the Tourney to 96 teams the selection show might just take 2 months. Week 11’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings is below.
Top 10
1.Texas –Avery Bradley was a McDonalds All-American, a Jordan All-American and an ESPN top 100 recruit. Impressive. Yet when he got to Texas he took #0 to remind himself that he hadn’t really accomplished anything. Made me think about putting a zero on my vintage St. Bonaventure University jersey to remind me of my lack of accomplishments. Or I could just look at the emblazoned “St. Bonaventure”.
2.Kansas – I swear that when I watch Cole Aldrich play he always seems to have half his mouth guard hanging out. Though I guess he could just be in desperate need of some major orthodontic work.
3.Kentucky - Coach Cal is credited with perfecting the “dribble drive”. Similarly, I deserve credit for perfecting the “non-dribble drive” during my stellar CYO career. Unfortunately, people didn’t call it the “non-dribble drive”. They just called it traveling.
4.Villanova – Mauphatou Yarou contracted Hepatitis, but has not lost a single pound. Great. So now it’s back to cutting carbs, when I thought all I had to do was get Hepatitis.
5.Syracuse – Basketball Times recently labeled Jim Boeheim as the “Nostradamus of the Hardcourt.” I’d say that makes sense. Much like Nostradamus, Boeheim has duped many people into believing that he knows what he’s talking about.
6.Purdue – The Boilermakers suffered their first loss this past week to Wisconsin. The Badgers might have suffered a bigger loss when Jon Lever, their #1 rebounder and #2 scorer, broke his wrist. Though likely out for the season, he was quoted as saying, “I plan on being as big a part of this team as ever.” And I always thought rebounding and scoring were big parts of a basketball team.
7.Duke – There is an autographed photo of Jay Bilas being auctioned on Duke’s homepage. Yes, that in itself should be sufficiently humorous. But for those of you who have the Doug Gottlieb photo, you can now complete your set of people who have inexplicably parlayed marginal college basketball careers, into jobs as ESPN analysts.
8.Michigan State – I used to love watching hoops with a bunch of buddies. Now, I watch the games with my wife and 2 daughters – a vastly different experience. How so? Well, this past week I was forced to engage in the following debate: Was MSU’s arena, the Breslin Center, named after Jack Breslin a former stellar athlete. Or, was it named after Abigail Breslin, the star of “Kit Kittredge – American Girl.”
9. West Virginia – Joe Mazulla currently starts for the Mountaineers even though he is injured and cannot raise his left arm above his head. Tells you that Mazulla is pretty good. Then again, it might just tell you that his back-up stinks.
10. Tennessee – Last week 4 guys on UT got arrested. The remaining players then won two straight, including a victory over then #1 ranked Kansas. Folks at Tennessee are now convinced that the team is better without those 4 guys. They might even have a shot at winning the Tournament. They just need to have a few more guys get arrested.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Texas –Avery Bradley was a McDonalds All-American, a Jordan All-American and an ESPN top 100 recruit. Impressive. Yet when he got to Texas he took #0 to remind himself that he hadn’t really accomplished anything. Made me think about putting a zero on my vintage St. Bonaventure University jersey to remind me of my lack of accomplishments. Or I could just look at the emblazoned “St. Bonaventure”.
2.Kansas – I swear that when I watch Cole Aldrich play he always seems to have half his mouth guard hanging out. Though I guess he could just be in desperate need of some major orthodontic work.
3.Kentucky - Coach Cal is credited with perfecting the “dribble drive”. Similarly, I deserve credit for perfecting the “non-dribble drive” during my stellar CYO career. Unfortunately, people didn’t call it the “non-dribble drive”. They just called it traveling.
4.Villanova – Mauphatou Yarou contracted Hepatitis, but has not lost a single pound. Great. So now it’s back to cutting carbs, when I thought all I had to do was get Hepatitis.
5.Syracuse – Basketball Times recently labeled Jim Boeheim as the “Nostradamus of the Hardcourt.” I’d say that makes sense. Much like Nostradamus, Boeheim has duped many people into believing that he knows what he’s talking about.
6.Purdue – The Boilermakers suffered their first loss this past week to Wisconsin. The Badgers might have suffered a bigger loss when Jon Lever, their #1 rebounder and #2 scorer, broke his wrist. Though likely out for the season, he was quoted as saying, “I plan on being as big a part of this team as ever.” And I always thought rebounding and scoring were big parts of a basketball team.
7.Duke – There is an autographed photo of Jay Bilas being auctioned on Duke’s homepage. Yes, that in itself should be sufficiently humorous. But for those of you who have the Doug Gottlieb photo, you can now complete your set of people who have inexplicably parlayed marginal college basketball careers, into jobs as ESPN analysts.
8.Michigan State – I used to love watching hoops with a bunch of buddies. Now, I watch the games with my wife and 2 daughters – a vastly different experience. How so? Well, this past week I was forced to engage in the following debate: Was MSU’s arena, the Breslin Center, named after Jack Breslin a former stellar athlete. Or, was it named after Abigail Breslin, the star of “Kit Kittredge – American Girl.”
9. West Virginia – Joe Mazulla currently starts for the Mountaineers even though he is injured and cannot raise his left arm above his head. Tells you that Mazulla is pretty good. Then again, it might just tell you that his back-up stinks.
10. Tennessee – Last week 4 guys on UT got arrested. The remaining players then won two straight, including a victory over then #1 ranked Kansas. Folks at Tennessee are now convinced that the team is better without those 4 guys. They might even have a shot at winning the Tournament. They just need to have a few more guys get arrested.
As always, next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
