Below is week 9’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings – slightly better than a lump of coal.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The Jayhawks played Michigan in ESPN’s “Green Game”. I think I actually picked up an important environmental tip during the telecast: If you sit in the stands with your body painted green you are unlikely to raise much awareness to global warming. But you might raise some to gangrene.
2.Kentucky – Last week Bobby Knight publicly chastised UK Coach John Calipari for his lack of character. This week it is expected that Rick Pitino will chastise Tiger Woods for his lack of fidelity.
3.Texas: Answer: Notre Dame Football and Duke Basketball. Question: What are 2 things you would definitely not expect to hear referenced during a game between the Longhorns and UNC? Unless of course, you knew that the announcer was going to be Dick Vitale.
4.Purdue – The Boilermakers played The University of Southern Illinois–Edwardsville on Tuesday. That school had thought about shortening it’s name to Ed U. It then realized that “Ed” is an abbreviation for education. That might lead to the students expecting to receive one.
5.Syracuse –A joyous, but brief moment for my beloved Bonnies occurred when ESPN’s scroll showed St. Bonaventure 33 Syracuse 30. Actually it didn’t say St. Bonventure 33; it said “St. Bon 33.” It would have been an even better moment if ESPN could have just added an “a” to the Bon. Then my friends might not have added an “er”.
6.West Virginia – The Mountaineers have a forward named Da’Sean Butler. Syracuse has a guy named DaShonte Riley and ECU has DaQuan Joyner. Wonder if I would have been a better basketball player had my parents named me Da’Dave. Nah. I would’ve just ended up with a nickname of “Duh”.
7.Duke – The Blue Devils’ last game was December 19 and they don’t play again till the 29th. That gives the Cameron Crazies loads of time to come up with some new antics. Here’s my suggestion: All the students shove as many cigarettes in their mouths as possible. No, not to symbolize that their school was essentially founded with tobacco $. But so they’ll croak.
8.Villanova – Reggie Redding is finally back from a 10 game suspension for driving into a cross-walk sign. How do you hit a cross-walk sign? Actually I could see it happening. You’re driving along and you see a figure with no hands, no feet and a circular black head not attached to his completely black body. You think to yourself, “I must run this alien creature over to save the world!” Who would possible think that? Someone who’s stoned.
9. UConn- I just noticed that UConn’s logo depicts a huskie with its tongue hanging out. I’m not sure that a picture of a panting exhausted dog is all that intimidating. In fact, the message I take from it is, “We are severely out of shape.”
10. New Mexico – The Lobos are having a great season. They are well coached and stocked with underrated talent. But that’s not why I figured they’d beat Oral Roberts this week. The reason I figured that they’d beat Oral Roberts is, well, I’m pretty sure that Oral Roberts is dead.
Merry Christmas,
Dave
Thursday, December 24, 2009
Friday, December 18, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 7
Below is week 7 of my hopefully humors rankings. Think of it as an early Christmas present. Whether it should be thought of like a new flat screen tv or a 3 pack of underwear, well, I guess that’s up to you.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Last week I watched two sets of twins play against each other during the LaSalle vs. Kansas game. Really? Yup. As unbelievable as it may seem, I assure you that I actually watched the LaSalle vs. Kansas game.
2. Texas – The Longhorns play UNC on Saturday in the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium. Texas fans are at bit worried about Dexter Pittman though. Not because of his penchant for fouling, but because of his potential to block the jumbo-tron.
3.Kentucky – UK plays Austin Peay this week. So all together now – “Go Peay!” Well, unless you’re a Wildcats fan. Or incontinent.
4.Purdue & West Virginia (tie) – Purdue is playing on New Years’ day in the toilet bowl. No, I’m not referring to one of those many irrelevant college football bowl games. I’m referring to the state of West Virginia.
6.Syracuse – Sophomore guard Scoop Jardine has a legitimate shot at making it to the NBA. Apparently his folks were hoping he’d choose a different career – as the ice cream truck man.
7.Duke – Brian Zoubek could be Duke’s Superman. Granted, he’s not quite a full “Man of Steel” yet. But his total lack of ball handling skills leads me to believe that he already has the hands.
8.Tenessee – The Volunteers’ basketball players are a little upset that the university sent those buxom “hostesses” to help recruit football players. I guess the school figured its hoop team would get enough cleavage exposure from the chest of Bruce Pearl.
9.Villanova – Villanova, St. Joe’s, Penn, LaSalle, and Temple are all part of the Philadelphia Big 5. So what does that say about Philly based Drexel? That they’re brilliant. As opposed to “Philadelphia’s Big 5” there’s at least a chance that a recruit might not realize where Drexel is located.
10. North Carolina – UNC is hoping to make it to Indianapolis for the Final 4. About 70,000 fans will also fill the Lucas Oil Stadium. Most will likely shell out hundreds of dollars without being able to see much of anything, but just to be able to say, “I was there.” There's a much cheaper way to be able to say, “I was there." It just requires a little something I learned in law school – a lie.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – Last week I watched two sets of twins play against each other during the LaSalle vs. Kansas game. Really? Yup. As unbelievable as it may seem, I assure you that I actually watched the LaSalle vs. Kansas game.
2. Texas – The Longhorns play UNC on Saturday in the new Dallas Cowboys Stadium. Texas fans are at bit worried about Dexter Pittman though. Not because of his penchant for fouling, but because of his potential to block the jumbo-tron.
3.Kentucky – UK plays Austin Peay this week. So all together now – “Go Peay!” Well, unless you’re a Wildcats fan. Or incontinent.
4.Purdue & West Virginia (tie) – Purdue is playing on New Years’ day in the toilet bowl. No, I’m not referring to one of those many irrelevant college football bowl games. I’m referring to the state of West Virginia.
6.Syracuse – Sophomore guard Scoop Jardine has a legitimate shot at making it to the NBA. Apparently his folks were hoping he’d choose a different career – as the ice cream truck man.
7.Duke – Brian Zoubek could be Duke’s Superman. Granted, he’s not quite a full “Man of Steel” yet. But his total lack of ball handling skills leads me to believe that he already has the hands.
8.Tenessee – The Volunteers’ basketball players are a little upset that the university sent those buxom “hostesses” to help recruit football players. I guess the school figured its hoop team would get enough cleavage exposure from the chest of Bruce Pearl.
9.Villanova – Villanova, St. Joe’s, Penn, LaSalle, and Temple are all part of the Philadelphia Big 5. So what does that say about Philly based Drexel? That they’re brilliant. As opposed to “Philadelphia’s Big 5” there’s at least a chance that a recruit might not realize where Drexel is located.
10. North Carolina – UNC is hoping to make it to Indianapolis for the Final 4. About 70,000 fans will also fill the Lucas Oil Stadium. Most will likely shell out hundreds of dollars without being able to see much of anything, but just to be able to say, “I was there.” There's a much cheaper way to be able to say, “I was there." It just requires a little something I learned in law school – a lie.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, December 11, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 6
With apologies to Dr. Seuss, I give you week 6 of my hopefully humorous rankings.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Critics are claiming that KU’s bench isn’t playing up to its potential. I don’t agree. There’s actually one guy on that bench who tallied an amazing 31 points and 18 rebounds in his last game for the Jayhawks. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be counting the stats of Assistant Coach Danny Manning.
2.Villanova – The Wildcats attempted 39 three-pointers in a game this past week setting a new team record. Can’t say that I’m all that impressed. In fact I’m pretty sure I could have broken that record all by myself. I don’t mean to brag, but during my basketball career I was quite a prolific attempter.
3.Texas – The Longhorns next two opponents are Texas State and Texas Pan-American. Hard to believe that these two future blowouts will take place in an arena called “The Special Events Center.”
4.Purdue – Kramer is shooting an impressive 60% for the Boilermakers so far this year. His coaches think he could play even better if he would just watch his diet. He really has to stop eating all that sugar cereal in Jerry’s apartment.
5.Kentucky – So I was reading the classic “Hop On Pop” to my 3 year-old yesterday. We made it to the part about the ball and the wall (truly the dramatic high point of this piece of literature.) It then hit me that Kentucky should publish its own version for super-Frosh John Wall. Maybe something like:
John Wall can ball
John Wall is tall
Tall John Wall can haul with the ball.
Is John Wall in study hall?
No, John Wall who can haul with the ball is not in study hall.
Because in 6 months the NBA will call.
Then it’s bye-bye college basketball for tall John Wall.
6.Syracuse – The Orange will not have its first true away game until the end of December. All those home games have to be a big plus for the players. And it would be even better if home for Syracuse wasn’t in Syracuse.
7.Duke – During the Blue Devils game vs. UConn, I saw a guy wearing what I thought was a shirt that said Duke. Closer look revealed that the D was actually a P. Turns out that some folks found that to be offensive. No, not the Duke alum, but members of the Kate Moss Fan Club.
8.Georgetown – The Hoyas have a roster filled with massive and athletic guys, but they continue to run that slow and rather wussy “Princeton Offense.” Keep it up and they might want to change their name to Gerogette-town.
9.Tennessee – The Volunteers have a game coming up against Charlotte. Any idea what conference Charlotte is in? Hint: there are 14 teams in its conference. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
10. West Virginia - The Mountaineers just pummeled Duquesne. Any idea what conference Duquesne is in? Hint: the conference is named after the location of its members and Duquesne is in Pittsburgh. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
Yes, the Atlantic 10 - the only conference that is both geographically and numerically incorrect.
Here are 3 better names for the Atlantic 10:
1.The Atlantic 800 – as in # of miles from A10 member St. Louis Univ. to the Atlantic
2.The Artic 43 – makes as much sense as the Atlantic 10.
3. Xavier’s Conference
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – Critics are claiming that KU’s bench isn’t playing up to its potential. I don’t agree. There’s actually one guy on that bench who tallied an amazing 31 points and 18 rebounds in his last game for the Jayhawks. Then again, maybe I shouldn’t be counting the stats of Assistant Coach Danny Manning.
2.Villanova – The Wildcats attempted 39 three-pointers in a game this past week setting a new team record. Can’t say that I’m all that impressed. In fact I’m pretty sure I could have broken that record all by myself. I don’t mean to brag, but during my basketball career I was quite a prolific attempter.
3.Texas – The Longhorns next two opponents are Texas State and Texas Pan-American. Hard to believe that these two future blowouts will take place in an arena called “The Special Events Center.”
4.Purdue – Kramer is shooting an impressive 60% for the Boilermakers so far this year. His coaches think he could play even better if he would just watch his diet. He really has to stop eating all that sugar cereal in Jerry’s apartment.
5.Kentucky – So I was reading the classic “Hop On Pop” to my 3 year-old yesterday. We made it to the part about the ball and the wall (truly the dramatic high point of this piece of literature.) It then hit me that Kentucky should publish its own version for super-Frosh John Wall. Maybe something like:
John Wall can ball
John Wall is tall
Tall John Wall can haul with the ball.
Is John Wall in study hall?
No, John Wall who can haul with the ball is not in study hall.
Because in 6 months the NBA will call.
Then it’s bye-bye college basketball for tall John Wall.
6.Syracuse – The Orange will not have its first true away game until the end of December. All those home games have to be a big plus for the players. And it would be even better if home for Syracuse wasn’t in Syracuse.
7.Duke – During the Blue Devils game vs. UConn, I saw a guy wearing what I thought was a shirt that said Duke. Closer look revealed that the D was actually a P. Turns out that some folks found that to be offensive. No, not the Duke alum, but members of the Kate Moss Fan Club.
8.Georgetown – The Hoyas have a roster filled with massive and athletic guys, but they continue to run that slow and rather wussy “Princeton Offense.” Keep it up and they might want to change their name to Gerogette-town.
9.Tennessee – The Volunteers have a game coming up against Charlotte. Any idea what conference Charlotte is in? Hint: there are 14 teams in its conference. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
10. West Virginia - The Mountaineers just pummeled Duquesne. Any idea what conference Duquesne is in? Hint: the conference is named after the location of its members and Duquesne is in Pittsburgh. Answer: The Atlantic 10 – of course.
Yes, the Atlantic 10 - the only conference that is both geographically and numerically incorrect.
Here are 3 better names for the Atlantic 10:
1.The Atlantic 800 – as in # of miles from A10 member St. Louis Univ. to the Atlantic
2.The Artic 43 – makes as much sense as the Atlantic 10.
3. Xavier’s Conference
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, December 4, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 5
Below is Week #5’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Boeheim is back.
Top 10
1.Kansas – KU’s hoops coach, Bill Self, said he was extremely embarrassed over the 3 fights that his team had with the Jayhawks’ football players earlier this fall. Wait a minute. There’s 85 guys on the football team and they couldn’t knockout a dozen basketball players in 3 rounds? I’d say the football coach is the one who should be embarrassed.
2. Kentucky - Back in 1988 when current Wildcats coach John Calipari was at UMASS, Rick Pitino made a donation to cover almost 10% of Coach Cal’s salary. Wonder if Pitino now thinks that money might have gone to better use. Like maybe to keep the mouth of Karen Sypher shut.
3. West Virginia – Devin Ebanks’ mom was a corrections officer at Rikers Island prison. This came in handy whenever young Devin was subjected to the razzing of “My dad can beat up your dad”. All he had to say was, “Heck, my mom can beat up your dad.”
4. Texas- When Damion Jones learned that the likelihood of him being chosen by an NBA team looked dim, he withdrew his name form last year’s draft. The Texas fans were elated. But was this really great news? How fantastic can you be if you weren’t even wanted by the Nets?
5.Villanova – Corey Stokes and Corey Fisher are Villanova’s version of Hollywood’s two Coreys – Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. There is, of course, one glaring difference – Haim and Feldman can’t act.
6.Syracuse – How do you lose to Lemoyne, but then blow out North Carolina? How do you marry a babe despite having a face that resembles and Idaho Spud? The answers to these and other questions can be found in the yet to be written book entitled, “Things only Jim Boeheim knows.”
7. Purdue – There’s a Bird playing college hoops in Indiana again – Purdue’s D.J. Byrd to be exact. The comparison might be a tad premature though. While Larry made countless jumpers from the baseline, D.J. seems to be spending his time on the sideline. Not by choice. But ‘cause that’s where the bench is.
8. Tennessee - With the entire starting line-up back, the Volunteers might make the Final 4, but that’s not all the Tennessee fans are hoping for. What they really want is for Coach Pearl to make it through the season without stripping on national television.
9. Washington – Quincy Pondexter was the Huskies most improved player in 2009. Quincy Pondexter was also the team’s most improved player in 2008. This begs the question: How much did Quincy Pondexter suck in 2007?
10. Duke – The Blue Devils used to be called the Blue & White. Now they just go with the blue because the white is obvious.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – KU’s hoops coach, Bill Self, said he was extremely embarrassed over the 3 fights that his team had with the Jayhawks’ football players earlier this fall. Wait a minute. There’s 85 guys on the football team and they couldn’t knockout a dozen basketball players in 3 rounds? I’d say the football coach is the one who should be embarrassed.
2. Kentucky - Back in 1988 when current Wildcats coach John Calipari was at UMASS, Rick Pitino made a donation to cover almost 10% of Coach Cal’s salary. Wonder if Pitino now thinks that money might have gone to better use. Like maybe to keep the mouth of Karen Sypher shut.
3. West Virginia – Devin Ebanks’ mom was a corrections officer at Rikers Island prison. This came in handy whenever young Devin was subjected to the razzing of “My dad can beat up your dad”. All he had to say was, “Heck, my mom can beat up your dad.”
4. Texas- When Damion Jones learned that the likelihood of him being chosen by an NBA team looked dim, he withdrew his name form last year’s draft. The Texas fans were elated. But was this really great news? How fantastic can you be if you weren’t even wanted by the Nets?
5.Villanova – Corey Stokes and Corey Fisher are Villanova’s version of Hollywood’s two Coreys – Corey Haim and Corey Feldman. There is, of course, one glaring difference – Haim and Feldman can’t act.
6.Syracuse – How do you lose to Lemoyne, but then blow out North Carolina? How do you marry a babe despite having a face that resembles and Idaho Spud? The answers to these and other questions can be found in the yet to be written book entitled, “Things only Jim Boeheim knows.”
7. Purdue – There’s a Bird playing college hoops in Indiana again – Purdue’s D.J. Byrd to be exact. The comparison might be a tad premature though. While Larry made countless jumpers from the baseline, D.J. seems to be spending his time on the sideline. Not by choice. But ‘cause that’s where the bench is.
8. Tennessee - With the entire starting line-up back, the Volunteers might make the Final 4, but that’s not all the Tennessee fans are hoping for. What they really want is for Coach Pearl to make it through the season without stripping on national television.
9. Washington – Quincy Pondexter was the Huskies most improved player in 2009. Quincy Pondexter was also the team’s most improved player in 2008. This begs the question: How much did Quincy Pondexter suck in 2007?
10. Duke – The Blue Devils used to be called the Blue & White. Now they just go with the blue because the white is obvious.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, November 27, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 4
Below is Week 4’s Hopefully Humorous Rankings. That’s 4 sets of 10 within November. That’s at least marginally impressive. And maybe even marginally humorous as well.
Top 10
1.Kansas – I’m pretty sure I heard Cole Aldrich, swear during a game last week. Sean Hannity of Fox News seems to be overeating to Cole’s little indiscretion. Call me crazy, but I really don’t see this as further evidence that there is no such thing as clean coal.
2.Kentucky –John Calipari has a new book called “Bounce Back”. The title is likely a reference to his perseverance after that devastating defeat in the 2008 Finals. Or it could be referring to what happens to his belly when he stands up.
3.Michigan State – Draymond Green and Raymar Morgan play for the Spartans. Both of these kids’ parents must have really wanted to almost name their child Raymond.
4.Villanova – During the Villanova-Dayton game, one of the announcers said, “You always need to be worried about those second half runs.” I’m not sure whether he was talking about a potential comeback by the Flyers, or the effects of concession-stand nachos.
5.Texas – Jai Lucas left Florida where he was a starting guard and coached by a man with two championships. He is now on Texas where he’s possibly the 6th best guard and coached by a man who has won nothing. He also can’t play till mid-December and wasn’t even given a scholarship. Wonder how this might impact his dad’s foundation that teaches people how to make good decisions.
6.Purdue – According to Sports Illustrated, the Boilermakers should be really good this year because they have 6 starters returning. I kind of think that’s why they were so good last year. I mean, most teams only have 5 starters.
7.West Virginia – In 1959 Jerry West lead the Mountaineers to the Final Four. He used to kid that the University was named after him. He stopped telling that joke when he realized that many of the WV alum didn’t know it was a joke.
8.Duke – Duke got its nickname of the Blue Devils from a regiment of blue cape wearing WWI soldiers who fought for France. And there you have it – yet another reason why rooting for Duke is un-American.
9.Syracuse – Dick Vitale did the color commentary for the SU-UNC game. He is definitely knowledgeable, energetic and entertaining. But I think he’s missing one little thing – a voice.
10.Butler – Gordon Hayward grew over 11 inches from his freshman year of high school to his freshman year of college. He had to go through a new wardrobe every three months. Got to give a lot of credit to his parents. Not just for keeping Gordon clothed, but for single handedly keeping the recession from bankrupting the GAP.
Next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Top 10
1.Kansas – I’m pretty sure I heard Cole Aldrich, swear during a game last week. Sean Hannity of Fox News seems to be overeating to Cole’s little indiscretion. Call me crazy, but I really don’t see this as further evidence that there is no such thing as clean coal.
2.Kentucky –John Calipari has a new book called “Bounce Back”. The title is likely a reference to his perseverance after that devastating defeat in the 2008 Finals. Or it could be referring to what happens to his belly when he stands up.
3.Michigan State – Draymond Green and Raymar Morgan play for the Spartans. Both of these kids’ parents must have really wanted to almost name their child Raymond.
4.Villanova – During the Villanova-Dayton game, one of the announcers said, “You always need to be worried about those second half runs.” I’m not sure whether he was talking about a potential comeback by the Flyers, or the effects of concession-stand nachos.
5.Texas – Jai Lucas left Florida where he was a starting guard and coached by a man with two championships. He is now on Texas where he’s possibly the 6th best guard and coached by a man who has won nothing. He also can’t play till mid-December and wasn’t even given a scholarship. Wonder how this might impact his dad’s foundation that teaches people how to make good decisions.
6.Purdue – According to Sports Illustrated, the Boilermakers should be really good this year because they have 6 starters returning. I kind of think that’s why they were so good last year. I mean, most teams only have 5 starters.
7.West Virginia – In 1959 Jerry West lead the Mountaineers to the Final Four. He used to kid that the University was named after him. He stopped telling that joke when he realized that many of the WV alum didn’t know it was a joke.
8.Duke – Duke got its nickname of the Blue Devils from a regiment of blue cape wearing WWI soldiers who fought for France. And there you have it – yet another reason why rooting for Duke is un-American.
9.Syracuse – Dick Vitale did the color commentary for the SU-UNC game. He is definitely knowledgeable, energetic and entertaining. But I think he’s missing one little thing – a voice.
10.Butler – Gordon Hayward grew over 11 inches from his freshman year of high school to his freshman year of college. He had to go through a new wardrobe every three months. Got to give a lot of credit to his parents. Not just for keeping Gordon clothed, but for single handedly keeping the recession from bankrupting the GAP.
Next set of rankings coming next Friday.
Take it easy,
Dave
Friday, November 20, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 3
For your entertainment and education, I give you week 3's version of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings & Irrelevant Comments. The education value may be minimal, but the entertainment value, well, that may also be minimal.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The folks at Kansas are convinced that their Jayhawk is the most unique mascot in college sports. Really? The Jayhawk is a big bird with a big yellow beak and big yellow feet. Apparently the folks at Kansas don’t get PBS.
2.Kentucky – During a recent interview with ESPN John Calipari said that his players at Kentucky aren’t as focused on basketball as were his players at Memphis. Yeah, it’s amazing how much more you can focus on hoops when you don’t have to worry about taking your own tests.
3.Michigan State – Given that there are 5 different Div 1 teams with Michigan in their names, it’s hard to keep them straight. I think I have it though. Michigan State – the Spartans. Michigan – the Wolverines. Central Michigan, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan – Irrelevant.
4.North Carolina – UNC refers to the color on its uniforms as “Carolina Blue” instead of what it actually looks like: powder blue. I think my beloved St. Bonaventure University should adopt a similar name change with its color. They should go with “Bonaventure Brown” instead of what it actually looks like: crap.
5.West Virginia – Every time Bob Huggins is subjected to a bad call, he looks like he’s going to soil himself. He really should team up with Huggies and create an adult diaper. Any geezer with bowel control issues would rather poop in something called a Huggins than a Depends. They better move quick though. I hear Pampers is coming out with the Paterno.
6. Purdue – Purdue University was named after John Purdue – a hardworking, successful, businessman and philanthropist. Unfortunately, people think of something vastly different when they see Purdue – a balding, skinny, chicken hawking, geriatric.
7. Texas – Coach Rick Barnes credits one of his former teachers with turning his life around during his young troublemaking days. He says that’s why he recruited the very troubled J’Covan Brown. Boy, was I wrong. I would have sworn the reason Coach Barnes recruited J’Covan was because he’s a great basketball player.
8.Duke – Though they are the Blue Devils, many people at Duke like to be called Dukies. That just seems perfect, phonetically.
9.Villanova – The ‘Nova faithful were quite excited when Scottie Reynolds decided to stick around for his senior year. His length-of-the-court drive last year to beat Pitt was rated the most thrilling play of The Tourney. Though probably not by players on Pitt.
10. Butler – Coach Brad Stevens has one great recruiting tool: If you go to Butler you'll play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse – the site of the final game from “Hoosiers”. Coach Stevens also has one huge recruiting obstacle: In order to play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse you have to go to Butler.
Most Overrated: Iowa – The Hawkeyes lost to Texas-San Antonio in the first round of the CBE “Tournament”. I put that word in quotes because though Iowa lost they still advance to the semi-finals because the “Tournament” organizers wanted to have the bigger name advance. That’s just plain wrong. Texas-San Antonio is clearly a bigger name than Iowa. By 11 letters to be exact.
Top 10
1.Kansas – The folks at Kansas are convinced that their Jayhawk is the most unique mascot in college sports. Really? The Jayhawk is a big bird with a big yellow beak and big yellow feet. Apparently the folks at Kansas don’t get PBS.
2.Kentucky – During a recent interview with ESPN John Calipari said that his players at Kentucky aren’t as focused on basketball as were his players at Memphis. Yeah, it’s amazing how much more you can focus on hoops when you don’t have to worry about taking your own tests.
3.Michigan State – Given that there are 5 different Div 1 teams with Michigan in their names, it’s hard to keep them straight. I think I have it though. Michigan State – the Spartans. Michigan – the Wolverines. Central Michigan, Western Michigan, Eastern Michigan – Irrelevant.
4.North Carolina – UNC refers to the color on its uniforms as “Carolina Blue” instead of what it actually looks like: powder blue. I think my beloved St. Bonaventure University should adopt a similar name change with its color. They should go with “Bonaventure Brown” instead of what it actually looks like: crap.
5.West Virginia – Every time Bob Huggins is subjected to a bad call, he looks like he’s going to soil himself. He really should team up with Huggies and create an adult diaper. Any geezer with bowel control issues would rather poop in something called a Huggins than a Depends. They better move quick though. I hear Pampers is coming out with the Paterno.
6. Purdue – Purdue University was named after John Purdue – a hardworking, successful, businessman and philanthropist. Unfortunately, people think of something vastly different when they see Purdue – a balding, skinny, chicken hawking, geriatric.
7. Texas – Coach Rick Barnes credits one of his former teachers with turning his life around during his young troublemaking days. He says that’s why he recruited the very troubled J’Covan Brown. Boy, was I wrong. I would have sworn the reason Coach Barnes recruited J’Covan was because he’s a great basketball player.
8.Duke – Though they are the Blue Devils, many people at Duke like to be called Dukies. That just seems perfect, phonetically.
9.Villanova – The ‘Nova faithful were quite excited when Scottie Reynolds decided to stick around for his senior year. His length-of-the-court drive last year to beat Pitt was rated the most thrilling play of The Tourney. Though probably not by players on Pitt.
10. Butler – Coach Brad Stevens has one great recruiting tool: If you go to Butler you'll play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse – the site of the final game from “Hoosiers”. Coach Stevens also has one huge recruiting obstacle: In order to play your home games in the Hinkle Fieldhouse you have to go to Butler.
Most Overrated: Iowa – The Hawkeyes lost to Texas-San Antonio in the first round of the CBE “Tournament”. I put that word in quotes because though Iowa lost they still advance to the semi-finals because the “Tournament” organizers wanted to have the bigger name advance. That’s just plain wrong. Texas-San Antonio is clearly a bigger name than Iowa. By 11 letters to be exact.
Friday, November 13, 2009
Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 2
Below is week 2's version of my hopefully humorous college hoop rankings.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Some KU alum worry that rumors about super frosh Xavier Henry being “one and done” indicate that he’s not taking his education seriously. I’d say the fact that he enrolled at Kansas would be sufficient indication that he’s not taking his education seriously.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats opening game is against Morehead State. According to the Sporting News, “The key for Morehead will be finding a suitable replacement for power forward Leon Buchanan.” Stupid me. I always thought the key was finding enough booze.
3.Michigan State – Last year Kalin Lucas made almost 40% of his 3-point shots. That means he missed over 60% - wholly unimpressive to me. During my CYO hoops career, I didn’t miss a single trey. I also wasn’t ever allowed to shot one. Or touch the ball.
4.North Carolina (2-0) – Coach Roy Williams has just published an autobiography entitled “Hard Work”. And to write the forward he got – John Grisham. Why? It makes perfect sense to me. Filling over 20 novels almost entirely with monosyllabic words has to be “Hard Work.”
5.West Virginia – This past July, sophomore Darryl Bryant crashed his vehicle into a fellow WVU student. Amazingly no one was seriously hurt. More amazingly, Bryant maintained his hoop scholarship. Most amazingly, Bryant also maintained his nickname of “Truck”.
6. Purdue – Forward Robbie Hummel is often injured and perpetually recovering from a nagging back injury. Heck, he’s so fragile that he should change his name to, well, actually Hummel is perfect.
7. Texas – I’m rooting hard for junior Dogus Balbay this year. Not so much on the court but to try out for American Idol. I’d just love to hear what Randy Jackson could possibly come up with to call him.
8.California (2-0) – Cal is in this year’s Coaches vs. Cancer Tournament. It’s great that the coaches raise money to fight cancer given how many of them have had that disease afflict their colons. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could come up with some symbol like that pink paper ribbon for breast cancer? If only there was a paper product that could somehow be colored to symbolize the colon.
9.Duke – Andre Dawkins is departing high school early to start playing for the Blue Devils this season. Big deal. Louisville has two players with a similar accomplishment. Though their early departure wasn’t from high school, but from the Clark County, Indiana penal system.
10.Villanova – I originally thought that Villanova might be a bit overrated. Then I heard ESPN’s Andy Katz proclaim that the Wildcats are overrated. That confirmed it for me. Villanova is definitely underrated.
Most Underrated: LeMoyne - I received some flack this past week for not giving LeMoyne their due respect for beating SU and merely chiding the Orange for their ineptness. I, therefore, promise that if (& when) the Dolphins knock off my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies next month, I will definitely focus solely on the positives of LeMoyne.
Top 10
1.Kansas – Some KU alum worry that rumors about super frosh Xavier Henry being “one and done” indicate that he’s not taking his education seriously. I’d say the fact that he enrolled at Kansas would be sufficient indication that he’s not taking his education seriously.
2.Kentucky – The Wildcats opening game is against Morehead State. According to the Sporting News, “The key for Morehead will be finding a suitable replacement for power forward Leon Buchanan.” Stupid me. I always thought the key was finding enough booze.
3.Michigan State – Last year Kalin Lucas made almost 40% of his 3-point shots. That means he missed over 60% - wholly unimpressive to me. During my CYO hoops career, I didn’t miss a single trey. I also wasn’t ever allowed to shot one. Or touch the ball.
4.North Carolina (2-0) – Coach Roy Williams has just published an autobiography entitled “Hard Work”. And to write the forward he got – John Grisham. Why? It makes perfect sense to me. Filling over 20 novels almost entirely with monosyllabic words has to be “Hard Work.”
5.West Virginia – This past July, sophomore Darryl Bryant crashed his vehicle into a fellow WVU student. Amazingly no one was seriously hurt. More amazingly, Bryant maintained his hoop scholarship. Most amazingly, Bryant also maintained his nickname of “Truck”.
6. Purdue – Forward Robbie Hummel is often injured and perpetually recovering from a nagging back injury. Heck, he’s so fragile that he should change his name to, well, actually Hummel is perfect.
7. Texas – I’m rooting hard for junior Dogus Balbay this year. Not so much on the court but to try out for American Idol. I’d just love to hear what Randy Jackson could possibly come up with to call him.
8.California (2-0) – Cal is in this year’s Coaches vs. Cancer Tournament. It’s great that the coaches raise money to fight cancer given how many of them have had that disease afflict their colons. Wouldn’t it be nice if they could come up with some symbol like that pink paper ribbon for breast cancer? If only there was a paper product that could somehow be colored to symbolize the colon.
9.Duke – Andre Dawkins is departing high school early to start playing for the Blue Devils this season. Big deal. Louisville has two players with a similar accomplishment. Though their early departure wasn’t from high school, but from the Clark County, Indiana penal system.
10.Villanova – I originally thought that Villanova might be a bit overrated. Then I heard ESPN’s Andy Katz proclaim that the Wildcats are overrated. That confirmed it for me. Villanova is definitely underrated.
Most Underrated: LeMoyne - I received some flack this past week for not giving LeMoyne their due respect for beating SU and merely chiding the Orange for their ineptness. I, therefore, promise that if (& when) the Dolphins knock off my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies next month, I will definitely focus solely on the positives of LeMoyne.
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