Below is this week’s Top 25 minus 21. Enjoy.
2. Ohio State – Opposing coaches have claimed that every time Jared Sullinger throws a pick it is illegal. It’s not that he’s breaking the rules. It’s that when he causes someone to run into his 6’ 9”, 280 pound body he’s committing an assault and battery with a deadly weapon.
7. Syracuse - Coming from Brazil, Federico Melo is experiencing some culture shock. The carnival he went to in Syracuse was not much like Carnival. Though both have odd looking folks in strange get ups, the people at the carnival weren’t wearing costumes.
19. San Diego State – In the 1920’s SD State changed its colors from purple and gold to scarlet and black. It did so to stop people from confusing their letterman jackets with those of a high school with the same colors. Unfortunately some confusion with that high school remains. Not with the jackets, but with the level of education.
25. Notre Dame – Though the Fighting Irish are currently undefeated, the critics point to their lack of a road victory. But that would mean that ND’s 3 wins in Disney World don’t really count. I actually think they deserve an extra win. You know, for escaping the Magic Kingdom without a single homicide.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, December 5, 2010
Sunday, November 28, 2010
Handful of Hopefully Humorous Rankings - Week2
ESPN’s “Feast Week” has come to a close and below are some of the leftovers. I hope you enjoy them more than peas.
9.Kentucky – The Wildcats lost to UConn who got 29 points from Kemba Walker. When I mentioned Kemba’s impressive performance during Thanksgiving dinner, my wife asked, “How is it possible that so many points could be scored by a former Playboy centerfold?”
10. Syracuse – The Orange have a game coming up against the Drexel Dragons. Two of Drexel’s players were arrested prior to the season for brandishing a loaded gun. They really didn’t mean any harm. They were just confused with the motto: “We don’t rebuild. We reload.”
25. North Carolina - According to Wikipedia, UNC’s nickname, the Tar Heels, derived from Confederate soldiers who “stuck to their ranks with tar on their heels.” Though impressive during battle, someone should tell Coach Williams that it’s not the best way to play defense.
31.Wisconsin – The Badgers made it to the finals of the Old Spice Classic in Disney World. I found that surprising. No, not that Wisconsin did so well. But, as someone who has stood hour-long lines for Space Mountain, I was previously convinced that all deodorants were banned from The Magic Kingdom.
Take it easy,
Dave
9.Kentucky – The Wildcats lost to UConn who got 29 points from Kemba Walker. When I mentioned Kemba’s impressive performance during Thanksgiving dinner, my wife asked, “How is it possible that so many points could be scored by a former Playboy centerfold?”
10. Syracuse – The Orange have a game coming up against the Drexel Dragons. Two of Drexel’s players were arrested prior to the season for brandishing a loaded gun. They really didn’t mean any harm. They were just confused with the motto: “We don’t rebuild. We reload.”
25. North Carolina - According to Wikipedia, UNC’s nickname, the Tar Heels, derived from Confederate soldiers who “stuck to their ranks with tar on their heels.” Though impressive during battle, someone should tell Coach Williams that it’s not the best way to play defense.
31.Wisconsin – The Badgers made it to the finals of the Old Spice Classic in Disney World. I found that surprising. No, not that Wisconsin did so well. But, as someone who has stood hour-long lines for Space Mountain, I was previously convinced that all deodorants were banned from The Magic Kingdom.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Handful of Hopefully Humorous Rankings - Week1
Instead of just doing the Top 10, this year I’ve decided to throw in some other random teams. Why? To mix it up a bit. I’ve also decided to go with 4 instead of 10. Why? Because 4 is less than 10.
1.Duke – On ESPN this past Friday night, Dick Vitale claimed that Coach K was the best coach of any team of any sport on any level. I think Vitale might have forgotten something. No, not that Bill Belichick has won 3 Super Bowls or that Phil Jackson has 11 rings. But that he was calling a game between Pitt and Texas.
3.Kansas State – It surprised me that prep school star Nino Williams signed with Kansas State. I figured he would have fit in much better at University of Kansas. You know, since he’s from Leavenworth.
20.Temple – I’m hoping that Temple’s upcoming game against Cal is televised and that Chris Berman does the play by play. I’d love to see what kind of nickname he could come up with for Cal’s sophomore, Bak Bak.
23.Tennessee – Coach Bruce Pearl was suspended by the SEC for 8 games because he had recruits over to his house for dinner. This has made the other SEC coaches quite happy. They think they can use this ruling to keep unwanted friends and family from coming to their homes for Thanksgiving dinner.
Take it easy,
Dave
1.Duke – On ESPN this past Friday night, Dick Vitale claimed that Coach K was the best coach of any team of any sport on any level. I think Vitale might have forgotten something. No, not that Bill Belichick has won 3 Super Bowls or that Phil Jackson has 11 rings. But that he was calling a game between Pitt and Texas.
3.Kansas State – It surprised me that prep school star Nino Williams signed with Kansas State. I figured he would have fit in much better at University of Kansas. You know, since he’s from Leavenworth.
20.Temple – I’m hoping that Temple’s upcoming game against Cal is televised and that Chris Berman does the play by play. I’d love to see what kind of nickname he could come up with for Cal’s sophomore, Bak Bak.
23.Tennessee – Coach Bruce Pearl was suspended by the SEC for 8 games because he had recruits over to his house for dinner. This has made the other SEC coaches quite happy. They think they can use this ruling to keep unwanted friends and family from coming to their homes for Thanksgiving dinner.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, November 7, 2010
Pre-Season Final 4 & Irrelevant Comments
Below are my hopefully humorous pre-season Final 4 picks. Though, like most people not in Durham, I kind of hope my first pick is wrong.
1.Duke – The Blue Devils first game is against Princeton Sunday in the 10th year of the CBE Classic. That’s quite sad. No, not the match-up. But the fact that something created during my lifetime could possibly be considered a “Classic”. It’s almost as depressing as the time when I heard “The Safety Dance” on the radio and then realized that I was listening to an oldies station.
2.Michigan State – After a big play, Spartans’ guard, Kalin Lucas loves to “jersey pop”. You know, by pulling on the top from of his jersey. He apparently thinks this is quite “bad-ass”. Really? How “bad-ass” can an act be that makes a guy look like he has boobs?
3.Pittsburgh – The Panthers open the season on Monday against Rhode Island. Now that seems appropriate. See ‘cause, Pittsburgh very much likes to be called Pitt and the state of Rhode Island is very much like a pit.
4.Memphis – It might be a stretch to pick the young Tigers for the Final 4, but I really like their new forward, Hippolyte Tsfack. As hoops names go, Hippolyte is definitely top notch. But I can assure you with first hand knowledge that it is not a great pet name for a wife.
Take it easy,
Dave
1.Duke – The Blue Devils first game is against Princeton Sunday in the 10th year of the CBE Classic. That’s quite sad. No, not the match-up. But the fact that something created during my lifetime could possibly be considered a “Classic”. It’s almost as depressing as the time when I heard “The Safety Dance” on the radio and then realized that I was listening to an oldies station.
2.Michigan State – After a big play, Spartans’ guard, Kalin Lucas loves to “jersey pop”. You know, by pulling on the top from of his jersey. He apparently thinks this is quite “bad-ass”. Really? How “bad-ass” can an act be that makes a guy look like he has boobs?
3.Pittsburgh – The Panthers open the season on Monday against Rhode Island. Now that seems appropriate. See ‘cause, Pittsburgh very much likes to be called Pitt and the state of Rhode Island is very much like a pit.
4.Memphis – It might be a stretch to pick the young Tigers for the Final 4, but I really like their new forward, Hippolyte Tsfack. As hoops names go, Hippolyte is definitely top notch. But I can assure you with first hand knowledge that it is not a great pet name for a wife.
Take it easy,
Dave
Sunday, April 4, 2010
One Sh!tty Moment - 2010
After the championship game, CBS once again showed a montage of Tourney clips set to “One Shining Moment”. The lyrics are below. Interspersed within those lyrics are the words to the 2010 version of my song – “One Sh!tty Moment”, written for all of you who, like me, had their brackets destroyed well before Monday’s big game. Enjoy.
One Sh!tty Moment - 2010
The ball is tipped
(Kansas got whipped)
and there you are
(So you head to a bar)
you're running for your life
(Hiding from your wife)
you're a shooting star
(‘Cause you bet too much by far.)
And all the years
(Downin’ all those beers)
no one knows
(hoping no one knows)
just how hard you worked
(despite how hard you worked)
but now it shows...
(you forgot that Boeheim blows!)
IN ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(In One Sh!tty Moment)
IT'S ALL ON THE LINE
(ND’s Goddy Seemed Blind)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
THERE FROZEN IN TIME
(St. Mary’s kicked ‘Nova’s behind)
But time is short
(Kentucky came up short)
and the road is long
(Baylor didn’t stay too long)
in the blinking of an eye
(You let out a sigh)
ah that moment's gone
(Your Final 4 is gone.)
And when it's done
(Though K-State made it fun)
win or lose
(to watch Xavier lose,)
you always did your best
(2 OTs meant no rest)
cuz inside you knew...
(So next day’s work you screwed)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED DEEP INSIDE
(You Knew Georgetown Hadn’t Tried)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU KNEW YOU WERE ALIVE
(You Puked With Each Duke High Five)
Feel the beat of your heart
(WV’s loss stopped your heart)
feel the wind in your face
(But Huggins didn’t wipe tears from “your” face.)
it's more than a contest
(And Cornell won? A math contest?)
it's more than a race...
(Then the Spartans put you in your place.)
And when it's done
(Picked Butler out in Round 1)
win or lose
(Yeah, you can really choose)
you always did your best
(Thought you were up for the test)
cuz inside you knew...
(But Murray State? Who knew?)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(That One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED FOR THE SKY
(Northern Iowa Just Wouldn’t Die)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU WERE WILLING TO TRY
(So Throw Away Those Brackets – They Just Make You Cry.)
Until next year -
Take it easy,
Dave
“Who’s Who” of who is still alive in the Free pool:
(Also known as the list of people who have yet to have their One Sh!tty Moment.)
Butler Wins:
1.Michael Wood ($1,967.87)– My 6’ 4” neighbor who used to be UConn’s strength coach and was listed by Men’s Journal amongst the top 100 fitness trainers in the US. Whenever my wife sees him out walking his tiny little dog she always comments, “Oh, how cute.” Wait a minute. It’s just hitting me that my wife might not be referring to the dog.
2. (Tie) Jon Weideman ($490.46) – A man with whom I’ve showered many times. I should probably explain that. Jon and I went to St. Bonaventure University where the dorms are equipped with communal showers. Yeah, you’d think that would be the situation at a Catholic school.
2.(Tie) Julia Wood ($490.46)– Though ranked by “ESPN Rise” as one of the best guards in Massachusetts, she has yet to beat me in a game of H-O-R-S-E. That could be because she has yet to play me in a game of H-O-R-S-E.
4.(Tie) Charles O’Shea ($81.74)– A person whom I’ve never met. According to my sister Samara, he is a good friend of hers. Not sure what that means. She considers Julia Stiles to be a friend based on the fact that they once shared a cab.
4.(Tie) Michael Joyce ($81.74) – My sister’s boyfriend’s brother-in-law. He is, therefore, living proof that I truly ask everyone I know, to ask everyone they know, to join this pool.
Duke Wins:
1.Eric Anable ($1,961.87)– An old friend dating back to junior high with whom I reconnected with recently via the power of Facebook. He and I played on a travel soccer team called Ajax. He then got really good, and moved on to play for 409.
2.Mark Hoover ($653.96)– Clearly someone who now hates the power of Facebook. He's also a BC Law buddy who has yet to recover from the fact that “Jackass 2” got snubbed at the Oscars.
3.Michael Wood ($326.97) – See Above
4 (Tie) Jon Weideman ($81.74) – See Above
4. (Tie) Julia Wood – ($81.74) - See Above
Jimmy V - $163.48
*(An extra $25 was donated by Tyler Bonstead to the Jimmy V Foundation)
Good Luck To All,
Dave
One Sh!tty Moment - 2010
The ball is tipped
(Kansas got whipped)
and there you are
(So you head to a bar)
you're running for your life
(Hiding from your wife)
you're a shooting star
(‘Cause you bet too much by far.)
And all the years
(Downin’ all those beers)
no one knows
(hoping no one knows)
just how hard you worked
(despite how hard you worked)
but now it shows...
(you forgot that Boeheim blows!)
IN ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(In One Sh!tty Moment)
IT'S ALL ON THE LINE
(ND’s Goddy Seemed Blind)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
THERE FROZEN IN TIME
(St. Mary’s kicked ‘Nova’s behind)
But time is short
(Kentucky came up short)
and the road is long
(Baylor didn’t stay too long)
in the blinking of an eye
(You let out a sigh)
ah that moment's gone
(Your Final 4 is gone.)
And when it's done
(Though K-State made it fun)
win or lose
(to watch Xavier lose,)
you always did your best
(2 OTs meant no rest)
cuz inside you knew...
(So next day’s work you screwed)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED DEEP INSIDE
(You Knew Georgetown Hadn’t Tried)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU KNEW YOU WERE ALIVE
(You Puked With Each Duke High Five)
Feel the beat of your heart
(WV’s loss stopped your heart)
feel the wind in your face
(But Huggins didn’t wipe tears from “your” face.)
it's more than a contest
(And Cornell won? A math contest?)
it's more than a race...
(Then the Spartans put you in your place.)
And when it's done
(Picked Butler out in Round 1)
win or lose
(Yeah, you can really choose)
you always did your best
(Thought you were up for the test)
cuz inside you knew...
(But Murray State? Who knew?)
THAT ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(That One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU REACHED FOR THE SKY
(Northern Iowa Just Wouldn’t Die)
ONE SHINING MOMENT,
(One Sh!tty Moment)
YOU WERE WILLING TO TRY
(So Throw Away Those Brackets – They Just Make You Cry.)
Until next year -
Take it easy,
Dave
“Who’s Who” of who is still alive in the Free pool:
(Also known as the list of people who have yet to have their One Sh!tty Moment.)
Butler Wins:
1.Michael Wood ($1,967.87)– My 6’ 4” neighbor who used to be UConn’s strength coach and was listed by Men’s Journal amongst the top 100 fitness trainers in the US. Whenever my wife sees him out walking his tiny little dog she always comments, “Oh, how cute.” Wait a minute. It’s just hitting me that my wife might not be referring to the dog.
2. (Tie) Jon Weideman ($490.46) – A man with whom I’ve showered many times. I should probably explain that. Jon and I went to St. Bonaventure University where the dorms are equipped with communal showers. Yeah, you’d think that would be the situation at a Catholic school.
2.(Tie) Julia Wood ($490.46)– Though ranked by “ESPN Rise” as one of the best guards in Massachusetts, she has yet to beat me in a game of H-O-R-S-E. That could be because she has yet to play me in a game of H-O-R-S-E.
4.(Tie) Charles O’Shea ($81.74)– A person whom I’ve never met. According to my sister Samara, he is a good friend of hers. Not sure what that means. She considers Julia Stiles to be a friend based on the fact that they once shared a cab.
4.(Tie) Michael Joyce ($81.74) – My sister’s boyfriend’s brother-in-law. He is, therefore, living proof that I truly ask everyone I know, to ask everyone they know, to join this pool.
Duke Wins:
1.Eric Anable ($1,961.87)– An old friend dating back to junior high with whom I reconnected with recently via the power of Facebook. He and I played on a travel soccer team called Ajax. He then got really good, and moved on to play for 409.
2.Mark Hoover ($653.96)– Clearly someone who now hates the power of Facebook. He's also a BC Law buddy who has yet to recover from the fact that “Jackass 2” got snubbed at the Oscars.
3.Michael Wood ($326.97) – See Above
4 (Tie) Jon Weideman ($81.74) – See Above
4. (Tie) Julia Wood – ($81.74) - See Above
Jimmy V - $163.48
*(An extra $25 was donated by Tyler Bonstead to the Jimmy V Foundation)
Good Luck To All,
Dave
Friday, April 2, 2010
Dave's Final 4 Point Play
Below is my hopefully humorous Final 4-point play. Below that is the list of all the folks who still have a shot at coming in first –fourth in the “Free” pool. I opted not to put together a separate list of people who claim to know a lot about college hoops, but have no chance at winning the pool – because I would be on top.
Final 4 Point Play –
1.Butler – So, odds are that you, like most folks, are leaning toward rooting for the underdog Bulldogs to win it all. Before you commit, let me give you a little bit of info about the founder of Butler University that may change your mind. He was an attorney.
2.Duke – During their game against the “play-in” winner, Arkansas Pine-Bluff, the Blue Devil Mascot wore a headband that read “Played In/Blown Out.” Given that Duke’s win on Sunday was due to awful officiating, their mascot should be forced to wear a different headband this weekend. One that reads, “Fix’s In/Bailed Out.”
3.West Virginia –I’ve been told that WV’s guard, Joe Mazzulla has acquired the nickname “Corn Oil”. I’m guessing that’s because of Mazola Corn Oil. Then again, it could be because he has some kind of greasy foot issue.
4.Michigan State – Oregon reportedly offered to make Tom Izzo the highest paid coach in college basketball. Should it really take that much to convince him to leave the state of Michigan. I mean, half that state is currently filled with unemployed people. And the other half is filled with Michael Moore.
Folks With A Chance To Finish 1-4 In The Arguably Non-Illegal Pool
Duke Wins Championship
1 Eric Anable
2 Mark Hoover
3.Michael Wood
4 (tie) John Wiedeman
4.(tie) Julia Wood
West Virginia Wins Championship
1 Tara Kenyon
2 Clare Frey
3. Mikey Schmidt
4.Dan Palmisano
Michigan State or Butler beats West Virginia
1.Michael Joyce
2.David Mitchell
3.David Diprosa
4.Tara Kenyon
Michigan State or Butler beats Duke
1.Michael Wood
2.(tie) John Wiedeman
2.(tie) Julia Wood
4. (tie) Charles O’Shea
4. (tie) Michael Joyce
First place - $1,947.49
Second place $649.16
Third place - $324.58
Fourth place - $162.29
Jimmy V - $162.29
Total Pot - $3,245.81
*(An extra $25 was donated by Tyler Bonstead to the Jimmy V Foundation)
Take it easy,
Dave
Final 4 Point Play –
1.Butler – So, odds are that you, like most folks, are leaning toward rooting for the underdog Bulldogs to win it all. Before you commit, let me give you a little bit of info about the founder of Butler University that may change your mind. He was an attorney.
2.Duke – During their game against the “play-in” winner, Arkansas Pine-Bluff, the Blue Devil Mascot wore a headband that read “Played In/Blown Out.” Given that Duke’s win on Sunday was due to awful officiating, their mascot should be forced to wear a different headband this weekend. One that reads, “Fix’s In/Bailed Out.”
3.West Virginia –I’ve been told that WV’s guard, Joe Mazzulla has acquired the nickname “Corn Oil”. I’m guessing that’s because of Mazola Corn Oil. Then again, it could be because he has some kind of greasy foot issue.
4.Michigan State – Oregon reportedly offered to make Tom Izzo the highest paid coach in college basketball. Should it really take that much to convince him to leave the state of Michigan. I mean, half that state is currently filled with unemployed people. And the other half is filled with Michael Moore.
Folks With A Chance To Finish 1-4 In The Arguably Non-Illegal Pool
Duke Wins Championship
1 Eric Anable
2 Mark Hoover
3.Michael Wood
4 (tie) John Wiedeman
4.(tie) Julia Wood
West Virginia Wins Championship
1 Tara Kenyon
2 Clare Frey
3. Mikey Schmidt
4.Dan Palmisano
Michigan State or Butler beats West Virginia
1.Michael Joyce
2.David Mitchell
3.David Diprosa
4.Tara Kenyon
Michigan State or Butler beats Duke
1.Michael Wood
2.(tie) John Wiedeman
2.(tie) Julia Wood
4. (tie) Charles O’Shea
4. (tie) Michael Joyce
First place - $1,947.49
Second place $649.16
Third place - $324.58
Fourth place - $162.29
Jimmy V - $162.29
Total Pot - $3,245.81
*(An extra $25 was donated by Tyler Bonstead to the Jimmy V Foundation)
Take it easy,
Dave
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Dave's 2nd Ridiculous 4 Pointer
Below is my 2nd attempt at a humorous 4-pointer. Below that is some info on my sort of free and arguably non-illegal NCAA Tourney Pool.
4 Point play -
1.Southwest – Every commercial break during the Tourney seems to include the ad for Southwest Airlines. You know, with the 10 guys who each have a letter of “BAGS FLY FREE” painted on their chests. Seemingly self-explanatory, but somehow I’m confused. Are they referring to the luggage or to that forlorn passenger on another airline who happens to be a homely old woman?
2.Kansas – KU’s new football coach has forbidden his players from swearing. He even has a list of disallowed words. The basketball team has a similar rule, but only one word is on their list – Farokmanesh.
3.St. Mary’s – After realizing that Omar Samhan’s last name is pronounced Sam-han, CBS announcer Bill Raftery dubbed him “The Sandman”. Slightly clever. But as usual CBS took it too far. Rumor has it they’re working on a sitcom starring Samhan and Raftery called “The Sandman & The Old Man.”
4.Games Needed – So Monday night comes and there were no NCAA Tourney games to watch. I was going through “hoops withdrawal” so bad that I started getting the shakes. Luckily, I found some NIT games. Phew. A few minutes more and I would have turned to women’s basketball.
Free Pool Info
Assuming that all the checks that I received actually clear, below is the breakdown on the winnings from the donations -
First place - $1,947.49
Second place $649.16
Third place - $324.58
Fourth place - $162.29
Jimmy V - $162.29
Total Pot - $3,245.81
*(An extra $25 was donated by Tyler Bonstead to the Jimmy V Foundation)
Take it easy,
Dave
4 Point play -
1.Southwest – Every commercial break during the Tourney seems to include the ad for Southwest Airlines. You know, with the 10 guys who each have a letter of “BAGS FLY FREE” painted on their chests. Seemingly self-explanatory, but somehow I’m confused. Are they referring to the luggage or to that forlorn passenger on another airline who happens to be a homely old woman?
2.Kansas – KU’s new football coach has forbidden his players from swearing. He even has a list of disallowed words. The basketball team has a similar rule, but only one word is on their list – Farokmanesh.
3.St. Mary’s – After realizing that Omar Samhan’s last name is pronounced Sam-han, CBS announcer Bill Raftery dubbed him “The Sandman”. Slightly clever. But as usual CBS took it too far. Rumor has it they’re working on a sitcom starring Samhan and Raftery called “The Sandman & The Old Man.”
4.Games Needed – So Monday night comes and there were no NCAA Tourney games to watch. I was going through “hoops withdrawal” so bad that I started getting the shakes. Luckily, I found some NIT games. Phew. A few minutes more and I would have turned to women’s basketball.
Free Pool Info
Assuming that all the checks that I received actually clear, below is the breakdown on the winnings from the donations -
First place - $1,947.49
Second place $649.16
Third place - $324.58
Fourth place - $162.29
Jimmy V - $162.29
Total Pot - $3,245.81
*(An extra $25 was donated by Tyler Bonstead to the Jimmy V Foundation)
Take it easy,
Dave
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