Thursday, March 25, 2010

Dave's 2nd Ridiculous 4 Pointer

Below is my 2nd attempt at a humorous 4-pointer. Below that is some info on my sort of free and arguably non-illegal NCAA Tourney Pool.

4 Point play -

1.Southwest – Every commercial break during the Tourney seems to include the ad for Southwest Airlines. You know, with the 10 guys who each have a letter of “BAGS FLY FREE” painted on their chests. Seemingly self-explanatory, but somehow I’m confused. Are they referring to the luggage or to that forlorn passenger on another airline who happens to be a homely old woman?

2.Kansas – KU’s new football coach has forbidden his players from swearing. He even has a list of disallowed words. The basketball team has a similar rule, but only one word is on their list – Farokmanesh.

3.St. Mary’s – After realizing that Omar Samhan’s last name is pronounced Sam-han, CBS announcer Bill Raftery dubbed him “The Sandman”. Slightly clever. But as usual CBS took it too far. Rumor has it they’re working on a sitcom starring Samhan and Raftery called “The Sandman & The Old Man.”

4.Games Needed – So Monday night comes and there were no NCAA Tourney games to watch. I was going through “hoops withdrawal” so bad that I started getting the shakes. Luckily, I found some NIT games. Phew. A few minutes more and I would have turned to women’s basketball.


Free Pool Info

Assuming that all the checks that I received actually clear, below is the breakdown on the winnings from the donations -

First place - $1,947.49
Second place $649.16
Third place - $324.58
Fourth place - $162.29
Jimmy V - $162.29
Total Pot - $3,245.81
*(An extra $25 was donated by Tyler Bonstead to the Jimmy V Foundation)

Take it easy,
Dave

Friday, March 19, 2010

Dave's First Ridiculous 4 Point Play

Below is my "First Ridiculous 4 Point Play" of the Tourney. I hope it is as laughable as when I actually attempt to make a 4-point play in a game.


1.Kentucky – I picked The Wildcats to win it all. My only fear is if Bledsoe gets injured. You know, ‘cause UK doesn’t have a guy to replace him named Brady.

2.Syracuse – Vegas has pretty high odds on SU making it to the Final Four. They also have decent odds on Jennifer Hudson showing up and singing, “One Shining Moment”. This then begs the following question: If both Syracuse & Jennifer Hudson are at the Final 4, what are the odds that she tries to eat the Orange?

3.Arkansas-Pine Bluff – The Golden Lions lost their first 11 games of the season, but managed an unbelievable turn around and made the Tournament. Such immense failure followed by incredible success is much like the story of my life. Well, minus the part with the incredible success.

4.The Masters – CBS has been perpetually promoting the Masters during the Tourney. I really think they should add a little public service message concerning the lesson to be learned from Tiger’s predicament. That of course being – Don’t ever get married.

For those of you in the "FREE" and arguably non-illegal pool, the pot is at $3,245.81 as of 4:00p.m. on 3/22.

I'll try for another 4 pointer on Thursday.

Take it easy,
Dave

Friday, March 12, 2010

Idiot Proof Rules for Pool with Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 19

The Idiot Proof Rules & Instructions for this year’s pool are below my Hopefully Humorous Rankings. Though this week instead of listing the top 10, I listed the first 10 – as in the first 10 in the NCAA Tourney.

First 10 -

1.Cornell – Given that “The Big Red” is located in the economic disaster land of upstate New York, Cornell might want to make a slight alteration to its nickname. And go with “In The Big Red”.

2.Murray State - Murray State was the best of the 10 teams in the Ohio Valley Conference. Of those 10 teams, not one is actually in Ohio. Big deal. Not one team in the Atlantic-10 Conference is in the Atlantic.

3.East Tennessee State – With ETSU now in the Tourney, the state of Tennessee might get an impressive four bids. The best of the bunch just may be the Vanderbilt Commodores. Though the folks at Vandy like to call themselves “The ‘dores”. Why? Well, go to iTunes and click on “Three Times A Lady.” That’s why.

4.Winthrop – Based in Rock Hill, South Carolina, Winthrop was formed with the goal of educating teachers. It changed that goal when it realized that the State of South Carolina found no need for having educated teachers.

5.Northern Iowa – Senior Jordan Eglsder is majoring in Youth and Human Services. Huh. Aren’t most youth also human? Wait a minute. I forgot about teenagers.

6.Old Dominion – I just checked out ODU’s roster and I noticed that Chris Cooper plays forward. That’s hard to picture. I’ll always see him as a CIA agent trying to catch Jason Bourne.

7.Siena – The Saints have won the automatic bid from the Metro Atlantic. The Vermont Catamounts may get the bid from America East. It has yet to be determined who will represent Virgin Atlantic or US Air.

8.Wofford – Many people think that Wofford is pronounced “Wuff-ford”. The school chooses to pronounce it Waff-ford. It doesn’t help that the nickname is the Terriers. But then again, the school chooses to pronounce “Terriers” as Cats.

9.St. Mary’s - St. Mary’s web site indicates that college’s mission is to “Transform the way students think about themselves.” If that’s really their mission they might want to think about dropping St. Mary’s as its name. And replacing it with L Ron Hubbard’s.

10.North Texas – North Texas has one of my favorite nicknames: The Mean Green. So much better than their second choice: The Cantankerous Chartreuse.


Idiot Proof Instructions For This Year's "Free" NCAA Tourney Pool.

(As of 3:30 p.m. 3/18/10 - the pot is at $2,288.16)

There's some BIG CHANGES from last year, so PLEASE READ through the below spew.

1. Yahoo - As in the past, the pool will be run via Yahoo and in the classic "fill out the bracket" format with points doubling each round. As opposed to last year, the whole pool will be on one Yahoo site. Since each site can only hold 250 entries, you might want to join soon to assure yourself a spot. Also IMPORTANT to note is that every year the Yahoo Tourney site temporarily crashes - usually the day after Selection Sunday and the hour before the first round starts on Thursday. Avoid this aggravation by joining soon.

2. $ prizes - 1st place: 60% of pot, 2nd place: 20% of pot, 3rd place 10% of pot, 4th place - 5% of pot, Jimmy V Foundation 5% of pot.

3. Cost - BIG CHANGES

3a. Same as last year - The pot for the pool, like last year, will come from all of the advertising revenue and donations that I receive at www.davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com. That's right, every penny I get I'm putting toward the pot. I'm not keeping a cent. Last year's total pot was near $3000. Also like last year, you can join the pool for free.

3b. Different from last year - If you donate less than $25 and you finish in 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th place, your share of the winnings will be sent directly to the Jimmy V Foundation for Cancer Research. If you donate $25 or more and you finish in 1st, 2nd or 3rd or 4th place, your share of the winnings will be sent directly to you and you can make whatever charitable donation you see fit. Bottom line - if you want the winnings sent to you, donate at least $25.

4.How to donate - The easiest and preferable way is via the PayPal link at the top right hand corner of www.davebarendscollegehoophumor.blogspot.com. There are a couple negatives with PayPal though: that company takes something like 3% + 30 cents of every donation. Regardless, a $25 donation to Paypal will count as a "$25" donation to the pool. Also, some people are just afraid of using Paypal. So if you would like to donate, but don't want to use Paypal you can send me a check BUT ONLY IF you actually know me. Sorry.

5. Deadline to donate - If you donate via Paypal you must have your donation in before noon on Thursday, March 18th. If you donate via check (only if you know me) you must have your envelope postmarked by Thursday March 18. If you join the pool, but submit your donation after March 18th, your winnings will be forwarded to Jimmy V. Also, if you don't get an email me thanking you for your donation, that means that I have not received your donation.

6.Enter with your Actual Name - It's VERY IMPORTANT that when you create the name of your entry for our Yahoo site, you enter your actual name. Otherwise, I will delete you. It is a severe pain in the ass trying to keep track of who everyone is when people are not using their actual names. So, if your name is Keith Mangas, just create your entry name to be Keith Mangas. If you feel absolutely compelled to include some kind of nickname, as my father does, then put it in quotes between your first and last names. Got it Harold "Golden Balls" Barend? Also, if I do not know you, you must email me at davebarend@yahoo.com prior to joining to let me know who you are. If there is a entry in our pool whose name I do not recognize, I will delete it.

7. NO Multiple Entries - 1 entry per person. BUT if you really want to submit multiple entries, then convince someone else you know to join and make the picks for that person. You might also want to try to convince that person to give you the $ if you win.

8.Friends/Recruits - Feel free to get your friends, family members or whoever else you know to join the pool. But please make sure they realize that if they join they need to email me and let me know who they are or they will be deleted. Also, don't just forward other people the password and group id#. Make sure they get all of the rules.

9.Advertising - if you want to advertise on my site, send me an email and we'll work out something.

10. How to Join our Yahoo group site - Though I have listed idiot proof steps to join the Yahoo site, many of you should be able to figure it out at http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1. Go to join group. The group id # is 11594. The password is swish - (the name of the transvestite in Fastbreak.) Please remember that when you enter your "Bracket Name" to use your actual name. You also might want to remember to sign back in to the site after Sunday March 14 - so you can make your picks.

Idiot Proof instruction on joining the Yahoo Group

(1) Go to http://tournament.fantasysports.yahoo.com/t1. OR you can go to Yahoo, click on sport, click on fantasy, then click on Tourney Pick'em '10.

(2) Click on “Join a Group” (Not “create a group”)
(3) Click on “Join Group” (different screen from step 2)
(4) Enter your own personal Yahoo ID and Yahoo password on right side from your own personal Yahoo account. Note that these are NOT the same as the ones list below for entering our group. COMMON MISTAKE – is entering the info to join the site. Try not to make that mistake.
(5) If you do not have your own personal Yahoo account click on "Sign Up" under "Don't have a Yahoo! ID?" Otherwise, go to step (6).
(5b)Enter the requested personal info (name & your creation of an id and password, & code) on the page.
(5c) Write down your personal id and password then click on "agree" to the terms then click on “create my account”.
(5d) Click on “continue” to Yahoo Sports on right side of page.

(6) Enter our group id# 11594 and our password swish - (the name of the transvestite in Fastbreak.) . (DO Not enter your personal Yahoo id and password.) Click on “save and continue”.
(7) Enter your actual full name as your "bracket name". Please NO NICKNAMES!! I will delete entries that do not comply.
(8) Click on the box next to “Terms of Service”
(9) Determine whether you want to enter Yahoo's separate contest for $1mil - if so, enter the requested info and accept terms. If you don’t need the $1,000,000 then I’d say you probably could afford to donate $25 bucks to the pot.
(10) Hit submit (lower left corner) – You are now in our group.

(11) “I don’t see my name!!” - Your name might not appear because the initial screen only shows 10 entrants. Click on standings. Ahh – there’s your name.

(12) Click on your name. The Midwest region appears. Click on the the team you want to win each game of the first 4 rounds. Then click on Save and Continue. Do the same for the next 3 regions and then for the final 4.

(13) Make sure you Save your Picks – Every year someone fails to do so. Every year that person actually wanted me to allow them to enter their picks after the games had been played. So every year I'm reminded me of an episode of Cheers where Sam thought he was doing Woody a favor by not placing a ridiculous sports bet, but the long shot won. Sam then had the following conversation with Diane.

Diane: So, why don't you go to the...

Sam: Bookie.

Diane: ...bookie and tell him that you honestly intended to wager on the winning teams and see if he won't give you the money.

Sam: That's a good idea. While I'm at it why don't I just tell him that I meant to bet on all the winning teams since 1975?

If you just save your picks then we don’t have to have that same conversation.

Take it easy,
Dave

Friday, March 5, 2010

Rankings & Irrelevant Comments - week 18

I feel compelled to inform you that my beloved St. Bonaventure Bonnies are mentioned on page 27 of this week’s Sports Illustrated. You should really check it out. Well, after you read week 18 of my Hopefully Humorous Rankings.

Top 10 -

1.Syracuse – During ESPN’s telecast of Saturday’s game from the Carrier Dome, they kept showing a dancing, overweight, middle-aged guy who had achieved a modicum of fame in the 80s. They called him the “Dome Ranger.” I kind of think a better nickname would have been “Digger.”

2.Kansas – Thanks to a great game from Obi Muonelo, Oklahoma State knocked off the Jayhawks this past weekend. I have to say the reporters showed great restraint when interviewing Muonelo after the big win. Not once did anyone ask, “So Obi, do you think the force was with you?”

3.Kentucky - The Wildcats went to Tennessee and got knocked off. The same fate befell Kansas when they went to Tennessee. So it seems like the Volunteers just need one more accomplishment to be considered the favorite to win the Tourney. Beat Syracuse? No. Convince the NCAA to move the Final 4 to Tennessee.

4. West Virginia – The current Mountaineer mascot is a very attractive female student. I don’t think that’s going to help rid West Virginia of its back woods image. I mean, they finally find a good-looking woman in that state and then they dress her up as a man.

5.Villanova – For $5 you can buy a headband that says, “I love Villanova Hoops”. Or for free, you can get a marker and write on your forehead, “I’m a Dork”.

6. Kansas State – I just learned that the purple clad K-State Wildcats are one of only 3 Division 1 teams that have a single official color. There’s Syracuse whose one color is obviously orange. And also Harvard, whose one color is obviously - dollar bill green.

7. Ohio State – In December, Evan Turner fell during an attempted slam-dunk and broke 2 vertebrae. Today he’s not only back playing, but is a front-runner for player of the year. Truly fantastic. Especially in the eyes of conservative commentator Glenn Beck. He believes Turner’s recovery is definitive evidence that there is no need for national health care.

8. Purdue – ESPN included Robbie Hummel’s season ending injury amongst the “Breaking News” on its scroll. I’m amazed ESPN considered that breaking news. Usually they reserve that for extremely important events. Like when Mel Kiper Jr. creates a new list of the top 5 tackles.

9.Duke – The Blue Devils may end up facing Florida State in the ACC Tournament. The Seminoles center, Soloman Alabi (pronounced A-lah-be) is one of my favorites. I’ve even gone so far as to write a song about him. Here’s what I have so far:

“A-lah be, A-lah be, A-lah A-lah A-lah be. A-lah be on the next level. A-lah be rockin over that bass treble.”

I’m telling you, it’s going to be a hit. I gotta feeling.

10. New Mexico – New Mexico’s coach got into a bit of a confrontation with a player on BYU. For perspective on whether the coach should be punished who did ESPN turn to? Bobby Knight. You can actually read Knight’s response on ESPN.com. If instead you’re looking for something less predictable, check out Rush Limbaugh’s current opinion on the Obama Administration.

Take it easy,
Dave